Me, I'm used to being tired and bloody
But you believed that I could be somebody
You put your world on hold for me
Gave away to follow, feel you through the fire
I need you to know I will
Believe me girl I'm so tired of running
I just wanna hold your hand
Stare at you like you've got everything I need
And I can so I will and you'll see your hero come running
Over and over tonight
And I do wanna love you
If you see me running back
And I do wanna try
Because if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I'm going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time
FOR THE NIGHTS I CAN'T REMEMBER-HEDLEY
"Bella Will you marry me?"
He asked as he got down on one knee looking at me with is dark eyes, wide and child like.
He opened the little black box that held the ring that had been in his family for generations.
"Oh my God" I gasped.
He always knew we would end up together. He always says that we belong together. Why wasn't I so sure about these things and feelings.
And here in front of all our family and friends he was declaring his love for me loud and clear.
I didn't know what to say. I froze. I looked around for an answer. Something to tell me to stop and not say the words that I knew he wanted to hear, but there was nothing. All that was there were smiles from my friends and family, everyone holding their breath to hear that one little word that would change the rest of my life.
"Yes" I finally spoke the words not fully sure if I meant them.
"Yes I will marry you."
He got to his feet and placed the diamond ring on my finger, his hands shaking as bad as mine. The whole restaurant erupted in applause and wolf whistles as the heat rushed my cheeks and I blushed.
Then he kissed me, something was off and I knew at that moment that things had changed between us. I didn't feel the same as I had the past 6 years, but how could I tell him that now? How could I change my mind and place the ring back in his hands? He was so happy. How could I take that away from him? He is my best friend, and I do love him. I have always loved him since I was a kid. When we started this relationship 6 years ago, I thought that is how things worked how love was supposed to feel, but now? I'm not so sure anymore. How could this be happening to me?
I would marry him.
I could do this. His happiness meant everything to me.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe things hadn't changed. Maybe I was just scared and nervous of the unforeseen future.
I would marry him.
I would marry Jake.
We finished my birthday dinner with the rest of our friends and family. I opened the gifts that everyone had given me, and each time I opened something new, I would see the diamond ring that Jake had placed on my hand earlier in the evening. Jessica had asked over and over again to see my hand admiring the ring. It wasn't big, not that it mattered to me. It was a silver band with maybe a half karat oval cut diamond with 3 small stones in set into the band on each side. It was beautiful and I knew what it meant to Jake and his dad, Billy. It had been Jake's grandmothers and she had given it to his father right before she passed away a few years ago. Jake didn't have any other siblings so his dad had put it in a safety deposit box at the bank waiting for this very day.
"WOW, Bella! I cannot believe that you of all people are going to be the first one of us to get married" Jessica said.
"I mean, I knew you two would do it one day, but at 21? Do you think you will have kids soon?" she said.
Jessica had a way of over analyzing everything. She literally had Jake and I walking down the aisle in middle school when we went on our first date, and I would swear that she single handedly was the reason that we were voted Cutest Couple and Prom King and Queen in High School. It was never a dull moment with her around. Jessica has been my best friend since I moved here to Forks from California when I was 15. She never stops talking which makes it easy on me, considering I am not much of a talker. She is a bubbly girl that knows the gossip around Forks and has no problem spreading the news. She has one of those voices that's like nails on a chalk board, I don't know how I put up with her. I guess it's one of those things I picked up from my dad to go with the flow.
"Bella! Bella! Are you listening to me? Do you want a big wedding or a small wedding? Indoor or outdoor? There are so many details! We must start planning now!"
"Jess, we just got engaged 30 minutes ago. I need time to absorb what just happened here." I said.
"Ok, but this is a small town. All the best places book up years in advance." Jess replied.
Jessica was supposed to be my best friend. Wasn't she supposed to be able to tell when something was wrong? How could she not tell that I had barely moved let alone taken a breath in the last 30 minutes? I had to get out of here. I needed some fresh air.
I stood to leave and Jake stood up.
"Everything ok?" he asked.
"Yeah, I just need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." I replied.
As I walked away Jake grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. He placed an ever so gentle kiss on my lips and said the words I was not ready to hear at that moment.
"I love you Bella!" he smiled at me.
I felt my heart ripping inside. "I love you too Jake." I said as I kissed him again.
I walked away. Almost ran thru the kitchen of the restaurant and out the back door.
Bumping into a young waitress in my haste to get out of there, and almost knocking her over.
As I walked out into the cool fall air I took a deep breath. What the hell was wrong with me? Wasn't this the way it was meant to be? For Jake and I to get married, have kids and live a long and happy life together? I couldn't make heads or tails of all the thoughts running thru my head when someone tapped me on the shoulder.
I was relieved to see that it was my father, Charlie, standing there.
"Hey Kiddo, what's up?" he asked. "Everything ok"
"Yeah, dad, I'm fine. I just felt like my head was spinning in there."
"Maybe you should sit down and put our head between your legs. You look kind of green." He said in all seriousness.
I smiled at him. If there was one thing Charile was not good at, it was this. Trying to read or understand me. Since I was a kid my dad had never known how to talk to me. He tried, I will give him that. He never pried for information, never pushed too far. He and my mom had divorced when I was a kid. I had lived with her for several years in California. Taking plane rides every summer and every other holiday to spend time with him. Living with Charlie was like living on my own. Which was nice since living with my mother was like taking care of a teenager, with her constant hobby changing and dating habits. So when she met Phil and decided he was the one I knew it was time to go home to dad. Phil was a minor league baseball player. He traveled and I didn't want mom to have to worry about me anymore. So the move was necessary in my eyes, to give mom the space and freedom she needed. Charlie is great. He's the sheriff of the small town that we lived in, Forks, Washington. Population 10, all of who are sitting inside the tiny Italian restaurant behind us, well not really, but it feels that way most days.
He wasn't home a lot. I did all the cooking and cleaning and even the shopping. On his days off he loved to go fishing with his pals. I was ok with it being like that. I made straight A's so he basically let me do whatever I wanted. I wasn't into sports or school social events. I was just me. I kept to myself a lot. Read mostly. I loved reading and I loved going to the town library. It was old and didn't have much of a selection, but I made due.
Being the daughter of the town sheriff made it hard and easy to get away with anything. I learned quickly that the people of this town worshiped my father. If I was caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing I knew that he would find out about it, but at the same time I knew that because he wasn't home half the time there wasn't a whole lot he would do about it. I never really got in trouble. I did my fair share of smoking and drinking once in a while a joint, but never really causing any trouble. I had my same group of friends and we did everything together. Most of the dates that I went on couldn't actually be called dates because they always involved 4 or more people.
"Look Bells, I know that getting engaged is overwhelming." My dad said tearing me from my memories. "When I asked your mother to marry me I thought she was going to drop dead on me. She literally stopped breathing, much like your doing right now." Everything will be ok once you get over the…panic." He said. "It's not a death sentence, I promise. I know you two are going to be fine."
I looked at him and felt the tears coming to the surface.
"Dad, do you think that Jake and I were meant to be together?" I asked.
"Well, you've been together for an awfully long time. He's really all you've ever known." He replied
And with those words I lost it. "He's all you've ever known." He's all you'll ever know I kept thinking.
"Do you think that is an ok thing dad? That he is all I've ever known? What if I am missing out on something? I dunno Dad what if I am just settling with out fully experiencing more?" I asked.
My dad the man of few words wrapped his arms around me and kept reassuring me that everything was going to be ok. He said that he was going to go back inside and give me a few moments, said he would "cover for me" which I took as just cop talk.
As my dad walked away I reassured myself that this was just nerves. That everything would be better tomorrow. After the initial shock and disbelief had worn off everything would be ok. It had to be ok.
He was all I'd ever known.
I stayed at Jakes house that night. He never once mentioned the engagement and I was glad for that. It was the last thing that I wanted to think about or talk about but was the only thing swimming thru my head. On the way home we stopped by Blockbuster and picked up a few movies. I didn't really care what we watched because I knew I wasn't going to remember them tomorrow so I let Jake pick the movies. He picked one about some psychotic lunatic that put people in crazy contraptions making them come to the realization of their past choices and basically choosing life or death. It looked like a lot of blood and guts which I knew would entertain Jake, and he would not only love it but would talk about it for the next couple of weeks.
Was it always like this? Me, making sacrifices for him? Knowing that I might not like it but if it made him happy I was ok with it? I wasn't sure how long this had been going on. And seriously, was I really ok with it being like this?
I was starting to wonder if this was how the rest of my life would be with him.
I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of the movie. I heard Billy come in the front door and turn on the tv in the living room. He had gone over to Charlie's house after dinner, I'm guessing to give Jake and me some "privacy." With both of us living at home that was one thing that was scarce in our relationship. Privacy, of course we found time to have sex. We had been having sex since we were 16 and we did it for the first time in the back of his car…in his makeshift garage. It wasn't the most ideal of situations but, there was something kind of erotic about doing it in the car. We had just started making out at first and then Jake took it to 2nd base by putting his hand up my shirt, and then in my pants. I don't know what came over me but I pulled his shirt over his head and straddled him in the back seat. I unbuttoned his pants 1st and then he did mine. It was hard trying to get our clothes off in the small confined space, considering Jake was a little of 6 ft tall back then, now he is around 6'5. I remember seeing his naked body for the 1st time. I know I looked like a deer stuck in the headlights when he caught me looking at him. He just smiled that beautiful smile that melted my heart every time. I looked him over starting from his toes. His calves were defined, and his thick thighs were muscular and strong. I wanted to lick them. His muscles in his arms were so defined. Jake was captain of the baseball team and had perfectly sculpted biceps. The kind that made you turn to putty when they were wrapped around you. He was beautiful. His torso was a washboard with a V that pointed to the promise land, and the promise land was what I guess some would say average. Not huge, but not small. It worked for me. Jake undid the clasp of my bra and pulled my panties down kissing every inch of my body that he could see. The next few minutes were basically a blur. We didn't even use a condom and I remember making a mental note to remind him to pick some up because if it was going to happen again, we were surely going to use protection.
I looked over at Jake and pulled the covers up over us. He was sleeping so soundly. He always said that he slept better when I was with him. When he knew that nothing could harm me. I got up to turn the tv off stretching and rubbing my eyes. I cracked the door open and went across the hall to use the bathroom careful not to make too much noise. As I was about to go back in the room I heard Billy ask if everything was ok.
I walked down the hallway and into the living room taking a seat on the couch next to his wheelchair.
We sat there for a while, neither one of saying anything.
"Billy, can I ask you something" I asked.
"Sure Bella, you know you can" He replied.
"When did Jake tell you that he was going to propose to me" I asked looking up from the hands I was fidgeting with in my lap.
"Well the 1st time he told me he was going to marry you was the night of your senior prom. He said that he knew that you two would always be together and that you made him really happy. That he didn't think anyone could ever make him smile the way you do. Of course I thought he was too young to be talking like that but deep down I knew that you two genuinely loved each other and would always be together." He answered
I smiled remembering that night.
Jessica, Angela and I had gone to Port Angeles weeks before the prom to pick out dresses. Angela picked out a long pink dress that her boobs almost popped out of. I don't really know how she danced or bent over for that matter. I was always worried that something was going to fall right out on the dance floor. She wouldn't care though. That was just the way she was.
Angela picked out a cute little baby blue ensemble. It was pretty and fit her perfectly. It was a good contrast to the deep black hair that cascaded down her back.
I, on the other hand, kept it simple. I picked out a short black sequin dress. It was simple but elegant. I knew that Jake would love it no matter what color it was.
We were all going to ride together in the limo that the guys had sprung for. I never understood that though. The prom was being held in the school gym. It was literally 10 minutes from any of our houses, yet we still took it.
When Jake arrived at the house I was still upstairs getting ready. I could hear him and Charlie talking about the Mariners and how they were going to have a good season. I just laughed.
Jake must have heard my bedroom door open because I noticed he was standing at the bottom of the stairs, corsage in hand. When I made it half way down I looked up at him and noticed his mouth was hanging open.
He was sexy as hell with jet black hair and dark skin. He had those big brown eyes that made you give into anything he said without thinking twice. Most guys in school wanted to be him and most girls wanted to be with him, but he was all mine. He never had eyes for any of the other silly girls in the school. His arms were big and fit his body perfectly. His legs muscular and his butt? It was so firm and round and looked perfect in anything he wore. I loved seeing him in his baseball uniform. Not only was he good at the sport but he was easy on the eyes on the field.
I looked him up and down several times. He was wearing a tuxedo with a white vest. He was beautiful standing there at the bottom of my stairs waiting for me. Staring at me mouth gaping wide eyed with a slight grin on his face.
"What's with the face" I asked looking down to make sure nothing was hanging out or ripped.
"Bella…you look…beautiful" he replied looking me up and down.
I smiled back at him. "You're not so bad yourself there. You clean up good if I must say" I said winking.
Jake pulled me into the biggest bear hug that he could gently kissing me on the top of my head. He must have noticed that I wasn't really breathing because he apologized and pulled away.
The corsage was beautiful. It was just white roses with a little bit of babies breath around it but it meant a lot since I knew he picked it out on his own.
He placed it on my wrist and I placed the flower in the lapel of his jacket.
My dad took a few pictures even though I told him it was unnecessary. He went on and on about how I would want to remember this night when I was old, and how mom would kill the both of us if there wasn't at least one picture of her baby girl all dressed up.
I didn't do this often that's for sure. Dresses and high heels were not my thing. I preferred jeans and sweatshirts over anything else. I like being comfortable and was not at all worried about being fashionable. I'm pretty sure I would have worn my pajamas to school if I knew it would not get me sent home for breaking some kind of dress code violation.
We went to dinner at the new Italian restaurant in town. It was quaint. The food was good and as close to real Italian as were going to come in this small town. Never in a million years did I think that a few years later I would be sitting in the same restaurant with Jake on bended knee asking for my hand in marriage.
The prom was, well, the prom. The music was good. I'm still not sure how they found such an awesome DJ in such a small town but he did alright. He played everything from 70's trash disco to hip-hop. We sang along to each song, yelling out each line more than signing. We danced all night long. At the end of the night we all went out to the limo and before we climbed in to leave Eric pulled out a bottle of vodka in a bag that he had stashed in the limo earlier in the evening. He handed us each a plastic cup and we toasted to us. To us being friends and having the best summer ever.
I was the last one of the girls to get dropped off. Jake walked me to the door and just stared at me.
"I love you Bella Swan" He said.
"I love you too Jacob Black" I said leaning down for a kiss.
"Forever" he asked.
I smiled. "And ever" I said putting my arms around his neck.
"Bella" I heard Billy same my name and I looked up.
"Wanna talk about what you're so deep in thought about" he asked.
I shook my head. "I think deep down I knew, that night, that we would always be together too" I said.
Billy looked over at me and smiled. He asked if I was going to stay the night since it was getting late. I nodded and got up to go back to bed. I stopped in the door and leaned down and kissed the top of his head.
"Thanks Billy. I needed that" I told him
He looked up at me with what I was sure was a question mark on his forehead.
"No problem Bella, Happy Birthday. Sleep tight! See you in the morning."
I walked back to the bedroom and crawled back into bed next to Jake. He rolled over pulling me to him the way he always did. Everything was different now. Somehow in one short evening my whole life had been flipped upside down. I still wasn't sure if everything was going to be ok. But I was sure that I was going to be ok.
I was going to marry Jake. This was the way it was suppose to be.
He was all I had ever known, and all I would ever know.
I rolled over and the light peeking thru the curtains hit my face. I sat up quickly thinking that I had been dreaming. I looked down at my hand and noticed the ring that was still there. It had not been a dream. I was engaged to Jacob Black. I threw myself back on the bed and took a deep breath pulling the covers up over my head. WOW, I thought. Part of me kept thinking that everything was happening so fast. My head started spinning like it had the night before. I took a deep breath and pulled myself up out the bed throwing on a pair of Jakes sweatpants that were waded up on the floor of his bedroom. I looked back at the bed thinking I should make it but thought I would need to crawl back in there shortly to hide from everything that was going on around me. I shrugged and walked out of the room.
I heard talking coming from down the hall and the smell of bacon and eggs hit me. I pulled myself out of bed and walked to the kitchen to find Billy, Jake and my dad making a fuss over breakfast. I stood in the doorway for a minute no one noticing that I was there.
"Yeah well I think the Seahawks are going to be a force to be reckoned with this year" Billy said.
"Are you kidding me dad? You say that every year. They are terrible. The Cowboys are going to go all the way. Well that's if they can hold off the Eagles. I don't know. I think this season is going to be good one" Jake explained.
"Are the biscuits burning?" my dad asked, almost knocking Jake over to get to the oven. He threw open the door, relieved when there was no smoke bellowing out of it. Charlie seemed to burn everything he tried to cook. That was mainly the reason I did all the cooking at home. When I wasn't home he would order pizza or throw leftovers in the microwave. I always tried to make a lot so there was plenty to get him thru more than one meal. It was in the best interest of the oven and the house that way.
I started giggling giving away that I had been standing there. It was just like my dad to divert any conversation having to do with football to something else. He was a baseball man. Always had been, always would be.
At once all eyes were on me.
"Bella baby, did you sleep good" Jake asked.
"Well it would have been much better if I didn't have a bear growling in my ear all night long" I replied smiling.
"Sorry" he said as he came over and kissed me on the forehead. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the kitchen. He sat down in the chair at the small table and pulled me into his lap.
"So what's all of this" I asked motioning my hands around the kitchen.
"Well it's not everyday that your only daughter gets engaged" dad said winking at me.
"We thought a family breakfast was in order, since were practically family now" He smiled.
I shook my head wondering if this was how every weekend and holiday would be from now on the four of us sitting around talking sports and eating. I chuckled at the idea of that.
"So what do you two have planned for today" Billy asked "I think Charlie and I are going to go fishing today. We're running out of good fishing weather. It's going to start getting cold soon"
"Jake, please tell me that you asked for the day off to spend with your fiancé" he stated more than asking.
My heart skipped a beat at his word "fiancé."
"Yes dad. I'm not that much of a bonehead" Jake said
"But if you must know, I was thinking about asking Bella if she wanted to go looking for an apartment today" He said looking over at me waiting for a reply.
"I was thinking a two bedroom over looking a pool or something in Port Angeles"
I sat there for what must have been forever because Jake kind of shook me asking if I was still alive.
"Umm yeah that sounds great Jake. We should do that today. I mean we can't keep spending the night in our parents houses if we are going to get…married" I said taking a big gulp of orange juice as the last words were spoken.
We ate breakfast together the guys talking the entire time about sports and motorcycles, and more sports and more motorcycles. Jake put his hand in my lap once and pulled my chair closer to his. I smiled at the gesture. He kissed me on the head several times smiling and winking at me with each kiss.
He loved me and I loved him. We could make this work. It had to work. We were happy together. He was my best friend and always would be the one person that I could confide everything in and not have to color part of it grey. He knew everything about me and still loved me. I had flaws. I had made mistakes, but he over looked them just as I overlooked his flaws and his mistakes.
But that word kept playing in my head as I tried to focus on the conversation in front of me. Mistake, was this a mistake? Was I making a mistake that I wouldn't be able to take back?
We both got dressed and loaded up in the car and drove to Port Angeles.
We spent the entire day touring all the apartments that they had to offer in the small city.
Jake telling each apartment manager how we just got engaged and we were looking for something small maybe two bedrooms. Each one gave us their congratulations speeches and one women even told us the story of how her and her husband got engaged and now had 3 kids and a beautiful home in the west side of town.
We took brochures and applications for each one and told them that we would look over everything and get back to them.
We ate at some little Mexican restaurant in town and that's when the conversation happened that I had been avoiding all day.
"Bella, are you ok? You've seemed a little distracted today. You are ok with moving in together, right? I mean, we can wait…if you want to. I just thought that this was the next step. I kind of hoped that we would live together for a while and then get engaged, but I just can't wait anymore. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are my life and I want to spend each breath that I take with you and only you" Jake stated as a matter of fact.
I smiled at his words.
"I think I'm just…overwhelmed right now. My head is still spinning from last night. I never in a million years thought you would get down on one knee and ask me to marry you. I mean, I knew you would one day. I just didn't imagine that yesterday would be that day" I said rambling on.
"Well we don't have to get married tomorrow you know. We can take it as fast or slow as you want. I was thinking spring, but it's up to you. You're the one that has to pick out the flowers, and the invitations and the dress. Oh God, I bet you are going to look drop dead gorgeous in your dress. I will help with whatever needs help. But I thought you would want to do it all with the help of your friends" He said
"Well I would want you to help me pick out the invites and I would want your opinion on the flowers. I mean, it's going to be your day too. It's going to be OUR day" I replied.
"I know Bella, and I love hearing you say that. "OUR day" It's going to be the best damn day ever" He winked at me. "Do you want to stay here tonite? In Port Angeles, I mean" We can get a hotel room and stay here. It would be nice to make love to you in someplace other than the car or one of our bedrooms with our dads in the next room" He said kind of chuckling.
I looked at him and shook my head yes. The thought of us being alone was just what I needed.
He pulled out his phone calling information and getting the number to a little bed and breakfast on the outskirts of town. We paid for dinner and walked thru the downtown part of the city looking at all the old stores and antique shops. We stopped in at a furniture store and tried picking out the color pattern for our new apartment. We both liked the modern looking stuff. It was fun. I was kind of starting to enjoy thinking of our future together. You know, living in the apartment for a couple of years, finishing school at Port Angeles Junior College. It wasn't UDUB but it was good enough to get a good job. Jake and I were starting in the spring. I was going to take the writers courses that they offered and Jake was going to get his business degree. He wanted to open his own auto repair shop but knew that he needed to have a little background knowledge in business if we wanted to be successful at it. I wanted to work for the local paper or the local news channel. I wanted to write. I wanted to be the one to break the news to the people in this town and the surrounding cities. One day we would have everything that we dreamed.
We checked into the little bed and breakfast and both giggled as we walked in the place. It had not been updated since roughly 1984. It had wallpaper with blue, pink and white flowers on it. The furniture was old and the place smelled musty, like it had been closed up for years. I was surprised to find out that the place had central heat and air and running water.
The elderly woman that ran the place, Rose, walked us up to our room, she went on and on about how she didn't get a lot of young people in there anymore. That the place wasn't on any of the brochures anymore because they were trying to save money to stay open.
When we walked into the room my mouth fell open. It was massive. The bed was the biggest bed I have ever seen. The bed frame was made out of black wrought iron and it had a white down comforter with red, black and white pillows strewn everywhere. This room definitely did not fit in a place like this. The walls were white with black trim. It was very modern and I loved it. I knew right away that Jake and I had to have a room like this. There was a big flat screen tv that hung on the wall and Rose showed us how to find the channels we were looking for on the remote. We had satellite at both our homes in Forks, and were well aware of how to use the guide option on the remote, but we let her lead us anyway. She was sweet and reminded me of a grandmother I had never known. Both sets of grandparents had died when I was young, too young to know either of them.
Rose showed us where the clean towels were and asked if we needed anything else before she excused herself for the evening. Jake and I assured her that we had everything and would see her in the morning for breakfast.
I sat on the end of the bed just looking around at the massive room and the even more massive bed. I could get use to this I thought.
"Bet you thought we were going to be sleeping in separate twin beds tonite huh" he asked.
I started laughing because the thought had crossed my mind when we walked in the place.
"She definitely did not decorate this room herself" I said chucking
"I love it though. It's nice and warm. We should ask her where she got the comforter. I really like the way it's set up. Do you like it? I was thinking we could do this to our bedroom" I said.
Jake walked over to me putting his arms around me.
"Our bedroom" he said. "I like the sound of that. I like the sound of Bella Black even more" He said leaning down and kissing me.
Wow "Bella Black" I haven't thought of that yet, and him saying it just sent my nerves over the edge. I need to relax.
I smiled. "I think I'm going to take a shower"
I turned on the water waiting for it to heat up and looked in the mirror. As I inspected the image staring back at me I barely recognized myself. Not wanting to think about it I shrugged and turned away.
I got undressed and stepped in the shower. I leaned my head back to wet my hair when I felt two hands grab me by the waist.
"Jake! Christ, you scared me" I said "What are you doing"
Jake looked me up and down and licked his lips. "I thought this would be nice and you would like it" he said.
I put my arms around his neck. "Well it's different I will say that, a nice surprise" I said smiling.
Jake leaned down and put his lips to mine. There was so much passion in his kiss that I thought I was going to fall over right there. I could feel his love for me pouring out of him as his tongue caressed my lips as I allowed his tongue to enter. How can he be so sure about this. We have so much life to live in front of us. How does he know that this is the right thing. I closed my eyes in order to feel the love he was sharing with me, and for the first time in 24 hours things started to feel right.
I parted my lips and felt his tongue caress mine. It was gentle. Smooth. He slowly pushed me up against the wall and I felt the warm water running down my body. He moved from my mouth to my ear peppering open mouthed kisses to my neck. It felt amazing, we had never been together this intimately before. Always having to rush between Billy and Charlie's fishing trips. He was running his big soft hands over the rest of my body. He slowly grabbed my hands pulling them up above my head and holding them there. It was so erotic. Feeling like I was his for the taking and I was, the warmth growing between my legs quickly.
He leaned into me more so that I could feel every inch of his body against mine. His erection pressing on my stomach caused me to gasp. He ran his hand from my hip to the back of my knee and lifted it to hitch it on his hip bone, changing our position so that I could feel his hardness on my hot center as he positioned himself to enter me. The water cascading down our bodies making my senses so much more alert and when he entered me I let out a deep moan.
He looked me in the eyes with so much passion and said how much he loved me. He told me that I was the only one for him and he wanted to stay like this forever. Just us,
I felt him move inside me, pulling almost all the way out and thrusting into me again, setting a smooth steady pace. It felt good, it felt right. All of my doubts washing away down the drain with the water that was cascading of our bodies. I looked up into his hooded eyes, and lost myself in the blackness.
He continued pumping in and out of me. He let out a moan and said "Fuck baby it feels so good so tight"
He kept kissing me softly, his breath lingering with mine, as he caressed his mouth from mine to the hollow behind my ear, down to my neck. I leaned my head back to give him better access as he started working on my collarbone. He sucked and nibbled there, damn near sending me into orbit. His free hand palming and massaging my breast as he pinched my nipple, he then moved his warm mouth over my free breast to show it the same attention.
It was too much for me. I was going to explode and noticed that his movements inside me were growing erratic and frantic and knew he was close too. He started thrusting harder. I told him not to stop afraid that if he did the moment would pass me by. I didn't want it to stop. It couldn't. I concentrated on his movements just feeling what he was giving me. Filling me until our pelvic bones hit each time. Over and over again I felt him move in and out of me. It became harder and faster and we both let out a loud moan at the same time. He slowly lifted my other leg over his hip. Pinning me to the wall as his thrusts continued. I pushed against the wall meeting his movements with everything I had. He was groaning and whispering my name "Bella" over and over again. I stared into his eyes while he pumped into me harder and faster nearing our release. I told him "I love you Jacob cum with me" and with 2 more hard thrusts my release exploded and I clenched around him milking him completely as he pumped into me riding out our orgasams gasping for air, his breath hot on my neck as he pulled out and held me steady to regain balance. He whispered" I love you! You're going to be my wife" into my neck and things all of a sudden felt right. He let go of my leg and we stood there with our arms around each other. My face buried into his chest trying to catch my breath.
"Son of a bitch… fuck… That was something" he panted looking at me running his hand over his face. Then grabbing my face between his hands to pepper kisses over my forehead, eyes, and cheeks before settling with a chaste kiss on the lips.
"Jake, I love you!" I let out the words before I realized it. I was almost screaming them in panic as though if I didn't say them now I wouldn't be able to later. "I wanna marry you! I wanna be with you the rest of my life! You're my life! I want this. I want us. I'm sorry I was so distant today. I once told you forever and I mean that! This is forever for me" I said looking up at him.
I felt the tears welling up inside me and looked at his face. I don't think he understood why I was tearing up or why I had even said all of that in the fist place. I was hoping that he thought I was just overcome with emotion by what had just happened.
We had never had sex like that before. It had never been that passionate and erotic. I had never felt that much of a need for him and I knew that he hadn't either.
"Bella, I've always known it was forever. You're going to be my wife and I can't be more excited or proud of that. Were going to have a house and 2 or 3 kids running around. It's going to be perfect. You'll see. It's how it was meant to be." he said.
I furrowed my brow and looked up at him. "Two or three kids?"
Jake laughed and shook his head. He bent down and handed me the soap.
"You shower first. Holler at me when you're done. There can't be that much hot water left in those old pipes." He said stepping out of the shower and grabbing a towel.
Jake and I both finished showering. I got the better end of the deal since the hot water ran out before he could even get all the soap out of his hair.
We crawled into bed in just our underwear I curled up next to him and snuggled into his nook as usual. I was exhausted. It had been a long 24 hours.
I woke up about 6am still wrapped tightly in his arms facing the clock.I just laid there staring at it. I started thinking about our future together. I was making a mental note in my head of how I wanted the wedding to be. I hadn't planned a wedding before and had no idea of what was needed. What needed to be planned first. What needed to be picked out first. I was hoping that Jessica would have some sort of idea. I decided to talk to Jake about the wedding date that day. If I knew one thing is was that we needed a date. Jake had mentioned spring and I thought that would be nice. We could have it at his dads place on the reservation. There was more than enough room on their land to have a wedding with a few people. Maybe 30 or 40 I would say.
Jake was Indian. We had never discussed any of the tribal laws or rituals but I was sure that there had to be something about how the wedding would take place, some kind of tradition that he had to stick to or something. I was ok with that. It was his culture, his heritage. I was actually glad to be a part of it.
I rolled over to look at him and met his gaze.
"How long have you been lying there awake" he asked startled to see me so wide awake.
"A while, you were so still I thought you were still asleep" I said. "I was thinking about the wedding. We need a date! You said the spring, right" I leaned over to my purse grabbing my cell phone and pulling up the calendar. "How about June 19th" I said. "That's a Saturday and it's far enough away that we will have time to plan everything. I can get Jessica to help with all the details since I know the last thing you want to do is pick out flowers or cake…."
"Cake" he asked cutting me off.
"I think you should leave the cake choosing up to me, Bella. I'm sure I can handle that much of the planning" he said.
"Ok! You get cake duty" I said smiling
He smiled. I rolled over on top of him placing little kisses all over his face and neck.
"Anything you want Bella. Anything you want" he said smiling and rolling over to be on top of me.
He kissed me and I felt it again. I felt the love and joy and the need for him rising up in my chest again. It was a different feeling than what I had felt the last 6 years. I needed him. I needed to be in his life. I needed him to want me, and to need me, and he did, more than he wanted or needed anyone else.
He may be all I've ever known. But here in this moment he was all I ever needed.