Literally the most random thing that I thought up of. It's completely crazy - but I'll give it a try. :D
I have no idea if any other author on FFN has used this sort of story line. I think someone has, so if you did, sorry, my bad, all credit goes to you!
Enjoy and review! ;D
~littledragoneyes
Disclaimer: Absolutely nothing belongs to me. All goes to Mr. Tolkien himself. Except Dra Ashwood. She's MINE. Hee hee.
Chapter 1:
Let's just say that pigs do fly.
Yeah, I know, stupid. Pigs don't fly. Pigs don't have wings. Pigs are too fat to be capable of flying. Well, I didn't believe it before today. But now I do. So how's that for a change?
I fumbled around at seven in the morning, slipping on a bathrobe before going into the bathroom. My eyes were still half closed, but I didn't want to miss my favorite TV show that only came around on Saturday mornings, which the weekend was the only available time for me to really relax.
Rubbing my eyes like a little child, I opened them and blinked a few times, letting the light in my eyes and hopefully taking out the sleepiness in me. Then, opening the bathroom door, I closed it behind me only to hear a voice.
"Oh, good morning Dra. Had a good sleep?"
I let out a shriek and gawked at what I saw.
"Ouch, my ears. Must you scream that loud?"
Two small little...people...with hairy feet and curly hair looked up at me with bright eyes as they brushed their teeth at my sink. I was speechless for a few seconds before demanding, "Who are you? What are you doing in my house?"
One of them raised an eyebrow. "We've always been in your house." He said, spitting into the sink.
"Yeah," said the other, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Always.But we're invisible to you until you turn a certain age."
The other leapt towards me suddenly, scaring the hell out of me. I bit back a yelp. He wrapped his arms around my waist, toothpaste and soap on his toothbrush. I couldn't even look at his mouth. "Happy Birthday Dra! You're twenty-five!" He said excitedly.
I stared at them both with horror and alarm, though with curiosity. I stumbled over words. "H-how do you - I -"
"Oh, don't fret Dra. Why don't you go eat something? The others are downstairs."
"SAY WHAT?"
I exploded out of my room and sprinted down the stairs, nearly tripping over my bathrobe. They were right, whoever they were. I heard voices downstairs, some laughing, and I heard the clinks of glasses and plates and forks. That made my heart pound even faster.
I nearly slipped on the surprisingly smooth and clean floor as I raced to the kitchen and stared with absolute terror and shock at who were there.
Sure, there were two little guys upstairs in my bedroom...which was creepy enough. Here? In my kitchen? There were...let's count, shall we? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelvepeople in my kitchen.
Twelve people...
"Holy..." I whispered.
Three of them turned and saw me, their eyes lighting up, followed by the rest of them. Why did all of them look so familiar?
Another person, a girl, rushed towards me, a glass of wine in her hand. I stared at the glass momentarily. I don't remember buying any wine. Anytime. But that was before soft and silky raven-colored hair blocked my vision. In my alarm she hugged me tight. "Oh, happy birthday Dra! You're twenty five!" She squealed.
Man, she squeezes hard...I felt like my ribs were cracking. I gave them all a strangled look, despite that I didn't know them. Or so I thought.
"Don't suffocate her, Arwen. We want Dra aliveto meet all of us. And to celebrate her birthday." Someone else remarked cheerfully. "We've been dying for the chance to see us, right?
My eyes widened. Arwen...holy hamburgers!
I desperately yanked away from the hugging girl and stared at her with disbelief and wide eyes. "You're Arwen?" I said incredulously. "But - you're - "
She let out a laugh. It sounded like beautiful little silver bells tinkling in the gentle warm breeze. "Yes, I am Arwen Undomiel." She told me.
"B-but you - you're from Lord of the Rings! You're not supposed to be real!" I said.
Someone else behind her said, "Don't they always say that, Mr. Frodo?"
I stuck my head out to peer around Arwen's slim figure, and let out a yelp of surprise. "You're all from Lord of the Rings!" I said. "Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Elrond, Saruman, Boromir, Faramir, Rosie...Arwen!" But they were all in their modern day clothing too, which looked a little odd on them.
Aragorn grinned at me. "Yeah, and you might find some other people in the living room. They're watching TV. By the way, aren't you missing your favorite show?"
I bolted to the living room, but not because of my favorite show was probably already on, but...good lord.
"Hi Dra, happy birthday." Elrohir waved to me. Elladan, Eowyn, Eomer, Glorfindel, and Haldir lounged on the couch and on the chairs.
They all waved to me. "Fancy seeing us?" Glorfindel asked. "No, don't look surprised, this is absolutely normal."
I stared at them all. "Absolutely normal?" I repeated. "Beg pardon?"
Eowyn rolled her eyes at Glorfindel and smiled at me. "Don't worry, Dra. This is real. You're twenty five. When you turn twenty five, we appear to you! We used to be invisible and all. You'll get used to it in time." She tried to reassure me.
"But don't go around telling this to other people." Elladan warned me. "About one out of every 6.3 billion people have invisible people in their house until they're twenty five and have them stick around them for the rest of their lives. They could place you into a mental hospital for sure."
I finally found my mouth to speak, though I could barely take in a word they said to me. "I think I should place myself into a mental hospital." I mused to myself.
How is this happening, I thought to myself. This is crazy...it has to be a dream...
I yanked up my bathrobe sleeve and pinched myself on my arm. Hard. "Ouch!" I winced at the pain. Nope, not a dream.
"What did you do that for?" Eomer looked at me strangely.
I stared at them with a furrowed brow. "You're all real."
Haldir looked at from me, to the other people, a little dumbstruck at my comment. The others shrugged. "Of course we're real, Dra. Why wouldn't we be? Because after all, pigs do fly." He said brightly. "Right?"
That was when I became aware of something sitting on the carpet besides me. And it was purring. I didn't notice it before because I was too shocked and scared to notice anything. But now I do. And I'm freaking out...
Screaming, I nearly jumped a mile out of space and dove behind Legolas, who approached us from the kitchen to the living room.
"What is that?" I yelped as it stared at me with sad, puppy-like eyes. Legolas stared at me and the thing.
"A spider." He said simply.
"And can you tell me exactly why is a spiderin my living room?" I shrieked, hysterical.
"Told ya you shouldn't have brought along old Shelob," Glorfindel told the Elf. "Even Sam's still quite annoyed about Shelob, because Frodo can't stand watching TV with a giant spider in the same room. And there you go, scaring poor Dra."
"On her birthday." The others drawled at the sheepish looking Legolas.
"And she reeks." Haldir put in helpfully. "Who knows when it was the last time we properly bathed her?" Then he looked at Elladan. "It's your turn, I think."
Elladan frowned. "No, it's Elrohir's turn. He forgot to wash it a few decades ago. He was too engaged with computers."
"Wouldn't you be engaged with computers?" Elrohir retorted to his twin, a little embarassed. "They just came out that day. I spent a quite a bit of money on that!"
"Yes, until you got a virus on the computer." Eowyn said, her voice bored. "And all that money down the drain." She tsked, while Haldir pounced on Elrohir from attacking her with a lamp.
I snapped, "Enough! Just tell me why there's...Shelob in my living room!"
The spider perked up at her name.
Legolas sighed. "Oh, sorry about that. But she just reminds me of Mirkwood and all the cute little spiders there." He sounded wistful as he let memories swirl in that mind of his.
"Cute?" I exclaimed. "You call those things cute?"
Shelob's happy perk instantly turned into a strangled, offended whine.
Gimli also appeared from the kitchen, carrying a plate of blueberry pancakes with ten gallons of maple syrup. I stared at the syrup. He must've used up my stock. "I happen to agree," he grunted as he plopped himself down on the ground, in front of the TV. "Those spiders ain't that bad. A good little tickle under the leg there, and then a touch on the head and then there you have it. A spider who will cuddle and tuck you in bed and cook all your meals for you."
He eyed me. "You can't deny it." He held up his pancakes in honor of the spider who stabbed Frodo. "Shelob's a real chef."
My eyebrows rose. "You're serious." I looked up at Legolas, who was mildly amused with a dancing pink starfish and a talking yellow sponge on the screen. "What?" The Elf said, and looked down at me. "Oh, yeah, we're serious."
He didn't sound serious at all.
I let out a sigh of exasperation, grumbling, and headed to the bathroom. Since Merry and Pippin, I suppose, are hogging the shower up there. I hope they don't make a mess up there. I opened the door and to only let out another startled scream. Hmm, three screams in the same quarter of an hour. How interesting.
I slammed the door shut with a loud bang, and let out a deep breath, calming down the rapid pounding of my heart.
"You okay?" Elrond stuck his head out of the kitchen, followed by Gandalf and Rosie. He sounded concerned for me. I gave him a weak smile, and entered the kitchen with a few quick strides. "Yeah, I'm fine. Wormtongue's taking a bubble bath. He forgot to lock the door."
"No, Eomer broke the lock." I heard Elladan's voice drifting in from the living room. "He was having one of his temper tantrums. Must be a Rohan thing."
"Why you little..." I heard Eomer snarl, followed by some grunts of pain, Eowyn chanting, "Yeah, kick him in the nu-" before Faramir rushed from the kitchen and from the sound of it, Faramir covering Eowyn's mouth. Then there was a few thumps and bangs, along with Glorfindel yelling, "Break it up, you two!" and, oh, will you just look at that, Shelob's wailing.
Faramir dragged his wife back into the kitchen. She struggled under his firm grasp, before he released her and scolded her. "Do not say those dirty words." He told her. She snorted very un-lady like.
Arwen shook her head and filled her mug with some more hot tea before muttering, "Elladan's right. Must be a Rohan thing."
To break the awkward silence, Boromir said, "Well, why don't we celebrate breakfast with a good Happy Birthday song and Shelob can whip up another good cake, because it seems like some Dwarf has been eating the special cake she just did last night."
A very Dwarf-like burp proved his statement.
"I rest my case." The Man of Gondor said smugly.
Then he raced up the stairs, probably to find the other people in my house while his younger brother went into the living room and other rooms to get other people.
I questioned Saruman, who was currently having quite a good laugh with Gandalf. "How many people are in my house?" I really needed to know or else my house would explode.
The two wizards both thought for a minute. "Well, you have the people in the kitchen. Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Elrond, Saruman, Boromir, Faramir, Rosie and Arwen, right?" Gandalf counted on his fingers. "Twelve."
"And in the living room, Eowyn, Eomer, Elladan, Elrohir, Haldir, and Glorfindel. Six." Saruman put in helpfully.
Gandalf said, "And Wormtongue is taking a bubble bath, you found out. One."
"And Merry and Pippin are most likely doing rock, paper, scissors, shoot! on who can go in the showers first and sing. Two."
"Then you've got Galadriel and Celeborn. Both sleeping in. Two."
"And Theoden and Thranduil in the gardens. Two."
"Bilbo's doing the laundry. One."
"Gollum and Smeagol, no doubt, are counting his pretty pieces of jewerly and figuring out which one he should give to you for your birthday present. One."
"Shelob, in the living room. Harry, her mate, checking the stock market online, upstairs. Two."
"Katie, our warg, and her mate, Johnny, are currently in the backyard. With their children. Two...no, eleven, including their kids."
"And last but not least," Gandalf said happily, "Fluffykins and Ducky, our two fell beasts, are trying to catch butterflies for - " Saruman quickly elbowed him in the ribs and gave him a sharp look.
The wizard winced as Saruman said, "So there you have it, forty-two people in your house! Well, on your property." He sounded absoutely cheerful.
My mouth hurts from hanging open that long. "Forty-two." I repeated, the numbers spinning in my mind. "Forty-two."
"Yep."
"Forty-two...people and animals in my house?" I asked, wanting to make sure that it was right. "And how am I supposed to take care of forty-two people?" I said, my voice rising octaves.
Elrohir and Elladan, who was listening by my side, slung both of their arms around my neck uncomfortably. I shifted uneasily under their weight. "Ah, don't worry. You don't have to take care of all of us. I mean, we're people, right?" Elladan said with a grin.
"Well, except for Katie and Johnny's puppies. They're quite a handful." Elrohir mused.
"Oh, and Shelob's pregnant. She's got another litter coming up." Elladan added very unhelpfully.
"I really hope they don't steal my TV." Elladan muttered.
"Or my computer." Elrohir sighed.
Arwen decided to step in and save me from the two twins who were currently figuring out what to hide from the new spiders coming in. "Alright, birthday girl coming through." She steered me through a huge crowd of people and plopped me down on a chair. Galadriel and Celeborn, being dragged in Aragorn and Elrond, yawned shamelessly and accepted a hot mugs of tea from Shelob, who was busy whipping up a new cake for me.
Really, I don't know how everybody could fit inside the kitchen. Even with Shelob's massive size. Oh wait, scratch that. Half her body is in the kitchen and half it is in the living room. Lucky spider. She can watch cartoons andcook at the same time.
I heard lots of banging and shouting and a "Nasty, wicked, tricksy, false hobbitses! We kept that one for quite a while now!"
Then there was a few thumps and yells, "Oi, Merry! Over here!" and "Pippin, heads up!"
Frodo and Sam looked up at the ceiling. "Sam, I think Merry and Pippin are playing football upstairs using Smeagol's new Blackberry." Frodo said wistfully.
Sam looked horrified. "But I just got him that for his birthday! I'm going to have a word with those two."
There were more thumps and bangs, followed by a loud wail. Shelob let out a noise that sounded concerned, and she cocked her head slightly at the direction of the stairs. "Oh, boy." Aragorn said. "Harry's been disrupted from his stock market."
Celeborn yawned, nearly backhanding Bilbo, Theoden, and Thranduil, who just walked in. "Hey!" Thranduil barely missed his hand. "Watch the face." He said.
"Oh, sorry." The Elf said sleepily.
Aragorn looked impatient. "Shall I drag Merry and Pippin and Gollum downstairs?" he consulted his wife first.
"Yeah whatever." She dismissed him, and he took off. A few seconds later, Merry and Pippin both were sent to help Shelob wash the dishes, and Gandalf watched them.
"You remember the time you set off that dragon firework when you weren't supposed to?" Gandalf said cheerfully, taking a hearty puff of his pipe. Then he waved the pipe in front of the two hobbits' face. "Longbottom leaf..." he taunted them. "Na na na na na..."
Smeagol sat next to me on the floor, sticking his tongue out at Sam and Frodo, while grumbling at the same time. "Hey, look on the bright side," Glorfindel said, cheering the two hobbits up. "At least Gollum's wearing decent clothes this time instead of half-destroyed boxers."
"Hey, am I missing something?" A voice drifted from somewhere in the crowd.
"Nah," and I recognized the voice to be Elrond. "Had a good bubble bath, Grima?"
"Yeah." I caught sight of a pale faced man as he made his way towards me. "Sorry 'bout that Dra." Wormtongue grinned. "The lock broke because Eomer broke it."
Eomer coughed.
Shelob gracefully slid her long leg towards me, carrying a cake balanced on her...leg. Then she set it down on the table in front of me, and let out a happy chirp before sticking two candles on top, one of them in the shape of a two and the other in the shape of a five.
"I'm not fifty-two." I said, confused.
Arwen sighed. "No, you're not." She switched the two candles around. "There. You're twenty-five. Like the age difference better? Now let's sing the birthday song to the birthday girl, shall we?" She said excitedly.
Aragorn quirked a smile at me, and gave me a knowing look that read Arwen-really-likes-parties. I gave him a slight nod. Make a mental note of that. I told myself.
They all started a weak chorus of "Happy Birthday", all very off-tune. When they finished, nobody spoke anything until Haldir said, "Well, that sounded more like a death march all the same, but that's okay!"
"Make a wish." I heard Sam nudge me, and I did. Please don't let the house explode. I wished, and blew out the candles. Everyone cheered, seemingly happy, except for Gollum, who snorted, but Smeagol led on a happy squeal.
There was a loud bark, followed by whines and squeaks. Then Bilbo yelled, "Puppies at eight o'clock!" before everybody took the warning to heart, diving out of the way. Except me, of course. I had no idea what was going on.
But that was before I was knocked back, my face getting slobbered with dog saliva, Shelob whining about something, Arwen smacking her forehead, without knowing that Katie and Johnny let in their puppies into the house.
Oh, what is this world coming to?
Weird, eh? Yeah. That's what I thought.
Hopefully you like this story so far? I think it's very random. :D
Well, whether you liked it or not, review and tell me what you think! And I'm still looking for a beta-reader for this, so in the meantime just point out anything to me and I'll fix it!
Cheers,
littledragoneyes