A/N: THIS IS A JOKE! Try not to take anything personal. I was going through some of my really old fanfictions that I have saved on my computer and I was highly disappointed in my former self. And before you point it out, yes I know that I have stories that have OCs in them and they do have Mary-Sue-ish traits, but I am okay with that. I write because it keeps me sane, and I am not twisting anyone's arm to read what I write. Including this. Anyways, I hope that you will find this entertaining.

1. Give her a special name that only has meaning to you.

"Hello, my name is Panda-hime!" I greeted the guild. Everyone in the entire guild stopped what they were doing to stare at me. I couldn't blame them, whenever I arrive and announce my name; people always have to take a good look at me.

2. ...With some weird, or otherwise "unique," hair color and you have to make her beautiful beyond belief. And you need to go into this in immense detail, right off the bat, but don't make it too obvious. More of a run-on sentence is better. It is also optional to bash your most hated character.

I stare out into the crowd that has gathered around me. I flip my neon pink hair with green horizontal striped over my shoulder, exposing my large breasts that were almost exploding out of my pale yellow Abercrombie tube top. All of the boys are ogling my long, pale legs that seem to go on for miles from underneath my purple miniskirt with black lace around the hem (if you want to see it is at www. no-one-gives-a-hoot .com) to my knee-high black stilettos with deep crimson socks covering my knee. I had every single males attention the second that I walked in the door. That sleazy woman seated at the bar glared daggers at me, she is such a snooty attention seeker. I mean she is so useless in everything. I know everything about her because she used to be my idol, but now I see her for what she really is, worthless.

3. Give her some cracked out magical powers that are going to catch the attention of whatever you fangirl (or fanboy) over.

"I am a Dragon Slayer!" I address the male population of the guild. I know that whatever I say will impress them. Me, being raised by a dragon has made me cold to all men, except the ones that catch my eye. I spot one man that I find particularly attractive. I make eye contact with him and give him a flirty wink, "I am the Soap Dragon Slayer."

The man that I made eye contact with instantly appears at my side. His muscles pressed against my body, they were so firm and warm. He looks deep into my eyes, I never react like this but I feel heat rising to my face in a blush. Despite the onlookers and my resolve to be strong and confident as I walk into the guild.

I clear my throat and disregard the man, I don't need a man in my life right now. I hated when men threw themselves at me. I do nothing and wear nothing that ignites that sort of behavior. I straighten and address my fans, "I have to eat soap to get any magic. It tastes awesome!"

4. Give your character a very tragic background, most of the time involve a dragon (if you fan after one of the Dragon Slayers) or a most unkind situation that your OC could have prevented. Sometimes both.

I was still being crowded by every male in the guild, I announce, "I want to join your guild, but I am afraid that I will be rejected!"

"We will accept anyone, Panda-hime," The man that I disregarded was back like a yoyo. He was so gorgeous with those pleading, lustful eyes.

"You don't understand, I went on a rampage once, when I was still with Raccoon-sama, my dragon parent, and I-I" I trail off, remembering the deeds that I have done. If I tell them, I might not be able to stay here. They may judge me.

I look down to my expensive shoes and kick absently at the ground, careful not to scruff the black leather.

"I- did my dragon roar in the village," I look back up, I might as well now, "I cleaned the entire village!"

I sobbed into the very toned chest of the man that was holding me. Everyone in the crowd rushed forward, wanting to console me.

"Raccoon-sama, she, she kicked me out and that's when I decided that I would come to this guild!" I push off my adoring man-crowd, except the one with well toned abs and chest. He stayed there even after I pushed him away.

5. Make the aforementioned subject of your fanning fall in love with her beauty, with little speaking or contact.

"Panda-hime," He whispered lowly into my ears, despite my resolve not to get involved with a man, I might make an exception for him. The way that his breath hits my skin, the way that my name rolls off of his lips like it was a delicacy, a sultry and raunchy dessert only in existence for pleasure. I turn to face him, my abnormally colored, pure orange eyes meet his and I felt a surge of electricity surge through me.

"I don't care that you made an entire hygienic," His tone lowered. I didn't notice that the rest of my adoring crowd went back to their business. And I didn't care that every female in the guild was glaring at me and him.

I nod, urging him to continue, "I think that I love you, Panda-hime."

6. Have overly-fluffy (limes, lemons, Sprite, Cherry Sprite, whatever you want) content about how much your fan subject is so much in love with your OC, preferably in a poorly-thought out plot.

I wrap my hands around his neck and tangle my hand in his perfectly soft hair. I kiss him roughly, feeling his soft lips respond to me after getting over the initial shock of being kissed by a beautiful goddess like me.

He hungrily paws at my clothing and I look around. How did we end up in a bedroom? I have no idea and I don't think that I will complain. I want him badly, oh so badly.

I stop and turn away, "I must tell you, I need to go back to the village that I cleaned, I need to apologize to all of them and help them all get dirty again."

"I will go with you and get dirty with you," He proclaimed. He moved back to my lips, "now where were we, my sweet, Panda-hime?"

7. And your OC is complete, now go my children! Write! Write fanfictions that will earn you adoration and love from your peers! A/N: If you give your story something that is unrelated to your plotline, the better your readers will respond. *winky face* good luck in your adventures!