Part One
It had been a while since the sun had stopped beating down, making even walking a hard task. Fall was finally beginning to settle in, and it couldn't have come any sooner.
Fall was his favourite season. The way that every tree changed its colours to rich shades of red with a mahogany shine, to speckled yellow, and even a rich auburn, to illuminate the pavements of Berlin with the upcoming season. Yes, this was certainly the best time of year.
He also liked this season because everything quieted down. There wasn't as much activity, so a young boy like him could roam the forests that surrounded the industrial city to his hearts content without fear that he would get lost in the crowd.
"Ludwig, supper is ready, come inside!" called out his mother, Mrs. Beilshmidt.
To Ludwig, his mother was his hero. After their father had died in unknown conditions while serving the military, Ludwig, his mother, and his older brother, Gilbert, moved in with their grandpa, since they couldn't afford rent. There, she got a low-wage job steady enough to supply an edible meal three times a day, sometimes two, if times were rough.
She was the most hardworking person he knew, and she took good care of him. Ludwig couldn't ever remember a time where she had yelled at him or slapped him, like many of his friends at primary had told him about.
He had been outside, plucking up weeds in the garden surrounding their small, cottage-like home, and tossing them into a pit he had dug to throw away later. A simple, fun chore for a young, six year old boy to complete.
Unfortunately, Ludwig didn't have many friends. He was taller than his entire class, and didn't know his strengths. On top of seeming intimidating, he was also socially awkward, unable to keep eye contact with anyone or continue a conversation for more than five minutes before losing interest.
It didn't matter much to him. If he was ever feeling lonely, he could run up to his mother, explain why he was having a bad day, and help her cook dinner, running around and throwing flour all over the place, making a general mess of things. She would laugh, calling him "her little chef", patting him on the head, and sending him off to play.
They lived on a pretty desolate block, but across from the way, there was a crowd of people unloading boxes of furniture into the home.
"Mama, what's going on over there?" he asked, pointing out the window to the house across the street. He got soap and water all over the kitchen floor since he was washing his hands when he pointed, so Mrs. Beilshmidt bent down to clean it up.
"I think we're getting some new neighbors," she said, straightening her hair. It was blonde, just like his, but her eyes were a strange purplish-brown shade. Gilbert had inherited the unusual eye colour, but had gotten white-blonde hair from someone along the line. Neither his father or his mother had had that light hair, his father had dark brown hair. It was a mystery.
Ludwig had his father's blue eyes. They were as blue as sky on a clear day, one of those days where you just know everything is going to go well. No clouds, and you have to squint from the sun's rays to look up at the sky.
"Where in the world is your brother?" she wondered aloud, clicking her tongue. "He said he was going to be somewhere after school with that polite boy with the dark hair-"
"Roderich."
"Yes, Roderich, that's right, but he knows he should be back by supper."
She set the dishes on the table, clucking her tongue continuously.
The door opened and Gilbert dashed in, throwing his books and shoes askew on the floor, to grab his seat at the table.
"I'm home," he panted.
"I can see that," she said, giving him a cross look. "Who do you think you are, staying out that late? A right mother would smack you upside the head."
She sighed. Gilbert looked away guiltily.
"Sorry," he mumbled.
She just patted his head softly, messing up his already unruly hair. "It's alright. At least you made it home just in time."
Mrs. Beilshmidt put the rest of dinner on the table. "Ludwig, would you call your grandpa downstairs for dinner?"
He jumped up and ran to the foot of the stairs. "Granddad!" he called.
"Coming!" he shouted back.
He walked with a slight limp that required a cane, and his nose was crooked from being broken countless times. War had done something to him, had ruined the charm that he had had in his earlier days. When grandma passed, no one had heard him laugh since.
"What've we got tonight?" he asked, stretching out his back before sitting.
"Beef stew," she said, ladling it onto his plate.
"Good to get some meat and protein into these boys. They need strengthening up or else they'll turn into piles of mush," he growled playfully, playing with Ludwig's hair. He giggled, pulling his hand off him.
Dinner was average, small talk encircling the table as they enjoyed their meal. Ludwig's eyes kept darting out the kitchen window, where he could get a tiny glimpse of the action outside. The movers were gone, and all he could see was a man with dark brown hair in the front lawn, looking down and talking to someone. He couldn't see who he was talking to, the window was too far up.
"Can I go back outside?" Ludwig asked, craning his tiny neck as far upward as possible to peer out the window.
Mrs. Beilshmidt took a look at the clock. "No, it's already late as it is. Let's all call it a night, shall we?"
They cleared their plates, and while Mrs. Beilshmidt washed the dishes, Ludwig got ready for bed.
When it was time to tuck in, Ludwig grabbed a story off his bookshelf and handed it to his mum. "Can you read this?"
She settled herself down next to him on the bed, Ludwig's head resting on her shoulder comfortably.
"Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, there was a beautiful baby princess that had just been born. The king and queen-"
"Mama," Ludwig interrupted. "Do you think she knew she was a princess?"
"Good question," she replied. "I don't know, why don't you ask the princess?"
"But she's not real. This is just a story."
"Maybe the princess in this story isn't real, but one day, when you're older, you'll find that one special person that will seem like a princess."
Content with the answer, Ludwig laid back into her shoulder, letting the rest of the story send him off to sleep.
When morning rolled around, Ludwig arose, getting ready to head off to school. He liked school, unlike some of his classmates. He loved to learn new things, since he was a curious kid.
He threw on his uniform and ran down the stairs, wanting to be served first for breakfast.
"I'm ready, I'm hungry!" he yelled out, his socks helping him glide into the kitchen smoothly.
"Go get your books sorted and your shoes on, then you can grab your toast," she said, shooing him out the door.
When everything was in order, he took his toast and skipped out the door into the breezy air to walk the five blocks or so to school.
For some reason, he thought he could hear the distant shouts of someone calling, "Wait! Stop! Wait up!"
He turned around, only to have what looked like an orange and grey blur come colliding into him with enough force to knock him to the ground.
Luckily he fell into the grass, but the sudden impact left him speechless.
The person who had hit him looked up, and all Ludwig could see was a pair of large, auburn eyes looking at him sheepishly. The person they belonged to jumped off him, and Ludwig could get a better look at this person.
It was a small boy, his uniform telling him he went to the same school as Ludwig, but his uniform was too big for him, causing his vest to fall off his shoulder. He had strawberry blonde hair with dark highlights that fell in his face, not enough to cover those wide auburn eyes that had been all but an inch away from his face five seconds ago. He was rambling on in some language he didn't understand.
"Um, excuse me?" he said, completely aghast.
"Oh, ve, you speak English!" he said, clapping his hands in delight. His voice was high-pitched for a boy.
"Who are you?" he asked, brushing off new fallen leaves from his blazer.
"I'm Feliciano!" he cried out, shaking Ludwig's hand vigorously. "I'm from across the way, that house over there." He pointed to the house that had movers surrounding it just yesterday.
"You're starting school already?"
"Well, Grandpa Roma sees no reason not to!"
"Grandpa Roma?"
"He's my grandpa. My brother and I live with him. Speaking of, Lovino!"
Ludwig noticed another boy walking along the pavement. His face was set in a scowl, and he was staring at the ground as if he could burn a whole in it.
"Feliciano, idiota, scendere a terra e lo lasciano solo. Probabilmente stai spaventando. Andiamo," Lovino scolded. He was taller than his brother but still short, with the same eyes, but his hair was a dark brown, like the man Ludwig had seen through the window last night.
"Sto solo cercando di essere gentile!" he cried back.
"Non voglio sentire. Andiamo, a meno che non si vuole essere in ritardo."
Lovino cast a nasty look in Ludwig's direction, leaving him utterly appalled. Feliciano looked heartbroken, different from the hyperactive happy boy he had seen just a few seconds ago. He sure changed moods quickly.
"Lovino has a temper. I suppose I'll see you at school! Before I forget, what's your name?" he asked.
"Ludwig," he said, his mind barely grasping everything that was happening.
"Grazie!" he called out, jumping up and joining his brother. They walked away, leaving Ludwig behind.
He sat on the ground for a good five minutes, just letting his mind process all that had just happened.
"What?"
At school, the two boys stood at the front of the class as the teacher introduced them. Feliciano was smiling and waving, jumping up and down, while Lovino, with his mouth permanently set into a frown, just growled at the floor.
"These are our two new students, Feliciano and Lovino Vargas," the teacher said, gesturing to each twin individually.
The class gave them tiny nods, some lightly clapping. They were so short they appeared more as toddlers rather than primary school kids.
The one who had ran into him earlier, with the lighter hair, his eyes caught on to Ludwig's. He waved hello from the front of the class, rocking back and forth on the heels of his shoes. There was a twinkle in his eye that made him even more charming as he tilted his head and winked at him.
He looked away, focusing his eye onto a speck of dirt at the back of the classroom.
"Now that we've got everyone settled accordingly, let's begin the lesson," the teacher said, shooing the boys back to their assigned seats.
Feliciano sat diagonally in front of Ludwig, and he kept finding his eyes drawn to the back of his head, bobbing up and down in an unrecognizable pattern or beat. He looked like he was utterly at peace with the world, humming under his breath like this was a meditational retreat instead of maths class.
Eventually, the bell rang for a recess, and all the kids filed out of class to grab their money for lunch.
Ludwig grabbed his money out of his cupboard and slowly walked down to the lunchroom. He usually walked alone and sat in a corner, watching the clouds pass by as he ate his lunch, but today, that kid- er, Feliciano, just wouldn't let him be.
"Hey! Hey Ludwig!" he called out, skipping down the halls, his lunch money jangling in the pocket of his blazer.
"What do you want from me?" he snapped, walking faster.
"I just wanted to know if Lovino and I could sit with you so we wouldn't be alone-"
"Just go away. I don't even know you."
He kept on walking, trying not to look back. He took a quick glance, and Feliciano had stopped walking. His eyes were almost translucent as they were full of tears, and his arms dangled at his side, giving him the appearance of a rag doll.
Ludwig sighed and kept walking.
Today the air was so thick with howling wind that the clouds were all dark and grey, and covered the whole sky like a blanket. Not much to look at.
Everyone else was laughing and chatting. Ludwig found his brother in the crowd. Gilbert was popular with everyone, and for good reason. He was witty, funny, and attractive. No wonder people paid attention to him.
Ludwig was more quiet, more serious, even with being younger. He'd always been pretty clever, solving puzzles and quizzes for fun. He enjoyed learning new things, and could often be found wandering around, amazed with how nature worked.
He filled up all his free time reading about nature. Something about how everything worked together in a system fascinated him. There wasn't much material about science for six year old levels, so he had taught himself to read above and beyond what the teachers required of him.
Scanning the lunchroom, he saw that strangely clingy new neighbor, Feliciano, and his brother in a corner, twirling around the pieces of pork on their forks as if it had threatened to eat them, instead.
They did sound foreign. Feliciano had a strange accent that made most words end with an "ah" sound and his vowels were stretched out. Maybe they weren't used to this country. They could probably use someone to show them around.
He felt a twinge of guilt. He had been rather rude to him. Maybe he should apologize.
Gathering up his things, Ludwig carefully made his way over to where they sat. Gesturing to an empty chair, he said, "Mind if I sit here?"
Lovino just rolled his eyes and made some sort of gesture with his hands that looked rude, and Feliciano clapped.
"Yay! Lovino and I were wondering what this strange meal was, and is it poisonous?"
Ludwig held back a laugh. Were they really questioning if pork was poisonous?
"No, it's safe to eat. Anything they would serve in a school is alright. It's called pork, and it tastes good, at least, I think so. Just try some."
Both of them continued to stare at the food.
These were really strange people.
Ludwig closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Alright, fine, don't eat. Whatever."
"Say, Ludwig, I am having a hard time understanding what anyone is saying here. Not many people speak English, and I try to pay attention but I just don't have a clue what the teacher is saying," Feliciano said, arranging the pork pieces into a smiley face.
Lovino slapped him on the arm. "Don't play with your food."
His accent was even more prominent than Feliciano's. "Where are you two from, anyway? I've noticed your accent."
Feliciano smiled. "Oh, we're from Italy. It's this beautiful country where everyone is happy and you can run around and-"
"Yes, I know where and what Italy is," Ludwig interrupted. Feliciano looked crushed. He coughed and said, "But do go on. I don't know everything about Italy."
Lovino gave him the look of death and muttered, "Nice save, potato-head."
He whispered back, "Anytime, tomato freak."
Oh, he was going to pay for that, but the look on Lovino's face was priceless. Why did that one brother hate him so much? It wasn't like Ludwig had done anything to him.
It wasn't for him to worry about. Ludwig had always been a rational person. If Lovino was going to hold a grudge against him for no apparent reason, then he wasn't going to push it.
Of course, he could get his licks in every now and then.
The rest of the day went normally, an average fall day. When the bell rang, every kid trampled one another to get out of the classroom. Ludwig was always the last one out. He was never in any rush.
Feliciano was one of the last out the door, besides himself, and one of the bigger kids in the class pushed him over, his books scattering all over the floor.
"Oh, what a shame," one of the girls mocked, giving a well-placed kick to his workbook, sending it flying across the hallway. They all left, leaving him to pick up every pencil and piece of paper that had dropped.
"Here, I can help you," Ludwig mumbled, dropping down to his knees to help place coloured pencils back in their box.
"Ve, thank you!" he exclaimed, his smile lighting up the hallway. Ludwig blushed and turned away, lightly placing papers back into a notebook.
He looked at him softly, his head tilted down slightly. "You know, everyone thinks that you're really tough and all, but you seem very nice and gentle. Just something I've noticed."
"What do you mean?" Ludwig asked. "Who's been telling you that I'm all tough?"
Feliciano blushed. "No one, I didn't say any-"
His head dropped. "So, you've been here one day, and already people are starting to spread rumours about me to you? Great."
"No, no, no, it's not that!" he said quickly. "Don't think I'd ever listen to what some kids I just met said to me."
"But you just met me, too."
"Well that doesn't mean that I can't tell for myself who I can trust and who I can't."
Ludwig blinked.
Feliciano gave him a sweet half-smile. "I may be pretty naive, and stupid, but if there's one thing I'm good at, it's being a loyal friend."
All of his school stuff was collected and placed in his book bag by now.
He turned around, his head poking out the doorway. "You know what I've noticed, Ludwig?"
"What?"
"You have really blue eyes. Like the ocean. They're pretty."
He giggled, winked, and left the room, leaving Ludwig all alone.
Nothing was making sense. Usually, Ludwig could breeze through his schoolwork with no problems whatsoever, but today his mind kept drifting off into space. He'd find himself staring a blank wall, thinking about nothing in particular. It was infuriating that he couldn't just concentrate.
By the time dinner rolled around, Ludwig had only gotten through three-fourths of his assignments. Calling it a night, he decided he'd scribble off answers before breakfast in the early morning, something he'd never done before.
Outside, he could hear the sounds of shrieks of laughter and screams, and a loud, bellowing laugh that rang and echoed through the air. With tensions building between neighbors and the government, the sound of open laughter in these times were rare.
Outside of his bedroom window, he could see that the dark-haired man he'd seen with the movers was swinging Feliciano around in the front lawn, and he was shaking with uncontrollable laughter at being thrown around like a toddler. Lovino was perched on the grass, spread out, reading a book. He occasionally looked up at the mysterious man and his brother with what could have been rage, but Ludwig figured it was jealousy.
After dinner, he closed his door and took another stab at his schoolwork, with no luck. Everything on the page just seemed to spin.
Ah well. Tomorrow was another day.
From the second Ludwig awoke, it was an off day. He had woken up fifteen minutes later than usual, throwing off his schedule.
He ran around the house, putting on shoes without slipping in the heels in and a jacket with only the left arm in before bounding out of the house.
He didn't know why, but something told him to wait for Feliciano. The poor naive boy probably wouldn't be able to find his way to the school alone. Sure, there was Lovino, but even though he'd never admit it, he was just as fragile as his brother. He just put up a front about himself.
Five minutes later, Ludwig could see the two boys emerge from the house, bounding down the steps.
"Oh, Ludwig! How nice of you to wait, grazie!" Feliciano said, running to meet up to him.
Lovino just rolled his eyes, rocking back and forth on the heels of his shoes.
"So, we should walk, or..." Ludwig trailed off awkwardly.
"Yes, let's!"
They headed off to school. Most of the walk was filled with Feliciano's endless chatter. Boy, could he talk. Once you got him started on something, he never stopped. That boy could talk to you about anything for hours, even if you weren't listening.
"-and I didn't have many friends back home, but Lovino had a best friend, he was nice, and he smiled a lot. They knew each other because my grandma knew his father and they did business together-"
"Feliciano, shut up," Lovino said anxiously. Ludwig could see a hint of fear in his eyes. What was that about?
"-anyway, his name was Antonio, and we would play tag and-"
"Feliciano, shut UP!" he shouted. Everyone stopped walking.
"What's the matter?" Feliciano asked nervously.
"You know what's the matter! God, are you really that stupid?"
He walked away, his whole body shaking.
"Oh no, did I make Lovino cry?" Feliciano gasped. "Ludwig, I'm sorry, go ahead and walk without me."
He left, running after his brother, leaving Ludwig to ponder what that was all about.
Surely there was a reason Lovino got so upset. That could be pinpointed to the fact that Feliciano mentioned a friend that had obviously been very dear to him, but what about the glint of fear in his eyes at the mention of the business they did? Surely the man with the dark hair was this grandfather Feliciano had talked about.
Then again, he looked younger. Could he really be their grandfather? Ludwig had been thinking father. He was probably just one of those guys who seemed to never age.
At school, everything seemed to be normal. Ludwig's concentration was off, and his whole head pounded, but nothing too extreme for him to ask to consult the nurse.
Then the letter.
Funny thing, it is. How when you least expect it, bad things can happen. Nothing seemed to be abnormal, nothing happened that could prepare Ludwig.
A white piece of paper. Words, scribbled on it in your average fountain pen. Words that would change everything, they were.
The teacher took the note from the principal's hands, reading it. Her expression turned from her normal happy self to wide eyed and gasping.
"Ludwig Beilshmidt, they need you in the office."
Confused, he gathered his things and headed down the stairs, following the principal's lead. He hadn't done anything to get himself in trouble, so what was all of this about?
Gilbert was already in the office, his skin even paler, which Ludwig thought surely wasn't possible, and his eyes pink.
"Gilbert, what's-"
With that, he broke, reaching up to hold onto his brother. Confused, Ludwig hugged him back.
The principal kneeled down in front of them, looking at them gravely.
"I don't know any way to say this without seeming horrible, so I'm just going to say it. This morning, there was a horrible accident. As you may know, the German government is beginning to get a lot of power, and today, the British have struck back. They left a small but devastating explosive in a crowded shop way. Unfortunately, your mother was at the scene when it blew."
He stopped speaking to let all of that information process in his head. Gilbert had stopped crying, his face covered by his hands.
Ludwig didn't know what to say. He didn't know anyone who had no father or mother. All of his friends lived in nice houses, with their whole family seated at the dinner table. His family had already been abnormal enough without a father, but now it would just be him, Gilbert, and grandpa. Just them.
It didn't really register in his brain that she was gone. It was more like a scary thought, pressing into the back of his school. Nothing clicked. No tidal wave of emotion hit him.
"So, is she in the hospital, or is she..." he trailed off, not letting himself finish the sentence.
The principal looked away. Looking back, Ludwig felt incredibly sorry for the man. He had to tell two boys that their loving mother had passed. It must have been a heartbreaking job.
They were immediately escorted home, so they could spend a few days recouping. Nothing made sense. Everything sounded so far away, and there was a pounding in his skull that made him feel weightless and heavy at the same time.
Then the darkness hit.
When Ludwig awoke, he was in his bed at home. The covers were tucked, the light was off, the shades drawn. A glass of water was on the dresser, and he was still in his uniform. He couldn't see his clock to tell the time.
His head hurt, but everything else felt alright. It must have been from hitting the ground when he fell.
Slowly, so he didn't hurt himself, Ludwig got up out of bed and headed down the stairs with enough carefulness that one could've assumed he was on a hangover.
"Grandpa?" he called out weakly.
The old man rose from his favourite armchair. "Ludwig, you're up! Don't worry, it's only been two hours, you haven't been out for long."
He knew why he had passed out, and the thought made his heart heavy.
His grandfather lightly placed his hand on his shoulder. "Look, kid, I know this is going to be a tough time. I'm not very good at talking, as you might know, but I just want to reassure you that you have people who care. Come talk to me if you need to, okay?"
Ludwig nodded absentmindedly.
"Oh, and you've got a friend who's been anxiously waiting for you to wake up."
A friend? Who could-
"Ludwig! Oh my, thank goodness you're fine!" wailed Feliciano, running up to Ludwig. His little arms flew around Ludwig's neck in a tight hug. Not knowing what else to do, he hugged him back tighter. Feliciano had swung his legs around his chest, and Ludwig held his back in the hug.
His tiny face broke into tears, covering himself up in Ludwig's shoulder.
"Don't cry," Ludwig soothed him.
Feliciano wiped his tears with his hand. Those amber eyes of his glistened with a wave of water hidden up inside them, making them sparkle. It was a different kind of sparkle from the happy sparkle Ludwig had noticed.
"My eyes are just plain blue," Ludwig blurted out.
Feliciano looked confused. "I'm sorry, what?"
"You were talking about how pretty my eyes were earlier," he said, "but they're just blue. Your's are wide and they sparkle. Mine are boring."
He smiled. "Oh, ve, I know what you're talking about!" Feliciano giggled a little before going on. "A lot of people have blue eyes, yes, but your's are special. They're different."
A friendship is the most beautiful thing on the planet. It can come from years of knowing each other and building up solid trust in one another, or it can hit you suddenly, like a bolt of lightning from the sky. Sometimes, if you're lucky enough, you can know who you're true friends are. If you're really lucky, sometimes they can end up being a special part of you.
Part Two
"Gotta catch me!" Feliciano teased, weaving the football around the flowers in the open meadow.
"No fair, you're better!" Ludwig cried out. Feliciano may be small, but he was fast, which made him amazing at football.
With one well-placed kick, the ball went soaring in the air and into the forest, right in the middle of the two trees where the goal was.
"That's now four for me, and zero for you," he mocked, sticking his tongue out at Ludwig.
"Now we have to go out and get the stupid football since you kicked it into the middle of Death Forest," he grumbled, dragging his feet.
Feliciano cheekily grinned, making Ludwig chase him deep into the jungle-like realm of the forest.
"Hey, guys, you can't go in there!" Gilbert shouted after them. He had been watching them, just to make sure they couldn't get into any trouble. Of course, they paid no mind to him and continued running around, looking for Feliciano's football.
"Oh no, if we lost it, then Grandpa Roma is going to be really mad at me!" he pouted, arms crossed over his chest.
"I'm sure we'll find it. It couldn't have gone very far."
After searching for a good ten minutes though, they were starting to get frustrated.
Things had begun to shape up and change. It had been almost a year and a half since the tragedy, and life had not gone as downhill as Ludwig had imagined. His grandfather took care of him, and did a pretty good job, too, considering he had barely moved a muscle back when Mrs. Beilshmidt was around. Feliciano came over almost every single day, and Gilbert locked himself in his room a lot. Ludwig felt bad for him, because he had almost completely pulled out from society so he could draw, which was his form of coping.
"Maybe it got stuck up a tree," Feliciano said, his hand cupped over his forehead to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked at all the treetops, trying to find the football somewhere in the leafy green mess.
"I doubt it, it didn't look like you kicked it that high," Ludwig said.
"Give me a boost up. You're taller, and I can climb better."
Ludwig, rather strong for his age, managed to lift Feliciano up with ease.
After two minutes of looking around, Ludwig tried to put Feliciano down carefully. Unfortunately, though he was very strong, he was pretty clumsy, and he tripped over a rock stuck in the Earth.
"Whoa!" Feliciano went flying down, landing right on top of Ludwig.
After a second of getting his breath back, Feliciano burst into laughter.
"I'm sorry, really it's-"
"Don't apologize, that was fun! Like flying!" Feliciano laughed. His head was resting on Ludwig's chest, eyes on a diagonal, staring straight into his. His whole body moved as he laughed, tickling Ludwig's chest with the vibrations.
There are certain moments in life where you can just know. When things hit you so suddenly, it feels like the whole weight of the world is on your shoulders. Sometimes, this feeling is good. Sometimes, something life-changing can happen to you, to your mind, to your thoughts, in a matter of seconds. Just one little word, and everything changes. Everything you thought was right, thought was wrong, thought was normal, flies out the window.
One of the greatest debates of all time is over whether true love is real. If you ask me, the notion of true love isn't real. It's sudden mutual attraction to someone that looks or seems interesting to you. What's real is sudden realization.
And it can hit you like a tidal wave and change everything.
At first, Ludwig thought his mind was playing a trick. After all, he may have grown up in an off home, a little lonely, but-
That must've been it. He was so lonely, he had never had a real friend before. Not before Feliciano.
Feliciano had changed him so much. He took the world in a different point of view from this black-and-white town. Everything sad seemed happy again.
Yes, that was it. Ludwig's mind was mistaking loneliness for that feeling.
This all went flashing through his mind and thoughts in a matter of ten seconds.
Feliciano had rolled off of Ludwig's chest and was lying next to him in the grass. "It's so pretty from down here, ve? You can see all of the clouds passing by without having to squint because the trees are blocking the sun."
Ludwig nodded, praying that Feliciano wouldn't notice that he was shaking.
Smiling, he turned to face Ludwig, making his heart beat faster. "I tuoi occhi sono belli."
"What does that mean?"
"Your eyes are beautiful."
"Oh. Und so sind bei Ihnen."
"Huh?"
"And so are yours."
Feliciano's cheeks filled with just enough pink colour to blush fairly. "We could teach each other a little bit of each other's languages. We can start right now!"
Ludwig nodded. "Fair enough. Du bist mein bester Freund."
At Feliciano's blank stare, he elaborated. "You are my best friend."
"E tu sei mio. And you are mine."
"Voglio solo una cosa," Feliciano said.
Ludwig gave him a confused look. "Go on!"
He giggled. "You have to guess!"
After thirty minutes of Italian lessons, Ludwig had figured out what it meant. "I only want one thing," he said slowly. "Well, what's that one thing?"
Feliciano looked him in the eye, slow and steady. "Baciami."
Sometimes, if the moment is too perfect, time will slow down. Every tiny movement and breath can be measured and remembered, every whispered word and touch, all stored in your brain.
So time slowed down. Laying there, in the grass, as a small breeze fluttered by, Ludwig thought he had misheard Feliciano's breathy, whispered word. It was clear what he said, he meant.
Those eyes he loved were so close, those dimples he adored were mere inches from him, those curls he had played with on lazy days were close enough to smell, a sweet honey. It suited his personality. Most importantly, the person he loved more than anything was just within reach.
Then there was no more space left separating them.
A first kiss. Everybody has had one, or will have one. If you've had yours, you will probably remember it as a cute memory of your childhood, sweet and innocent.
This was different. Feliciano was sweet. He was kind, gentle, fun, and carefree. He was also a boy. Just like Ludwig.
Ludwig had never heard of something like this before. Every family he saw had a mother and a father.
But, right there on the forest floor, with Feliciano's tiny hands tracing patterns around his neck, bringing him closer, deeper into the kiss, he could've cared less.
There was nothing you could say that could wipe the smile off of Ludwig's face. He didn't register a single word that his grandfather said, asking him about school, he couldn't feel Gilbert punching his arm repeatedly, trying to get him to talk. He was beyond happy.
Rightfully so. Even if the whole Earth exploded, it wouldn't brought him off of his own cloud nine.
All he could see when he closed his eyes was Feliciano. Not even the shots and gunfire echoing the streets could distract him from what had happened.
It had hit him so suddenly, his knees and stomach felt weak. Normally, love is a feeling built up after knowing someone for so long. Ludwig had known his true feelings for Feliciano, but he had denied them. Then, right there in the forest, they had hit him.
Like a tidal wave of clear blue water.
It had become a sort of tradition, the colour blue. The last thing Feliciano would say to Ludwig would be something along the lines of, "I love your blue eyes."
He didn't know why, or how, but after a while, it had become a habit. The day wasn't over until Feliciano had made a comment about his eyes.
Ludwig had begun to love the colour blue. It took him a while to accept himself, eyes and all.
He remembered one day they had been trying to catch frogs by the riverbed, and Feliciano had, once again, made a comment about his eyes.
"Blue isn't a happy or pretty colour," Ludwig had snapped. "It stands for tears and sorrow."
Feliciano dropped his net. "You're right, blue can be sad, but it also stands for the sky. Oh, that bird over there that's singing that lovely song, it's blue! This river, the lakes, the ocean, they're all blue. It can also stand for happy tears, like at a wedding. Yes, blue can be sad, but it also stands for so many wonderful, beautiful things."
His voice dropped. "Like you."
Looking back, how could Ludwig have been so stupid? To not recognize his racing heart, beating out of his chest and his cheeks turning a fair pink.
How could anyone ignore the signs?
Nobody could deny that they were inseparable. When one saw Feliciano darting around the corner at the speed of light, you can guarantee Ludwig would be right behind him.
Never one without the other, and it stayed that way. In public, the best of friends. In private, secret lovers.
You couldn't say it was serious. They were young, and didn't know better. Just holding hands and watching the sun fall down over the treetops was enough on those lazy Summer days that passed.
Winter hit the town with what the season is usually associated with: despair.
The war had broken out in such lengths that children had to be picked up by their parents after school and could not walk home alone. This eliminated their time on the way home.
They would try to be alone later, but that never worked out. Since the snow came in buckets, there was no way they could be outside. Usually, they camped out in one of their houses.
Feliciano's grandfather was extremely nice. The second Ludwig had set foot in the Vargas household, he had welcomed him with a bone-crushing hug, insisting that "Feli's friend" call him Grandpa Roma, not Mr. Vargas.
Roma Vargas looked young for his age, and could easily lift Feliciano up over his head, which made him shriek in delight.
Poor Lovino would drag his backpack and park it on the table, do his schoolwork, and then sat with his knees buried in his chest, listening to record after record from Grandpa Roma's massive collection.
"These are all dumb," he muttered, pulling a blanket over himself and turning away from Ludwig and Feliciano, chatting about nothing over mugs of hot chocolate.
Ludwig didn't want to make him feel excluded, but Lovino was excluding himself. He seemed so lost all of the time, his eyes wandering around the room, looking for something. Ludwig was happy that he had Feliciano so he wouldn't have to keep searching.
"And the days go by like the falling rain, I wish we'd turn back the clock so things would never change again."
Lovino mumbled, turning around. He was already asleep.
You don't stay young forever.
Childhood comes to a stop, eventually. The days filled with endless wonder and mystery over the simplest things will cease. Everyone grows up, whether they want to or not.
Facing consequences.
We don't always realize it, but every action has a consequence. Every little choice we make affects us. It doesn't matter if the decision is whether to sharpen your pencil or not, but it changes some part, no matter how small, of your future.
Some actions have bigger consequences.
Sometimes, you don't even need the action.
You just get the consequence, even if you've done no wrong.
Part Three
People say that when you grow up, you change, but nothing had changed between the two best of friends over several years.
Wars raged on. Berlin became a war hotspot, the ally ways unsafe to walk alone at any time of day.
This didn't stop them from seeing each other every single day. It had been ten years, and Gilbert was at war. Ludwig's grandfather was severely ill. Feliciano was still the sunshine in the dark skies.
Every day, Feliciano would walk over to Ludwig's house and give him a hug, his fingers winding around his neck. He would plant a quick kiss on his cheek, and Ludwig would pick him up by the waist, which made Feliciano shriek. Ludwig loved doing that. It reminded him of when Grandpa Roma would swing Feliciano around when they were kids. Now, Grandpa Roma had gone far away for business, taking Lovino with him, and leaving Feliciano in the house across the way.
Feliciano hated being alone, so he spent most of his days with Ludwig, hanging around the Beilshmidt residence. Ludwig hated seeing Feliciano so heartbroken. He had acted okay when they told him they were leaving, and he could either stay at the house by himself, or go on the journey with them. Ludwig still wasn't sure where they had gone, and Feliciano avoided telling him. Nonetheless, he felt guilty for separating Feliciano from his family.
He loved his family dearly, and Ludwig missed having a family. He knew how being alone could hurt, and Feliciano was so much more fragile than him.
Lovino had been rather peculiar when they had left. Of course, even though he acted like he hated his brother, his eyes teared up at the thought of separating from him.
When Lovino had reached Ludwig, he hadn't said anything. Extending his hand just slightly, there was a note on it.
Written on the note were just a few sentences.
I'm not stupid, I want you to know that. Just do one thing for me. Take care of Feli, and don't hurt him. The last thing he needs is a broken heart. You two, whether I get a say or not, are meant to be, so whatever. Make sure you treat him right. He deserves it, poor kid.
Lovino Vargas
Stunned, Ludwig looked up. Lovino avoided all eye contact, focusing very hard on a cloud drifting by.
"Alright, Lovino, we're off," Grandpa Roma had said sadly, giving his grandson one last twirl before setting him on the ground.
Ludwig had never seen Feliciano so said. His eyes were rubbed raw from crying, his cheeks a fair rosy pink. He looked like a delicate little flower about to blown away by the wind, with his too-large baggy jacket hung over his petite frame.
Ludwig had held Feliciano's hand as the headed off to walk to the train station downtown.
Then something happened that Ludwig just couldn't explain.
Lovino turned around, gave his brother another small wave goodbye, and locked eyes with Ludwig.
His face lit up in a smile.
Poor Feliciano hadn't even moved from the couch for the three days following that. On the fourth day, Ludwig couldn't stand seeing him so helpless, so he went over to visit him.
"Is there something I can help you with?" he asked, squatting down by the couch.
Feliciano had his face buried in the pillow, surrounded by ruined handkerchiefs.
"No," he trembled, voice muffled by the pillow.
"Okay, that's enough games," Ludwig sighed.
Using all of his strength, he lifted Feliciano off the couch and sat him upright next to him.
"You can't just hide yourself in here for the rest of eternity," Ludwig reasoned.
Feliciano blew his nose before responding. "I can, I have plenty to eat and you can occasionally come over to keep me company whilst I wallow in self-pity."
Ludwig smiled. He was so dramatic sometimes. "Oh come on, I'd miss you if you hid in here all day!"
Feli tried his best not to smile, which was failing miserable. "You'd get over it."
"I don't think I could."
Now Feliciano couldn't help but smile. "Is that so?"
Ludwig knew this was his chance. "I would, because I love you."
Feliciano's eyes widened. Neither him or Ludwig had ever said that to one another. Not thinking, he slipped on one of the handkerchiefs, flying face-first into the floor.
"Ah!" he cried out, throwing his hands in front of him.
With a small thump, Feliciano hit the ground.
From the floor, his face still planted into the ground, he mumbled, "Love you too."
Neither of them could stop laughing.
After three months, Feliciano had cheered up enough to start acting like his happy self again, and thank goodness. There had been no follow up from the military on Gilbert's status, and Ludwig was beginning to get worried.
Usually, the military base would send letter home to the families every month on the status of the soldier. Gilbert's should've came a day or two ago. Of course, Ludwig wasn't too worried, with all of the rations and precautions being taken, the mail was just probably being slow.
The sun was high, worries were low, and life carried on.
It had been a week, and there had still been no word back from the base. Now, Ludwig was truly starting to get worried. His grandfather had just been transferred to another location where nurses and doctors could get to him 24/7 if needed, and now Ludwig was all alone in his house.
It was rather lonely without someone else to eat dinner with, so he often stopped by Feliciano's for dinner. Ludwig was a lousy cook, and Feli made the most delicious meals, most of which were pasta dishes brought back from Italy.
"One day, we're going to take a trip to Italy," Feliciano said dreamily, closing his eyes and stirring the boiling pot of water. "When my Grandpa and Lovino get back, and Gilbert comes home, and we're all a family again, just you and I can take a trip to Italy. You'd love it Ludwig, the farmland has such pretty flowers and the fields stretch for miles high, oh, and the food is delicious, there's so much pasta, everywhere, and everyone laughs and sings and dances and-"
Ludwig had snuck up behind Feliciano to shush him with a slow kiss.
"Of course I'd love to go see Italy with you."
Feliciano's smile lit up the whole room. "Oh, ve, that would be amazing!"
They ate dinner, laughing and chatting casually, when a giant boom shook the entire room, sending everything flying.
Even them.
It was dark and quiet. Too quiet.
The sound of footsteps marching through the house appeared.
They were getting closer to him. Ludwig braced himself for some sort of impact.
He should've known this was coming. The Americans were targeting the families of any military soldiers, anyone related to someone who was fighting for the Nazi cause. He should've seen this coming. The Americans had arrived.
A pair of sturdy black combat boots appeared in front of his face.
"Ludwig. How's your day?" he sneered.
Ludwig didn't answer. He was sure his leg was broken, it was bent at an awkward angle. A stream of blood ran down his face, making a pool on the floor. Everything was echoing, and his head felt dizzy.
"You know, I'm not a big fan of the Beilshmidt family," the unknown soldier said. "Your grandfather and father haven't exactly made things easy for me."
Ludwig had nothing to say. He didn't know what this man was rambling on about.
"I've always wanted to get my revenge on you little shits, and here I am." The man gave a hollow laugh. "I'm surprised you haven't hit the Nazis up yet. Or are you just biding your time?"
Then it hit Ludwig. Feliciano. Where was Feliciano?
"Where's Feli?" he asked blindly, trying to see through the haze.
"Who?" the soldier said. "Listen, this is from my brother and I."
He closed his eyes as the soldier's sturdy boot swung into his face. His nose made a sickening crack, and pain exploded over him.
"Ah!" he cried out, clutching at his face.
"This is for your father taking away my love's childhood."
Another kick, this time to the chest.
A dry heave, and Ludwig was spitting and hacking out blood. His lungs felt like they were filled with acid, his leg was numb with pain, and his busted nose was pure agony.
"Oh, and this one is for taking me away from all I love to serve my duty. Go to hell, all of you."
Was this soldier crying?
"The name's Alfred F. Jones. The 'F' stands for whatever I want it to be. For this war, it's freedom. For you, it's fuck off."
The only indication Ludwig had that he had left was that his boots made a low, clicking sound as he stepped over broken dishes and pieces of stone, brick, and wall.
Half passed out, Ludwig pulled himself up into a crawl, determined to find Feli. Wherever he was, he wasn't making any noise, so he must've fainted.
Feliciano was buried under a mountain of rubble that had unleashed from the walls where the bomb had been located. His hair was filled with glass from the windows, and he had small but deep scratches all over his arms and the back of his head where the window had fallen on him. Blood poured heavily from a spot where a particularly large piece of glass had struck him in the head. It now lay on the floor beside him, twinkling with crimson red.
He looked like a broken china doll, mouth agape, barely breathing.
Furiously, with all of the energy he had, Ludwig picked up a rag and brushed off all the glass near Feliciano and lifted him up away from the dangerous spot. He fell into Ludwig's chest, and he could feel Feliciano's shaking heartbeat against him.
"It's okay, Feli," he whispered shakily, tears mixing in with the stream of blood. "Hold on, hold on, you'll be alright."
Feliciano opened his eyes just a crack, enough that he could see Ludwig holding him close.
He smiled weakly, running his fingers through Ludwig's bloodstained hair.
"Du bist mein bester Freund," Feliciano said, his Italian accent battling the German words.
Ludwig broke into tears. "E tu sei mio. And you are mine."
"Voglio solo una cosa," Feliciano said, every word a pain to speak.
Ludwig could remember this conversation like it was yesterday. "Well, what is it?"
"You have to guess."
"Baciami?" Ludwig said.
Feliciano shook his head no. "Tienimi vicino in modo non sarò mai solo."
"I don't know what that means," Ludwig said, shaking.
"Hold me closely so I'll never be alone."
Ludwig hugged Feliciano to bring him closer, cradling him in his chest. "Always."
Feliciano stuttered out one last drawn-out phrase. "Your eyes are a pretty shade of blue."
He passed out again, and Ludwig felt everything go black.
Each breath was sharp and painful. His entire body and being felt hollow and lifeless. Was he dead?
No, he couldn't be. There were doctors and nurses rushing around him, passing clipboards and syringes between one another, rushing from patient to patient.
All Ludwig wanted was to go home and be with Feliciano.
It pained him that Feliciano was here because of him. If it weren't for his military ties, the American soldiers wouldn't have targeted them. Every time Ludwig even said a simple hello to him, he was putting him in extreme risk.
They would never be able to live like that. As long as this war stretched on, Ludwig could not be with Feliciano, no matter how much he wanted to. He would rather be apart than be responsible for another incident like this.
Everything felt empty. Life without Feliciano would be dull, plain, and useless.
Ludwig wasn't sure which side of the war he was even on. Yes, he supported his country, but those European nations had a point. Freedom and equality for all. It was something Feliciano stood for, something that Ludwig had always known to be true.
He didn't know where Feliciano was, but he wanted to see him badly.
That American soldier had proven the horrifying thought that had been planted in the back of Ludwig's mind. He had chosen to ignore it. He wished he hadn't.
Sure, they got just what they wanted. Red stained white, pale skin dreaming of blue. It was their patriotic mocking. The land of the free took the soul of a dreamer.
They hadn't planned to hurt Feliciano. Their only intent was punishing Ludwig. As long as Feliciano was by Ludwig's side, he was in danger. There was going to be a moment, sometime in the future, where something worse than that happened. Instead of a small bomb, it would a sniper, aimed straight for the both of them. Ludwig just couldn't do that to Feliciano. His Feli. His little ray of sunshine. The light that lit up the dark. His first and only love.
No, he couldn't risk anything.
The days at the hospital were long. Ludwig grew tired of the constant attention. He asked constantly about Feliciano, but they never answered his questions. All he knew was that Feliciano was apparently in a different division, getting special care. The thought of him, stretched out and helpless, having various needles and medicines being forced into his broken body made Ludwig twinge with quilt and sorrow.
When he was finally released, he still wasn't allowed to visit Feliciano. Apparently the doctors and nurses were able to contact Grandpa Roma, and he came rushing over to Feliciano. Only one person was allowed in at a time, so Lovino was placed outside the hospital with Ludwig.
Lovino wouldn't look him in the eye. "I tell you to do one thing. Take care of Feliciano. Great job."
Ludwig didn't know what to say. He should've protected Feliciano better. This was all his fault.
With a heavy heart, he left the hospital. Averting his eyes from what was left of the Vargas residence, Ludwig went back to his house. Taking out his suitcase, he packed up every basic thing he needed, and just started walking. Where he was headed, he didn't even know.
Ludwig didn't return home for a week. When he did, the Vargas house had been removed of any residue, and his house was just the way it was when he left it.
Entering, there was a note on the counter.
Ludwig,
I don't know why you left, but I'm sure you have your reasons. Whenever you read this, please meet me at the edge of the old farmland. I'll be waiting for you every night from 7-9 until you come. If you get this ten years from now, I'll still be waiting. I'll always be waiting, amore. Your eyes are the most gorgeous shade of blue, and I cannot wait to see them again.
Ti amo sempre,
Feli Vargas
His pocket watch read 5:47.
Throwing his suitcase on the couch, Ludwig dashed out the door and headed off. It was quite a bit of a walk, and he wanted to be there as early as possible.
When he arrived, Ludwig checked his watch again. 6:34. He would wait.
The waiting seemed to take forever, because it was his Feli that would finally be arriving. When the time neared seven, he heard someone calling his name.
"Ludwig!" cried out Feliciano.
"Feliciano!" he shouted back. "Where are you?"
"Over here!"
Feliciano was running from the opposite side of a long, chain link fence that separated the two properties.
His fingers traced patterns in the metal. "Ludwig, I've missed you so!"
Ludwig didn't know what to say. "Why are you all the way over there?"
Feliciano smiled sadly. "Grandpa Roma doesn't want me back in Germany. He's afraid something bad will happen again, even though I'm fine now. In fact-"
He started crying. "-In fact, he said as soon as you show up and we get to talk, we're moving back to Spain, where Grandpa Roma's new business is."
Ludwig wished he could just disappear into the grass right then and there. Here he was, with the only person in the world who had his heart, separated by a fence. The fence might as well have ran through his heart.
He struggled to find words. "Come closer."
Feliciano was smiling faintly through his tears. "I can't."
Ludwig tried to reach through the fence, but the gap was too small. All he could do was intertwine pinkies.
"We can't even kiss goodbye?" Ludwig shakily said.
He shook his head. "No, but you can have this."
Feliciano grabbed something from his pocket, lightly putting it through the space.
"What is it?"
"It's a flower. There weren't any blue flowers near me, so I found this pink one and I painted it blue so you'd never be alone."
Now Ludwig was crying with Feliciano. "Oh, Feli, what am I going to do without you?"
Feliciano whimpered. "And what will I do without you?"
"Can we have one last language lesson?"
Feliciano smiled. "Sure."
"Ich werde dich immer lieben. It means, I will love you forever."
"Io ti amerò per sempre. That's I will love you forever in Italian."
There was still blue all around them, but this wasn't the same. This was different from the happy ocean blues Feliciano had so often dreamt about. This was different, not the blue Ludwig had grown used to. It was the blue of sadness.
They let go for the final time. Not wanting to turn away, Feliciano walked backwards, locking eyes with Ludwig the whole time.
When he had walked a few steps away, he yelled out, "You know Ludwig, your eyes are very blue. They're pretty. Like the ocean."
With that, Feliciano disappeared into the forest, taking a part of Ludwig with him. A part that could never be replaced. You see, Ludwig's heart had all of the colours of the rainbow in it, and the blue had just walked away.