Tony stood at the top of stairs listening to the sounds below. He knew that Gibbs knew he was there, but the man wouldn't rush him. Not at a time like this. Not when he was working on the boat. If they had been in the bullpen, it would be a different story - all head slaps and action - but here, here was refuge.
He walked slowly down the steps, pausing when he could take in the room. His boss glanced up and grunted before returning his attention to the task at hand. Tony was no expert on construction, but Gibbs was clearly concentrating hard. Whatever he was working on, it was at a delicate stage. He should come back. This conversation could wait.
Gibbs slid another piece of wood into place before looking up again. "Are you coming down or not?" he asked.
Tony tensed a moment before squaring his shoulders and coming all the way into the basement. "Hey Boss." He coughed and waved some of the soft sawdust out of the air. "You wanted to see me?"
"Yeah, DiNozzo, I did. Yesterday. Where the hell have you been?"
"Rule 3, I know," he said softly.
Gibbs just stared at him. "I'm not talking about being unreachable," he finally replied. "I'm talking about you telling me what the hell is going on with you."
Tony stared at a point just past Gibbs' shoulder. "I'm fine, Boss, really."
"You've been late three times this month. You're putting suspects in interrogation when I ask for them in the conference room. You're standing up meetings with Vance. I can't even tell if you're listening half the time."
"I am - of course I am," Tony replied, straightening up. "I've been off my game. I'm sorry about that."
"Is your father back in town?" Gibbs asked.
"What? Senior? No. Why?" Tony clenched his jaw. "I haven't talked to him since Christmas."
"What then?"
"I'm just- I'm sorry. I'll pull it together, I swear."Tony scratched his head nervously.
Gibbs raised his eyebrows and waited. Tony wandered over to the workbench and fiddled with a glass jar full of bolts. Gibbs stood and wiped his hands on his pants. He walked over and dumped out two jars and filled each. He handed one to his very special agent, but the younger man just held it, staring into the glass. Gibbs drained his in one and leaned back against the table. "I can't help you if you're just gonna stand there," he said.
Tony nodded. "Yeah."
"DiNozzo-"
"I just don't want you to be disappointed in me," he said in a rush. He squeezed the jar between his fingers.
"What'd you do?"
"Nothing!" Tony glanced up, catching Gibbs' eye. "Yet."
"Planning to kill someone?" His boss asked evenly, as he poured himself another drink.
"No."
"Commit treason?"
"No."
"Quit?"
Tony sighed softly. Gibbs looked up sharply. "I hope not," Tony said.
"For God's sake, stop messing around and just tell me!" Gibbs said, his body suddenly tense.
Tony rubbed his hand across his face and slid his untouched drink onto the table. He braced himself and raised his chin to meet the older man's gaze. "I'm in love with Ziva," he said.
Gibbs stared at him. Although he held himself tall, the DiNozzo veneer - that hard, shiny shell that had protected him from so much - it seemed to have disappeared. The man before him was trembling as though he feared a blow. As Gibbs reached out, Tony flinched, then reddened as the hand came to rest on his shoulder.
"I know, Tony," Gibbs said softly.
He just looked at him. "You do?"
His boss patted his arm. "I have eyes."
"I know the rules," Tony said. "I know you have them for a reason, and I've been trying to respect them - I really have."
"I know."
"But I love her more than anything, and if I have to quit for her, I will." Tony paused, his jaw tight. "I have to."
Gibbs nodded.
"I don't want to. I just...I don't want you to think-"
"I don't," Gibbs said.
Tony nodded. "I love this job more than almost anything."
"Yeah," Gibbs smiled. "I know that too." He dropped his hand back to his side. "The question is, does she?"
Tony clenched his hands. "I haven't...I mean, we haven't talked about...it. Not...exactly." He rubbed his thumb against his index finger nervously. "I had to know first. What I'm saying is-"
"You wanted my permission?"
"Sort of." Tony tilted his head. "I mean, no. But...yes. I'm not a kid anymore. I didn't want to sneak around behind your back. I didn't want you to hear some rumor and have it...have it hurt. That I didn't tell you, I mean. I love her, and I...I need to tell her, soon. But," he looked up, "you're family. Mine and hers. And we can't lose that. I can't ask her choose."
Gibbs smiled. "I know, Tony."
"I don't know what to do, Boss," his voice cracked. "I don't want things to change."
"If you want the big rewards, DiNozzo, you gotta take the big risks."
"Yeah," Tony said. "I know."
"Then what are you still doing here?" Gibbs asked. He waved his arm toward the stairs. "Shoo."
He sagged as Gibbs turned to sit down and began fiddling with the fittings at the bow. He waited for a moment longer before turning to climb the stairs. He had just reached the door when he heard Gibbs call his name.
"DiNozzo."
"Yeah, Boss?"
"See you Monday."
Tony just smiled.