Spongebob Lies

Spongebob lay on his sofa and worried about his taxes, which were coming due in three days. He had $18 in his bank account but owed $72 000, so it seemed like he was doomed. Yet, Spongebob thought of a brilliant idea that could solve any problem; even one as serious as a $72 000 tax bill.

Spongebob called Sandy and Patrick and told them to go to his house. They slipped through the Pineapple's doors and discovered a weird smell coming from the library. The library was messier than usual, with books thrown all over the place and pages from them lying about. Amidst the mess, there was Spongebob, who was crouching in the centre of the room and rocking back and forth violently.

"Spongebob?" Sandy asked. "Are you okay?"

"Help, Sandy!" Spongebob screamed. "I'm havi-i-ing a seizure."

Sandy ran towards Spongebob and lay on him, restraining his hands and legs. Spongebob thrashed his arms around but was easily subdued by the rabid squirrel. "Take a few deep breaths," Sandy said as she continued to struggle with her friend.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Spongebob yelled out of nowhere. His movements became much more violent, or at least they would've been, if Sandy wasn't there.

Meanwhile, Patrick was standing around and taking up space.

"Patrick," Sandy said. "I need you to call an ambulance right now."

However, Patrick had other ideas. "I'm a trained doctor," he said. "Let me look at the patient." He suddenly grew three feet and became 12x stronger than Sandy. Patrick walked towards Sandy, the ground shaking after every one of his steps. "RAAAAAAHHH!" Patrick yelled before he kicked Sandy off of his patient.

Patrick sat on Spongebob's chest in a blow that normally would've crushed his lungs. But, he was a sponge, so that didn't matter. Patrick put his lips against Spongebob's and began passionately kissing him. This continued for 53 seconds.

After those incredibly long seconds were over, Spongebob yelled "I'm cured!" at the top of his lungs.

Patrick got off of Spongebob and his body instantaneously contracted, making Patrick a fat and short starfish again. "See, Sandy?" He proudly said. "I know how to save a patient. I've done this with Squidward 38 times, and it's no big deal."

"No," Spongebob said. "I have a problem, and I've had it for a long time. I'm, epileptic. I've been this way ever since I injured my hip while I was skateboarding with Sandy. I have at least one seizure a day because of it."

"Spongebob, that makes absolutely no sense," Sandy said. "I remember that we didn't even have to take you to the hospital after that."

"Nonsense!" Patrick barked. "The leg bone is connected to the backbone, and the hip bone is connected to the backbone, and the head bone is connected to the backbone, too. It's all circular. If you were a doctor, you'd know that."

"Patrick," Sandy groaned, "you aren't a doctor. So, stop pretending like you are one and snap back to reality so we can get Spongebob checked out. I don't think he injured his head but it couldn't hurt to get it looked at."

"You're too kind, Sandy. Too kind. Say, while you're here, could you give me $90 000?

Sandy's eyes widened. "Why would I do that?" She shot back up and moved herself into a protective Karate position.

"Sandy," Spongebob said as a tear rolled down his face. "You hurt me very badly, and I suffered so much because of you, that I'm desperate for money. If you won't give it to me, I'll have to sue you."

"Ain't nobody's threatened me with a lawsuit and lived, SquarePants!" Sandy said as she kicked into the air.

TO BE CONTINUED!