Hello, everyone. Jim and I would like to disclaim any ownership of any of these characters. And before anyone becomes enraged with us, yes, we know many of the events, due to dates in history and such, aren't possible. We care not. We've written this for our own silly little entertainment, and hope a few other people, scattered across the internet, might enjoy it as well.

MH

"Goodbye darling Pheobus," called Esmeralda from her carriage, as her and Madeline waved goodbye to their husbands, "Madeline and I are off to the Joan of Arc memorial, out in the countryside. You take care of the bratling for a while."

"Joan of Arc wasn't even that cool," Pheobus grumbled as he grabbed his son, Zephyr, by the hand, "She was a no-good commie!"

"Joan of Arc was SO cool!" yelled Esmeralda, "And what do you mean she was a commie? Is that a slam on the Gypsies?"

Meanwhile, Madeline and Quasimodo were lovingly gazing into each others eyes, lamenting the fact that they would not see one another for the entire day.

"I love you so much, Quasi," said Madeline, smiley as a summer's day.

"I love you too," drooled Quasimodo, "You're so beautiful. I'll miss seeing you all the time."

"You're not so beautiful," gushed Madeline, "Your innards are, though."

Suddenly, Quasi and Madeline heard a shout, "YOU'RE SO SEXIST! JOAN OF ARC IS MY FAVORITE HISTORY PERSON! I HATE MEN! I WANTED A DAUGHTR, BUT YOU DECIDED TO ADD ANOTHER UGLY PENIS TO THE FAMILY, INSTEAD!"

Zephyr began to cry as his mother screeched.

"Anyway," she added, "Goodbye, darling Pheobus. See you in two days...or three...well, whenever I decide to come back."

"Goodbye, darling Esmeralda," said Pheobus, ignoring his crying son, as the carriage began to pull away.

The three males began to walk towards Notre Dame.

"Dang it, Quasi!" snapped Pheobus as the entered, "I don't want to take care of this stupid, ugly kid."

Zephyr began to wail.

"What's wrong with being ugly?" asked Quasi, hurt by his friend's comment.

"Well, obviously it looks fine on you. YOU can actually pull it off," he gave his son a disappointed glare.

At this point they had begun to climb the stairs to the bell tower, and Quasi immediately began polishing his precious bells when they got to them.

"Hey, Achilles and I made plans to go to the bar. Maybe I'll help him pick up some sexy lady horses. Although, at this point, he might settle for a donkey," said Pheobus.

"But kids aren't allowed in bars," said Quasi, "The only bars kids are allowed to have are candy bars."

"No. No, you don't get any candy, Zephyr," said Pheobus, as his son's face began to leave it's depressed state, "Anyway, Quasi, I'm leaving the kid with you."

"With me?" said Quasi, surprised, "I can't take him, I need to polish my bells."

"But, Quasi," said Zephyr, sadly, "You said we were best friends forever, remember?"

"Yeah. And then I got a hot wife," smirked Quasimodo, "If I wanted an ugly little kid, I'd jut knock her up."

"But Quaaaaasiii, I wanna get drunk!" whined Pheobus, "Darling Esmeralda won't let me, since we got married. If I would have been sober I never would have married her in the first place. But then...she was really hot...and there was that whole really touching thing where you saved all our lives and the city, and...I just got s o caught up in the moment! You have to take him! It's your fault he exists! If you would have made a move earlier he'd be yours anyway!"

"If you want a babysitter so badly, just take him to the Court of Miracles! Have one of the gypsies take care of him. They all owe Esmeralda in some way or another anyways!" snapped Quasimodo.

"Fine!" growled Pheobus, "Stupid Joan of Arc! Making me go through so much trouble...Come on, Zephyr, let's got take you to your Uncle Clopin and his friends."

And with that, the two left the hunchback in peace. Quasimodo sighed in relief. Silly Quasi. If only you knew...