Give me back my blood

by Rock-n-Roll Rebel

A story about a relationship between Seto and Shizuka and how Katsuya is opposed to it. Severe angst and character deaths. I apologize if I seem out of my element in this story...

It occurred to me that I've never written a fan fiction from Jounouchi's point of view. Mostly, because I didn't really like his character in the English dubbed version and secondly because I like Seto Kaiba and Thief Bakura too much to write about Jou. It made me feel kind of guilty because he really is a great character with a lot of depth, so I'm going to attempt to write a fic with him in it. And I do apologize for the severe angsty-ness. And if it's bad. I've never written angst before. Shizuka and Seto's points of view will also show up. And Yu-Gi-Oh is NOT mine…

I don't really know how to cope with life anymore. I know that sounds depressing and also pretty uncharacteristic coming from someone as previously happy as me, but it's the truth. He's always been better than me. I've always denied it in front of my friends so I wouldn't seem like such a self-pitying loser, but deep down I've always known it was the truth. He's my age and he's already a billionaire. He's better at Duel Monsters, or probably any type of game for that matter, and knows it, too. He has his own mansion, maids, private jets, and he has an overflowing wardrobe that he chooses not to take advantage of. I know. I've seen it. Sure, it bothers me. What sane person wouldn't be bothered by the fact that their greatest rival is always going to best them in every aspect of their lives? Yes, it bothered me, but I still had one thing to hold onto; one thing that made me feel like I was better than him, and that all his money and fancy crap didn't mean a thing: my sister. No one ever told me that what rich boys want… they always get.

I always hated him. That was how it began, you see. My hatred for him was something that not even I understood fully. All I am certain of was that it was extreme. I would have done anything to humiliate him and make him suffer. There was just something about him. Perhaps it was that asinine smile of his or those third-rate fighting skills… either way, I hated him with a passion. I wanted to take everything from him. Everything that ever meant anything. Why not start with the person he lives for? That was how it began. I do not know how things became so complicated. It was just simple revenge. But that is contradictory. Because revenge is never simple.

He is more like Brother than he cares to admit. In fact, their personalities were so alike that it frightened me at times. That same passionate determination, that same arrogant boldness… they both possessed that. But more than anything, the tender side that they kept hidden from everyone but me. I've seen them both at their best and worst and loved them all the more for it. I loved them both so much I felt as if my heart would burst. Neither of them understood how much I cared for them. And neither of them would understand how much I have fallen apart since they left.

I said some frightfully stupid things the day that they told me. And they did tell me. They didn't ask my opinion, they just told me and hoped I'd be okay with it. I still hold a great amount of dislike for the man who took her away, but it doesn't make me feel like any less of a fool.

"You what?!"

"Seto and I are dating. We have been for a while now. I wanted you to know I've considered the things you've told me about him. He's not that way at all once you get to know him. I-I'm in love with him, Onii-chan."

He walked up about that time and looked at me curiously, "Jounouchi."

It was a greeting. He never greeted me, and especially not by my real name. It was usually 'bonkatsu' or 'inu'. Something more or less degrading like that.

"You're not dating him, Shizuka. I won't allow it." I tried to sound calm and brotherly, but it came out an angry snap and I immediately regretted it.

I watched her tiny fists curl up into balls and a determined look set on her face, "I'm an adult now, Katsuya, and I will date whomever I please. I came here to make you aware of who I was dating, so you wouldn't find out from someone else and be angry," her delicate features lightened and she touched one of my balled-up fists with small fingers, "I came here because I want you to be involved in my life."

My resolve almost melted, but then I saw frosty blue and chestnut brown out of the corner of my eye and jerked away from her, "Don't expect me to be involved in your life if you're going to choose him over me!" I shouted this and watched her break down with my every word, "What the hell are you thinking?! Don't you understand what an evil bastard he is? Don't you?!"

"K-Kats¾" she attempted to say my name, but a sob punctuated it and she turned and ran, tears streaming off her face.

It was a heart-wrenching scene. I was on the verge of crying myself when Kaiba, who had been watching her run back to his limousine, turned and grabbed me by my collar, a familiar position with us.

"Get this straight, Katsuya Jounouchi," he growled and I believe I may have shivered at the sound of my full name rolling off his lips, "I don't care for the way you just treated Shizuka. Do not let it happen again."

I shoved him off me with all my strength, "Get away from me! Just get the hell away from me! You have her already! You've taken her! Don't act all high and mighty like you really care what happens to her!" I fell down on my knees before him again (for it was not the first time this position had occurred either) and looked up with defeated, tear-filled eyes. I must have looked pathetic because I saw a flicker of something that resembled pity cross his face, "We both know that you only did this to destroy me. Well, congratulations, Kaiba," I said bitterly, "You just took away the only thing that I had left."

He surprised me by kneeling to my level and saying softly, "You always give yourself too much credit, Jounouchi," his eyes moved slowly to something on the ground beside me and a small, almost unnoticeable smile appeared on his face, "I love her."

And as he got up and returned to his car, I put my head in my hands and knew that Kaiba had beaten me once again.

I never expected to fall in love with the inu's sister. Starting out, my affection towards her was false, a ruse to see if I could make her fall in love with me and then leave her, devastating her and crushing all hope that Jounouchi could defeat me at anything . But as time went on, things began to change dramatically. Shizuka and I spent more and more time together and I came to realize that she was nothing like her foolish brother. When I'd saw her for that short amount of time on my aircraft during the Battle City finals, I had thought she was attractive… for a little girl… but entirely too bothersome and a great deal too much like her sibling. But as time passed, I found myself intrigued by the younger girl. She was anything but child-like. In fact, she had an impressive greatness and fire about her that I admired… that I come to love. I was unaware that I could feel towards someone the way I felt about her. Sure, I had felt love, but only in a brotherly sense. Mokuba had been the only one I had ever loved. But Shizuka allowed me to show my weakness and she didn't scorn me for it. She said that she liked to see me vulnerable; that it reminded her that I wasn't perfect, that I was human. I loved that about her. I was never allowed to show weakness to anyone else. They would always disparage me. People question why I turned out the way I did. If they only knew…

I pitied the inu when Shizuka decided that she wanted to tell her brother about our seeing each other. He looked so utterly crushed. Yes, that was how I planned to leave him in the beginning, but now… seeing him like that… it hurt. Defeating Jounouchi used to be a surefire way to calm me and seeing his dejected face always left me in a slightly better mood than I had originally been. But now it hurt. It ached my heart and I sympathized with him. God, I thought, what has Shizuka done to me? He looked up at me with tear-filled eyes:

"You have her already! You've taken her! Don't act all high and mighty like you really care what happens to her! We both know you only did this to destroy me…"

It was amazing how close to the truth that statement had been.

"… Well, congratulations, Kaiba. You just took away the only thing that I had left."

And somehow, those words upset me. They did not surprise me, however. After all, I'd known in the beginning that Jounouchi had no one left. All his high school friends, including my gaming rival, Yugi, had cavorted off to America, leaving him behind. It wasn't as if he had enough money to go with them. He must have sent them off with a smile and a wave, while bitterness ate at his heart. What a pitiful life. And I did pity him now. I pitied him, but he was wrong. I wasn't with Shizuka to spite him anymore. The situation had changed, and so had I.

I kneeled to his level, resisting the urge to wipe his tears like an older brother and tell him that everything was okay. God, how I wanted to say that. Anything to make him stop looking at me with those broken, contemptuous eyes. But no matter how hard I tried, the words would not come. Maybe it was too late to reconcile with Jounouchi, and even if it wasn't… my pride wouldn't let me. So I simply kneeled in front of him, looking at him with an almost mild gaze. I knew he wouldn't understand, but I tried to convey my feelings then anyway, "You always give yourself too much credit, Jounouchi," my mind flashed to my auburn-haired savior and I allowed myself a small smile, "I love her."

And I left him there. I was unable to say anything else for fear that it may shatter my image. I wonder why I cared so much. My image seems so unimportant now. I also wonder if I would have said something more, would I have saved him? I hope Shizuka will eventually be able to forgive my imprudence that day. Because I never will.

I feel so broken inside. Everyone I have ever loved has left me. When Brother left me, his note had said that he couldn't stand Seto being with me, that the idea of me choosing Seto over hurt him too badly. He said that he… couldn't live that way.

"Onii-chan?" I walked into his apartment, but he was nowhere to be seen. I had felt horrible about our fight and I came to make it up to him.

"Onii-chan?" I asked, looking around some more, "I'm really sorry about this afternoon. I shouldn't have been so arrogant about it…"

I stopped when I saw a note lying on the small coffee table beside his couch. Curious, I picked up the note and began to read its contents. It was to me.

Shizuka,

I feel horrible about the way I acted this evening. I was a real jerk and I'm sorry about that.

I smiled. So he knew I would come to apologize as well. Brother was always so nice to me.

But I can't accept the fact that you chose him over me. No, that's not what I'm trying to say, I guess. What I'm trying to say is that although it may be possible one day for me to accept your decision to be with him, I'll never be able to endure seeing you all together. I can't live like that, Shizuka. I can't live day to day knowing that you love him. And… I think he really loves you too. But I still don't want him to be with you. What kind of person am I to wish for my happiness over yours? You don't know how much I wish I could just forget about it and be happy for you… but I can't. I just can't, Shizuka…

I didn't understand what Brother was trying to say. Was he going to forbid me to see Seto?

I'm know I'm selfish and a coward for doing it this way, but I knew if I saw your face I would never be able to go through with it. Your big brother loves you so much and I want you to remember that forever. I don't know if we'll ever see each other again. Only God knows, huh? Don't try to look for me because you won't find me. I couldn't do it myself, so I had to have some help. Don't worry, Sister. It won't hurt. Goodbye, Shizuka. I love you.

Your big brother,

Katsuya

My body felt like ice and my stomach churned. I didn't move or run to a phone because I knew it was too late. He was gone. He was gone and I was never going to see him again. Would the killer he had help him tell me where he was buried, I wondered? My thoughts became delirious and jumbled and I felt my stomach lurch as I emptied the dinner Seto had just bought me all over Brother's couch. And as I lay there on my dead brother's floor, soft darkness coming in around me, I wondered if I would get to see him sooner than I thought.

It's strange seeing your obituary in the paper. It's very strange.

I flipped on the radio and I narrowed my eyes as a song called 'Give me back my blood' began playing.

"You've taken it all, you've taken it all,

Why am I even living?

You've taken it all, you've taken it all,

There's nothing about you that's worth forgiving.

You've taken my soul and you've taken my body,

All that's left of me is this shell of mud.

But with my last breath, 'cause I'm so close to death,

I scream, 'Give me back my blood!'"

I slammed my hand against the power button and made a left turn into the bar. The song reminded me of my life. Kaiba was the one that had taken everything away, and Shizuka was my blood that he would never return to me. Songs like that came on at the most inopportune times.

I pulled into a parking space and laid my head in my hands. I never planned to kill myself. I was too much of a coward to do something like that. Instead, after I left Shizuka the suicide note, I moved to America. I didn't completely lie. I never said I was going to kill myself, I simply said I was going to get some help doing something. I borrowed a lot of money, then left the country and changed my name. Sounds glamorous, eh? Trust me, it's not.

I reached into my back pocket for my wallet to make such I had enough cash for tonight. I flipped past the license that read, 'Seth Williams' and confirmed that I definitely had enough money. I looked up into the mirror of my sun visor and frowned at my appearance. I wasn't sure why I had chosen the disguise I had. I was trying to forget about him, but every time I looked in the mirror, it constantly reminded me of the rival I had left behind. My amber eyes were now an icy blue and my hair, previously long and blonde, was now a rich chestnut color and was cut in a hairstyle extremely too similar to Kaiba's.

An image of my sister hazed in my mind, but I pushed it back down. I allowed myself to think about Kaiba. That was okay. It never hurt me to think about him. I didn't even hate him anymore. After I had left, I realized his rivalry with me was an odd comfort as opposed to the horrible burden I always saw it as. But I couldn't allow myself to think about her. Then my resolution might break, and I couldn't have that.

I smiled a little and opened the door. I was just glad that Shizuka was happy now, and that I was no longer holding her back.

I found Shizuka unconscious on Jounouchi's floor. I shook her and tried to wake her, but she didn't respond to my ministrations. I whipped out my cell phone and called an ambulance, then stooped again to my love's level. Clutched in her hand was a note that looked like it had been scrawled by a child. I growled deep in my throat and felt rage rise up within me. If that moron had written something to upset her, I was going to end him.

I gently pried the note from her fingers and skimmed over it quickly. When I slowly began to interpret the content of the letter, I reread it and felt my stomach seemingly drop to my feet. This was a suicide letter. Jounouchi had killed himself. Our previous fights and everything that I had ever done to Katsuya Jounouchi came rushing back to me in a whirlwind of guilt. Flashes of that brainless grin that had caused me to hate him in the first place filled my mind and our rivalry seemed so petty them. God, how it seemed petty. This was my fault. The only girl I had ever loved was lying on the floor because her brother was dead… and it was my fault.

I didn't notice when the ambulance arrived and took her away because I was still kneeling on the floor, going over everything I had done to Jounouchi. I faintly heard them say that they were going to send another ambulance for me, but I didn't answer them. I didn't care if they ever sent anyone to come and get me. I didn't deserve to be taken care of. The only thing I deserved, and had been told that I deserved my whole life, was Hell.

Seto left me 2 months after my brother. He didn't leave a note, though. Instead, he did it in person.

"Shizuka," he said suddenly, breaking the thick silence that had been following us around all day.

"Yes?" I answered tiredly. I hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep since Brother's death. My heart was wrung with guilt and I felt sick constantly.

"I don't think it's a good idea for us to see each other anymore."

This caused my previously hung head to jerk up immediately and stare at him. I wasn't going to make a scene. I knew that I was no longer the girl he had met and fallen in love with and I had been expecting this for a while now, "You don't?"

"No," he said, his eyes cold. I knew it was simply a façade he was putting on to cover up his emotion, but it still hurt to see those eyes he showed to everyone else now directed at me "I can't live like this anymore."

After he echoed those words that my brother had left me, my perseverance shattered, "I know that I'm not the girl that you love anymore, Seto," I said, tugging on his sleeve and feeling hot tears run down my face, "And I understand why you want to leave, but don't say that you can't live like this. Don't say…" I sobbed, "don't say what Onii-chan said before he left me!"

I fell into his arms and he hugged me as sobs wracked my body, "Shizuka," he whispered, his voice cracking with the strain it was taking to keep himself from crying, "I'm not leaving because I don't love you anymore."

I pulled away from him and looked up at him with a confused expression.

"I am leaving…" he put his hand to the side of his head, as if it pained him to merely talk, and began walking away from me, "Because every time I look at you, all I see is him," he stopped briefly and glanced over his shoulder, "I will love you forever," more words echoed from my brother, "but the guilt I feel every time I look at you… it's too much for me to bear," he turned and walked away, "Farewell, Shizuka."

"Goodbye," I whispered, knowing I would never see my lover again.

Pouring loads of poisonous alcohol into your body is probably not the best way to extend your life, but so what? Why should I try to extend my life? I have nothing left to live for. Maybe this time, I can die and not be afraid. I down another glass of the harsh whiskey. Maybe my suffering will finally end…

He stares at the loaded .45 on his desk. He is deeply entranced because right now it is the most beautiful piece of equipment he has ever seen in his life. And because it seems like it is beckoning to him, telling him that the pain that he feels from leaving Shizuka and the guilt he harbors for being the cause of Katsuya's death will dissipate as soon as he picks it up.

So he does. He brings the cool metal of the gun to his cheek and admires the expensive weapon. It glimmers although there is no light in the room. The curtains in his office hadn't been opened since the day he left Shizuka.

'No pain…' the gun whispers familiar words and he smiles hollowly as he brings the gun under his chin, "I'm sorry, Shizuka," he whispers quietly and cocks the gun. He closes his eyes and his smile fades, "See you in Hell, Katsuya," he says.

And he pulls the trigger.

She gazes at the samurai sword Seto had given her for her birthday. She is unable to cry anymore, so now everything in the house is silent and dead.

She exhales and walks across the room to pick up the sword lying next to her TV. She only now realizes its true beauty. Its deep blue handle is the exact color of Seto's eyes and a dry sob threatens to escape her.

She unsheathes the sword and her mind flashes to her 17th birthday:

"Wow, Seto!" she squealed, "It's beautiful!" her countenance dropped, "But it must have cost a fortune…"

Seto rolled his eyes and strode across the room, taking the sword from her and revealing its blade. His eyes studied her confused pout and he smirked, "You really think I can't afford it?"

She giggled, "I suppose you've got me there," she cocked her head, "What is it exactly?"

"Looks like a sword to me."

She swatted him playfully, "I know that, smart aleck!" she said, "But what is it exactly? What is its origin, I mean."

His eyes took on a clouded look, "It's a 15th century samurai sword. It belonged to a leading general," he scrutinized the blade carefully, then ran his finger across it, breaking the skin, "Such a merciful weapon," he murmured, "No pain…"

Shizuka gasped as she saw a small trickle of blood drip off his wrist, "Seto, you're bleeding!"

His eyes cleared and he smiled gently, "I didn't even feel it."

She tilted her head and took the blade, running her finger across the spot Seto had cut himself, staining it with her blood also.

"Shizuka…" Kaiba began.

She put her wound to his and then interlaced their fingers, "Now we're one," she said with a happy smile.

He smiled back and lowered his lips to hers, kissing her passionately.

When he pulled back, she wore a rapt expression for a few seconds before grinning evilly and saying, "It also means that you have Onii-chan's blood running through you."

His eyes widened at her trickery and she took off, giggling as she ran out of his bedroom.

She raises her hand to her eyes and realizes she is crying again. She had thought all her tears would be gone by now.

Her gaze falls back on the sword and the silver of the blade glimmers although there is no light in the room. The curtains in her room hadn't been opened since the day Seto left her.

"It's beautiful…"

Who would really miss her anyway?

"Such a merciful weapon…"

Everyone that she had ever loved was gone now, and none of them were ever coming back.

"I can't live like this anymore…"

"Don't worry, Sister. It won't hurt…"

"No pain…"

She picks up the sword and plunges it into her chest, tears rolling down her cheeks as the rest of her memories blur together.

"I didn't even feel it…"

"Katsuya," she whispers, "Seto," a comforting chilliness washing over her and that same velvety blackness she felt at Katsuya's that day enveloping her. A small smile graces her lips and blood trickles out of the corner of her mouth, "I love you."

Katsuya stumbles his way out to his car, drunker than he has ever been in his life. Fumbling for the car keys, he turns the car on and pulls out of the parking lot, heading for his apartment.

Turning left instead of right at the intersection, his guides his car out to Amity Bluff. Parking, he gets out and walks over to the edge of the cliff where 100 feet down waves are crashing violently against the granite.

He holds his arms out wide and deeply inhales the rich ocean air, "I always said I'd go to the beach again, didn't I, Shizuka? I told you that I would fly right over the ocean to come and get you so we could go together, didn't I?" he asks the air around him, hoping somewhere, somehow, Shizuka would hear him one last time.

Instead of hearing Shizuka's answer, the wind from the bluff whispers up to him, "No pain…"

He looks down and his vision blurs as tears begin to flow down his face, "And I would never tell you a lie, sister, so let's fly… "

That took on a completely different form than I began with! My stomach's all cold and sad now and I'm a little depressed. I originally wanted to make to where everything would work out and Jou would end the fic by saying that his acceptance of Kaiba as his brother-in-law would be 'Not near. Not far. Someday.' I took that line out of Fruits Basket and I really wanted to use it, but that's not exactly how it turned out. It kind of took on a life of its own. A very depressing life… )-; Review, please!