Disclaimer: I do not own OUAT nor Spring Awakening
Author's Notes: Birthday fic for broadwaybaggins on tumblr! I loved tapping into my theatre geek side to create the request for an AU Theatre fic for Dragon Queen. I may continue in this strain of AU, but I don't have any solid ideas yet. Trigger warning: rape/abuse
Self Awakening
Stunning in every way. That was the only way to describe her cast mate and she had no qualms about that. In theatre it was common to appreciate both genders equally be it for their voice, their physicality or simply their acting. No shame was enforced and no issues cropped up. It was a topic oft discussed and though envy played a role, a family bond was created of the most magnificent kind. There was nothing strange about admiring a member of the same gender and she never felt embarrassed to admit it. All the same, she had been feeling something more of late when observing the woman's performances, more than anyone else in the cast.
The blonde with messy hair untangled her body from the chair and stepped up to her mark, face torn asunder over the problems her duet partner just conveyed. "I don't scream though I know it's wrong. I just play along. I lie there and breath...I lie there and breath," she began, face morphing with pain yet mostly anger and still beautiful. "I wanna be strong—I want the world to find out that you're dreamin' on me. Me and my beauty...me and my beauty," she continued, soon joined by the tall brunette as the song progressed.
She was forced to look away as she and the remaining company got up to stand back to the house and perform their choreography. She gulped, feeling the pain radiate from the blonde she had been studying as she moved without truly realizing the movement. Pausing as necessary when the song came to the end, she felt her body shudder at the last resounding note:
"There's a part I know well...about the dark I know well!"
As the musical chord of the recording died in the empty theatre, the cast held their stance until their director and stage manager applauded the rehearsal. Slowly, the young girl turned around to just barely catch the taller blonde wipe away a tear before turning out again.
"Good job, good job. Such a moving song. Ruby, I want you to take note of your partner's actions and incorporate some with your solo verses. How does Martha feel? This is a chance for her inner voice to come to the surface as there's no one around to judge and punish her," the director, Eva, explained kindly, clearing her throat briefly before addressing the remaining cast. "You can all learn something in the way Mal approaches her character. If you're not performing, take the time to watch her. Tomorrow we are going to jump ahead to 'I Believe' and the hayloft scene. Regina, David, look over your lines in preparation please. Excellent job tonight, cast. Thank you!" she finished curtly, before gathering up her belongings and herding questions.
Regina felt a clump in her throat as she remained rooted to the spot. The hayloft scene. The sex scene. With...David. Admittedly, she had agreed to this upon being cast, was asked if she was okay with and signed the contract, but it shot a fear through her, now that they were at the point in the rehearsal process. She knew David well enough, had been in a few plays with him before, but never as the romantic leads, so it was a comfort on one front that he was kind and gentle, but having little experience herself, she was...
"Good job tonight."
The brunette shook her head and blinked, noting that Mal had just passed her to pick up her binder and pencil. She wet her lips unconsciously and a shaky smile crossed her features. "You were amazing. … Like always..." she trailed off, her courage dwindling due to the upcoming scene and the fact she felt intimidated by the more experienced actress. Regina and Mal had developed a rapport during rehearsals, often discussing their characters, but she wouldn't exactly call them at a friend-like stage. And she always managed to fumble over her words in the elder's presence.
"Practice makes better, dear," she chuckled, standing upright and pursing her plump lips. "Are...you going to move from that spot?" she queried in a bemused voice. Regina glanced down at her feet and shuffled them, giggling nervously.
"Yeah..." she moved stage right to retrieve her own belongings pausing briefly when David called out a goodnight to her. She waved uncertainly at him, eyes shaking as fear tainted her chocolate eyes. Mal's brows furrowed having watched the entire exchange before she padded over to the brunette and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
"Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost. However, this theater is too new for hauntings yet," she smiled, trying to ease the tension lines leaving creases in Regina's forehead. Regina blinked away the concern and attempted to laugh lightly at the joke but it came out strangled. "Alright, here's what we're going to do." The brunette looked up at Mal confused, knuckles turning white at how hard she gripped her script. "Sleepover at my place. Come on," Mal smiled sweetly at Regina who felt a wave of warmth in that expression, a sense of safety in her presence.
"Okay...sure," she replied, lips attempting to twitch up in appreciation. Mal's grin widened even further as she headed into the house to stuff her belongings in a backpack and swing it over one shoulder.
"Thank you, Snow! You're the best stage manager I've ever had," the blonde called out upon passing the petite brunette, winking at her and earning a giggle.
"Thank you both. See you tomorrow," was the reply as the woman continued her trek down the incline to the front of the stage to ready the theater for closure. Regina had waved at their fearless stage manager but was quiet as she followed the older woman out of the building and to her vehicle. Settling herself into the seat after placing her own backpack on the floor of the front seat, the brunette immediately stared out the window, refusing to look at her companion.
It was a strange occurrence being invited to Mal's apartment, having never thought she would grow this close to a cast mate, in her youth nor now that she was a young adult in community theatre. There was only about six years difference between the two but it seemed the blonde had so much more experience under her belt and far more confidence. Regina's lips parted as she forced the breath she had been holding out and she turned to glance at Mal cautiously. Blue eyes hardly visible in the dark lighting were glued to the road ahead, lips pulled into a taut line as her expression seemed unreadable.
"Why...why are you doing this?"
"You look like you needed a friend."
Regina looked down at her lap, wringing her hands in her dress folds as she pondered the reply. Was she being taken under her wing? Was it something else. Honestly she couldn't imagine what that other thing could be. Surely, the odd feelings welling within her these past few weeks were her own and not reciprocated. She didn't even know what to make of them, but had noticed how frequently she observed Mal at rehearsals and wished to be near her if only for a few moments. Something drew her to the older woman and a twisting in her stomach warned her with queasiness, but her heart urged her forward. She wanted to get to know the woman, be her friend. She looked up to her, both in acting and in personality. If she could bask in that glow for a brief moment she would be happy. To be acknowledged-
"We're here," Mal broke the silence turning the engine off and facing her young companion. She quirked a brow when the girl looked at the tiny house to her right. "Not everything you were expecting?" she spoke with a lilt to her voice, once again amused. Mal exited her car and collected her rehearsal bag from the back before moving to the small landing after ensuring Regina was following. She unlocked the front door, flipping on the main hall light and dropped her keys on the side table. Expecting Regina to close the door on her own, she moved into the kitchen to put on a kettle of hot water.
The younger actress took a few moments to appreciate the interior of her friend's home. It was small but quaint. Seemed to have two small bedrooms on the top floor and perhaps a half bathroom due to the sight she could see from below. It reminded her of the silly a-framed houses she had once looked at with her college friends which could easily run into privacy issues. This setup seemed more secluded and cottage like. Regina closed the door after feeling a breeze sweep into the front room, making certain to lock the door in Mal's stead. She followed the light to the kitchen, noting a tiny dining room with shining dishware twinkling unused to her right. To the left was a wide open living room with a carefully blocked off fireplace and...was that a toy box?
"Some tea," Mal interrupted the girl's thoughts as she pressed a warm mug of Yogi's Throat Comfort Tea into her hands. Regina turned to face her and nodded thanks.
"Your house looks lovely," she spoke, berating herself at how small her voice still sounded.
"Thank you..." she replied, eyes crinkling with something dark, something Regina wasn't sure how to handle. Mal moved into the living room and turned on a switch there before sitting on the sofa with her legs circled underneath her lithe body. She took a sip of the liquid with a sigh when Regina joined her. The brunette was lightly blowing on her tea, barely noticing that blue eyes were watching her intently, slowly raising her head to look at Mal, a flush creeping to her cheeks.
"The hayloft scene...you're nervous," Mal spoke carefully, hitting the nail on Regina's perpetual fear since accepting the role. Was she that transparent? Her head bowed as she looked down into her mug miserably, embarrassment holding her back from responding. "It's alright, you know. Everyone has their first."
Regina's eyes widened but as she was about to speak up, Mal piped up. "Their first on stage sex scene. Or is it the kiss that worries you?" she questioned, keen on keeping her voice light and airy. Mal wanted to help Regina through this process, felt a certain desire to support her. If she were analyzing herself as she did Ilse in the musical, she would be forced to admit that she was attracted to the small brunette to her side. But that wasn't something to contemplate right now.
"Maybe...both?" came the small voice of her companion as chocolate eyes raised to gaze into soft cerulean. Despite her blatant fear and the nerves on edge, she felt comfortable, comforted even, by Mal. The blonde nodded sagely and smiled ruefully.
"Spring Awakening is a very tough musical. Probably my problematic fave throughout the years," she chuckled. "There is so much going on in the show...so much heartache and issue, which is why it needs to be directed with a caring hand. I have faith in Eva in doing that and helping you with blocking that scene so both you and David are okay," Mal explained, reaching over to place a hand on Regina's knee softly, unaware of the sudden shade change of her companion nor the light wince.
Regina felt her throat constrict and her mouth go dry again as one of her hands released the mug to rest on Mal's, skin surprisingly smooth. "I know she's a good director," she wanted to look away but there was something so endearing in the blue eyes that she felt it unnecessary to hide her concern and shame. "I've hardly had any relationships to speak of so even on stage romance is relatively new for me," she revealed, her voice growing stronger the more they conversed, her shoulders beginning to relax.
The blonde huffed a small laugh as she nodded in agreement. Many actors and actresses have been in that position. Not her, as she never lacked the confidence or appeal factor to reign in a date should she feel the need for company. None had ever lasted long or meant much, but she had many friends in Regina's position. "Do you want to know my secret to tapping into Ilse?" she queried, deciding that opening up would help the younger woman as much as it would help her right now too. Mal has begun to feel the weight of the world on her back with the show shaping up so nicely.
The brunette smiled enthusiastically, urging the older woman on. "I was in a relationship with a man some years back. I thought I was in love and though I always expected him to propose, he never did. When I got pregnant though, things changed..." Mal's eyes greyed as the grip on Regina's knee tightened unconsciously. Regina glanced down at it before grasping it properly and entwining their fingers to let Mal know she was there. "He never intended to stay with me. Had been cheating for months with another woman, but for whatever sick reason, he stuck around during my pregnancy," she glanced at Regina briefly, hoping what came next wouldn't bother her companion too much. "He would come home and punish me, take advantage of me, for getting pregnant as though it were my fault alone.
"Shortly after my third trimester began I gained the courage I needed to walk away from him. I hid at my friend's house until we saved up enough money for me to move away and come to Maine in secret. I'm able to access Ilse so easily because of that experience but because of it I'm a better person and now I have my daughter," Mal finished, feeling her eyes sting with unshed tears. Regina's breathing had increased during the reveal, her heart going out to the older blonde's situation and wishing it had been different. It was a lot of trust and faith being placed into her hands and she felt honored.
When a single tear slid from a blue iris, Regina's free olive skinned hand reached out and brushed it aside affectionately. Realizing what she had done she withdrew her hand swiftly and blushed again. Before she could pull her hand from Mal's she felt it be squeezed in reassurance. "Thank you," Mal intoned sincerely.
"How old is your daughter?" Regina asked warily, hoping to change the topic and clear the air.
"Lily will turn six in October," the blonde replied, her face softened and lit up at the mention of her daughter. Had it really been seven years away from that abusive prick? Mal sighed as a smile creased her face easily now, glad to tell someone her secret. Regina felt her lips tug upwards in reciprocation though she was unsure why the actress was calmer now.
"I have joint custody of her with a lovely couple in the town over, but they let me see her whenever I wish and she is happy with the three of us," Mal added, eyes drawn to brown again. "And Stefan can never get close to us again. He signed away his rights to her and I have a long standing restraining order for Lily and I. Strangely enough, the other woman was the one to help me set up that arrangement. Probably doesn't want us intruding on their lives, but I check in with her now and then. He's treating her better, so that's something..." she trailed off, shaking her blonde curls in an attempt to change topics.
"I'm glad to hear your life is doing better now. I hate to see anyone I care for in danger," Regina spoke truthfully, brows pulling together when Mal looked at her with an unreadable expression.
Regina cared for her? Why hadn't she picked up on that yet? Probably the natural chemistry and bond formed between cast mates. Nothing more. Mal licked her lips as her eyes darted down to Regina's lips and then their interlaced hands as her heartbeat increased minutely. "Thank you. Tapping into Wendla is harder, I'll admit, but I can give you some pointers if you're interested," she offered, placing her tea on the coffee table after one last sip.
"I'd like that, yes," Regina replied in kind, a soft smile adorning her pretty face before she also set aside her drink. Mal scooted a little closer to the brunette and held up a finger.
"For starters, you and Wendla are more alike than you may care to witness. You're both inexperienced and wary in the ways of the world. Unsure of yourself and not privy to intimacy," she began, noticing Regina begin to bite her bottom lip upon the last word. Mal attempted in vain to keep her focus on the girl's eyes, but found her attention dipping to stare at those beautiful lips again. "So really...all you have to do is channel yourself for that scene. Your insecurities and fear of commitment..." Mal didn't notice she had been leaning in toward Regina as she spoke, their gazes locked intensely. Regina didn't pull back, stunned at the current circumstances.
Were those feelings she had of attraction? Toward another woman? Her brows lifted on her face as she took in a short breath of air, glancing down as the distance between them was narrowing. This was not how she expected the night to progress, although, despite her nerves, she wasn't complaining either, excitement stamping at her negative emotions.
"My...naivety?" Regina offered, her voice hoarse with the lack of use, desire to kiss the blonde apparent in her eyes. Mal nodded her head in response, eyes crinkling as she paused in movement, realizing she had physically been drawn to the young woman.
Silence enveloped the two of them for several heated moments, communication null as emotions took over in gazing upon the other. Nearly unheard, Mal breathed out "You're so beautiful..." causing Regina's eyes to widen in surprise before the younger woman closed the gap between them and captured full lips with her own. It was a soft, barely perceptible kiss, uncertain in pressure, but eagerness felt between the grip their hands had on each other's. Mal moved her free hand to rest lightly on Regina's neck and drew her closer as their first kiss continued, head tilted for better access. The brunette had never been kissed like this before, never so soft and sensually that is made her head foggy yet set aflame at the same time. It was alluring, just like Mal's natural mannerisms and cadence. Regina realized what her feelings had developed into was infatuation and intoxication, but she never dreamed they would be reciprocated, yet here they were making out!
Unable to breath, Regina reluctantly pulled from the kiss and rested her head against Mal's forehead heaving with the exertion. "I've never kissed a woman before" she murmured, giddiness clear in her voice as she leaned in for a short kiss, pleased with how well their lips fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.
Mal sighed, content settling in her body as she rubbed her thumb along Regina's pulse point, smirking at how in-tune their hearts were beating. "There's no need to fret about your scene tomorrow. You're a natural," the blonde added, her own voice breathlessly wispy. She opened her eyes to look upon the face she had been admiring from afar since their first rehearsal. Mal kissed one of Regina's cheeks, drawing those brown eyes open to lock with hers, smile blossoming.