The phone rang unexpectedly one day. Hedwig put down her makeup brush and answered.
"Hello?" she said into the receiver.
"Hansel?" The voice that answered back was a voice that Hedwig hadn't heard in such a long time that she could hardly fathom what was happening. Hedwig never thought she'd see her mother or hear that voice again.
"Mother?" Hedwig said incredulously into the phone, at a loss for words.
"Yes, my son," the voice said back. Hedwig could hear her choking up on the other end of the line.
"How did you get my number?" Hedwig asked.
"I came to America after news of you made it to Europe…is it true you had an affair with that boy rocker?"
Hedwig didn't know how to respond to that but her mother didn't give her the chance.
"Never mind, we can go over everything later. Where can I meet you?"
After confirming that Mrs. Schmidt was in the right city, Hedwig gave the name and address of a local restaurant.
"I'll meet you outside," Hedwig said before they hung up. After setting the telephone down, Hedwig took a deep breath and held her face in her hands. Nothing could have prepared her for this. She had no idea what her mother would say. Would she even recognize her? Surely she had changed into someone different than the son her mother once knew.
She had the rest of the day to anticipate the meeting. The band members noticed her preoccupation during their practice that afternoon.
"Miss Hedwig," Skszp tried to interject during their run through a set. She didn't respond.
"Miss Hedwig," he repeated.
"What, Skszp?" Hedwig finally said.
"Your mic isn't on," he said. "And you're singing the song too slowly."
"Oh," Hedwig replied, still in a daze. "Just keep going."
With a shrug, Skszp gestured to the band to keep playing. Hedwig corrected her mistake, but kept becoming out of synch with the band as her mind wandered.
Finally, it was time for her to get ready to go meet her mother. She took off her wig and sat down in front of the mirror to fix her makeup. She wiped off her glittery lipstick and replaced it with a more neutral tone. She drew her eyebrows in so that they were in less harsh of a line than she had worn then earlier. She then chose one of her more modest wigs that didn't have any outrageous curls. Throwing on a light jacket, she was ready to go. Or at least, as ready as she'd ever be.
She went out the door and tried to control her breathing. She felt another pang of anxiety as the restaurant neared on the horizon. As she got closer, she could see the figure of an old woman standing in front.
As Hedwig started coming up the walk, she saw it was indeed her mother. It took Mrs. Schmidt a few moments to realize who the person standing in front of her was, but when she did her face brightened like the sun shining through the clouds after a rain storm. The lines that had been etched into her face with age became deeper as she smiled, recognizing her child.
"Mother…" was all Hedwig was able to say before her mother had wrapped her arms around Hedwig's middle.
"My son…" she said as she hugged her tighter.
As they stood there in their embrace, Hedwig forgot the bitterness that she had held for her mother for so many years and was overcome with happiness. After a minute, Mrs. Schmidt looked up into Hedwig's face with tears in her eyes.
"I never thought I'd see you again," she said. She tenderly reached a hand up to Hedwig's face, gently caressing her cheeks, then feeling the wig. She stood there for a few more moments, examining Hedwig's features before they went inside the restaurant. This joint was less tacky than Bildgewaters and was much more respectful of Hedwig and her crew. The server welcomed the two of them with a smile before they were seated.
"So," Mrs. Schmidt asked as she perused the menu, "how's Luther?"
Hedwig took a moment before answering, not wanting to think about it but knowing that this topic of conversation was inevitable.
"He left me years ago," Hedwig finally said. Mrs. Schmidt studied Hedwig's face for a moment before asking, "Is that where that rocker boy comes in?"
Hedwig sighed before telling her mother the whole story; building herself back up after Luther had abandoned her in the trailer park, meeting Tommy, how she thought it would last forever until Tommy left her too, all the way until where they were now.
"And part of me was always mad at you," Hedwig continued. "You and Luther, for dragging me into it, for bringing such mutilation upon me."
A single tear rolled down Hedwig's cheek from her clouded eyes. She tried to get a hold of herself, but it was futile.
"I'm sorry, Hansel," Mrs. Schmidt said. "I could never have anticipated the pain you would have gone through, and at the time you and Luther were so very happy." She reached across the table to hold Hedwig's hand, which was clenched tightly.
"You took a piece of me," Hedwig said, her voice still sounding choked. "You and Luther…and Tommy. Everyone I've ever loved, they all took a piece of me; they all tore me apart!"
"Shh…it's all behind you now, Hansel –"
"Hansel's gone!" Hedwig snapped, cutting Mrs. Schmidt off. "Hansel was gone after the operation, after I crossed the ocean to come to America, after Luther left!"
"Hedwig, then; it's all behind you," Mrs. Schmidt tried to continue. "You can move forward –"
"No, I can't!" Hedwig shouted, interrupting her mother a second time. "Not with the constant reminder every day when I turn on the radio, when I turn on the television, when I take off my clothes! Every day I'm reminded of what's been taken from me!"
"Hansel, you have to keep moving forward, they don't control you –"
"I told you, Hansel's gone!" Hedwig cried before getting up to leave.
With surprising quickness for her age, Mrs. Schmidt grabbed Hedwig's hand before she could go any further.
"Hedwig!" she shouted. Hedwig stopped. Neither of them moved or said anything for a few moments before Mrs. Schmidt spoke again, this time in a lower tone.
"I came all this way to see you," she said quietly. "Please don't go."
Hedwig slowly turned and sat back down. They both had tears in their eyes. Hedwig used her napkin to wipe her eyes, knowing it would smudge what makeup she had put on.
"Maybe you have changed since I last saw you," Mrs. Schmidt said, "but I'm still your mother and you're still my child. I only acted the way I did back then because I wanted you to be happy. I wanted a better life for you. Under the circumstances, I believed in what we needed to do at the time. You may have been hurt, but you are fee, creating a life for yourself that would not have been possible in Berlin."
"What if we had waited, Mother?" Hedwig asked. "What if we had waited? The wall would have come down and none of it would have been necessary."
"Perhaps," Mrs. Schmidt replied calmly, "but recovery doesn't happen overnight. It still would not have been the same as the opportunity you have here."
Hedwig thought for a moment. Her mother had stayed in Europe when the wall came down and afterwards; of all the people Hedwig knew, her mother would know the most about what things were like. Maybe her actions were motivated by a kind of love only a mother could express.
They ordered their food and their conversation moved on to other topics. Mrs. Schmidt shared stories about her time in Yugoslavia. Hedwig talked about how she had met the people who now formed her band. When they had finished, they slowly made their way out and down the street to where Mrs. Schmidt was staying the night. They stopped outside the front entrance to the hotel. Mrs. Schmidt spread her arms wide and they wrapped their arms tightly around each other.
"My son…" Mrs. Schmidt said quietly. "Hansel…Hedwig...I don't know when I'll ever see you again. I'm sorry I couldn't have stayed longer, but I leave tomorrow."
"You can come hear the band play if you have time," Hedwig said. "It's the kind of music you'd make me play in the oven, but maybe you'll like it knowing that it's me singing it."
It wasn't certain, but even if this was it, it was enough. Her mother may have taken a piece of her, but was only because she wanted what was best. Hedwig still felt broken, but she could forgive her. Just this once.