Trickster Treat

"All I'm saying is, I'd feel silly having to wear a costume two days outta the year," said Two-Face.

"Are you kidding me?" demanded Poison Ivy. "You wear a costume all the time!"

"This is not a costume, Pam," retorted Two-Face, gesturing at himself. "It is a specially tailored and carefully designed suit based on the finest sketches of Francois DuBois, the premier supervillain tailor in Gotham City and in the world."

"It's a costume, Harvey," snapped Ivy. "I wear a costume, you wear a costume, every supervillain in this miserable town wears a costume, including Batman. It's just the done thing, and there's no reason to feel silly when everyone is doing it."

"Unless my costume is going to be a specially tailored suit, I'm just not that interested in wearing one," retorted Two-Face. "It'll look stupid."

"No, you're the one who's going to look stupid and out of place when everyone else is wearing one," retorted Ivy. "And everyone will be wearing one – cosplay is very popular at these events."

"That sounds like some bizarre sex act that J and Harley would enjoy," muttered Two-Face. "And I still don't see why we have to go to this. These things are all for weird, sad nerds with no social life."

"That's why it's going to be so much fun to go," said Ivy, nodding. "I, for one, am enjoying the thought of tormenting nerds with things they can never have, like an attractive woman. Anyway, I guess we don't have to go to the Comic Con, but we definitely have to go to Harley's Halloween party, and that also requires a costume, so you might as well kill two bats with one rock, as Croc would say."

"Why is Harley doing Halloween this year?" asked Two-Face. "Isn't that usually Scarecrow's thing?"

"It is, but Harley wanted to do it, and all she has to do is bat her eyes at Johnny and he caves like a Chilean mine," retorted Ivy. "And Harley is very excited about doing her Disney Halloween theme, and I, for one, am not going to disappoint her."

"Ok, but since I'm an adult who hasn't watched cartoons since I was five, I'm not even sure what character to go as," retorted Two-Face. "Is there a Disney character with two faces?"

"Not that I know of," said Ivy. "But it's been awhile for me too. I'm just going as my favorite character growing up – a woman who was powerful and badass and took no crap from anyone, and coincidentally also has green skin. I always dreamed of taking petty revenge on people for not inviting me to parties too. She was unashamedly the Mistress of All Evil, and proud to announce it. I was just really inspired by her as a child."

"Well, I guess I'll have to spend some time on Google," sighed Two-Face. "But I'm only wearing a costume to the Halloween party – if we are going to this Comic Con, I'm going in my usual clothes."

"I guess it works," sighed Ivy. "People are just going to think you're dressed up as a very realistic Two-Face. At least you don't have to make an effort, and I guess I don't either, but I actually enjoy wearing costumes."

"I think those kinds of things take away from your core message," retorted Two-Face. "How can anyone take you seriously if you're dressed like a lunatic? It's a fine way to get attention, but nobody is going to listen to what anyone says in a costume with any degree of respect. Look at the Joker."

"Does J have a message?" asked Ivy. "I think his costume pretty much sums him up – he's a dumb clown and everything he says and does is silly and unimportant. He deserves to be laughed at. Same goes for Batman – he's an adult who thinks criminals are frightened by a guy in a bat costume. He's as much of a clown as J, and that pretty much sums up who he is."

"I guess," agreed Two-Face. "But I still don't like costumes."

"You don't have to like them – you just have to wear one," retorted Ivy. "I'm not accompanying you to the party if you're going to ruin it by acting like a square. And I wouldn't be surprised if Harley didn't let you in without a costume."

"Joker definitely wouldn't," sighed Two-Face. "But it's just so stupid."

"Well, you can spend Halloween at the party and maybe come back here afterward to get tangled in some thorns by the Mistress of All Evil, or you can not go to the party and spend Halloween alone at yours, flipping your coin to decide if you're going to hand out candy to the random children who stumble upon your hideout," retorted Ivy. "The choice is yours, Harvey."

Two-Face sighed, pulling out his coin. "I need to flip for it, of course," he said. "But I'm certainly leaning toward the handing out candy direction…"

The coin landed bad side up. "Or the party direction – that's good too," muttered Two-Face. "I guess I better go improvise a costume."

"Harley said that the characters we choose have to be, and I quote, 'as close as possible to you in personality and appearance'," said Ivy, reading the invitation. "That could be interesting – self-evaluation is not a strong suit of a lot of our associates. It'll probably be pretty entertaining to see how people see themselves."

"Maybe that's why Harley's doing it, as a psychological experiment," said Two-Face. "You can take the clown outta the shrink, but you can't take the shrink outta the clown, I guess."

"Or Harley just sees herself as a Disney princess and wants to wear a pretty dress," said Ivy. "That sounds more like her. I'm betting she relates most to Cinderella, the emotionally abused submissive whose one ambition in life is to go to a dance with a prince."

"That would make Joker a prince, which he definitely is not," retorted Two-Face. "But then again, I don't think he sees himself as that, so according to Harley's guidelines, he can't be that."

"Yeah, J's the type who's gonna follow guidelines," said Ivy, rolling her eyes. "He'll do what he wants, as usual. But you're right – I can't see him ever portraying himself as Prince Charming, although I guess there is kinda a joke in that."

"Do you know why he suggested going to this Comic Con in the first place?" asked Two-Face. "Is he going to attack it somehow?"

"Probably," said Ivy. "It wouldn't be a day out with J if it didn't end with hundreds of people dying in pain and fear. But as for what specific joke he's got planned for it, your guess is as good as mine. As I said, I'm going for the entertainment value of tormenting nerds. I'm sure Harley and J have their own reasons for going. Maybe they're hoping to pick up some collectibles, or meet some comic book creators, or maybe kill one of them who slighted them somehow. You remember that time J found the guy who wrote that story where he cut his face off, and then made him cut his own face off to see how he liked it?"

"Yeah, or that time Harley found that woman who designed her costume in that movie and made her wear those stiletto heels and then do some acrobatics in 'em," said Two-Face, nodding. "She broke both her ankles trying, as I recall, as well as her neck when she landed on it. J thought it was hilarious."

"I guess I can't blame them for defending their reputations – that's all some of us have got," sighed Ivy. "Anyway, I'm going to do some shopping. You should find a character to dress up as and join me. We can go out for dinner afterward."

"You mean like a date?" asked Two-Face.

"No, not like a date," snapped Ivy. "Like two people going out for dinner that might end with sex."

"So…a date," repeated Two-Face.

"A date implies that we are dating, which we are not," retorted Ivy. "Dates are a tool of the patriarchy to encourage monogamy and possession of the female form, a value of the old system of courtship designed by male masters. We're just friends with benefits, which is a symbol of freedom and equality and female liberation."

"O…K," said Two-Face, nodding slowly. "So you don't want me to pay?"

"No, you can do that," said Ivy.

"So you're only a fan of feminism when it benefits you?" asked Two-Face.

"Of course, Harvey," she retorted. "Anyway, it's not strictly feminism. Feminism is about equality, but I'm about female superiority. We're better than you, and we should always get benefits."

"At least you're honest," sighed Two-Face. "But it's really not up to me if I pay - I'll have to flip the coin when the check comes."

"Fine," sighed Ivy. "I should have chosen a more decisive friend with benefits," she muttered, heading off to get her purse.