Mr and Mrs Hans Olo, a stargate: sg-1 fanfic

Mr. and Mrs. Hans Olo

spacegypsy1

Pairing: Daniel and Vala – Written for the 2012 Where Are They Now on Live Journal

Category: Romance/Friendship

Timeline: After Ark of Truth.

Spoilers: Possibly one for Unending

Complete. One chapter

Where are they? Daniel and Vala are undercover to scout out a planet rich in Naquadah. They find themselves on a world of storytellers and must join story-time to be accepted. Vala tells a whopping tale, and then Daniel gets tangled up in his storytelling.

~0i0~

"My question is, why do we always have to wear leather for these things?" Daniel tried to adjust his leather pants by jerking at the waistband.

"It's the universe's most commonly accepted mode of dress, you know, makes you inconspicuous. And... we have to do the under the covers thing which isn't exactly what I'd hoped it was." Vala did a 360 turn, still confused by the actions of the initial group that met them at the Stargate just moments ago. "Where did they all go? They came and went so fast. Maybe we should leave?"

Still tugging on his pants, Daniel raised his eyes looking off into the distance. "We need this, Vala. Aerial surveys indicated rich deposits of Naquadah. Lots of it, and no one has tapped it in about a hundred years."

"I wonder why?" Vala mused, hands planted on her leather clad hips.

"Probably Asgard protected and now no Asgard. No protection. Who knows. Ask them, here they come."

"That's not the same group. What is it with the people on these worlds now a days with their funny hats? Oh, wait, quick Daniel, what's my under the covers name?"

Before he could answer, the man in the oddest angled and tallest red hat stepped forward. "We understand you are interested in trade. This is good. First we must know your story."

"Our story?' Vala asked.

Daniel stepped in front of her. "We would be happy to discuss this and tell you what you need."

"I am Beklar, leader of this region and all others. We are the biggest tribe on our world, and the ruling clan." Peeking behind Daniel, Beklar nodded at Vala. "And what are your names, my lady?"

Caught off guard, she blinked then sputtered, "Er... I'm... Leia. Princess Leia and, and... and, this is my husband, Hans Olo."

Mouth agape, and obviously speechless, Daniel cranked his head around to glare at her.

Beklar made a funny, excited sound. "THE Hans Olo? The man who was responsible in the beginning of ridding this sector, through his crafty trickery, of the vile criminals Tenat and Joop? Of course later, along with the backup help from Cam Mitchell the Bounty Hunter? We have heard a tad bit of his story. This is so exciting. THE Hans Olo?"

Coming from behind Daniel, Vala nodded emphatically. "One and the same."

"This is indeed a momentous occasion. Come, please follow me. I am sure we can come to an understanding. We must, of course, hear stories and know of who you represent."

"What? Represent?" Surprised Vala rushed forward but Daniel grabbed her arm to slow her progress.

"Why do you think we represent others?" Daniel asked.

Beklar looked Daniel up and down, adjusted his high slanting hat, took a quick and appreciative look at Vala's leather outfit and said honestly. "Because you wear the costumes of illegal or shady dealing traders, not that of merchants. This is not a problem. Come, we will hear your stories. If they are good, we will see about trading."

The glare Daniel sent Vala only got him a slanted mouth frown and a shrug from her.

~0i0~

The large central yurt had a dirt floor and an off-center fire pit. The interior walls were decorated with multi-pattern colored hangings creating a warm glow from the setting sun. Several elder women and men were building a fire while others set vividly colored rugs and pillows in a semi-circle around the pit. A woman motioned for Daniel and Vala to sit on the large red pillows on a raised platform behind the fire.

"Vala," Daniel whispered, "You understand they are storytellers? They build their society, their trade partners, their community on storytelling. No matter how long their stories are we need to listen, and it's a story so don't correct them. You can ask questions, maybe. We'll get the hang of it after they start. Probably several stories will be told. Okay? You understand that when asked about our story you need to keep it simple? Or better yet, I'll do the storytelling."

"Daniel, I've spent more time on these types of planets than you. I totally understand."

"It's very important."

She placed a hand on his cheek, "I know."

Daniel placed a hand over hers, smiling. "So, I do the talking, right?"

"Mmm hmmm."

~0i0~

A woman, also wearing a tall, lopsided red hat approached as people came to sit before the fire. "I am Mather Beklar wife of our leader. Please to tell us who you wish to represent."

"The Tau'ri." Daniel said.

The audible response was one of awe.

"And you know the Tau'ri well, Hans Olo? You know of SG-1? Cam Mitchell the Bounty Hunter? He is now with the Tau'ri as well as Teal'c the Shol'va, and Carter, the Angel who rides the Stars. And everyone knows of Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri and his companion, Vala Mal Doran." Beklar seemed impressed.

"Yes."

Vala could practically hear Daniel's gritted teeth.

"And you Princess Leia?"

Her head snapped around to Beklar, and with eyes wide Vala's words rushed out without a thought as to what she said. "Actually, Hans Olo is Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri's twin brother... separated at birth... ah.. I...well, that is..." Vala heard Daniel's shocked intake of breath.

"Oooooo." Came the response from the crowd.

"Go on, Princess Leia. Please tell the story."

"Well, you see," She began, ignoring the heated glare from Daniel. "Hans Olo and Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri and the leader of SG-1, are twin brothers." Vala said, suddenly aware the entire room was sitting forward, anxious for her story, "Uhm, what happened was that there was a sort of a war, and during this war, the..."

Sitting before the fire, Mather Beklar looked perplexed. "We heard that Cam Mitchell the Bounty Hunter was the leader of SG-1!"

"Oh." Vale chewed her lip.

"What war, Princess?" Came from a very old man with a shaky voice.

"Clone Wars." Daniel offered, reluctantly.

"Yes," Vala grinned. "The Clown Wars."

Daniel leaned sideways towards Vala so only she could hear him. "Clone!"

"Pfft," Vala dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "Hans' and Daniel's parents, from the land of the great and powerful Oz on the planet Zorgon, were being hunted by the scary clown clones and thought it best to split up. Their mother, er, Lisa... Lisa Marie Olo, took Hans and his father... his father..."

Daniel rolled his eyes but pitched in, "Michael."

"Michael Jackson, took Daniel. The twins were but babies and to this day are afraid of clown clones." Vala tucked her legs close under her, grimacing at the creepy mental images of clowns and clones. She hurried on when she realized everyone was still enthralled. "Then, sadly, both parents were suddenly killed. Each of the boys thought they would never again have a family, ever again. "

The room grew still, and the sound of little sobs broke through the quiet.

Vala took a quick look at Daniel who seemed taken aback, but she went on with her tale.

"However, the boys were raised by wolves, I mean, wool merchants, separate of course, but we all know twins separated tend to live similar lives."

A murmur of agreement rose.

"Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri went to the Institute of Higher Learning to become a scholar of languages and rocks and a warrior in the fight with the Ori and Hans, my beloved, became a fierce warrior by learning from me how to fight and shoot and fly spaceships, and he is to this day a hero among heroes."

Again, she took a quick sideways glance at Daniel who for all intent and purpose seemed to be in a state of shock. She turned away, back to the crowd hoping they were satisfied. When the group looked expectantly at her, Vala was forced to continued. "The twins grew to adulthood never knowing they were twins. Until one day they met, and obviously they were twins so they became friends. And that's the end, except they lived happily ever after."

"Where did you meet Hans Olo, Princess?" This question came from the back of the room and many listeners oooed and ahhhed their interest.

Vala squinted to see the woman who had asked. "He... he kidnapped me at a market in my village, because, well, because he was so in love with me the instant he saw me he whisked me away from my step mother, the evil Queen, Adri... Ann Bolen, who sent the... the guy with the bow... er...what's his name."

"Huntsman." Daniel said, then sighed deeply.

"Yes, darling, that's right, the Huntsman. Queen Bolen sent him to find me and cut out my liver."

Daniel started to interrupt but instead dropped his head and remained quiet as the people urged her to proceed.

"Then, Daniel... er... I mean Hans slew the wicked Huntsman who everyone thought was a good guy but he was also in love with me, so Hans had to kill him. And so we went to the Tau'ri planet to visit his brother and meet the very famous and lovely SG-1."

"And Princess, what do you know of the woman who has joined the Tau'ri, Vala Mal Doran?" Someone asked.

"Oh. Her? Fabulous woman! The Tau'ri would never have defeated the Ori without her! And please, call me Lena... I mean Leia."

"You have met her?" Asked another.

"Yes." Vala was unsure where this was going.

Beklar looked around at the audience then back to Vala. "You know of her story?"

"Weeellll, I... I..."

"Wasn't she married many times?" Beklar's wife demanded.

"Heavens no! That was her ruse. I'm sure you must know she was once possessed by the Goa'uld, Qetesh. She had a device that could make men think they had married her, you know, and been 'WITH' her. A tiny memory device that also could shoot painful laser like beams." Vala made sure she didn't make eye contact with Daniel, though she could feel his eyes on her. "Before meeting up with Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri, Vala Mal Doran was never really married, but since then there was an unfortunate incident and she was married once. To a religious zealot. An Ori soldier. A bit crazy. Maybe a little high and low, up and down, I think it has something to do with polar bears. But she only married him to protect her life and that of... " Vala paused, thinking of a way to stop her crazy story.

"The Orici?" Someone offered.

"You all seem to have quite a lot of information. But, yes, that's right." Vala grew quiet, reflective.

The children, except for the smallest of babies, were sent out of the main yurt and the adults scooted closer.

A very young man called out, his tone unbelieving. "How do you know this to be true? We have heard other tales."

When Vala said nothing, Daniel spoke. "Leia is Vala's sister."

"Ah." Beklar said, nodding in understanding. "So the other stories are false. And Vala Mal Doran is married to Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri?"

"Yes." Vala said with a smile at the same instant Daniel squeaked out, "No!"

"Which is it?" Was called out by several people.

Daniel spoke, reluctant and somewhat miffed. "Yes, the other stories are false and as to them being married...not at this time."

All of the audience looked around wondering and discussing in low voices before the question was put forth. "So, Hans, you are saying they plan to marry?"

"I'm not sure." Daniel withheld a sigh of incredulity.

"Of course they are!" Vala insisted.

"Will you tell their love story?" A young woman spoke softly.

Daniel frowned and looked at Vala knowing she would come up with some ridiculously wild and possibly NC-17 rated tale.

"Darling, Hans," Vala said tilting her head with a little jerk towards the audience. "They are looking at you, not me."

"Me?"

"Yes, Hans, tell the love story of Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri and Vala Mal Doran."

~0i0~

Lit by firelight, anticipation shone on every face as the tribe waited anxiously.

Daniel drew a deep breath. After all this was a diplomatic mission. He'd done stranger things. It's only a story. A made up story.

"Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri met Vala Mal Doran when she hijacked his ship and kidnapped me... I mean him."

"Ooooo," Mather Beklar cooed. "The opposite of you, his twin brother, and Leia, Vala's sister. How very romantic."

Daniel wiggled to relieve his stiffness and try to surreptitiously adjust the leather pants before giving his answer. "Ah. Er. Yes."

"Go on, Hans." Vala prompted, teasingly.

"After a short fight..." He cut his eyes towards Vala with a look that plainly said to remain quiet. He cleared his throat to continue when someone yelled quite loudly.

"What was she wearing?"

"A protective body suit." The words spoken brought back the image to dance across Daniel's mind.

"Skin tight?" A man asked hopefully.

Everyone laughed, including Daniel.

"Yes. Actually I believe that," he paused, thinking of what to say, "my brother, Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri, did report that it was very tight."

Questions came in rapid fire.

"What did she look like?"

"Was she beautiful?"

"Tall?"

"Short?"

"Slim?"

"Muscular?"

"Well," Daniel held up a hand to stop the cascade of questions. "She was slim but muscular with the proper curves but she also had on a protective helmet that covered her face and when she removed it, according to my...er... brother he was taken aback by her beauty. Raven haired. Skin luminescent. And her almost silver eyes held a determined glint. And she was, according to my source, quite stunning."

The couples in the audience snuggled closer. Murmurs rose in discussion.

Then finally many requested, their voices combining into a deep rumble. "Continue."

"I...he," Daniel cleared the lump in his throat. His voice deepened. "Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri, fell in love with Vala Mal Doran at that very moment. However, he was afraid to love her and so he closed his heart to her. Eventually he escaped, captured her and locked her up. But Vala Mal Doran was very... very wily and she broke out of her cell, commandeered a smaller ship and disappearing into the cold darkness of space. He thought he would never, ever see her again. And, it broke his heart. Of course he didn't actually acknowledge that. Well, he did tell me. Not that it's true. He's a very private man. He doesn't like to discuss his past, his emotions, his fears, wants, etcetera."

Vala stared at him, silent and thoughtful.

Firelight wavered, then brightened as the fire was fueled by a young man who looked to Vala then back to Daniel. "We have heard she was as crafty as they come. But with a heart of gold. If she is half as beautiful as your wife, then she must be quite exquisite."

"That she is." Daniel stated firmly as someone set a try of food in front of both he and Vala followed by tankards of ale and cups of water.

Food and drink was passed around the tribe and conversations began.

"Daniel?" Vala whispered hoarsely.

He turned, slowly, wondering what she thought about his accidental admission. "Hmm?"

She was smiling wide, "Shouldn't we leave?"

He leaned close, inhaling her scent as he whispered near her ear, "I'm not sure. Let's wait a..."

Beklar stood, "And this is all the story you will tell? Surely there is more? How did Vala Mal Doran become a member of the Tau'ri tribe?"

A very young woman rose to her knees to see better. "How did she become a member of their best warriors, SG-1?"

"And what is the rest of their love story?" This came from another young woman with a tiny baby in her arms.