Disclaimer: All right peeps, this song belongs to Staind, and all things in and/or relating to the Harry Potter Books belong to J.K. Rowling, the best writer EVER!!!!!!
Author's note: OK, so the last line in the story is the song, but it's meant to be what's written too... you'll find out once you read. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!
It's Been Awhile
By
Angel of the Unforgiven Past
It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
It's been awhile
Since I first saw you
I remember that day perfectly. September 1st, our first year at Hogwarts. You looked like an angel to me. But, being the stupid git that I was, I insulted you, called you names, and the cycle went on... I couldn't break it.
But everything I can't remember
As f***ed up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
Yes, I thought you were beautiful. Still do, actually. But alas, the consequences of my actions, of my words, have come back to bite me in the butt time and time again.
It's been awhile
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
It's been awhile
Since I could say I love myself as well
I loved the power being a leading Death Eater brought me. It brought me a high like pot brings muggles. But, in the great paradox that we call life, I subsequently hated myself. There was no meaning to my life but to kill, and kill, and kill. Now that it's all over, I think that maybe, just maybe, I might be learning to love again.
It's been awhile
Since I've gone and f***ed things up
Just like a always do
It's been awhile
But all that s*** seems to disappear when I'm with you
Ugh. You should you hate me, you know that, right? Hell, for all I know you just might. You should hate me for all the times I've killed, all the times I've fucked up the Ministry's plans. Your plans.
And everything I can't remember
As f***ed as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and f***ed things up again.
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day
It's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
It's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
It's all right to feel the way I do now, after the fall of the dark lord. But back then, it could have, it would have, killed me. It nearly did. You got me through that God-forsaken time. You never knew it, but you were the reason I survived.
It's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
It's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste
I'd forgotten how long it's been since I've actually seen you. As I stand here in the shadows of the Great Hall, I can see how you really shine in the candlelight. My angel.
But everything I can't remember
As f***ed up as it all may seem to be
I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me
Unfortunately for my sense of pride (or, as you would say, my extremely large ego), I can't blame all, or most, of my choices on my father. I suppose... he was just doing the best he knew how to do. Even if that did mean taking me away... from you.
It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
It's been awhile
Since I said...
I watch through the rows of books as you shuffle through your bag. You pull out the piece of paper I slipped into your bag when you went to get a book. Your eyes widen as you stare at my handwriting on the page. It's time for me to leave.
I'm sorry.
Author's note: OK, so the last line in the story is the song, but it's meant to be what's written too... you'll find out once you read. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!
It's Been Awhile
By
Angel of the Unforgiven Past
It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
It's been awhile
Since I first saw you
I remember that day perfectly. September 1st, our first year at Hogwarts. You looked like an angel to me. But, being the stupid git that I was, I insulted you, called you names, and the cycle went on... I couldn't break it.
But everything I can't remember
As f***ed up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
Yes, I thought you were beautiful. Still do, actually. But alas, the consequences of my actions, of my words, have come back to bite me in the butt time and time again.
It's been awhile
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
It's been awhile
Since I could say I love myself as well
I loved the power being a leading Death Eater brought me. It brought me a high like pot brings muggles. But, in the great paradox that we call life, I subsequently hated myself. There was no meaning to my life but to kill, and kill, and kill. Now that it's all over, I think that maybe, just maybe, I might be learning to love again.
It's been awhile
Since I've gone and f***ed things up
Just like a always do
It's been awhile
But all that s*** seems to disappear when I'm with you
Ugh. You should you hate me, you know that, right? Hell, for all I know you just might. You should hate me for all the times I've killed, all the times I've fucked up the Ministry's plans. Your plans.
And everything I can't remember
As f***ed as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and f***ed things up again.
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day
It's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
It's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
It's all right to feel the way I do now, after the fall of the dark lord. But back then, it could have, it would have, killed me. It nearly did. You got me through that God-forsaken time. You never knew it, but you were the reason I survived.
It's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
It's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste
I'd forgotten how long it's been since I've actually seen you. As I stand here in the shadows of the Great Hall, I can see how you really shine in the candlelight. My angel.
But everything I can't remember
As f***ed up as it all may seem to be
I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me
Unfortunately for my sense of pride (or, as you would say, my extremely large ego), I can't blame all, or most, of my choices on my father. I suppose... he was just doing the best he knew how to do. Even if that did mean taking me away... from you.
It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
It's been awhile
Since I said...
I watch through the rows of books as you shuffle through your bag. You pull out the piece of paper I slipped into your bag when you went to get a book. Your eyes widen as you stare at my handwriting on the page. It's time for me to leave.
I'm sorry.