Name: Ryo Ma Ma and the Forty Thieves
Mod you're writing for: Chibisuke
Authors: doroniasobi, disfigured-dream
Beta: rikuchii
Genre(s): Adventure/Humor
Pairing(s): A weensy bit of RyoSaku and TomoHorio and Atobe/Fuji
School(s): Seigaku, Hyotei
Wordlength: twoshot
Summary: Ryo Ma Ma comes across forty thieves and their cavern of treasure.
Author's Note: Based on an original story, Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, though it's only kind of like that; we've added in a few of our own quirks.
Long long ago, back when flying carpets replaced limousines, there was a very poor man called Ryo Ma Ma. He was married to a woman of great virtue, Sakuno. Although they worked industriously, they were not close to as wealthy as his evil brother…
Horio.
"I knew it. The authors really have no creativity."
"Tell me about it."
So one day, Ryo Ma Ma went into the desert as usual to find some cactuses to sell in the market. He brought with him his faithful donkey, Momoshiro, to help carry the cactuses back home.
"Wait, why am I a donkey? Hey!"
When they arrived at the market, Fuji Syuusuke, a friendly neighbour, would always come to greet them, accompanied by a small cat he liked to call Kikumaru. Fuji would always carry a few oats for Momoshiro and would always like to admire the cactuses brought in.
One day when Ryo Ma Ma was in the desert with the faithful Momoshiro at his heels, they were caught in a sudden sandstorm, and got lost. When they came to, they heard a sudden loud rush of hoof steps and shifting sand. Hurriedly, they hid behind a coconut tree.
"What kind of idiot hides behind a coconut tree?"
"Yeah, that fat Momoshiro would be a hundred percent visible!"
"Who are you calling fat?"
There was a loud sound of a horse's majestic neigh. As the strangers approached, Ryo Ma Ma craned his neck forward, trying to determine if these newcomers were deadly or friendly.
Suddenly, there was a flash of bright light and Ryo Ma Ma's vision was cleared. Momoshiro made a snorting sound from beside him, and Ryo Ma Ma took a moment to glare at him before resting his gaze on the strange people on horses. There, leading a group, sat a man wearing royal clothing and the aura he gave off glimmered and sparkled despite the previous roars of the sandstorm.
Ryo Ma Ma watched him silence his group and snap his fingers. The group was rather large, and Ryo Ma Ma counted forty of them, altogether. It looked to him as though they were conversing, but Ryo Ma Ma couldn't quite catch what they were saying.
Then, suddenly, the group headed in a different direction. Perplexed by this strange behavior, Ryoma decided to let his curiosity poke him and so he allowed both himself and Momoshiro to pursue the group to their whereabouts.
They arrived to a cavern, a small entrance in the rocks. Ryo Ma Ma took the time to briefly wonder what they could be doing, when the leader silenced the group again. Ryoma and Momoshiro took this chance to hide behind a nearby rock this time.
"Be awed by my prowess!" the leader bellowed loudly. Ryo Ma Ma could not help but make a face, raise an eyebrow, think egotistic jerk, and watch him.
A door opened in the rocks, and the troops dismounted their horses, huddled inside, the door closing swiftly behind them. Ryo Ma Ma, still quite confused, decided to stay for a little longer and watch what would happen. The door opened again not long after, and the forty thieves came back out. The captain of all forty turned, suddenly—was that a mole on his face?—and yelled, "Shut up, bitch!" The door closed promptly, and the group headed off.
After the ruffians had left, Ryo Ma Ma stayed behind his rock for a while, recovering from the fright. Momoshiro tugged at his hand, anxious to return home. Though he badly wanted to return home, he remembered his kind and hardworking wife and home, and decided to help himself to just a little of the loot. Carefully, he edged slowly towards the rock.
Feeling stupid, he said softly, "Be awed by my prowess."
The door slid open.
Ryo Ma Ma looked at the darkness beyond and stepped through. He didn't know what he was expecting to see; the moments passed quickly and he could not seem to remember what he was there to do as he stood there in the large, open space. It was large and well-lit, to which he found surprisingly convenient. Sitting here and there in corners and against the walls were rich piles of merchandise, gold and silver platters in piles and heaps before him.
However ridiculous Ryo Ma Ma had found all the gold and silver to be, it only became worse as his eyes focused properly on what was not only gold and silver, but also more things to be ridiculed.
In one corner, surrounded by more heaps of golden necklaces and bracelets, there stood a tall, bold, golden statue. Upon closer inspection, Ryo Ma Ma was baffled to find that it was a golden statue of his good (or not quite so good) neighbour, Fuji. The Fuji in the statue was smiling elegantly, as he always did; even though the Fuji portrayed in the statue was no different from the Fuji he knew to be a cactus lover, he knew that he would never see him in the same way ever again.
"I knew Monkey King had a thing for Fuji."
"Shut up, brat."
Then it occurred to him that the thieves might return at any moment, and he hastily started scooping up handfuls of gold coins. As he scrabbled in the gold, part of the huge coin mountain slid away to reveal a pile of scrolls. Curiosity killed the cat, but he picked up one and rolled it open to see what was inside.
And then he dropped it like a hot coal, red creeping up his skin though he knew he was the only one in the place.
He stuffed enough gold to last ten years of frugal spending and turned to leave. Using the words "Shut up, bitch," he closed the door and went home, Momoshiro snorting in satisfaction beside him.
When he arrived at home, he carried his bags of money to his wife, Sakuno, and emptied them out in front of her, telling her the secrets and making her promise not to speak a word of this to anyone else. He put the riches back in his bags to bury them, but Sakuno stopped him, a tinge of red blooming on her cheeks as he turned his head to look at her.
"I'll measure it," she said, and smiled a small smile before leaving the house to borrow a measure from Tomoka, Horio's loud-mouthed wife.
Tomoka, being good friends with Sakuno, and knowing of their family's poverty, demanded to know what she was to be measuring, and when Sakuno would not tell her, she frowned and put some suet at the bottom of the measure.
Sakuno headed back and measured the gold. She did it a few more times, delighted. Then she brought it back to Tomoka, smiling gratefully, not noticing the small piece of gold that had stuck to the bottom of the measure.
When Horio came home later that day, Tomoka leapt at Horio's throat and demanded to know why Ryo Ma Ma's family was measuring gold. Awfully confused at his wife's impulsiveness, he asked her what had happened, and she showed him the gold that had stuck onto the bottom of the measure. Horio threw a rage, stomping his foot and his face turning a mad shade of red, becoming so envious he could not sleep during the night.
He went to his brother in the morning. "Ryo Ma Ma! You pretend to be poor. I, Horio Satoshi, the man with two years of experience from (of?) being rich, would like to know why you spent your day measuring gold."
Ryo Ma Ma sighed and rolled his eyes. Knowing he had no reason to hide his secret any longer—more importantly, he knew that Horio would throw a fit if he didn't tell him—he told Horio all of what happened the other day and, staring at Horio's twitching fingers and twisted face, offered him a share.
Horio straightened himself and closed his eyes proudly. "I shall take you up on that offer," he said graciously, voice dripping with greed. "But I need to know where the treasure is hidden."
Ryo Ma Ma rolled his eyes once more, and out of annoyance, he told him of the cave and the very words to use.
Horio left his brother's household and snickered gleefully to himself into one hand. He would get the treasure for himself, and then he would no longer be rich for only two years, but years and years from then.
Horio soon found the cave in which Ryo Ma Ma had told him of, said, "Be awed of my prowess!", and the door opened and shut behind him. His eyes feasted on all of the treasures, all the merchandise, and wondered how much he was able to carry in this span of time. Then he looked towards one corner, saw the large statue of Fuji, and swore up and down that he had seen that man somewhere before. He squashed the very thought to the back of his mind and grinned a strange grin at the thought of more money.
He hastened to gather as much of it as possible, but when he was ready to go, he could not remember, for the life of him, what the secret password was.
Instead of saying the correct words, brainless, greedy-minded Horio tried different combinations of words—"Shut up slut!"—"Shut up, asshole!"—"Shut up, woman!" and upon saying this last one, he thought of his wife and scoffed.
He named several different insults commonly heard on the streets, all but the right one, and the door simply would not open. Frightened, he could only sit there in horror at himself and the trouble he'd gotten himself into.
As Horio was contemplating banging his head against the wall to jog his memory, a loud and arrogant voice called from outside.
"Be awed by my prowess!"
The door opened, and Horio looked up, trembling at the leader and his forty thieves.
His last thought was that he should have sent Tomoka instead.
Night drew on, and Tomoka grew uneasy—"What the heck is that idiot doing? What's taking him so long? He'd better not have gotten lost or anything." She ran to Ryo Ma Ma and told him where his brother had gone. Annoyed by Tomoka's complaining and whining, he told Sakuno to calm her down and went with Momoshiro to look for his idiot of a brother.
The first thing he saw upon entering the cave with Momoshiro was Horio's dead body. Startled and shocked, he moved Horio's body onto Momoshiro's back and decided to fill two more bags of gold while he was at it.
A/N: To be continued, really. There's just one more part to go, if you've read the original story, though this chapter is kind of a story in itself. ~ Vio
Doro: I thought this was really fun to write and all, haha. Look forward to the next part! We'll get it up soon, I promise.