I've been dying to write a Snape centered fic for a long time now. But I find that I'm having a hard time conveying his emotions for Lily. Honestly, I personally am tore between love and hate for Lily. I suppose this could work for my story and writing because I think Snape loved Lily very much, yet hate her for marrying James. I like her character, don't get me wrong, but I think she handled her relationship with Snape wrong. I keep thinking that if she fought harder for him, they would have still been friends, he'd forgive James, and chose the Order over Voldemort a long time ago. It could be that Snape was too far gone that she couldn't reach him? Maybe it took her death to pull him into the light? I have many theories about this and I like debating with myself and others. Let's see how this story turns out because there are going to be some twists as my theories change.
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Summer 1995
Lord Voldemort dismissed Severus Snape from his presence with a wave of his hand. Severus bowed before taking his leave. Voldemort's gaze remained on the spot where Severus once stood, examining his behavior and answers to his questions. Severus was brilliant as ever, never missing a mark. Voldemort almost believed Severus' reasons for not killing Harry Potter for all these years and why he didn't appeared when he was summoned. His feelings for Lily Potter was where he slipped when Voldemort causally spoke of her. Voldemort was dumbfound as to why Severus never stopped loving Lily Potter. She was a Mudblood whore that abandoned him for his enemy. She ruined Severus. Made him a fool...but a fool that was useful...if only he could find a way to control this fool...
Weeks later
After Severus had the proper amount of potion supplies that would provide him and his students for the rest of the year, he stepped out of the apothecary. That was when a light caught his eye. Severus turned his head and saw her. No, it can't be. Severus closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened them again there she was, in the middle of the crowd in Diagon Alley, and she was getting further and further away from his.
"Lily..." Speeding through the crowd with disregard for anyone, Severus rushed after Lily. "Lily!" he shouted, frantically glancing left and right. "Lily!"
Severus fell onto his knees when she was nowhere to be found. He cupped his eyes, willing the stinging sensation to vanish. How could there be any tears left? He though they had dried up years. Stop falling...Stop! A cry of frustration escaped from his throat when he was not obeyed.
He was hurt, but didn't know how to handle it. Wounded, suffering...all these years...he suppressed her from his heart, but now that he had seen her. It was as if a dam had broken, unleashing resolved emotions.
Summer 1996
While Severus was in England, running an errand for Dumbledore when he heard a suspicious sound coming from an ally way. Curious, he went to investigate. The sound came from behind two small dumpers. Between them was a filthy creature, shivering from the cold night air.
Realizing it was spotted the creature spring up and attempted to run from him. Severus stood where he was, watching the creature or girl as she fainted, hitting the hard ground with a thump. He cautiously walked toward her, without a second thought he took out his wand and muttered a spell.
When they reached St. Mungos, Severus asked the staff for assistance, offering to pay for the cost of her bill. He felt the need to help her. There was something in her large frightened violet eyes that forced his hand. He wasn't going to stay long. He didn't want to see her face in fact, but again his curiosity aroused him. Severus wondered if he was dreaming again, because there she was laying on the bed.
"Lily?" Severus leaned over the girl, examining her fresh cleaned face. No, it wasn't Lily, but the girl had similarly strong features to her. Her beautiful face that resembled Lily so much, yet there were differences. While Lily's eyes were bright green, the girl's were violet. The girl's mouth was smaller than Lily's but slightly fuller and she was blonde. Everything else...they were Lily.
He realized it now, she was the same girl he saw last summer. The one he mistook for Lily. The one he lost in the crowd. He could laugh at himself at how ridiculous he had behaved, all the time he had spend thinking of her, and the possibility that she might still be alive. He was fooling himself again. No. he could not do this to himself. Creating faults hope, where there would never be. Lily was dead. She was never coming back.
Lily was gone long age but she still had such power over him. He wanted to curse her, hex her, jinx her. Anything to make her go way. Leave him forever. But she was there. Always there...seeded, planted, grew. Deep within his heart. Lily always.