I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Everybody Loves Cartman

by cell12

Chapter 1

To anyone looking in from the outside, Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski had the perfect relationship. They had been best friends forever, so it was no surprise when they finally hooked up. They were often cited as the perfect couple because they had it all; the looks, the close-meshing personalities, the history of being friends and the deep understanding you need for a relationship to survive. So it would have shocked everyone in South Park to find out that Stan and Kyle were having serious problems in their six month old relationship. It wasn't a personality problem, their problem was in bed.

Like most first-time gay couples, Stan and Kyle had been nervous about the sexual side of their relationship. Neither would admit it but some of the things that gay guys did scared them. Mutual masturbation and oral sex had come pretty naturally and pretty quickly into their sex play but both boys had been rather nervous about taking the last step and trying anal sex. It had taken three boxes of wine coolers and a lot of reading instructions from various on-line sources before either of them had been willing to try it. The truth was that they were both more worried about hurting each other that with anything else. Obviously with so much stress involved, the actual first times with each other had been a bit of a let-down. Not that they gave up, they tried again and soon both grew to like it. Sadly that was where there problems began.

The problem was that both Stan and Kyle loved receiving anal sex but didn't enjoy the giving anywhere near as much. It was true, despite their perfectly matched personalities, they weren't compatible in bed. It was something that was hard for them to accept and even harder to admit. The saddest thing about it was that they still loved each other and wanted to be together - but how could they stay together if they both craved something that the other couldn't provide?

It was Kyle, ever the practical one, who came up with a solution to their problem.

"We could find another guy and both have sex with him."

Stan had been slightly shocked by the idea at first, but he loved Kyle and he had to admit it was a chance for them to salvage something out of their relationship.

"I don't know Kyle," Stan said, "there's not a lot of gay guys, our age, in town. The only ones that I know of are already in relationships."

"Well there's Butters," Kyle suggested - knowing already that the effeminate boy would only ever be a receiver in any gay relationship.

Stan looked at Kyle, "I don't think Butters is that experienced about sex. I've never seen him date and he's kept, pretty much, to himself since his dad left last year."

"I know," Kyle replied, "but maybe he might know someone who could be good for us. It's worth a shot anyway."

Stan agreed and so the pair of them went to visit Butters.

Butters had always acted effeminately at school, along with his soft blonde hair and passive nature, he could easily have become a target for bullying. There was only one reason why he wasn't bullied - Cartman.

The Fat-ass had made it pretty clear that anyone he considered his friend was off limits for any serious bullying. Not that Cartman was giving Butters special treatment, he was doing the same for Stan, Kyle and Kenny. Only last week Cartman had come across two seniors dousing Kenny in petrol, with the intention of setting him on fire. This wasn't the gruesome murder you may imagine, given Kenny's ability to come back from the dead. Still, their actions had greatly pissed off Cartman - who'd taken a great deal of care and attention in beating the shit out of the two older boys. The fact that they were both older than him and starters on the high-school football team hadn't mattered to Cartman. His fighting style was rather unique - it involved him grabbing hold of a person and repeatedly slamming them into hard surfaces, or his fists, until they were broken and defeated. Any punches or blows they gave him, in the meantime, were just ignored. Cartman had performed similar acts of violence to protect them when Kyle and Stan had first started dating. It had surprised Kyle at first because he argued with the Fat-ass all the time. When he was asked about it afterwards, Cartman's only comment was that only he was allowed to make fun of the Jew and the hippy.

Stan had to nudge Kyle out of his day-dream when they arrived at Butters' house.

"Hey Butters," Stan said when the smaller boy opened the door, "we were wondering if we could speak to you in private?"

Butters smiled and invited the two friends into his house, "Well of course you can fellas. I'm always ready to help a friend."

Kyle smiled at this - he had never really considered Butters a friend and just saw him as the annoying kid who always hung around with them. Not really part of their group but not with anyone else either. It was Cartman who encouraged Butters - but only because he used the gullible boy in his various schemes. Even when Kyle had pointed out that the Fat-ass was just using him and the Eric wasn't really his friend, Butters had still hung around and let himself be taken advantage of. Any chance of Kyle and Butters being friends was gone. Kyle couldn't be friends with someone who had so little self-respect.

Meanwhile Stan had been explaining about his and Kyle's unusual relationship problem. Butters was nodding and seemed to understand.

"I have a similar problem fellas," Butters said grinding his fists against each other, "I haven't had any attention like that for a while."

Kyle remembered that Butters' dad had left suddenly, just over a year ago. Things were starting to make sense.

"Did your dad do things to you?" Kyle asked.

Butters didn't answer, instead he looked away and blushed - appearing even more nervous than usual.

"Tell us Butters," Stan urged, "we won't judge you and we are good at keeping secrets."

Butters looked up, finally, into their faces, "I guess I can trust you fellas," he said.

Authors Notes: I chose to write this story first - not because it was most popular but because I have it about 60-70% written already. Hopefully I should be able to finish it quickly before moving on to the next story.

For those of you who hate Style, myself included, this is as bad as the story gets Kyle/Stan wise.

For this story, I've deliberately kept the descriptions of the main characters vague. Everybody has their own ideas about how the boys will look when they're teenagers, who an I to try to fight against that.