Finally, wouln't let me add this on. Stupid internet.

Anyways: I don't own Naruto, I don't own game shows, I don't own the lobsters.

I am not Masashi Kishimoto.

I am not the guy who created Survivor or anything of the like.

I am not... whoever created lobsters.

Good night, and good luck.

Applause sounded, then a man wearing a surgeon's mask walked onto a stage. He had grayish-white hair, yet he was young, and wore an eyepatch over his right eye.

"Yo, I'm Kakashi, and you're watching season 13 of Ultimate Survivor. For those of you just starting to watch this season of U.S., I was season one's winner, that's why I'm wearing all this junk on my face. I don't wanna freak you people out.

Anyways, let's introduce our lovely contestants!"

A boy of high-school age walked onto the stage. He had blond hair and blue eyes, and grinned at the studio audience.

"This is Naruto, the Generally Happy Guy Who Everybody Likes."

"Hi!" said Naruto.

"Naruto, why do you want to win the title of Ultimate Survivor, and the million-dollar prize?"

"Uh, I need the money."

"Anything you wanna say to people watching?"

"I hope you people will all be pulling for me!"

"Okay," said Kakashi, brushing a stray strand of hair out of his eye. "Here's our next contestant: Sasuke, the Emo Kid."

Sasuke walked out. He wore all black, and his black hair was blacker than his eyes, and his eyes blacker than his blackity-black-black soul.

"Sasuke, same question as Naruto."

"I want the money, and I want to tell my jerk brother to go-"

"That's enough of that! Next contestant: Ino, the Free Spirit!"

Ino was platinum blonde with light blue eyes. She grinned happily.

"Hey, Kakashi. I'm on here because it's gonna be a good adventure, and I need the money. I, like, totally ruined my dad's car.. Anyway, Bioshock rules!"

"Contestant number four: Neji, the Prissy Guy."

Neji had longish brownish-black hair and light violet eyes. "I need the money." He went to go stand with the other contestants.

"Number five: Shikamaru, the Whiny Cool Guy."

Shikamaru came out. He was tall, with brown hair and an earring in his left ear. He didn't even answer Kakashi, just waved and went to join the others.

"Um... number six: Hinata, the Shy Girl."

Hinata came out. She had black hair with a blue sheen, light violet eyes, and looked horribly frightened. "Um... my dad wanted me to do this..." She went and joined the rest.

"Number seven: Sakura, the Mean Chick."

Sakura was very striking; she was pretty, with long pink hair, teal eyes, and a somewhat vapid expression. "I need the money."

"Finally, our final contestant: Gaara, the Moody Punk! I can't wait to see this kid off his happy pills."

Gaara was, if that was possible, more striking than Sakura. He had a mop of red hair, green eyes, a tattoo of the Japanese character for 'love' on his forehead, and multiple piercings on his ears. "Shut the hell up, Kakashi."

Kakashi looked shocked for a moment, then raised his microphone. "We'll match our contestants in pairs... after this commercial break.

Hinata glanced warily at the rest of the contestants. She wouldn't mind being paired up with Ino or Shikamaru or Naruto, but she thought the rest of them looked scary. Especially Gaara. But, knowing her luck, she knew she'd be paired up with one of the scary ones.

"Hey, I hope none of us gets killed this season," Ino was saying to Sakura. "It would suck so bad if I died and left my dad without a car!"

"Aaaaand we're back! The computer has matched the pairs up, and they shall go as follows: Naruto and Sasuke, Ino and Neji, Shikamaru and Sakura, and Gaara and Hinata. Everybody, get into pairs!" said Kakashi. Hinata thought that he sounded like her gym teacher.

"Damn, shoulda known I'd get stuck with a bitc-"

Sakura gasped and kicked Shikamaru in the leg. "Hey, don't you dare call me that!"

Hinata sneaked a look at Gaara. He was staring off into the distance, ignoring everybody and everything.

"Okay," said Kakashi. "This season's location is Isla de las Langostas Monstruosamente Grandes. Here's a little history for ya: when the Spanish landed there, they started to settle it, but they fled from the island a few days later, screaming for their mothers. I don't know why, but I suppose our contestants will find out! Now, we're sending our contestants out on a plane, and they'll be back after these messages!"

"Okay, guys, you're on your own now. Just you people, the island, and our viewers. Have fun!" And with that, Kakashi went off on a boat, leaving the contestants alone.

"Oh my god, why did I sign up for this, why, why, whyyyyyyy..." Sakura's statement summed everybody's feelings up. They were all somewhat homesick (except for Gaara and Sasuke, who looked the same) and hungry.

"Hey, w-what's that?" asked Ino, alluding to a loud clacking, like that of many large insects on tile.

"OH MY GOD! Now I remember what Isla de las Langostas Monstruosamente Grandes means! It means 'Island of the Freakishly Large Lobsters!" Naruto yelled.

And, indeed it was.

Review, my pretties!

Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!