Disclaimers: I don't' own ANY of CardCaptor Sakura. This fanfiction is my
original creation. If you had read something similar to this in any
ways.it's merely accidental. This is merely how Tomoyo feels and how she
copes with her hidden feelings.
Chapter 01: Late One Night
|| Normal POV ||
4:04 am
Tomoyo suddenly woke up to the sound of her music blasting off the song, Heaven: Dj Sammy. She lay on her bed, now wide-awake. She couldn't go back to sleep anymore. There were so many things running through her mind at the time. All this burden she needed to get off her chest but won't allow herself to.
|| Tomoyo's POV ||
Sigh.great.I cant go back to sleep now. Why didn't he call like he usually does whenever we get in a fight? I called like he had asked me to last night but he didn't even pick up. What's happening to our relationship? Everything's going so wrong.
Why cant things be like how it used to be? Before when we were just best friends everything was going so well. We got closer during the summer and soon date before school started once again. But now, everything seems so wrong, out of place.
It was hard enough not being able to see him when he was here.now that he went on vacation to a place that's more than 1000 miles away.what am I suppose to do? I miss him so much to the point where it hurts so much. I have to cry myself to sleep each night wondering what did I do wrong.
I don't see how he could even stand me. I put him through so much pain. All the stupid things I do.wait.all the things I DON'T do. I hate to see him hurt.but I can't seem to stop myself from doing that. It's harder trying to fix things cuz I never know exactly what to say to make things better. Instead, I seem to make things worse and we always end up in a fight because of me.
With all these things bury deep inside.I really wish to confide in somebody. The only closest person I got is Sakura. But whenever I would try to tell her how I'm doing or what's wrong.she would just dump my emotions to the side and tell me her problems. I can't just interrupt her like she did with me. I gotta act like a best friend would, even if my feelings would get toss around.
I really wish to tell her how I feel, but she just doesn't understand how it's like to be me because she's too dense to even realize that I'm hurting inside.
What kind of best friend are you Sakura!??! You wouldn't even listen to me when I need you the most! Whenever I need you to be there for me you never are. All you care about is yourself and nobody else. You don't even care about the person that you see as a sister.me.
I thought about telling my friend Chiharu.she would know exactly what to say to make me feel better. But the more I thought about it.I don't' want to bother her on any of my burden. She already has her own problems to deal with.I don't want to add mines to hers.
I don't know what to do anymore! It's just so hard! I can't seem to live with him but I cant live without him either! Argh!!! This is so hard!! Why does life have to be a bitch like this!! Why can't it let me be happy for once!!
After all I went through to have found my one true love.life's had to get in the way and made things hard!!! It won't allow me to be happy! Why wont it! I didn't do anything wrong!
Sigh.I'm being too selfish.I should consider Eriol's feelings as well. He's going through the same thing as me, maybe it's even harsher on him.
I love you so much Eriol.I just cant seem to ever get the right words to tell you how much I feel. I really want to show you that I care.that I'm always going to be there for you no matter what. But whenever I try.I end up hurting you in some way and I hate that!
I'm so sorry for making you go through all this shit to just be with me. I'm so sorry. That's the only words I can think of but I know that's not going to make things any better than it is now. You said that those words don't mean more than telling you that you're being a jerk. But that's not true! I try to say those words as less as possible because whenever I say it.I know that I had done something to have hurt you and that's the only way I can tell you that I know I did something wrong.
I can't ever seem to make you happy in anyway! At times.I wonder why you even put up with me. Are you sure this is all worth it? Am I worth it?
Eriol.I'm not worth ANY of your time.not worth your love.I'm nothing but a mistake in your life. Why wont you just break up with me and find yourself somebody that's going to take care of you and actually make you happy?!?! I don't seem to be that person.
I really wish I could tell you exactly how I feel.but I might end up hurting you even more than you already are. I don't want that to happen. I tried to open up to you once before but it blew up in my face and we ended up in an argument. I don't want that to happen again.
If only things were how it was when you were going out with Rika.we were nothing more than best friends. At that point, I wanted us to be more than that but now.I want us to become best friends again. At least when we were.we didn't get into any arguments. All that we shared were happy moments.and I always seem to know what to say to make you forget about the pain that Rika brought upon you. But now that we're going out.I'm so cautious about not wanting to hurt you.that I end up doing so without realizing it.
I don't know what to do any more.things are getting more and more complicated as we near our 1st anniversary. It's only several months ahead and I don't want us getting into another fight right before it. I really hate all the fights we have. It hurts so much!
With every tear that I had shed.don't seem to mean anything no more. It's nothing but mere salt water now. I shed too much. I had once thought that finding your one true love is a miraculous thing. But what happen to that thought of mine? I thought the one that truly loves me would never make me cry.but instead.you're the only person I ever cry for.
I've never shed so many tears before until you came along. I didn't even think I had this many to offer.
Why cant things be better.? Why are there so many strife in life? Sigh.I just don't know what to do anymore.I'm not even sure I can bare this any longer.but I'm gonna try.for you Eriol.I'm going to try my best and make this work.
I love you.I just have to find a way to show you how much I care for you.
Sigh.I still can't seem to fall back asleep! I'm more awake now than ever! Sigh.
|| Normal POV ||
The young girl sighed again.she stay lying on her bed and looking at her ceiling.still with her thoughts racing in her head. Soon, a tear found it's way down her delicate cheek even though she tried to hold it back.
After staying up for several hours.Tomoyo was still awake.she couldn't do anything to fall asleep.
From outside her bedroom walls.you could hear her whimpering softly into the night.her breathing became quicker and quicker.her tears came too quickly for her.she couldn't breathe anymore.
The girl tried her best to calm herself down.the way Eriol does whenever she cried in front of him.
Things would be so much better if you were here.she thought to herself as she finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is just a little something I wrote because I couldn't sleep.I know it's kinda short but it's all I could think of at the moment.everything dealt in this chapter is.almost too real for me.I just hope you guys liked it.please read and review.tell me what you thought of it so far.for me personally.I have no opinion on it whatsoever.if it sucks.it sucks.if it's good (ha! I doubt it) then it's good I suppose.anyways.please Read & Review)
Chapter 01: Late One Night
|| Normal POV ||
4:04 am
Tomoyo suddenly woke up to the sound of her music blasting off the song, Heaven: Dj Sammy. She lay on her bed, now wide-awake. She couldn't go back to sleep anymore. There were so many things running through her mind at the time. All this burden she needed to get off her chest but won't allow herself to.
|| Tomoyo's POV ||
Sigh.great.I cant go back to sleep now. Why didn't he call like he usually does whenever we get in a fight? I called like he had asked me to last night but he didn't even pick up. What's happening to our relationship? Everything's going so wrong.
Why cant things be like how it used to be? Before when we were just best friends everything was going so well. We got closer during the summer and soon date before school started once again. But now, everything seems so wrong, out of place.
It was hard enough not being able to see him when he was here.now that he went on vacation to a place that's more than 1000 miles away.what am I suppose to do? I miss him so much to the point where it hurts so much. I have to cry myself to sleep each night wondering what did I do wrong.
I don't see how he could even stand me. I put him through so much pain. All the stupid things I do.wait.all the things I DON'T do. I hate to see him hurt.but I can't seem to stop myself from doing that. It's harder trying to fix things cuz I never know exactly what to say to make things better. Instead, I seem to make things worse and we always end up in a fight because of me.
With all these things bury deep inside.I really wish to confide in somebody. The only closest person I got is Sakura. But whenever I would try to tell her how I'm doing or what's wrong.she would just dump my emotions to the side and tell me her problems. I can't just interrupt her like she did with me. I gotta act like a best friend would, even if my feelings would get toss around.
I really wish to tell her how I feel, but she just doesn't understand how it's like to be me because she's too dense to even realize that I'm hurting inside.
What kind of best friend are you Sakura!??! You wouldn't even listen to me when I need you the most! Whenever I need you to be there for me you never are. All you care about is yourself and nobody else. You don't even care about the person that you see as a sister.me.
I thought about telling my friend Chiharu.she would know exactly what to say to make me feel better. But the more I thought about it.I don't' want to bother her on any of my burden. She already has her own problems to deal with.I don't want to add mines to hers.
I don't know what to do anymore! It's just so hard! I can't seem to live with him but I cant live without him either! Argh!!! This is so hard!! Why does life have to be a bitch like this!! Why can't it let me be happy for once!!
After all I went through to have found my one true love.life's had to get in the way and made things hard!!! It won't allow me to be happy! Why wont it! I didn't do anything wrong!
Sigh.I'm being too selfish.I should consider Eriol's feelings as well. He's going through the same thing as me, maybe it's even harsher on him.
I love you so much Eriol.I just cant seem to ever get the right words to tell you how much I feel. I really want to show you that I care.that I'm always going to be there for you no matter what. But whenever I try.I end up hurting you in some way and I hate that!
I'm so sorry for making you go through all this shit to just be with me. I'm so sorry. That's the only words I can think of but I know that's not going to make things any better than it is now. You said that those words don't mean more than telling you that you're being a jerk. But that's not true! I try to say those words as less as possible because whenever I say it.I know that I had done something to have hurt you and that's the only way I can tell you that I know I did something wrong.
I can't ever seem to make you happy in anyway! At times.I wonder why you even put up with me. Are you sure this is all worth it? Am I worth it?
Eriol.I'm not worth ANY of your time.not worth your love.I'm nothing but a mistake in your life. Why wont you just break up with me and find yourself somebody that's going to take care of you and actually make you happy?!?! I don't seem to be that person.
I really wish I could tell you exactly how I feel.but I might end up hurting you even more than you already are. I don't want that to happen. I tried to open up to you once before but it blew up in my face and we ended up in an argument. I don't want that to happen again.
If only things were how it was when you were going out with Rika.we were nothing more than best friends. At that point, I wanted us to be more than that but now.I want us to become best friends again. At least when we were.we didn't get into any arguments. All that we shared were happy moments.and I always seem to know what to say to make you forget about the pain that Rika brought upon you. But now that we're going out.I'm so cautious about not wanting to hurt you.that I end up doing so without realizing it.
I don't know what to do any more.things are getting more and more complicated as we near our 1st anniversary. It's only several months ahead and I don't want us getting into another fight right before it. I really hate all the fights we have. It hurts so much!
With every tear that I had shed.don't seem to mean anything no more. It's nothing but mere salt water now. I shed too much. I had once thought that finding your one true love is a miraculous thing. But what happen to that thought of mine? I thought the one that truly loves me would never make me cry.but instead.you're the only person I ever cry for.
I've never shed so many tears before until you came along. I didn't even think I had this many to offer.
Why cant things be better.? Why are there so many strife in life? Sigh.I just don't know what to do anymore.I'm not even sure I can bare this any longer.but I'm gonna try.for you Eriol.I'm going to try my best and make this work.
I love you.I just have to find a way to show you how much I care for you.
Sigh.I still can't seem to fall back asleep! I'm more awake now than ever! Sigh.
|| Normal POV ||
The young girl sighed again.she stay lying on her bed and looking at her ceiling.still with her thoughts racing in her head. Soon, a tear found it's way down her delicate cheek even though she tried to hold it back.
After staying up for several hours.Tomoyo was still awake.she couldn't do anything to fall asleep.
From outside her bedroom walls.you could hear her whimpering softly into the night.her breathing became quicker and quicker.her tears came too quickly for her.she couldn't breathe anymore.
The girl tried her best to calm herself down.the way Eriol does whenever she cried in front of him.
Things would be so much better if you were here.she thought to herself as she finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is just a little something I wrote because I couldn't sleep.I know it's kinda short but it's all I could think of at the moment.everything dealt in this chapter is.almost too real for me.I just hope you guys liked it.please read and review.tell me what you thought of it so far.for me personally.I have no opinion on it whatsoever.if it sucks.it sucks.if it's good (ha! I doubt it) then it's good I suppose.anyways.please Read & Review)