A/N - story based on the prompt by keenler-mcswarek-girl on tumblr. Thanks! =)
She entered the room cautiously, facing the people who a few weeks ago were accusing her of being a terrorist. They had soft faces now. Some of them, at least.
The only face which didn't accuse her opened a smile when she sat on the chair in front of them. Harold Cooper was back in the center of the table, his rightful place as director of the task force. She felt glad to see him there, as he had worked so hard to defend her.
Beside him was another deputy attorney general, and she thought that position was somewhat cursed. She nodded respectfully to the man.
On the other side of Cooper was Ressler. Her captor, her partner. She hadn't spoken to him after all ended, but she knew he wasn't alright. He has the same empty look and bags under his eyes as the day he locked her inside Red's box. She felt sorry for him, and missed the time when she could squeeze a smile out of him.
He turned his head and his eyes met hers, and for a moment she thought she would receive cold and dark eyes. But no. He looked at her with sweet relieved eyes, and if she could she would stand up and hug him.
She turned to Cooper instead, who was now speaking.
"Elizabeth Keen, it's a pleasure to know that you're alright. The bureau would like to issue an official apology and offer you a medal for helping us eliminate the threat of the Cabal from the agency, as well as bring the responsible people to justice."
She remembered how it happened. The director had her tied up to a chair, and Solomon was about to give her a shock treatment to force her to remember her childhood. They needed information she had buried there against Red. The electric device was nearly touching her, when he stormed into the room, and a gunfight started in front of her. She was weak, helpless, and could only watch as he killed Solomon and the director, but getting shot in the process. Still, even with a bullet on his shoulder he was able to carry her out of that room. He now had his arm on a sling.
"I'm not the hero here. It wasn't me who killed the Director" she looked at him, and so did Cooper.
"We know, Elizabeth, and agent Ressler has been rewarded as well. Please, take the medal."
She stood up and took the box from the table. There wasn't going to be a cerimony to award her with that medal, neither it was one she could pin to her chest in official gatherings.
This was a medal of shame, as the Cabal was deep inside the agencies. They were going to be silently awarded, and end of story, it was never to be mentioned again.
She opened it, closed it, and turned to Cooper again.
"Am I dismissed?" She sighed, and then felt sorry for sounding so rude.
"Not yet" the man next to Cooper spoke, and she had to turn on her heels to look at him. "We would like to offer you your job back, agent Keen. We spoke to Reddington, and he's willing to resume the deal he had previously with the FBI as long as you continue to be his handler."
She looked down, thinking about all the pros and cons of her going back to the FBI. She really wanted to, but then again, how could she work again with Ressler? After all they went through, she couldn't imagine them being partners again, or even sharing the same room, for that matter. She took a deep breath, turned to look at him, and as she looked deep into his eyes, she said:
"I'm sorry, but I can't accept it. I'll talk to Reddington, make sure he collaborates with you even without me. If that is all..." She didn't look away, and tears were coming to her eyes as he stared her back.
"Yes, that's all, Liz, thank you."
She turned to look at Cooper, nodded her head and then left.
Once out of the room, she let her tears flow, muffling her sobs with her hand.
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He sat on his desk, but his legs kept shaking, impatiently, as he looked around the room, and then stopped at her desk. It was empty, completely dark. He felt tears coming to his eyes, and he hated that feeling. It made him feel weak. In an act of rage, he threw all the contents of his desk on the floor, not caring if they were paper or electronics.
He closed his eyes, regretting it as soon as he did it, knowing that the noise would attract someone. And it did, as Aram opened the door slowly.
"Agent Ressler, are you...ok?" He looked at the things scattered on the floor and already knew the answer to his question. He entered the room, stepping away from the things on the floor, and then leaned on the desk in front of Ressler.
"Hey, what's the matter, man? Are you like this because agent Keen refused to come back?"
He grunted as Aram mentioned her. Even the mention of her boiled his blood. "She's not an agent anymore, Aram."
"I know" Aram chuckled. "Force of habit."
They kept an awkward silence while Aram tried to find the right words to say. But in reality there was only one thing to say.
"Have you talked to her?" Ressler raised his eyes, and even smiled at the idea. No way would she accept talking to him. He wouldn't even bother trying. "You two have been through enough. You need to talk if you want things to go back to what they were. Or almost, at least."
He knew Aram was right ,but the truth was that he was scared. Scared of looking for her, going to her door just to see her slamming it on his face. He didn't think he could bear another rejection.
Even so, he needed to talk to her. Even if it was just to hear her scream at him. He needed it more than anything.
He looked at Aram, and then started picking up the things on the floor. The agent helped him.
"I'll go talk to her tomorrow." He said, and Aram opened a smile.
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He knocked at the door still unsure he was in the right place. She had bought a new house, as she had been living in motel rooms before, and he didn't know if the address listed was already the right one. He heard her voice shooing Hudson away from the door, and knew he was in the right place. That didn't mean he felt any better.
She opened the door and widened her eyes in surprise. He made sure she wouldn't think he was there as an FBI agent, by wearing a sweater and jeans, but somehow wearing something other than his usual suit made him feel unprotected.
"Ressler!" She exclaimed, and stepped out of the door a bit. Still, there was no sign that she would let him in.
"Can we talk?" He said, trying to sound as calm as possible. His eyes couldn't lie, though, not to her, and she knew he meant THE conversation. She sighed and then opened the door, stepping aside to let him in.
The house was small, only one floor. The door opened to a wide living room, and there was two doors that took tk the bathroom and bedroom. Further into the house there was a kitchen and what seemed tk be an open backyard. Hudson came running frlm there and jumped on him.
"Heey, Buddy! How are you?" He kneeled to greet the dog. He would never tell her, but he kept Hudson in his apartment for a while as she was on the run. When they gave him back to her, they said he had stayed at the city animal shelter. But the dog knew that, and recognized him with a few licks on his cheek.
"Hud! Please! Stop it" she grabbed the dog's collar and pulled him away from him, allowing him to stand up. "Sorry about that. He's still getting used to the new place"
"It's a nice place" he said, looking around. There were still some boxes around, but most of the things were already in place. She didn't have much left.
"Red hired a decorator. Completely unnecessary for a place this size. But she did a good job."
"Hum, so... Are you still in touch with Reddington?" He meant it as small talk, but it sounded as interrogation.
"I'm not going to tell you where he is, Ressler. If he wants to contact the FBI, he will do it himself"
"That's okay. I'm not here as an agent" he shrugged off, and she put the coffee bag down with a thud.
"What are you doing here, then?"
He approached her, standing in front of the counter in her kitchen. He swallowed before saying it.
"I'm here as a friend. If I can still call myself that. Why did you refuse the job, Liz?"
She finished setting up the coffee machine and then walked slowly to where he was, sitting on a chair at the table petting Hudson as the dog rested his head on his lap.
"I think you know why" she said, her voice low and rough, as of she was afraid to say it.
"Because of me? That's it? You refused it because of me?" He tried not to sound angry, but it was hard so his voice came out a little louder than usual. She was looking down, afraid and ashamed at the same time. She knew it was unfair to say that she refused the job because of him, but it was the truth. She couldn't imagine herself working with him again.
She looked up and saw that he was still waiting for an answer.
"Look, Ressler, I just thought it would be... Weird, you and me working together again."
He sent Hudson away, and then turned to her, asking her to sit on the chair in front of him. As she did, he took her hands in his and looked at her, serious.
"Liz, look. I'm sorry for what I put you through. I was never my intention to make you suffer. I wanted to help you, and that was the way I thought I could. I know you don't agree with me and you probably hate me for locking you up, but you don't have to give up your life for me. I came here to tell you that if you want I'll ask to be transferred so you can come back to the post office."
She was taken by surprise with his confession, and sat straight, releasing his hands. She never wanted him to transfer, that never crossed her mind. He would be doing to help her, but then she would be ruinning his life. What else could he do? It wasn't fair.
"No! Ressler, I'd never ask you to do that"
"Liz, nothing would make me happier than to work with you again. You have to believe that I only did what I did because I care about you."
"I know" she whispered, and it wasn't a lie. She knew he cared about her, she had always known. Even while on the run, she was relieved to know that he was the one chasing her, and not some random agent or worse, someone that could be working for the Cabal. What she also knew is that she had been unfair to him, telling him to back off and daring him to shoot her. He would never do any. Somehow, she knew that she was refusing to go back to work not because of what he had done to her, but what she did to him too. "I'll think about it, I promise."
She stood up and went to serve him a cup of coffee, but he made his way to the door.
"Ress, please. Please, stay. If we are going to work together again, we need to eliminate this wall that we have between us. I made coffee, let's eat something, and then I need someone to help me with the unpacking." she opened a shy smile, holding his arm as he meant to open the door.
He looked at her hand on him and it made him feel nervous. He longed so much to feel her again. He thought about her proposal, and decided that although his instincts were saying that he should step away, his heart wanted to stay, badly. For once, he decided to follow his heart.
"Ok then." he smiled, and her smiled opened, making her eyes spark. "Do you have cake?"