SUMMARY: A parody of LOST.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Just a parody I wrote. I hope you enjoy it. If you like it I may write more.
In my opinion, parodies sort of ruin the show. I mean, LOST isn't really a comedy. So I hope I don't ruin the show for anyone.
AND NOW, OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
----------------------HAVING A BLAST----------------------
Claire was rocking baby Aaron to sleep. She wondered why she had to name the baby Aaron. Really, she wanted to name it Charlie. But the stupid director wouldn't let her.
Beside her, Charlie talked about this and that. His speech included three "bloody hell"s and two more "sodding"s and a couple of "blimey"s. Claire nodded and smiled and pretended to be paying attention. As it turns out, changing a diaper is a lot of work.
Then someone broke through the vegetation beside her. "GIVE ME YOUR BABY!" the man demanded.
Claire picked up Aaron and patted the back of his head. "Oh, I know who you are! You're one of those Others that nutty French woman is always going on about!"
The Other gave Claire a look. "You're supposed to be afraid of me!"
"I know," said Claire. "But once you've kidnapped me, it isn't so scary anymore. Can you hold Aaron, Charlie? I need to use the dunny."
"But Claire, we're on a deserted island! There aren't any dunnies around here!"
"Oops, I forgot about that. Say, Charlie, why don't we go tell everyone that The Others are coming?"
"All right, love." he was interruped by a ring. "Hold on, there's my cell phone." Charlie took his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. "Talk to me," he said. The caller spoke. "Can this wait? I'm filming a television show right now." The caller spoke some more. "I'm not Dominic, I'm Charlie! And I'm not supposed to have my phone on the show!" the caller continued to speak. "What do you mean, why does the cell phone work on a deserted island? I'm not really on a deserted island, you numbskull." The caller began to shout. "Oh, blah-blah-blah your sodding needs," said Charlie. He hung up.
"Now, about those others," he said to Claire.
"HELLO?" the Other shouted, waving his arms around. "You're supposed to give me the doll- I mean, the baby- and I run away and Claire cries and that's that! This was NOT in the script!"
"Oh, go kidnap Shannon. Nobody really likes that brat anyhow." said Charlie. "Come on, love." he said to Claire.
MEANWHILE, IN THE JUNGLE...
"Hey, Kate. I need to ask you something." said Jack.
"What's that?" asked Kate, who was walking two feet behind Jack.
"Are you a Jater or a Skater fan?"
"Hmm, I don't really know. How about you?"
"Personally, I think I should get to have some action with you."
"Really? You know, Sawyer is a bit of a jerk. Maybe you're right." Kate said.
"Yes, but if we ever have a Jate episode, please remember we're on camera. We're seeing entirely too much of your tongue on this show."
"Sorry about that, Doc."
"ARE YOU TWO COMING OR WHAT?" Locke hollered from a few feet ahead of them. "THIS NUT KEEPS REPEATING NUMBERS OVER AND OVER AGAIN!"
"That's Hurley," said Jack. "I wonder when he's going to tell us that he won the lottery with those numbers and now he thinks they're bad luck."
"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe when Charlie tells us about his drug addiction."
"Yeah, but since I am the doctor, I already knew about Charlie." said Jack smugly.
Kate sighed. "You camera hog. You're in every episode. I wonder if The Others are ever going to kidnap you?"
"No, I don't think so. Because if I were kidnapped, everyone would have to bring their problems to someone else."
"Yes," Kate started to say, but she was cut off by Locke's screaming again.
"LET'S GO, ROMEO AND JULIET! WE'RE ONLY AN HOUR SHOW!"
"Gee, if they'd cut out a few commercials, maybe Alias wouldn't have to start at 8:01 every week!" said Kate. She and Jack began to run, but then, who should appear but...
THE GHOST OF ARZT!
"Stop running," The Ghost Of Arzt said. "you're going to explode like me."
"Sorry, Arzt." said Jack.
"Sorry? SORRY? I explode for you people and you say SORRY?" The Ghost Of Arzt was furious.
"Hey, if you weren't so annoying, you wouldn't have exploded!" Jack retorted.
"YOU WANNA MESS?" The Ghost Of Arzt demanded.
"YEAH!"
Kate began to chant. "FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!"
Arzt hit Jack across the face. Jack moaned, "Oh!" and fell back. He held his bleeding nose.
"Jack! Jack! Are you all right?" Kate squealed.
"I'm okay, Kate," said Jack all manly. "I'm a doctor."
The Ghost Of Arzt exploded and left Kate and Jack all alone.
BACK AT THE BEACH...
Shannon flipped the page of her fashion magazine. When was she gonna get some action with that weirdo creature that lived in the jungle? All she ever got to do was sit around and cry about Boone.
"Psst. Shannon!" someone walked by and whispered. "You're supposed to be crying about your brother."
"Oh, that pretty boy? I am so totally over him. Now I'm onto that Middle Eastern soldier guy. He's hot."
The Speaker sighed. "Do you know his name?"
Shannon bit her lip. "Wait, don't tell me... it's Sam, right? No, that isn't it. No, is it... oh, wait. It's Saddam, right?"
The Speaker began to talk like a game show host. "LET'S PLAY... CAN SHANNON REMEMBER THE NAMES OF THE GUYS SHE MAKES OUT WITH?"
The Speaker whipped out a card. "First question-"
"WAIT! I KNOW!" Shannon cried, buzzing her buzzer thing. "It's Sayid, right?"
"CORRECT!" The Speaker said.
Shannon smirked and picked up her fashion magazine again. "I knew it."
WHILE OUT AT SEA...
Sawyer was standing on the remains of the raft with his shirt off. I am so incredibly sexy, he said to himself, smirking. I am so hot.
"Put a shirt on, Sawyer," said Jin. "You're making me look fat."
"Hey, you aren't supposed to speak English." said Sawyer. He looked around. "Where's Michael?"
Jin looked around too. "Oh, he's right there." he pointed beside the camera, where Michael was standing, talking to a group of girls.
"So I says to the mayor, 'mayor', I says!" he said. The group of girls giggled hysterically.
"HEY, MIKE!" yelled Sawyer. "Get over here! You're supposed to be crying about Walt!"
"Oh, that's right." said Michael. He jumped into the water. "Waa-a-lt," he began to moan. He looked up. "Hey, Sawyer. Put a shirt on, will you? You're making me look bad."
"What is it with you not-so-incredibly-sexy actors these days?" Sawyer grumbled. He put a shirt on. "Happy?"
"Your tan is so totally fake," said Michael, sounding like a preppy girl.
"Yes, it, like, so totally is," Jin agreed.
Sawyer made a face. "Well, I'm a MANLY MAN!" he said, busting out his chest, then his shirt ripped. "Oops." He looked out on the horizon. "Say, isn't that those Others that took Walt?"
Michael put his face in his hands. "Waa-a-lt!" he cried some more.
The boat pulled up. "We've come for the boy." They said.
"Sorry, you're too late." said Jin.
"Then we want Sawyer. He is incredibly sexy. We can sell him on Ebay." The Other Others said.
Sawyer put on his shirt again and puffed out his chest. It ripped more. "Oh, damn it!" he said.
"Get into the boat, Sawyer!" Jin said. "The Other Others are taking you away."
"All right. Don't get your panties in a tangle." He jumped into the boat. "Okay, drive away now."
A/N: Hope you liked it!