As God as my witness, I'm going to kill Carla. This woman is a year-round hurricane season with no breaks in between and you just stand there and wait to see where she's going to strike next. Ever since Diane Chambers walked into my bar, she has obviously decided this was where she was going to touch down and it looks like she'll be there until Diane's blown completely off the radar. I always knew that Carla was salty but man, and I don't know why it took Diane Chambers for me to realize this, sometimes her shit wasn't funny.
Poor Diane. It's three in the morning after a very long night and here I am, walking up the stairs with Diane, clocked out, draped over me, all because Carla made her an Open Grave. Carla is walking behind me and Diane, still laughing over that stupid, silly fib of the truth she swore I would hear all about in the morning. I don't think I want to know. All I know is the two minute walk to the corvette felt like it took two years between Carla's shenanigans and Diane's dead weight on me.
"Open the door, Carla," I told her. She did what I asked her to and was laughing until I banged Diane's head off the car door trying to lay her down in the backseat.
"Sammy!" She yelled as she laid her hand on Diane's head. I looked at her with wide eyes; I couldn't believe she just acted so maternal towards her. As a matter of fact, that was her excuse for what she did.
"Once a mother, I guess," she shrugged as I more cautiously laid Diane back down. I was just about to shut the door when we both heard Diane begin to moan. We both looked at each other and gasped but then she just snored and went back to her drunken silence. We then breathed sighs of relief and I headed to the driver's seat as Carla got in the passenger seat.
"Hey," she said. "How do we know where she lives?"
"I remember the address from her resume," I replied as I put the car in gear.
"She made you a resume? I bet she wrote it on the back of an envelope!"
"She listed every school and every course she ever took," I said, laughing as we drove off into the night. "Even a manilla envelope couldn't fit all that."
"Jesus," Carla sneered. "Must be nice to come from all this money so you can waste away at school all your life. I only went to St. Clete's on referral from my public school."
"That bad, huh?"
"I ain't jealous, Sammy. I mean look: she could quote any author, recite any poem, recognize any famous painting and show you up on law but she can't even pass a fucking tray. I could pass a tray in my sleep, Sammy."
"I know you could, sweetheart."
"I know I ain't the smartest but I know how to work hard. That's all I ever knew how to do."
"You had to. You don't think Diane works hard?"
"She works hard at pretending she's better than everybody else but she ain't."
"I really don't think you give Diane too much credit."
"The only one who gives Diane Chambers too much credit is Diane Chambers herself."
Is it wrong that I laughed? Luckily for Diane, she didn't live too far from the bar. We pulled up to an old yet nice apartement building and I prayed to God to help me carry her up the steps. I was happy to get her out of the car without banging her head again. I hope she doesn't wake up in the morning with a bruise. Carla was behind me every step of the way including the four flights of steps it took to get to her place.
"Get her keys out of her purse," I said to Carla. I was relieved to find that Carla got the right key on the first try. She went in first and turned the lights on so it was easy for me to navigate where I was going. I laid her down gently on her bed as I let Carla take over from there. While Carla was changing her, I went to the kitchen to find a pad of paper and a pen. I made out a note to put on her bed stand after Carla was done with her.
Diane,
Your car is safe at Cheers. Me and Carla brought you home tonight. Here is ten bucks so you can take a cab to work tomorrow if you wish. You don't have to worry about paying me back.
Sam
P.S- I banged your head off the car door. If you have a bruise on your head that's the reason why. I'm very sorry.
"What are you doing, Sammy?" She asked as I was taking a ten out of my wallet.
"Giving her cab fare for tomorrow. You sure got her changed quick."
"I'm a mother, remember? I wish all my kids were as good as her."
"Thanks," I chuckled as I made my way into the bedroom with my note and money in hand. I laid it next to her lamp on the night stand. The light was still on and I turned to look at her. God, she really is a beautiful woman. I bent over and gave her cheek a kiss, I couldn't resist.
"Goodnight, sweetheart," I whispered. "I'm sorry you're going to feel like shit tomorrow."
"Sammy," Carla whispered as she peeked her head in the door. "Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah," I replied.
That was a lie. If I had my way I would have stayed the night with Diane just to make sure she was okay. I may be a pervert but I'm not that big of one where I would do an unconscious woman. All the way down the steps, I kept looking back to where she lived and just praying that she would be all right tonight. I had to take Carla home though and I had to put Diane's well-being on the backburner as long as I had Carla with me.