Vampirism, a tsubasa chronicle fanfic

At the beginning, Kurogane was reluctant to let Fai sink his fangs into his wrist. He didn't like the feeling of being weak and vulnerable, especially when the one exposing these feelings was the person he had considered to be the most weak and vulnerable. Of course, it didn't take long for Kurogane to realize how wrong he had been, and how much he thought he knew about the magician had all been a lie.

He remembers very little about the process of being turned into a vampire. He remembers that it hurt, and he remembers that for a long time after he was very annoyed at Kurogane. But Fai also remembers that during the whole time he was in pain, Kurogane was there. The ninja's hands were rough from years of holding a sword, and they were unused to holding another body. Fai couldn't have asked for any other touch. Maybe that was when the feelings started.

For Kurogane, he wasn't too sure what was worse: the fact that Fai had desired death so much despite his outward cheer, or the fact that Fai hated him after he decided that the mage should live. He is a warrior—deciding when one would live or when one would die had become a second nature to him. He wanted Fai to live. Even though he could never say that out loud.

Fai was still getting used to the feeding process. When they were in Infinity, it had been the worst and the sloppiest. Kurogane would sit on the couch and grudgingly offer his arm, even when Fai never said anything about being hungry (he would try to bear with it for as long as possible, but it was rather unnerving how Kurogane knew him better than he should have). He would kneel down next to him, because he realized there was something quite thrilling about looking up at the stoic figure from that angle. And he would take the offered hand between his own with the same roughness that had been shown to him when he was turning into a vampire. But the feeding became gentler with each try.

He would try to focus on something during the feeding, anything that would take his mind off of the fact that someone was slowly killing him. His mind would often wander into an undesired direction. Thoughts like Fai makes a slight groan when he feeds, or his lips are so soft. Kurogane would clench his free hand and turn away, telling himself that such thoughts would only make him weaker.

Fai was the first one to make a move. Kurogane didn't respond, but the lack of refusal only gave him a faint glimmer of hope. When the ninja sat down on the couch and held out his hand like always, Fai decided instead of kneeling, he would crawl onto the cushion as well. Kurogane dropped his arm back to his lap and didn't move after that. Fai bravely pressed forward until the dark hairs on the other male's neck shivered slightly with his breath. This was when the feelings were realized and became the only honest thing Fai could convey.

The lips were feather soft, just like he had always thought. They grazed his neck at first, and Kurogane resisted the urge to pull back as a shiver ran down his spine. He knew the process well enough. The first tentative touch of the lips, then the tongue. The tongue again and a slight nip of the teeth before the fangs sunk in. Kurogane found out, a little too late, that everything felt so different against the tender curve of his neck. His mind had blanked after the touch of the lips, and was shocked by feelings he never knew with each step. Because now, Fai's soft groans were right by his ear. Now, Fai's long, cold fingers gripped his shoulder and hesitantly touched his neck.

He thought it was strange that Kurogane's breathing was heavier than it normally was after feeding, but at the same time his body was experiencing much more of a thrill from the blood than it had before. Glancing up at him through lowered lashed from the floor had been mildly… arousing (try as he might, Fai could not think of a better word for what he felt), but the feeling of the mixing breath and body heat was even more potent. With small movements, Fai shifted until he was almost sitting in Kurogane's lap. Their lips were close—too close—not close enough—they were touching, but it wasn't a kiss. When Fai licked his lips to catch a stray trace of blood, they passed over Kurogane's. His entire body trembled, but he couldn't remember feeling more alive.

Kurogane decided then that kisses weren't allowed. He turned away, pushed the blonde from his lap, and rose to his feet. He left Fai sitting on the couch and locked himself in his room to try and steady his mind and body.

It took several more feeding sessions before the physical contact was removed. Kurogane had told him that if he was going to use the neck to feed from, then he should stop with the teasing "lips and tongue thing". Now, Fai would straddle his lap and prop himself up with his hands on the back of the couch on either side of Kurogane's shoulders. Now, he could feel Kurogane's breath, hot and sticky, against his neck. It only made the longing worse.

After every feeding session, he would retreat to his room and wouldn't talk to anyone for an hour or so. When Kurogane found that he couldn't take it any more, he trapped Fai on the couch by wrapping his arms around the small waist. He had found his breaking point.

Fai responded immediately, folding his arms around Kurogane's neck and pressing up against him. Their first kiss was a clash of lips and teeth and a desire to push each other farther than should have been possible. Their second kiss was deep and filled with words they would never be able to say.

It was strange to taste blood on Fai's tongue as they kissed. It was very strange to know that it was his own blood he tasted. It was an odd sensation, but he couldn't hate it.

He loved being under Kurogane. Loved feeling the man's presence pushing down on him as they struggled to keep themselves from going under. Staying above water was too hard at this point. Fai wanted to do nothing more than to drown. But when Kurogane's hips rubbed against his, Fai knew that this would be all he could ever get. And it was, at least, more than he should have deserved.

Kurogane was well aware after he realized his feelings that intimacy was something he could never have—with Fai or with any other person. As long as the desire was still there, that was enough. Intimacy would risk the loss of desire. But always longing for the touch and the final edge would keep them together longer. Kurogane was well aware that this way would also soften the damage if either of them no longer felt the same desire.