A/N: this is my 1st one-shot! Its kind of dramatic but its good!!!

Feeling her pulse

As they scream things at me and ask me why I do the things I do and why I would want to put my life in jeopardy, all I can think about is how quickly they can finish this raging fight so I can make an escape to the bathroom and be rid myself of everything I had put in my stomach.

I never listen to them or what they say. I think it is funny how they are sure that they can convince me not to choose these options I have, and to not take my image so intensely. That all makes it true when I say they don't understand, or in this case yell, because if that's the things they tell me to try and "help" then they have it all wrong.

After I had emptied the contents of my stomach in the bathroom sink, so I won't have to flush the toilet and give everyone a clue about what I had done, I lie on my bed and try to remember when things were happy around this fucking hell hole.

Then a memory comes to me. It was a long time ago; my older brother Connor and I were in the back yard playing in the cool summer grass, just enjoying our care free lives. Of course that was before mom was gone, and before I had inhabited a terrible disease of the mind and body. Bulimia.

Connor and I ran around our small little L.A front yard and chased each other with smiles. Since I was two years younger he always let me win.

"Ella, Gabriella!" He would call. "Im going to get you!"

I would giggle and run in my little sundress and my long curly brunette hair trickled down my back and brushed across my face as I ran.

Then my sister Hannah comes out and tells us that dinner is ready and mom wants us to come in. Hannah was eleven, Connor was six, and I was four.

We were all perfectly happy and nothing could ruin that, or so we thought.

I am pulled out of this memory when my cell phone rings.

It's Troy, my boyfriend. I don't know what it is but he never can stop loving me. He is so perfect and yet he takes me. Me who he loves, and I who I loathe.

"Hey babe" I say quietly.

"Hey, meet me at the lake" He says and hangs up.

He does this all the time when he wants to talk or I do, we choose the lake for some reason.

I don't give it a second thought, and pull on my converse shoes and grab my car keys.

"Gabi where are you going?" Hannah asks me in surprise.

"Out" I say coldly. As I run down the stairs and into the garage where my car is. I put the keys in the ignition and drive off just like that. I know that Hannah won't tell dad about the fight cause she and I always do as well as Connor. If she tells him im throwing up again, I will have to go to another stupid eating disorder session where they tell you calories and food are "healthy" yeah right.

I pull up at the lake and saw troys car instantly. I got out and walked down the grass until I reached him. He was sitting down staring out at the dark lake that the night cast a shadow over.

I sat down next to him and lay my head on his shoulder.

He pulled me into a big hug and kissed me passionately. "Brie, just promise that you will never leave me, ever" He says seriously. Troy looks into my eyes and he has a loving expression that makes me sink in to his soul as if becoming apart of him.

"Ok" I whisper kissing him yet again.

Troy's POV

I remember that night so clearly. The way Brie looked and talked to me. The way we kissed passionately never wanting to break away.

But what I remember the most is the promise she vowed to never break, yet she did anyway. She left me. She left the world. She took my heart, my love, and my feelings with her. I remember receiving the news about her death, something inside me left and it will never come back. I know that now because im suffering more than I have in my entire life and its not a feeling that will someday leave, it's a characteristic that I have adapted to. Lost love filled with grief and sorrow.

I miss her. I miss her love. And looking back I see the girl I wanted to marry one day. I see a girl with troubles and worry. And I wish for just one last time that I could feel her breathe, feel her pulse.