My Son, My Monster
Written for The Review Lounge, Too 2015 Green Room Challenge. Challenge Eleven: Sleep is for the Dead Challenge
A photo sat on my desk from simpler times. A time I wish I could go back to. The last family photo with my whole family. The love of my life Mandy, who I still loved despite the fact it had been ten years since the car accident that took her life. The accident that took her life and our youngest Amane. Leaving our complete family of four a broken family of two. On my desk is a recent picture of my ... our son Ryou. Eighteen years old and about to graduate from high school ... I hope. Sometime he does really well in school. Other times he does poorly, starts fights and skips school. I don't know where I went wrong with him. He was such a sweet child. Shy, helpful, and caring. He'd put everyone else before himself. At times, I still see that child. Majority of the time all I see is a monster. A monster that I don't even recognise as my son. He doesn't talk to way my Ryou talks, he doesn't walk to way Ryou walks, he doesn't even eat the way Ryou eats. He is not my Ryou, he is a monster wearing my sons face.
At first, everyone around us said it was a phase he was going through. It was a result of the shock of losing his mother and younger sister. That he would grow out of it. Nevertheless, his behaviour just got worse. Gone was my shy, helpful and caring child. He was replaced with a confident, hateful, self-serving monster. It was terrifying to watch. One moment Ryou would be threatening to kill me and the next he'd look lost and a more nervous version of my shy child would appear. Things have not improved over the years; in fact they had got worse. Far worse than I ever imagines.
The children he was friends with would start collapsing. In coma's they never awoke from. Ryou half the time would be confused with no idea what was happening and the rest of the time boasting about what he'd done and threatening to do the same to me. I never mentioned this to Ryou when he was confused, in those moments I had my son. I scared helpless boy who needed his father. I moved a lot for my work, but ended up moving more frequently as a result. A part of me was terrified to move, because moving just meant that someone innocent was going to get hurt by my son and it was my fault for relocating the family time and time again.
I tried to get Ryou help. He was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. The people I'd hired to help ended up the same as his friends. In coma's. My shy son was still there, no knowledge of the monster. I tried to spend time with Ryou, but then the monster started imitating my son. I could no longer tell when I was speaking to Ryou and when I was speaking to the monster. Ryou became more withdrawn when he'd noticed the blackouts caused by the monster. Realised that he was the one causing the coma's his friends where in. Whenever I saw someone had disappeared in the news, or that someone had turned up dead - I would pray that Ryou wasn't involved. Ryou would look at the TV and pale, obviously pray for the same thing - that he wasn't involved. He'd started keeping a diary for when he was blacking out and when he was conscious. I snuck a look - what it contained was disturbing. The blackouts were more frequent then I'd assumed. He'd woken up covered in blood more than once. I'd never seen any trace of Ryou covered in blood, he'd apparently never cleaned himself up afterwards. The monster would take control leaving Ryou confused to if it had really happened or if he'd imagined it. Before long it got to the point I couldn't live with my son and Ryou couldn't live with me. The fear was to strong. Fear of what my son could do. He was afraid of hurting me. I was afraid of the monster, my monster.
I looked up at the person who nervously entered my office. Unsure as if he should be here or not. I sent him a forced smile, wishing that it was genuine. However, the fear of what he was capable of, I couldn't send a true smile his way. I looked for signs of the monster in his eyes, not seeing the monster, but that did not mean he was not there, watching from the shadows.
"Father." The nervousness lacing his voice. I wish he didn't have to be so nervous when he spoke to me. "I was hoping that we could have lunch together."
I looked at the time; I was past due for lunch. I didn't have a legitimate excuse. I still didn't see any evidence of the monster. I hoped that today would be a good day - that the monster didn't come out at all. We have had those many times in the past.
"That would be nice." I replied, trying to sound cheerful. I finished what I was doing and followed my son into the staff tearoom at the museum.
"I made lunch myself." Ryou told me.
Ryou's cooking was something I missed with him living away from home, and when the monster is in control. It was just like eating Mandy's cooking. He looks just like Mandy. I sighed; if Mandy and Amane had still been alive, things would have been so different. He would like to think that Ryou wouldn't have that monster and be his sweet child.
"Is something the matter?" Ryou asked with genuine concern. That was something the monster couldn't replicate even though he could replicate everything else of Ryou.
"I was just thinking of your mother. You look more like her every time I see you." He told Ryou. His first real smile gracing his face, meant for his son in who knows how long.
"I still miss her and Amane. Would mum hate me? What I am?" Ryou asked with concern.
"You're mother would love you no matter what Ryou, just like I do. I know I don't show it very well, but I love you very much Ryou. I just don't know what to do with you. I wish I could do something to make everything go back to how it was before." He admitted.
"How can you love me, I'm a monster." Ryou looked away.
"Not always. You're not the monster right now." I hoped I was correct.
Ryou looked away. I still didn't see any signs of the monster.
"Let's not think about that side of you. Let's have a monster free day."
"I can't promise anything, I have no control of when the Voice comes out."
Voice, that is what Ryou always called the monster. What he'd been calling it before he'd fully known what was happening.
"I know you have no control. We will enjoy what we can. How's school?"
"It's going really well. I have several good friends who the Voice hasn't been able to hurt. None of the other students have been injured like at other schools. Only one teacher has been hurt since I started school. He was a paedophile, everyone else was glad he was gone. It only came out after he hurt another student. I think the Voice likes it here, which is why nothing more has happened. I'm doing well with schoolwork; I'm currently ranked fifth in my grade. I just hope that I'm don't miss any more exams..." Ryou trailed off. We both knew why he'd missed those exams. After a few moments Ryou started talking again.
He listened as Ryou spoke about his friends, school and a couple of girls he'd dated. His after school job at the local bakery. Mandy would want to meet these girls if she had still been around. As long as his sons monster wasn't hurting or murdering the girls he was dating he was happy.
We left the staff room. The staff smiling and waving to Ryou as we walked past. Thankfully they'd only seen my sweet son, they'd never seen the monster. They didn't even know the monster existed. I hoped that it stays that way. I showed my son the exhibits around the museum. It was something we both shared, our love of ancient history and ancient artefacts. Even the monster shared this trait. I still saw no sign of the monster in my son's eyes. I had been an archaeologist once upon a time. I'd gave it up when Ryou was two. I wish I would have gave it up straight away. I missed so much of his growing up when I'd go away. Time I wish I could have back to spend with my wife and son. Quality time that I now would never get back. I hear Ryou sobbing, I turn to see what's wrong, but he's smiling happy at me, oblivious to the sounds I'm hearing.
"Is something wrong father?" He asks me with concern. Father, so formal. It has been years since he last called me dad or daddy.
I look around for the source of the crying, but see no-one else around. The crying is coming from Ryou's direction.
"I can hear you crying." I admitted. "But you're not crying."
Ryou gives me a confused look. Ryou start's to fade away. A nightmarish have taking its place. Eye's from all directions, glaring from the faze coming stronger and stronger. Monsters that couldn't possibly be real. Ryou's crying becomes clearer. Where Ryou had previously been standing, he was now kneeling beside me in tears. I hear a distinct laugh, the laugh of the monster. I look in Ryou's direction, but it's not coming from him. Up above is the monster who looks like my son, laughing at Ryou and I. My pleasant mundane day had been the dream. I had just woken up.