A/N: oi guys, me again, here with some new stuff! Of course I don't own Doctor Who or any of its affiliates, hell I barely even own the computer I'm writing this on. This is my first D.W story, so bear with me while I get my shit together with this one okay? Review if you like, I don't get a lot of those so it would be nice.
Oh and my other story, Dead and Gone, with the Immortals, may or may not get another chapter. It depends on how much Dr. Who and MLP I'm watching, so watch out for that okay.
"Alright, Amy Pond, here we are! 2003 London," the Doctor fixed his bowtie and bounced around the TARDIS console, happy as a child.
"2003 London? Why are we here? I thought you set the coordinates to random," Amelia Pond pulled her ginger hair into a ponytail and frowned at the Doctor, clearly put out.
"I did! And this is where random landed us," the Doctor tried to defend himself. "If you don't like it, we can go someplace else."
"No, no, London's fine. I just thought that random would take us to some place more…exciting. But London's fine!" Amy ran down the steps and out the door with the Doctor close behind. They got a few odd looks from passers-by, having just jumped out of a tiny blue box and all, but the Doctor and Amy just shrugged them off. They were used to those by now.
"Oh God, it feels like I haven't been here in ages," Amy stretched and looked around. "It might as well be an alien planet, with all the hairdo's and everything." She winked at the Doctor and they both broke down laughing, earning some more confused and worried looks.
"Come on, Pond. Let's go have a look-see at this alien London!" He grabbed her hand and they both took off through the streets.
Five shops and three bakeries later, Amy led the Doctor through a square that was giving him a very peculiar sense of déjà vu, but it wasn't until Amy had pulled him through the doorways of a department store that he could place it, at the sound of a heartbreakingly familiar voice.
"'Ello, welcome to Henrik's, can I help you with anything?" Rose Tyler's voice said. The Doctor froze; the hand that was holding on to Amy's went completely slack and fell to his side. There she was, over by women's coats, helping some poor bloke go birthday shopping or something of the sort. Amy was there, in his face, talking, concerned, but all the Doctor could see was Rose, smiling pleasantly and showing the customer some of their latest stock.
"No, no, no. This can't…I can't…. Pond, we have to go. Now." The Doctor turned around and started to make his way out of the store, Amy close at his heels.
"Doctor, what's going on? Why are we leaving? Doctor?" Amy grabbed his arm and tried to stop him. "Doctor, why can't we stay?"
"Because there is someone here that I can't see anymore. Or, rather, haven't seen yet. That's why we're leaving. Now," he said, trying, unsuccessfully, to reign in his temper. They were almost out of the shop now, if he could just get Amy to move… he tried pulling and moving her, but suddenly her grip was like iron –he couldn't get away.
"Who can't you see? Doctor, who's here?" Her eyes were intense on his, freezing him to the spot and making his temper flare. He opened his mouth to yell at her, when a voice sounded behind him.
"Doctor? That's a strange name. Doctor who?" The Doctor stopped mid-breath with his mouth open, then turned around slowly. Rose Tyler stood in front of him, curious as ever, hands at her sides and a half smile on that wonderful face of hers.
Mentally preparing himself, the Doctor took a deep breath and yanked out of Amy's vise-like grip. "Ah… um…Smith. Doctor John Smith. My friends call me Doctor. Don't know why, they just do…but we're leaving now, right Amy? We just popped by to look around for a bit. It's her mother's birthday in a couple weeks, you see, and we wanted to get her something nice. We found what we needed, and now we're off! Sorry to be a bother to you, have a nice day," he sketched a wave to Rose and hastily pulled Amy out of the shop and through the streets of London with him. Amy tried to stop and talk to him, but the Doctor refused to say anything until they were in the TARDIS.
He paced around furiously, still ignoring Amy's attempts at conversation. Thoughts of every shape and form were coursing through his head, forming thunderheads of emotion, and then destroying them in a second. Rose…how could he have been so stupid? He should have paid attention, should have watched where they were going, should have, should have, should have… but was it really a bad thing that he had run into her? At the very least, they could have held a conversation. Oh yes, one last bullet to any loving trust he might have in another living thing. This was Rose, his Bad Wolf, his amazing, spectacular, utterly and completely fantastic Rose, and if he knew anything about her, one thing would have led to another and he didn't think that he could stand that. She was still with Jimmy at this point, he knew that much, and it was near the end of their relationship. He had seen that bruise just under her collarbone, he knew what that meant. Soon it would be over between them, and then she would have Mickey, and then… then she would have him, the Doctor.
And then he would lose her. Oh, would he lose her. And to himself, of all people. Every time he got what he wanted, he lost it all. Every. Single. Time. He had the largest family in the world, across all of space and time, but he couldn't have her. The one thing that he really, truly wanted, and he couldn't have it. If he could go back, he would change it all. He would superglue her hands to that handle, Daleks be damned.
The Doctor yelled and kicked the chair nearest him, startling Amy.
"D-Doctor…?" she said, finally reaching him through his rage and bitterness. He forced himself to calm down, take a few deep breaths, and return to normal. Years and years of bitterness and regret weren't going to help him or Amy.
"What?"
"Who…who was that? At the shop? The person you can't see?" the Doctor turned around to face Amy, who was staring at him wide eyed and cautious, like a deer in front of a predator.
"Rose. Her name was Rose," the Doctor whispered, allowing himself a small smile at the hundred-year-old-phrase.
"And why can't you see her anymore?"
He took a deep breath, holding back a wave of sadness. "Because I lost her, in her future. Right now, she won't know me, and if I tell her who I am, then when she does meet me, it would cause a paradox by recognition, and we cannot, under any circumstances, have that happen."
Amy looked at him shyly, pity written all over her face like a book. "Doctor…did you love her?" The question took him by surprise. Out of everything, he hadn't expected Amy to jump to that conclusion; but then again, she seemed to be a bit of a romantic. It should've been obvious.
When he didn't answer, Amy looked away and started up the stairs to the TARDIS console. "Sorry…it's just the way you looked at her, in the shop. It was like you couldn't believe that she was there, like it was the most wonderful thing that could've ever happened to you. And the way you talk about her… you stretch her name, you know that? Almost like you don't want to stop saying it." she paused a moment before saying, in a low, quiet voice, "You still love her, don't you?"
The Doctor nodded slowly, tearing up as he remembered. All the secret glances, the handholding –how in the universe had he not realized? How had he not seen it? He swallowed and accepted his feelings one-hundred-and-seven years too late. "Yeah… I do. I guess she never knew, until the end. If I could go back, I would tell her how I felt a long time ago, just so she would know." He laughed bitterly and wiped his eyes. "Look at me, nine hundred and seven years old, and still crying over a girl. Wonderful. Anyways," he abruptly changed the subject and jumped up the stairs to stand beside Amy. "Let's get out of boring old London. All of space and time, Amy Pond. Where do you wanna go?"
He played along as Amy smiled and gave him a random name of a planet she picked up somewhere in the library. He played along as he took her on a whirlwind tour of some ancient alien civilization that used glass in literally every building of theirs, making the ground sparkle and Amy's eyes light up in joy. He smiled and wished her a good night when they got back to the TARDIS, and launched them into the time vortex for the night. Then, slowly, carefully, he made his way to a wooden door. He stood in front of it, daring himself to go in, when it opened on its own and he stepped inside. The lights flicked on, showing a jacket thrown carelessly on an armchair in one corner, a hastily made bed in another, a small vanity with a cracked mirror, and pictures of a beaming blonde girl and a handsome man with spiky brown hair covering every inch of the walls. Everything looked exactly as she had left it, all those years ago. Like she had left in a rush and was about to come back, run down the hall and engulf him in a hug like only she could do.
Amy found him the next morning asleep in the armchair, the jacket in his lap and a picture on the ground near his feet. She smiled at him, turned off the lights, and backed out of the room ever so slowly, before hearing him whisper something in his sleep that sounded a lot like "Rose…"