"Cut"
My name is Amy Rose, and I cut myself. I have scars written all over my body, mostly my arms. Each of these scars tell a story, a sad, angst stories of my life I do not want to relive. Why would I ever think of cutting myself, you ask? It relieves the pain in my life. It solves all my problems. It's an evil habit that soothes me. When my mother would always yell at me, expecting a lot out of me, I cut myself. When I had friend troubles, I cut myself. When the love of my life, Sonic the Hedgehog, broke up with me, I cut myself, a little deeper than usual, to relieve the pain I was internally suffering.
Now, as I stare at the white ceiling and lying down on my bed, I think to myself. Was all this worth it? Yes...yes it was, I'd do it again if I had to. I am now located, because of my evil habit, at a mental institution, also known as Sick Heads, well known to me anyways. Here, this is to solve all my problems. So far, I haven't made any progress. I haven't spoken to anyone since I've arrived here.
Everyone wonders what's wrong with me. Why I don't talk to anyone? What am I here for and so on. The walls in my room is white, the ceiling is white, and the floor is white. What a bland place to be at. I share my room with five other girls, five other girls that have sick minds, like me.
The first girl that shares this room with me is a cream colored rabbit, her name is Cream. She is here because she was so pressured to be skinny that she actually stuck her finger down her throat and threw up...until she was satisfied. She's on a road to recovery, though. Cream is very nice and generous; she often cares about other people than herself. I admire her for that because I've been selfish for as long as I can remember.
The second girl that also shares this room with me is a human girl named Elise. She has a eating disorder. Cream and Elise may share the same condition, but the two girls have different reasons of being scary skinny. Cream was always pressured by her mom to be skinny, Elise pressured herself. Elise wanted to become a model. She knew she had to lose weight in order to be a model. The problem is, she lost too much. She got addicted at making herself throw up. She got obsessed with losing weight. She forced herself to skip meals, like Cream, in order to be skinny.
Elise now wants to be healthy again, her old self. Elise is also very kind. She's very tall for her age. Elise still strives to be a model. The third girl I share the room with is Blaze. She's a lavender cat, a very pretty girl, but her evil habit isn't pretty at all. She's here because of drug abuse. She's done almost any drug you can think of. It all started at a party, people were smoking weed. Peer pressure eventually prevailed and she tried it. She soon became addicted to drugs. I know she regrets what she has done. She wants to be clean, never wanting to do drugs again. But temptation is evil. It's a long way, but I believe that Blaze can stop doing drugs. I know she can. Blaze is a very serious character, she only talks when necessary. She has a short temper, but she's a good person...if you're on her good side.
The next person that shares the room with us is an echidna named Tikal. She's here because, like Cream and Elise, she also has an eating disorder. She wasn't pressured by her mom to be skinny, she wasn't pressured by a modeling job to be skinny, her boyfriend, her now ex-boyfriend, pressured her to be skinny. Her boyfriend always complained that she was fat and needed to lose weight. He always compared her to other girls. Tikal was very offended by this, but she believed that he loved her, so she did what he wanted: losing weight. Diets weren't working for her, so she just skipped one meal, then it was two, then it was three, and finally she just rarely ate. She lost weight rapidly.
One day though, she found her boyfriend cheating on her. The girl he was now with was much prettier and skinnier, she assumed. She was bawling, and her boyfriend told her that he never loved her, and he said that she wasn't beautiful to him. Tikal was devastated by this, but eventually she tried to get over him, even though he ripped her heart in a million pieces. Tikal is a very nice girl; she sees the good in everyone. She loves peace and quiet, and is respectful to other people.
Then there's a new girl that arrived a few days ago. She's a bat and her name is Rouge, she is very beautiful, if you don't look at her scars. Like me, she is also here because she cuts herself. Why does Rouge cut herself? It's simple as she puts it, it's because life sucks. That's all she would say. Rouge is a sly, beautiful character, but she's a bit of a mystery to everyone else here in Sick Heads. I still lie in my bed, thinking to myself.
"Amy," sweet, caring Cream spoke softly to me, as if she didn't want to disturb my peace. "it's time to go to Group."
I look at her scray skinny body, a constant reminder of why she's here, then at her chocolate brown eyes. I slowly nod my head to her and slid out of my bed, my comfort zone. Group was when me, Cream, Blaze, Tikal, Rouge, and Elise would all go to a room and talk to our problems with our instructor. I never talk in group. I drag my feet to the room and enter. I take my seat near a window, far away from everyone else.
"So, how was everyone's day?" Our instructor asked.
Tikal smiled, "Today is a very good day for me."
Tikal unknowingly volunteered to speak first in group. Me? I was looking out of the window, zoning out on things.
"How so, Tikal?" Our instructor asked, curiously.
Tikal, the female echidna, grinned and crossed her legs.
"Well, I ate a full breakfast today."
"What did you eat today, Tikal?"
"I ate two and a half pancakes, with lots of syrup, and two glasses of orange juice," there was a hint of boasting in her voice, but I'm sure we were all cool with it.
Because this is the most she ate out of three months. Usually she would just eat a little something, so we're really proud of her.
"Did you throw it up?" Our instructor squinted her eyes and peered at Tikal, awaiting for her answer.
Tikal happily shook her head, "nope!"
Cream smiled; she was really proud of Tikal. Cream patted Tikal on the back.
"I'm so proud of you Tikal!"
"Thank you, Cream!"
"Now how do you feel about accomplishing something, Tikal?"
Tikal paused, thinking up an answer, "It feels really rewarding actually. Knowing that I'm on a road to recovery, makes me feel really good about myself. I guess there's hope for me after all." She giggles, the rest follows, except for me.
Everybody lightly applauds for her. She couldn't help but not to smile.
"Hopefully, you'll start eating more and you'll gain some weight, and be out of here in no time." Our instructor then looks at Elise and Cream.
"Cream, Elise, how do you both feel about Tikal's accomplishment?"
"Well," Cream squeaked, "I'm proud of Tikal. And I believe that if she can gain some weight, then so can I." Our instructor nods and smiles at Cream.
"How about you, Elise?" Elise crosses her legs.
"I want to gain weight likes Tikal has, but. . ."
"But what?"
"But...I won't feel beautiful if I do."
Tikal glares at Elise.
"So...just because because I gained some weight it doesn't mean I'm beautiful then?" Tikal asked, offended.
Tikal wants to be beautiful, and she believes she is. It took several of months for Tikal to convince herself that she is beautiful since the time she departed from her ex boyfriend.
"No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying," Elise shot back defensively.
"I think you're very pretty, Tikal. But it's just that if I see any ounce of fat on my body, then I won't think I'm pretty. My confidence will go down, and in the modeling industry, you need tons of confidence. I'm sorry Tikal if I offended you."
Tikal eventually cools down," it's okay, Elise."
Our instructor nods, "okay, moving on now." She said, looking at Blaze.
"Blaze, what was it like for you when you first tried doing drugs?"
Blaze looked up at our intructor. She was leaning back in the cheap, plastic chair of hers, and stared at her with her auburn eyes.
"I don't know...it felt exciting, I guess."
"Exciting?" Our teacher repeated slowly.
"Yes. I felt socially accepted," Blaze explained, "I told myself I wouldn't try drugs again, but I became addicted. I really wanted to stop, but I couldn't have the will power in order to do so."
"Blaze, you have the will power to do anything you please, even trying to stop drugs. It may be a difficult journey, but it's not impossible."
Blaze nodded and leaned back in her chair. I wasn't paying any attention to whatever they were saying.
"Rouge, what about you?" Our instructor gazed at the beautiful bat with her "beautiful" scars.
Rouge smirked, "what about me?"
"What was it like when you first cut youself?"
Rouge, now sitting up, pondered to herself. She crossed her legs and rested on her delicate hands on her knees.
"When I first cut myself, I felt relieved. Like all my pain and suffering just suddenly vanished when I cut myself. Cutting myself felt great for me, and I would do it again if I had to."
"I don't think you should continue that dangerous habit, Rouge." The instructor warned ominously.
Rouge glared at the instructor.
"You can't tell me what to do. This is my body," Rouge shot back, now standing up.
The enraged bat held up her arms, making it visible to see her scars. I turned and saw her famous scar, the one that says 'Life sucks' ingraved on it. I, in a weird way, admired the beautiful bat when I observed her scars. She was, in a bizarre way, my role model. I squinted my eyes at the sunlight that was gazing through the winodw. Maybe sitting by the winodw wasn't such a great idea. Now, I turn back to stare at Rouge, who was still glaring at our instructor, with her scars still visible.
"It's my body. You can't tell me what to do. And also I still don't know why I'm placed in this place."
Our instructor jolted down stuff in her notebook.
"You're placed here because we want you to stop cutting yourself. We want you to be happy and no longer need to cut yourself."
Rouge pursed her lips, glaring at the floor. For awhile, there was silence. Until our instructor broke the silence. Our instructor was gazing at me; I was fully aware of this. I pretended I didn't notice her staring at me.
"Amy?" My instructor called out to me softly, "do you want to talk about anything today?"
I take my ever green eyes off the window and stare at my instructor. I look at Cream, then Elise, slowly shifting towards Tikal, then Blaze, and taking a quick glance at Rouge. I swallowed, slowly shaking my head side to side, letting my pink hair fall in front of my eyes. I heard my intructor sigh, then moving on with somebody else. My eyes now fall to gaze at my own scars, my stories, my angst, sad stories of my life.
"Amy?" My personal therapist called out to me softly, "do you want to talk about anything today?"
I shook my head, letting the pink strands of my hair fall in front of my ever green eyes, blinding me from reality, my reality. I heard my therapist sigh, just like my intructor did when I was in Group. I look up at my therapist, eyes flooding with tears. She's my savior.
"I need help."
The End!!!
And this is my version of the great story called "Cut". I recommend that you read it. It's really good. Thank you for reading my story. Please review.