Young Do has a weekly pill organizer on his kitchen table, and a bottle of sleeping aids on his nightstand. There's always a tall glass of water next to the pill bottle on his nightstand, and it's always empty in the morning. Jeon Hyun-joo, his therapist, prescribes him ungodly amounts of medication since he refuses to talk to her. When she used to come over, every Saturday, the same words were repeated again and again, all by her:
"Are you paying attention to me?"
"Choi Young Do. Are you listening?" She would say, maybe tap him with her pencil. If she got the nerve to touch him that day, he would raise a brow at her.
"Choi Young Do, don't give me that look. Talk to me and put your eyebrows down," Hyun-joo would order. At that point Young Do would prop his feet up on the coffee table and throw his head back on the couch. Then she'd wait to see if he would talk. He never did, so she would instead: about how life is still worth living, how blessed they are to still be alive, etcetera.
He never uttered a word to her even once. Hyun-joo eventually gave up, writing up a list of medication he should be on. Every Monday morning, once a month, she'll come to replenish his stocks. The world's ending anyway, so she figures it wouldn't hurt to let him die ignorant and blissful. Up until now, he hasn't left his Seoul apartment in ten months, twenty-six days, and four hours.
It's on a Sunday afternoon when his doorbell rings. He's still swallowing one of his anxiety pills when he cracks opens the door to Hyun-joo. Instead of the usual, stern glare, she gives him a shy smile. He opens the door fully to reveal two Jaeger-outfitted males, one clearly Hyun-joo's boyfriend (who's holding her hand, she talked about him once or twice), the other most probably his younger brother. Young Do feels his blood run cold, his jaw locks when he eyes the older brother.
"Choi Young Do," Hyun-joo begins. "This is – "
"Kim Won," the eldest finishes her introduction, sticking out his hand. He's not friendly, just polite with an air of self-righteousness. Young Do hates people like him.
"Hyung," the younger brother whines behind him, then elbows through the couple so he can come up front. He gives Young Do a bright smile, which strikes Young Do with a sudden recognition. "I'm Kim Tan," he grins, with a light of mischief in his eyes. Young Do realizes that it's just like Hyo Sh-
Young Do shuts down the though before he can even finish it. He's still in a trance though, so he lets in Hyun-joo and these two brothers. Young Do takes one couch to himself while the three of his guests squish themselves onto the opposite couch. Hyun-joo ends up awkwardly in the middle, looking claustrophobic between the two men and their Jaeger-outfits. He hasn't seen outfits like that in almost a year now, they were discontinued along with the Jaeger-force itself. Young Do has a sinking feeling in his stomach, and it won't go away until he gets to the bottom of this.
"What do you want?" Young Do asks simply, much to the surprise of Hyun-joo. In all these months, she's never heard his voice. Truth be told, Young Do himself hasn't heard himself either. His voice sounds passive and weak, cracked at the edges like his mind. It sounds hoarse and unused, which makes the brothers eye each other behind Hyun-joo's back. Kim Won clears his throat, looking Young Do in the eye as if ready to make a business proposition.
"Choi Young Do," he starts. "We have come here to inquire about – "
"Young Do-ah," Kim Tan interjects, surprising everyone with his informal tone. "They're restarting the Jaeger air force. We need pilots. Please join us."
Everyone stares wide-eyed at Kim Tan, Young Do included. He gazes and Young Do intently, and Young Do swears he could go blind from the brightness his eyes hold. Young Do regards Kim Tan, notices the way the younger brother's hands shake even with a smile so confident. When his eyes trail back to Kim Tan's, Young Do finally sees it.
There's a definite fear of the unknown, but Kim Tan has a hope stronger than his fear. Stronger than an entire brigade of Jaegers, and Young Do hates it, because it reminds him of –
"Yah. Kim Tan-ah," Hyun-joo begins to scold the younger brother.
"Are they all like you?" Young Do questions, interrupting her. He swallows the lump in his throat, feeling his eyes burn as he glares at Kim Tan. For a moment Kim Tan's expression flickers in confusion, but then his smile fades away. His lips flatten out into a thin line, but the fear in his eyes is suddenly burning in determination. He understands. The lump in Young Do's throat gets smaller. Young Do finally exhales when Kim Tan nods.
"There's ones even stronger, if you'll believe me," Kim Tan replies, with such a certainty that Young Do actually believes it.
"Tan-ah," Kim Won chides, and Young Do's gaze flickers to him. He's as confused as Hyun-joo, but they don't matter right now.
"This is our last hope," Kim Tan continues, as if he didn't even hear his brother. "Please say you'll help." Kim Tan is bright; a light in the darkness Young Do didn't even realize he was in.
"You can't think that this will actually convince – " Hyun-joo argues.
"I'm in," Young Do again interrupts, shocking her once again. Kim Won and Hyun-joo go slack-jawed, but Young Do is already getting up to grab the pill organizer in the kitchen.
"Just let me finish today's batch," he explains, pouring out the pills from the Sunday slot. They're supposed to be taken at various at times, but Young Do downs all three of them in a one shot with a glass of water. Hyun-joo looks enraged while Kim Won just stares at him like he's lost his mind. Maybe he has. Kim Tan has the nerve to laugh.
"Go get dressed, you fool," he manages to tell Young Do between giggling fits. "Pack everything you have and let's get out of this dump." Young Do doesn't have to be told twice, he runs to his bedroom.
On the way out, Kim Tan continues to joke with him, but Young Do can't bring himself to laugh. Kim Tan has a light that's guiding him through the darkness, but it still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Kim Tan is alleviating Young Do's pain, like the medication he takes. But Kim Tan himself isn't quite the cure to his illness.
Young Do climbs up the ranks in less than a month, beating out trainees until he is suddenly at the same level as the Kim brothers. He's never been deployed yet, since Young Do can't seem to find a partner. He's made friends, first with a lively boy named Myung Soo, who shines at least ten times as brighter than Kim Tan. But he jokes too much and his partner, Yoo Rachel, is the only one solemn enough to even out the energy. They make a strange but functional pair, much to Young Do's despair. He's not fond of Rachel. She beats him up good when she's in a bad mood and when he teases her enough.
Kim Tan and Kim Won are out in their Jaeger, Jeguk, so much that they are never seen at base. They come and go at such odd hours that they usually miss meals and free time.
The base itself is run by a woman in her mid-forties, named Hee Nam. She suffered from head trauma when she was left alone to pilot a Jaeger when her partner, Ki-ae, died in combat. Supposedly the head trauma caused Hee Nam to become mute, though that hardly matters because everyone still treats her with an immeasurable amount of respect.
Ki-ae was the mother of the Kim brothers, Young Do learned, and the brothers never seemed to forgive Hee Nam. Which might explain their absences, as Hee Nam oversees all events that occur at base. She never does much than give disapproving looks to misbehaving trainees.
Her actual mouthpiece is her daughter, Cha Eun Sang. Young Do can always spot her because she trails behind her mother with a clipboard, always with her hair tied up and a pen behind her ear. She's friends with Yoon Chan Young and Lee Bo Na, the best pair that the base has. Chan Young's intellect and Bo Na's sheer strength have led their Jaeger, Mega, to a great number of victories in the past. They're as absent as the Kim brothers, which leaves Cha Eun Sang to eat alone during meals. She's not a trainee, like the rest of them, she simply writes up schedules everyone, and scolds them when Hee Nam cannot. Everyone is scared of Hee Nam, so no one goes out of their way to piss oof Eun Sang, and consequently, they don't go out of their way to make friends with her either.
Young Do has always kept watch over her though. She trains in the weight room and in the hand-to-hand combat room after hours, and trains and trains until she collapses. She always heads to the showers afterwards, where Young Do suspects the water is cold because she always showers under ten minutes and then waits in the docking chamber for the Jeguk and Mega to return to base. The groups always greet her with victory stories which she clings onto with a childish enthusiasm. They are all tired though, and retire quickly to their rooms, leaving Eun Sang and her excitement alone.
The last one to leave her side every time is Kim Tan. Young Do has seen him pull at her wrist and play with her hair during the meal times when he's present, but Eun Sang continuously ignores him. It's on the day when Kim Tan is not there that Young Do finally slams his food tray across from her and inquires about Kim Tan.
"What is he to you?" Young Do blurts. He wants to regret it, he should, but he doesn't. Eun Sang slowly lifts her gaze to him, analyzing him before slowly answering.
"Who is what to me?"
"The person who usually sits here," he replies, attempting to remain cool. Others are watching, but he doesn't feel the heat of their stares. He just feels her eyes on him. "What does he mean to you?"
"Kim Tan-ah?" she clarifies, and he nods. She bits her lower lip, which suddenly makes Young Do forget his question. "He's my ex-boyfriend," she answers, and Young Do makes an affirmative noise, even though his eyes are still on his lips. Purposely, Eun Sang runs her tongue along them before leaning forward, pushing her food tray to the side.
"Choi Young Do," she calls, forcing him to look back into her eyes. "Kim Tan has a brother complex. He'd sooner die for Won-oppa than me." The way she says it sounds rather bitter, but her face is still stern and elegant. Young Do doesn't know what else to do but nod. He likes the sound of her voice. "Choi Young Do," she calls his attention again, this time with a sense of urgency.
"What is it?" he smirks in spite of himself. He's bewitched, really. She smells like lemon soap and gasoline. Her hands are calloused from her secret training and her nails are covered in dirt. She has a scar on her cheek and a beauty mark on the bridge of her nose. She's so beautiful, and even more so when she suddenly takes his hands in hers with a grip that could break his fingers.
"Tomorrow," she begins, her entire body seething in excitement. "Omma is going to put you up against our best recruits. She's going to force you to find a partner."
"Where?" Young Do asks, curious and a bit surprised. He knows Hee Nam has been watching him, but he never suspected she was actually thinking about deploying him.
"In the hand-to-hand combat room," Eun Sang confirms. "Choi Young Do," she grips his hand and bows her head a bit, surprising him yet again.
"What is it?" he asks.
"Tomorrow," she takes in a deep breath. "Please convince Omma to let me fight you."
"What?" Young Do asks incredulously. "You think you can fight me?" He's pulling his hands away from hers, ready to laugh at her.
She raises her head, suddenly angry. Eun Sang stands up and grabs his hand, pulling it to her chest. Young Do hears the collective gasp in the room the same time he feels Eun Sang's racing heartbeat under his palm.
"Choi Young Do," she viscous, and alive, and seething with anger. "Choi Young Do," she repeats, his name sounds like a curse from her mouth. "Choi Young Do," she hisses a final time, griping his hand tightly into her chest. "You have to believe in this," she taps the hand that's on her heart. "You have to believe that it has the power to change your heart; to change your mind about me." Her glare is strong enough to break him. "You have to," she pauses for effect, "believe that I am worthy enough to fight with you, if not more so." With that she rips his hand from her chest and slams it on the table. "I hope," she inhales with her eyes closed, before opening them again. "I hope one day you'll be willing to die for me." She finally marches away with her ponytail swishing angrily behind her. Young Do and the rest of the lunch room remain shell shocked until Myung Soo lets out a low whistle. Young Do turns to his friend, and they grin at each other like idiots.
"She's something isn't, she?" Young Do asks, he feels alive in the aftermath of her anger. She may be enraged, but this is the happiest he's been in a long time.
"I'm impressed," Myung Soo agrees, sliding into Eun Sang's seat with Yoo Rachel quietly slipping into the seat next to him. She has a strange way of just following him, rarely conversing with him but always in his presence. "You really should take her seriously, Young Do," he points a fork and Young Do. "She's rumored to be incredibly strong." Rachel makes an unimpressed noise, gaining Young Do's attention.
"Do you know more about her?" he asks, sounding like a child. Rachel looks suddenly uncomfortable, looking to Bo Na, who has occupied the seat next to Young Do.
"Of course she does, Eun Sang totaled her in a hand-to-hand fight after all," Bo Na answers for Rachel, smug. Chan Young, who is now on the other side of Young Do, smiles quietly to himself.
"She's beat you multiple times too, Bo Na," Rachel snarls back. She stabs a chopstick into a piece of meat, making Myung Soo wince. He pats her leg comfortingly, and it's Chang Young that continues in Bo Na's place.
"I've known Cha Eun Sang since we were young. She's incredible strong, both mentally and physically. Anyone who gets to be partners with her will surely be blessed." He speaks with a small smile, but with a careful eye on Bo Na.
"Yah! Chan Young-ah!" Bo Na practically wails into Young Do's ear. "Don't talk about her like that! I'm the greatest thing that could have ever happened to you!" Young Do can't take the banter, so he gets up from his seat.
"Continue with your lover's quarrel," he gestures to the couple before rushing off. He vaguely hears Myung Soo call his name, but his eyes meet Hee Nam's instead. Her face is blank, but her eyes are challenging, and Young Do swallows. He can tell. Hee Nam saw everything that happened. And she's unwavering in her will.
Eun Sang won't be his partner at this rate.
Ye Sol feigns a dodge to the left and then goes for a punch in his right shoulder, but Young Do is quick to grab her wrist. In less than a minute she's face down in the mat, his knee in her back and both wrists behind her back in one of his hands. She's hissing in pain and squirming wildly, but Young Do's grip is strong. She's the last one of the recruits, and she hasn't beaten him.
No one has.
"That's enough," Eun Sang commands, sounding bored. When Young Do releases Ye Sol to look at up at her, she's actually completely interested. But then he remembers that her voice often reflects Hee Nam's mood, who, for the record, looks absolutely bored. Hee Nam makes a 'shoo' motion to Ye Sol, who bows first to her then to him before scurrying away. Bo Na and Chan Young catch her when she stumbles off the mat. Myung Soo takes her baton from him and then catches the one that Young Do throws at him. Bo Na and Chan Young drag Ye Sol out of the room, probably to the medical bay, where mostly everyone else is. The Kim brothers, Myung Soo, Rachel, and a couple of returning recruits are circled around the mat, wide-eyed. Young Do dismantled all the single recruits. He probably could fight against those who were partnered up already and beat them, but there was no reason to test that theory. Young Do doubts that anyone would want to either.
Eun Sang eyes him hopefully, and he can see that she's pleading with him now. He gulps and glances at Hee Nam. She's glaring at him, practically daring him to even bring up the question. He looks back at Eun Sang, ready to turn her down, but he's struck by the fire in her eyes again. 'Please,' she mouths, her fist on her chest. His hand tingles when he remembers the sensation of her heartbeat on his palm, and he is once again, entranced.
"Hee Nam-shi," he begins and his voice is surprisingly powerful. No one has ever one heard him speak so aggressively, but he continues before he or anyone else can dwell on it. "I want to fight her," he points a finger to Eun Sang, who beams at him. He feels himself shudder, just slightly, under Hee Nam's gaze. She pauses, glancing at her excited daughter than back to Young Do. Very slowly, she nods. It takes him a moment to realize she's given the okay, and then his hand drops in shock. Eun Sang laughs.
"Thank you, omma!" She kisses her mother's cheek before bounding down the stairs. She jumps onto the mat and begins to shake out her shoulders, cracking her joints and stretching out her muscles. Young Do swallows when he catches sight of her abdomen, only to be interrupted by Myung Soo's coughing fit. When Young Do looks his friend's way, Myung Soo directs his gaze to Hee Nam, who's raising her brows at him questioningly. He swallows, and nods, taking a defensive stance. Eun Sang shakes herself out once again before assuming the same stance.
Myung Soo throws the batons at each of them, and Young Do has to take another gulp of air before he easily catches his. When he turns back to Eun Sang, she's in an offensive stance with her baton balanced in her hands. Young Do feels uneasy about this fight. She's shorter than Ye Sol and less muscular than Bo Na and Rachel, both whom he's fought with before. Eun Sang must sense his hesitation because she gives him a soft smile.
"Remember, Choi Young Do," she says, with the same intensity as the day before. "Four strikes and I win. But this about compatibility, okay?"
"It's a dialogue," he breathes, remembering Hyo Shin's words. She has the same fire his old, dead, partner once had, the same excitement and aggression. "It's not a fight," he mumbles the words. They don't feel raw and painful though. Instead they're breathing in new life into him, and when he looks at Eun Sang, he feels the same passion she does.
"Exactly," she agrees, smirking, and he's surprised she heard him, but Young Do feels himself smile back. They both look to Hee Nam, who looks weary, but regardless she slams her fist into her open palm, signaling the start of the match.
"I'm finally going to fight with you," Eun Sang laughs, like she can't believe it herself. Young Do feels himself laugh with her.
"Then work hard, Cha Eun Sang," he smiles, and takes the first strike. His baton stops right above her forehead. She looks slightly shocked, finally pulled into the reality of the situation. He grins, "One-zero, Eun Sang." She frowns, and swings her baton into his, knocking both of their arms to one side, but she's quick to bring the baton back to his head in a downward arc. Her baton stops at the top of his head.
"One-one," she snaps, while the crowd cheers for her around them. She pulls back her baton so it horizontal in front of her, then she pulls it even further behind her for a second blow, like a batter in baseball. Young Do is faster though, he swings his baton to the small of her back and taps it lightly.
"Two-one, concentrate, Eun Sang," he orders. She glares at him, but adjusts her footing accordingly. He twirls the baton back to his side and takes step back, giving her more room. She looks absolutely determined now. He waits a moment and then advances, swinging for the side of her head, but she immediately blocks him. She goes for a jab in his gut but he twists the baton back to block her. He's suddenly on defensive, taking a step back to avoid a swing to the head.
She's about to advance again when he charges forward, and she's forced defend herself as he attempts to hit her side. He backs her to almost the end of the mat when she suddenly dodges a swing with a duck and runs forward, surprising him by jutting up the baton from underneath him so that the top of it bumps him in the chin.
"Two-two," she hisses, satisfied with herself.
"Better watch yourself, Young Do," Myung Soo is laughing from the crowd. Eun Sang smirks at his comment, but doesn't acknowledge him otherwise. She backs away and twirls the baton for show, causing the growing crowd to cheer in excitement. The kids from the medical bay must be coming back now. He's fired up now, so he charges without a plan, and soon she has him ducking and rolling to the ground. Young Do is just about to get up when she swings so the baton against his neck and her knee ends up against his chest.
Her breath spills on to his face as she looks down on him, "Three-two." Hee Nam taps insistently on the arm of her chair, making Eun Sang look up at her. Hee Nam signs something to her, one that all the recruits recognize will. More control.
She growls at her mother, a low sound that takes Young Do back. But he still smiles in spite of everyone's shock. She has nerve, and he loves that about her. He gets up, and instead of heading her mother's advice, Eun Sang swings violently at him. He remains defensive until he finds and opportunity and then knocks her off her feet, so that she flips over his back when he grabs her arm and twists it. She tries to get up but his baton is suddenly under her chin. Neither of them says it, but the crowd quietly whispers "three-three" and Hee Name is probably smirking to herself. With his baton still under her chin, he slowly approaches her, and slides her hair tie off. Her hair cascades down her shoulders as he slides the hair tie onto his wrist, and Young Do is caught off guard by how much prettier she looks with her hair down.
Eun Sang's smile finally slips off her face, and she bares her teeth at him. The next few moments consist of him defending himself, waiting for an opening while she hisses and snarls at him while when the baton. But that opening never comes. He tries to back up at one point to give himself room and time to think, but she rolls onto the ground to catch his leg so he trips onto his back. He reaches up to swing at her but she promptly sits on his chest, using all her strength to force his hands above his head.
Young Do's eyes shut in pain as he finally releases a groan, and when he opens them there is her baton, poking into his chin. Her hair is spilling into his face, and she's gasping and her eyes are wild. Her sweat is dripping onto his face, and maybe that should feel disgusting, but his heart is pounding in his chest and he knows she can feel his speeding pulse in his wrists. She takes her hair tie from him and sits back, releasing his arms in favor of gathering up her hair into her signature ponytail. She's tightening her up-do when she finally calls the match for her mother.
"Four-three. Cha Eun Sang wins," she singsongs, smiling at him as the crowd cheers for her. Young Do laughs and drops his baton. He sits up so Eun Sang slides into his lap, resting his hands on her waist. Both of them look up at Hee Nam expectantly. Out of the corner of his eye, Young Do notices Kim Tan stalking off, Kim Won in fast pursuit. Hee Nam is at a loss for words for a moment, until she finally signs something to Eun Sang that no one can recognize.
"Are you sure?" Eun Sang whispers to herself, unknowingly translating the words to Young Do. She bits her lips and looks back at him, giving him a once over before her face breaks out into a smile.
"Yes," she shouts back to her mother, who finally smiles at the pair. She signs something else to Young Do and Eun Sang laughs. Again, Hee Nam signs something else, and Eun Sang shoots up, dragging Young Do to stand as well.
"She says you have to take care of me well," Eun Sang grins, her eyes brimming with tears. She's so ecstatic that her hands are shaking. "And we can pick our Jaeger. We can pick it now!" Eun Sang bows to her mother before racing out of the room with Young Do in hand, followed by the entire crowd of recruits.
There's a bunch of congratulations and cheers for Eun Sang. At one moment Young Do catches Chan Young grinning at him and mouthing a "good luck" to him, and at another moment he hears Bo Na loudly proclaim, "They're never going to be as good as team Mega!" Myung Soo sticks to his side howling and cheering until he suddenly disappears when Rachel momentarily appears. It's loud and unbearably rowdy until Eun Sang locks the two of them inside the docking bay, shutting everyone out.
"Aish," she breathes, checking the lock on the door as the chatter continues outside. "They're all impossible," she sighs, running a hand through her hair. Young Do realizes that his hand is still tightly wrapped around her own. She follows his gaze down to their hands and smiles, squeezing his.
"Young Do," she calls softly, so that he looks up at her. She's gazing at him as if he's transparent, like she knows everything about him. He swallows, he only remembers one other person looking at him like that.
"Don't," he begins, but Eun Sang closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around his neck. She kisses his cheek before burying her face in his shoulder. He suspected that this gesture would make him feel empty, but Young Do is surprised to find that he's burning still. She's lit a fire under his heart and he can feel his soul resonate with hers.
"Thank you," she whispers into his ear, one hand combing into his hair, the other at the base of his neck still. Slowly, Young Do circles his arms around her waist and lifts her so she's up to his height. She squeals a bit and pulls back, looking disgruntled. He smiles at her pout.
"Thank you, Cha Eun Sang," he whispers sincerely, before kissing her forehead. She sighs and shuts her eyes, content.
Young Do has never felt so whole.
Their first run fails because he nearly blows up the entire base with their Jaeger, Zeus. Initially the Jaeger was named Mango XI but Young Do swore up and down that he would never pilot the damn thing unless Eun Sang changed the name in the records. The records were never changed, but Young Do's intimidating personality was enough to get everyone to refer to it as Zeus.
Eun Sang excitedly attaches her suit to the control outlets inside the Jaeger as Young Do shakily puts on his helmet. Eun Sang warned him of her silly childhood nightmares and other hallucinations that may occur during the drift. But Young Do didn't admit a thing about his past. He swallows, already anticipating the drift.
For a moment all is silent as Zeus starts up and their minds meld together. And then Young Do – no they both can now – hears it. Young Do turns to his right, but he doesn't see Eun Sang or the inside of the Jaeger.
He sees Hyo Shin, lying in a puddle of his own blood, coughing up more blood, begging over and over again for Young Do to kill him. He's sobbing in pain, and blindly reaching for Young Do. And Young Do can't keep down the lump in his throat.
"Sunbae!" he howls lunging for Hyo Shin. He reaches out for Hyo Shin's outstretched hand. He wants to die with Hyo Shin. He wants the Kaiju to reach for him and split his body in half with its teeth, to tear him apart so he's limbs are scattered. He wants to burn. He wants to drown. Young Do wants to feel the sting of a blade in his abdomen. He wants to be anything, anything, but alive. His head aches and he feels like his brain may combust. He hopes his head explodes.
Faintly, Young Do hears Zeus power down around him. The wires that he was clawing at are suddenly loose so his suit isn't connected, and he falls to his knees. Eun Sang removes her helmet and then his, tossing both away. He hears chaos outside of the Jaeger but primarily hears a loud, pained sound. When Eun Sang cups his face in her hands, looking down and shushing him gently, Young Do finally realizes it's him.
"It's alright," she whispers, wiping his cheeks. She kneels down so she's level with him. "We didn't hurt anyone. You blew the doors of the dock open, but those are easy to fix. It's okay." She avoids mentioning what she saw in the drift, but Young Do knows she's curious. Tears are still trekking down his face and he's gasping, trying to rid himself of Hyo Shin's final moments. He's trying to control himself, she can see that much. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," she tells him, resting her forehead against hers. Her hands are still on his cheeks and Young Do shakily takes her face in his hands as well. He inhales shutting his eyes as he prepares to speak.
"Hyo Shin S-Sunbae," he stutters, his entire body quivering just at the thought of his sunbae's name. "He was my first partner. He taught me everything I know. I was the smart one, but he was the one with the life, the power, the drive. There was nothing that could stop us." Young Do felt his eyes burn as Eun Sang rushed to clear the fresh tears off his face. "But Hyo Shin was such a dirty fucking liar," he snarls. "That idiot sunbae, he was so fucking depressed all the time. He wouldn't even let me know. We stood in the same Jaeger together, and I didn't know. I didn't know how tired he was of fighting and how much he hated himself and how – " Young Do is gasping now, hands sliding from Eun Sangs' face to her waist. He pulls her into his chest, breathing in the scent of her lemon soap. She wraps her arms around his neck.
"You can stop if you want to," she murmurs.
He shakes his head and continues, "He never told me that getting into a Jaeger only reminded him of how his parents died, from overworking themselves in the Jaeger-force. I never knew any of his pain until we were ejected from our Jaeger in our last fight. He was lying in his own blood on the ground across from me. We both thought we were going to die slowly there. Then we heard that back up was coming over the intercom link. I was so relieved. But Hyo Shin," Young Do gasps and Eun Sang hugs him fiercely, breathing life into him. "Hyo Shin," he manages, "wanted to die. He begged me to kill him right then and there." Young Do pauses.
"And?" Eun Sang pushes, a bit hesitantly.
"I stabbed him with that broken piece of my armor until that poor bastard died," Young Do sobs, collapsing onto Eun Sang so she's forced to lean back with his weight. She's still under his touch now. And he mourns, waiting for her to run away from him. She must be horrified, she must think he's a monster, she must –
"Young Do," she speaks with a strange calm in her voice. He lifts himself up from her shoulder to look her in the eyes. He can barely see her through his tears. "Hyo Shin-sunbae," she slowly tests the name on her tongue and watches as Young Do winces. "He must be grateful to you. You gave him the freedom no one else could. You stuck with him and gave him all the life he could never give himself. He wasn't the energy and you weren't the intellect, Young Do. You were sunbae's light. You must have been sunbae's everything."
Young Do shakes, "Sunbae's light?"
"Eum," she gives him a small smile. She then takes his face in her hands again, bringing him close. She wasn't running away. Young Do exhales, waiting for her to speak again. Her smile widens. "He must have felt the same thing I do when he drifted with you." She shuts her eyes, "You're so bright, Young Do. You make my heart feel warm, and drifting with you makes me feel weightless. It feels like the inside of a beautiful dream. I love being with you." Eun Sang presses her hand to his heart. "I believe in this, Young Do. I'm sure sunbae did too." Eun Sang's eyes flash with a sudden fire, "I'll believe in your heart, Young Do. Until the very end, if you'll let me try."
Young Do feels like he might cry again, but he's so tired of moping around, of wasting his life away. If Eun Sang is right: if he really was Sunbae's light and if he's her light now, he wants to shine as bright as he can for the both of them.
So he kisses her, with all the courage and strength and determination he can muster. She holds him tighter and tighter until Young Do is sure he has stopped breathing. But at this point he thinks he finally understands.
He finally feels weightless with her.
Their second time piloting Zeus is during an emergency. The Kaijus have infiltrated the walls that surround their base. The base is the only thing separating the Kaijus from Seoul, so it is critical that the base hold them off.
The base has been burned to the ground. Recruits without partners and Hee Nam departed for Seoul, to warn and help evacuate the city. Those with partners are left with their Jaegers to fight off as many Kaijus as possible.
Except now everyone is dead. Young Do laughs bitterly as he watches Mega crash and burn to the ground. Eun Sang and Bo Na are both screaming over the intercom link in his mind. Chan Young interrupts with an urgent tone.
"Eun Sang!" he's yelling, and no one has ever heard him sound so desperate, maybe not even Bo Na. Young Do battles the headache forming in his brain from Eun Sang's distress and focuses on Chan Young. "Mega was built with a nuclear core reactor. It works as a makeshift bomb. It can take out three Kaijus and – " Mega's mind link goes dead from there and Eun Sang screams and screams until Young Do is screaming over her. They both heard it: Bo Na whispering that she loved Chan Young, and Chan Young's final, gentle, laugh.
"It's our last chance! It's our last chance, Eun Sang!" Young Do yells, reaching over the console to grab her hand. She looks at him with tears still filling her eyes. "For Bo Na and Chan Young, for everyone," he whispers to her. She swallows and nods, shutting her eyes. When she opens them again, she looks certain.
"For all of them," she agrees.
And so they pilot together. Using the remains of Mega, they take out the final three Kaijus. Zeus becomes a pile of junk in the end, and Eun Sang and Young Do eject themselves into Pacific Ocean. Young Do kisses her again, and a final thought that crosses his mind as he holds her is: Holy shit did we just save the world?
After that he thinks maybe he'd like to settle down with Eun Sang in some quiet little town. That is, if they did, in fact, save the world.
Another six months later and Young Do is back in his apartment in Seoul, with still one bottle of sleep medication on his bedside table. He doesn't sleep on that side of the bed anymore though. No, instead Eun Sang hands him a pill and downs one herself each night before climbing into that side of the bed and cuddling against his chest. He kisses her hair and sleeps as easily as she does. But they both know that the nightmares will still plague them, even when they aren't sleeping.
Hyun-joo comes over every Saturday and the couple talks and talk and talks to her until both of them are shaking and begging for maybe another increase in their dosage of anxiety medications. Hyun-joo will refuse and leave and they will retreat into each other's arms. They don't understand why they can't be left to die in blissful ignorance.
Neither of them realizes Hyun-joo's intentions until they are taking a walk outside one day and Eun Sang notices it. Someone's built a park outside, and children are playing and their parents are yelling, and everyone is… living. Behind the park a school is being built, and workers are yelling and groaning like it's just another normal day.
Young Do and Eun Sang look back at each other at the same time. She sighs, finally smiling after six longs months.
"I never realized it," she whispers, shocked. "We're rebuilding." Eun Sang gestures to the two of them and then everyone else, "We all are. We're becoming new again." She laughs and it's a sound Young Do never realized he missed.
He laughs too and nods, pulling her in for a kiss. She tastes like her morning tea and a bite of his toast. Eun Sang holds him close and whispers that she loves him into the space between their chests.
They're at peace, at last.