Chapter 1: The Toads Do Everyday Crap
Authors notes: What is up guys and gals. We devote our whole life to the battling amphibians known as battle toads. We wrote this crap to express our love for the toads that made our childhood the best childhood possible, and to tell the story of how tubular the battle toads are. So sit back, light up a dank blunt, and get ready to fap off cause this shit is 18+.
Zitz, Rash, and Pimple are some of the wartiest battletoads in all the universe that Princess Angelica travels in. One day the three toads where in the "battle crib" drinking some Cosmicola, when the croak alarm sounded. "Calling all toads! Please report to the Anura landing deck!" The fighting reptiles bounced to their hind legs and leaped down to the platform. Professor T. Bird was waiting for them. "Listen up toads, " the professor chirped, "the dark queen has been sighted in the city, getting all up in everybody's grill." "Yo Mr. T, that ain't tight" Rash replied semi-aquaticly. "That's right home skillet" squawked the professor, "You need to get over there right away." The trio hopped into the Millennium Toad. The three toads looked at each other, for they knew what time is was. It was time to get warty. "TOADS RULE!" they croaked in unison, as Pimple powered up the thrusters. And they were off on another mondorific adventure.
Panic and horror ran throughout the city streets. Citizens were running aimlessly, trying to avoid the looming shadow of the dark queen's space ship. Her evil army of swine, lead by Admiral Oink, were marching through the streets, rustling everyone's jimmies and getting everyone's dander up. One little boy was trapped by two pigs, who were really pissing him off. He looked to the sky and his face lit up brighter than a star going supernova. "Look" he cried out "It's the battletoads!". Their giant Delorean shaped spaceship splashed in from the great lake above to defend the land of the humans. Zitz, Rash, and Pimple hopped out of the Millennium Toad and burst into action. Zitz turned his hand into a hammer and started totally messing those pigs up. Rash grabbed a pig and started going ham on everyone. Pimple cracked open an ice cold Cosmicola. "Pimpleee" the other toads whined. "What?" he replied in a majorly confused tone. "Oh ya we're fighting not smoking a phat doobie right now aren't we?" "Cha bra we'll hook up a sick blunt later," Zitz replied. Pimple then cosmically stumbled into action, squeezing his pubescent juices all over the enemy. Suddenly, the forces of the Dark Queen started to retreat. "Woah brah looks like they can't handle our radical moves'', Rash piped. But suddenly, the Dark Queen herself emerged from the cloud of smoke that nobody had really noticed up until that point. She had a look on her face like somebody had just taken her jimmies and smashed them into oblivion. "What are you combat amphibians doing on the human planet?" She uttered in an averagely aggressive tone for the type of situation. "We're picking up another bag of that African Cush," Pimple whispered to his left arm that he morphed into a bong. "Can it Pimple," Said Zitz. "We are here to stop your smoked bacon flavored army of dweebs." "I was having a killer time without you hodads foiling my plans," the Dark Queen barked at them, "but since you totally killed my vibe, I'm gonna bounce."