[A/N: We all know the whole I don't own it thing, yadda yadda, but this is just to say I ripped this idea off of SailorKatochan… So go read her shit or we're all in big trouble; Me for being a thief, and you for being retarded enough to want to read this. Okay. Enjoy.

P.S~ From here on out the things in Brackets and italics are actions, underlined things are Titles or names of songs, and things in Bold and italics are Characters present at the event being mentioned in a description—Bold/Underline indicates who is speaking. And italics during speaking mean… that's right kiddies… CENSORSHIP. Confused? GOOD.]

[Lights go up on a rather large stage, the backdrop a large screen displaying the flickering flames of hell, and to the right is a long bar filled with miscellanous characters who do not belong to Leighlei. They are facing the stage, and having some drinkies. Behind them is the Actual bar, where a few burly bartenders, dressed as raunchy tavern women, also watch. To the right of the stage I a small table, and directly to the right of that is a small bench where The Nemesis sits, glaring around… wearing a tux, sans bazooka. The lights begin to swirl with red, orange and yellow rave patterns as Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie begins to blare. Leighlei comes out from backstage left, wearing an elegant backless black evening gown with knee-high combat boots. Her makeup is done like 'The Crow', and her hair is twisted up into two strawberry-blonde buns on either side of her head. She comes center stage, where a podium has ben set up, and gives the people at the bar the finger. The lights return to normal, the song stops, she lets her hand drop.]

Lei: Before you make with the Funny, I just wanted to say that if any of you discuss the incident with the GundamW boys and the toilet Bowl Cleaner, I will have my best friend- [Nods to Nemesis] Shoot you with a potato gun. I'm serious. [The people at the Bar try to disguise their smiles, and not laugh. Especially Dane Cook, who has to cover his face with his hands. Lei glares at him for a moment, and then climbs up on the podium and yells:] I AM LORD!!! [She jumps off of the podium as the crowd goes wild, and goes to take her seat, Nemesis shakes his head at her. She glares at him, and he looks away, muttering]

Announcer (From some obscure unseen place): Ladies and gentleman, our first guest has not only been the member of the cast of a Hit T.V. series, but has also taken part in one of Leighlei's favorite projects- Return to The Highway, which is now being combined with Closer. Please welcome- Darius Jenner!

:: Jeepers Creepers begins to play as the Brown-haired hunk gets up from the bar and heads to the podium, flashing Lei a debonair smile before leaning towards the Mic. The music stops and he begins to speak.::

Darry: Well, when Lei and I first got together, I was scared of her. Look at her—she looks like a member of the undead. [ He points, the crowd titters.] When she asked me to do reworking of the events following Jeepers Creepers, I was skeptical. But then she tied me down and gave me the best lapdance of my life, so I agreed. [ Crowd, and some people at the bar, laugh.] During the making of Return to The Highway, I was forced… I mean asked… to do a love scene, and, it didn't seem odd to me at the time… but she had Deth; the girl I was acting with, and I do it about twenty times… [ He grins.] And it seemed to me she needed to go to the bathroom A LOT, which is also strange. You see, there were no bathrooms in the trailers, and well, when she excused herself, she always went back to her trailer… Well, I'm not going to go any farther than to say; Leighlei is a very loud screamer. [ Crowd Laughs. ] And she really seemed fond of pickles… [ He looks to Dane Cook ] Did you have anything to do with that? [ He smiles as the muic begins again, taking the flight of stairs down the right of the stage and giving Lei a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then going back to his place at the bar. ]

Lei: [ Yelling in the ensuing quiet before the next performer. ] Hey, Didn't I see you in a Vanilla Pepsi commercial? With a Light switch? 'Dance, Monkey, Dance?'

Darry: Yeah, after I kissed Britney Spears. [ Everyone laughs at his pointing this out. ]

Lei: Aieeeeee… don't mention that ever again! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT?!

[ Darry snickers.]

Announcer: And now, live via sattelite from Save Point, please welcome one of Leighlei's greatest inspirations; Jill Valentine!

[ The afore mentioned flames of hell cease flickering as the screen switches over to Jill Valentine, who is apparently standing in front of an old typewriter and a large footlocker, holding a gun. Nemesis grins.]

Jill : See what happens when I defeat these f~beep~ers? They all hang out together and sh~beep~t. What is that over there, the pit of stupidity? This is what happens when you side with Wesker, you idiot. [ She puts her hands on her hips and starts making odd, jerky movements like in the Resident Evil game series. The crowd cracks up.] And I'm SORRY if I'm not COOL ENOUGH to be in one of your horribly written fanfictions, but at least I got the hook-up! [ She digs through the footlocker, putting her gun inside and taking out a bag of Marijuana. ] See this? This grows ALLLL OVER my city! And it's legal! [ Crowd laughs.] Why do you think I can't pick locks? BECAUSE I AM STONED OFF MY WHITE ASS!What's your excuse? [ She pulls out a lighter and a Reloading Tool, which, as suspected by many is actually a bong, and proceeds to pack and take a hit off of it.] Now, excuse me, but I need to remember how to shoot a gun now. [ Nemesis grins, laughing as the crowd applauds and the screen goes back to displaying flames.]

[A/N: All right, so it was pretty lame. Oh well. I'm going to make this a really long thing, just me making fun of myself through charcters I have cruelly manipulated and do not own, so please, R&R, give me some ideas, or tell me if there's anyone you want to see or whatever… Bleh. Sorry it's so short… I should have more up by tomorrow. XD!]