A/N

mmmmmm blocking out the haters. Don't hate! USUK 5ever

Hot hot smut. Don't read if you're under 18. You have been warned.

Character Death Warning.

Alfred trembled with excitement. If everything went as planned- well, then this would work perfectly. Arthur Kirkland would finally be his. Legs splayed out like a young fawn, the American looked up at the other in the room from his spot on the bed. "art…. stick your peen in me."

He looked shamefully down at his nakedness. "pls."

Arthur felt excitement course through his body. The sight in front of him left him hard, needing- but he couldn't. He couldn't. "Al- No. I can't do the frick frack." He grimaced. "my slithering snak cannot fill your fertile valleys."

The American looked shocked, and Arthur felt his heart clench. Even more, almost as if he was going into cardiac arrest when the other spoke again, "wh."

"Because." God save him, it was almost too painful to speak.

"Why?" Alfred crawled towards him like some athlete-slug hybrid. "Baby-"

"Bae," Arthur felt using American slang would help him in this case. He had to try- "We have to go on the first date before we get naked." He grinded his teeth, "I must be… gentlemen."

He could practically see Alfred's heart drop. But the other seemed to resolve himself, finally speaking. "Tru." But the fire did not die- the metaphorical fire of course. If Alfred was literally on fire Arthur would both be aroused and concerned. "Take me out for fine dine… And then fine dine on my peen."

A solution- Arthur felt his heart soar, though that may have been the five hour energy kicking in. "I will fine dine on your peen. But please make sure you are squeaky clean…" He paused, thinking. "Fine dine… There is drive through."

Alfred gasped, "i would love."

Arthur couldn't accept that, shaking his head like a dog doused in water. At least he was fairly certain he didn't smell like wet dog. "but you bby… you deserve the sit down fast food."

He could see the American's eyes fill with tears- happy tears, judging by their contour- and Arthur felt happy. Even happier when all the other could utter was a simple, "wow bby."

He had to continue. "I wouldnt only order off the dollar menu 4 u."

Alfred writhed beneath his words, as if his very language was a vibrator sending pleasure like shocks of electric current through the man's body. "ur making me so horny."

Arthur himself was on the verge of collapse, his throbbing member an overwhelming presence. He wanted Alfred. No- he needed him. "i cant handle this. i must take u now. we will date l8r."

His words apparently resonated with Alfred, as he could see the American's already prominent baby-maker grow three sizes, just like the Grinch's heart.

Licking his lips, Arthur eyed the American lustily. "i will plow ur fields… nice and hard and long." Oh, his rake was ready.

And by the looks of it, so was Alfred. He moaned without even a touch, the words causing Alfred to shudder almost violently. Hopefully he wouldn't catch a cold. "Ahhhhnnnn art pls." He caught the Englishman's eye- his metaphorical eye, as both were still in the other's head- "do me now."

Arthur pulled off his clothes faster than a speeding bullet. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Arthur's dick- It was that massive that it may be mistaken for a small airliner when in flight. He climbed onto the bed, holding the other close. "r u prepared." But then he gasped- He wasn't prepared! He quickly retrieved his pants, pulling out a few bottles. "all I have for lube is ketchup or mayo." He showed Alfred the choices, "u will be my hamburger. ill put my meat between ur buns."

Alfred visibly swooned. "im." Arthur waited for the man to regain his vocabulary. "thats many sexy i want it now pls arthur," the American moaned, "take me now."

Arthur grinned, pushing the other back against the soft fabric. "Oh alfred i will take u now." Permission granted, the mission could proceed. Taking the mayo- low fat because he's a healthy gentleman- he slathered his schlong. He only looked up when he noticed his future bedmate's eyes go wide.

"oH BBY" Alfred exclaimed, trembling like a young leaf in the wind, about to be blown over by Hurricane Arthur. "ur peen. its. so small. hnnnngh"

"i no i no." Arthur nodded, positioning himself over Alfred like bread on butter. He thrusted into Alfred like a wild stallion stung by a bee and with a high sex drive while the American writhed and pulsed beneath him, a star about to supernova.

"OH HNNNNNGHHH. ARTHUR YES. RYGHT. THERRRRRRRRE."

"AHHH ALFRED U R BEST. MY KEY FITS RIGHT IN YOUR LOCK."

Alfred paused from moaning and flailing his limbs like a windblown mascot, pleased with the compliment. "ikr."

Arthur nodded, freezing as well. "very impressive tbh."

Alfred shrugged, "not as impressive as." The American paused, "hm. well idk. its not. hmm. anywY" He remembered the previous pleasure, and began moving as if he'd caught the disco fever. "OOHH ARTHUR YESS. FUCK ME GOOD."

"Where were we?" But before Arthur could ponder the conundrum, Alfred's actions startled him back into the sex-bomb he knew he was. "UR ASS SO TIGHT MY DICK MAY FALL OFF."

Alfred only clenched tighter, "hnnngh good. so i can have u inisde me forever." Suddenly, he spasmed, "oh aRT. IM- IM ABOTUT TO CUMMM"

Arthur arched and moaned and whined and begged and did the hokey pokey and turned himself all about and gasped and groaned, "OH aLFREDD. ME TOO. MY FORNICATING FOUNTAIN GONNA EXPLOD RIGHT IN UR HOLE."

Alfred screamed, "EXPLODE INSIDE ME-AHH!" And ejaculated his white seed all over the bed, Arthur, the ceiling, the windowsill, the cacti, and the neighbor's cat.

Arthur ejaculated even harder- it was as if his sperm were a stampede of elephants, enraged by a furious desire to be as far away from the Brit as possible. It shot straight through Alfred, killing him from the force of ejac.

Arthur summed it up concisely. "Oh shit." It was that point he realized another problem, "i cant get my dick out now."

However, to his surprise, Alfred wasn't instantly killed. He gasped out like a dying crone, "a-arthur…. i just want u to know."

Still considering his situation, Arthur talked to himself. "this is midly inconvient- oh, al, you're hanging on?"

"before i die," he croaked.

"y-yes?"

Alfred coughed, "... dick too bomb." With a final spasm more befitting of a zombie shot in one of those American horror games, the blonde collapsed and breathed his last breath.

Arthur cried deeply and wholesomely, and ocean of tears from one small English man. The English channel was created that day, some say. "i would have loved u 5ever. i was gonna propose w/ ur fav poptart.. but now… ill put dick too bomb on ur grave. dont worrie al. ill take care of you."

Disclaimer: Based off an rp between me and my friend. If you want the gist of it, imagine just the dialogue. All description and Arthur's dialogue written by me. Posted with permission from the Alfred. If you want to see more fics like this, review and subscribe. Thanks- Post.

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