He doesn't come every night. Sometimes its weeks between visits. Other times he visits every night and Dean lives for those times, when he can hold him in his arms each night, running his fingers through Gabriel's hair and smoothing the strain from his body. Dean can almost fool himself into believing he means more to this broken archangel than the others he surely has stashed around the world. When Gabriel doesn't visit for weeks on end Dean seethes with jealousy, imagining faceless bodies holding his angel and easing the pain he tries so hard to hide behind jokes and tricks.
Tonight Gabriel has appeared in front of him as he enters the cheap motel room, takeaway bag in hand. Sam takes one look at the archangel and leaves to find another room for the night. Dean knows Sam hates watching him wake every morning to the cold empty bed beside him, seeing his heart break a little more each time. It doesn't matter right now though, now Gabriel is here with him and him alone and Dean drops the bag, opening his arms for the other man to walk into.
No words are spoken. They never are, not since the first night Gabriel appeared in front of him looking for comfort and reassurance. Dean wants so much to ask what this means to the other but never does, not wanting to jeopardize what they have. He couldn't stand it if his archangel never came to him again. Dean moves the two over to the bed, easing Gabriel down and starting to take his jacket off. Gabriel reaches out and stops him, shaking his head. Dean understands the unspoken message. Tonight is just about not being alone, finding another to cling to in the night and hide from the darkness in both their heads.
The two men slide under the covers together, still fully dressed aside from their shoes. Dean puts his right arm under Gabriels head and reaches over with his left, pulling the archangel tight against him until his head rests against his chest. The two drift off to sleep warm and comfortable together.
In the morning Dean awakes not to the usual empty bed but to Gabriel lying next to him, staring at his face. He tries to hide his surprise and instead offers the angel a shy smile.
"There's nobody else, you know"
Dean can't respond to this, just gapes at Gabriel. By the time he's gathered his thoughts enough to respond Gabriel has vanished, leaving no trace that he was ever there.
One week later exactly, Dean opens the door to another cheap motel room to find an angel standing before him. His face drops when he realises its Castiel, not the one he so desperately wants to see. Castiel says nothing, just stares at Dean until he can't stand it anymore.
"Cas, what's going on?"
Castiel closes his eyes and his shoulders drop. Dean's eyes widen, he's never seen Castiel quite like this before.
"Cas, just tell us what's wrong, we can help"
Castiel opens his eyes, staring at Dean again, a look of pity and misery on his face.
"Dean, Gabriel went missing a week ago. They found him this morning. I'm so sorry."
Dean's head is spinning, he falls to the floor, hands grasping his hair, his throat suddenly too tight to speak. He knows without being told. His archangel is gone. He'll never come to him in the night again, never hold Dean so tight to him that his world is nothing but the smell, taste and feel of Gabriel.
"He loved you, you know. There was only ever you, from the moment he met you, nothing else mattered to him."
Dean ignores Castiel's words, drowning in the pain ripping him apart. Castiel moves closer, places his fingers on Dean's forehead and sends him into much needed oblivion.
Dean awakes in the morning to a cold, empty bed. Every morning, he reaches out for his archangel, blindly hoping but never again finding Gabriel there.