Title: Grad Night
Pairing: Edward and Bella
Genre: (up to two, as listed on FFn) Angst / Romance
Summary: One last high school event changes Bella's life in ways she never imagined.
Word count: (not including header) 14,225
Disclaimer: The author does not own any of the publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.
"Please, Dad," I beg, clasping my hands together in front of me. I'm used to Charlie's overprotectiveness by now, but one day he's going to have to accept that I'm 18 years old. I'm an adult; I'll even be a high school graduate in another three weeks.
"I don't know, Bells. It's over three hours away."
"It's not like I'll be driving," I growl, trying hard not to roll my eyes. "We're taking a bus. And I'll be going a lot further away than three hours when I go to college."
I cringe internally as soon as the words are out of my mouth. My dad and I have had many conversations — more like arguments — in the last six months about my decision to accept the offer of a full scholarship to the University of Illinois in Chicago. The last thing I need to do is remind him of that right now.
"Who else is going?"
"Most of the senior class. Angela will be there," I point out. Dad loves my best friend, Angela Weber, given that her father is the reverend here in the tiny town of Forks, Washington. "And at least a dozen chaperones."
He strokes his moustache and I try to remain quiet, my face impassive.
"All right," he sighs. "You can go."
"Thanks, Dad," I cry, hugging him quickly before rushing upstairs to my room. I pull my phone out of my pocket, texting Angela to let her know that he said yes.
I can't believe I was able to convince him. I can't believe I'm going to see Edward Masen in the flesh.
.
Two weeks later, I stand staring into my closet, trying to figure out what to wear. All of my clothes are so... lame. I've never been interested in wearing tight clothes that show off what few curves I have — not that Dad would let me out of the house in anything like that anyway.
But tonight I need to look extra special.
Along with most high schools within driving distance, Forks High School has been invited to participate
in a Grad Night celebration at Wild Waves theme park, near Tacoma. The park will be open exclusively for graduating high school seniors from 6pm through 6am.
I haven't been to Wild Waves in years, since back when it was still owned by Six Flags. I can still remember visiting the park for the last time with both of my parents, shortly before my eighth birthday. I had finally reached four foot tall — the minimum height for most of the thrill rides.
A stray tear slides down my face and I brush it away angrily. There's no use dwelling on the past. My life is what it is.
I am excited to visit the amusement park again, but what I'm really looking forward to is the midnight concert by my very favorite band: The New Moons.
Started by lead guitarist Jasper Whitlock and drummer Emmett Cullen when they met in college, the band also consists of bass guitarist Riley Biers, lead singer Seth Clearwater, and the youngest member of the group, Emmett's step-brother, Edward Masen.
I smile to myself, like I do every single time I think of Edward. Only 21 years old and he's the heart and soul of the group, playing keyboards and writing all of the band's music. The New Moons were just a cover band until Emmett's father, Carlisle, married Edward's mother, Esme, and Emmett learned that his new step-brother could write music.
And wow can he write. Edward is a classically trained pianist and everything he composes has an instantly memorable melody. But more than that, his lyrics touch something inside of me. He's a poet, a freakin' poet.
Now on their second album, The New Moons have only had minor success on the pop charts, but they're known as a must-see live act among the college set. They've played Seattle before, but there was no way my overprotective father would have ever let me drive to Seattle for a concert.
He thinks tonight is all about riding a few roller coasters. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.
I check the time on my phone and I know I have to hurry it up. We're meeting in the school parking lot at four o'clock for the bus trip to Wild Waves.
I hurriedly pull out my nicest pair of skinny jeans and a dark green henley-style shirt. After running a brush through my hair and spraying some perfume, I slip into my Chucks, since I'll be walking quite a bit around the park. Downstairs, I grab a jacket — I'll be outside all night — then slip my phone and a few bills into my pocket.
Angela is already waiting with the rest of our class when I pull my ancient pick-up truck into my usual spot in the parking lot. I jump out, almost running as I join the group of students and chaperones.
"Bella!" she yells when I reach her. "I thought maybe your dad changed his mind and wasn't gonna let you go."
"He's not home. I just couldn't decide what to wear. I mean, I'm going to see Edward!"
Angela smiles. "I wonder if he knows his biggest fan will be there tonight."
I shove her arm. "I know we probably won't get within 20 feet of him, but just in case, you know?"
The chaperones check any purses or backpacks, making sure no one is trying to sneak in any alcohol, then hand each of us a box with a sandwich, a bag of chips and a can of pop, since we'll be driving through dinnertime.
"I call dibs on the window seat," I tell Angela, looking back at her over my shoulder as I step up onto the bus.
She sticks her tongue out at me. "Fine, then I get the window on the way home."
.
"If I hear one more rendition of 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, I'm going to scream," Angela growls when the bus finally pulls in to the parking lot of Wild Waves a little after 7:30pm.
"No kidding." I shake my head.
As we file off the bus, we are each handed a Grad Night "diploma" and told in no uncertain terms that we must meet at the front gates by 5:45am for the bus ride home. I roll up my diploma, tucking it into the pocket of my jacket.
"What do you want to ride first?" Angela asks, practically bouncing on her feet. Every time she visits Wild Waves with her family, she gets stuck taking her younger twin brothers on all of the Kiddie Land rides and never gets to go on anything good.
"We have all night," I chuckle. "Let's just find the closest one and go from there."
Angela leads us off along the left side of a small lake until we reach Celebration Square. All of the carnival-style games are in this area, and I resist the urge to laugh at the teenage boys trying to win huge stuffed animals for their girlfriends.
"Look!" I yell when I spot The Wild Thing roller coaster. I remember this one from my last visit to the park. It was my first ever coaster and as such, holds a special place in my heart. Angela agrees to ride this one first and we join the line.
The theme park area of Wild Waves isn't all that large, and within a few hours, we've pretty much ridden everything in the park, given the fact that the lines are all pretty short with only high school seniors here.
"Want to ride Timberhawk again?" Angela asks, motioning toward the park's only wooden roller coaster.
I glance at the time on my phone — quarter after ten. "Maybe we should get in line for the concert. I want to be close enough to see how green Edward's eyes really are."
Angela rolls her eyes, but she agrees, following me back to Celebration Square, where the concert will take place. "Oh my God," I yelp, running toward the theater when I see how few people are already waiting. We should be able to get close to the stage, especially since I want to be on the side — where the keyboard is — instead of the more popular location in the center.
As we wait, Angela and I chat with the girls on either side of us. I'm thrilled to hear that they're mostly crushing on Riley or Jasper and not Edward.
Just before midnight, the security guards let us in and we rush toward where the keyboard is set up on the right side of the stage, finding ourselves literally in the front row. I try to keep calm, feeling like my heart is going to burst out of my chest.
Someone from the park walks up to the microphone to the sound of deafening screams. He announces the band and the screaming gets even louder as the five guys take the stage.
"What's up?" Seth yells as Emmett's drums start off the first song.
My eyes are immediately trained on Edward, whose head is down as he focuses on the notes he's playing on his keyboard. He's wearing dark wash jeans and a tight white t-shirt with some sort of photo on the front, totally showing off his toned and tattooed arms. His reddish brown hair is a wild mess on top of his head, just as it always seems to be; it's become his trademark.
I think I might faint when he glances up, winking at me. Well, winking in my direction anyway; I'd like to think it's directed at me.
For the next 90 minutes, I dance and sing along with the words to every single song. I'm probably going to be hoarse for days. I pull out my phone between songs, trying to take photos of Edward.
He's just so unbelievably gorgeous. It should be illegal for a boy to be that pretty.
As the last few chords die away, the band members step to the front of the stage, taking a bow to thunderous applause. Emmett tosses his drumsticks into the crowd and they all wave as they leave the stage.
I barely resist the urge to call out, "I love you, Edward!"
"Oh my God, that was ah-ma-zing," Angela gushes as we follow the crowd out of the small theater.
"It really was," I agree, coughing a little. "Want to get a drink?"
We walk up to the nearest food kiosk and buy two bottles of water, then take a much needed breather, sitting on a bench while we down our drinks.
"What's all the excitement over there?" Angela asks suddenly, and I look up toward where a crowd of people is gathering.
"Let's go check it out." We stand up, walking over to the crowd. "What's going on?" I ask the nearest girl as we reach the group.
"Someone said The New Moons are going to come out to sign autographs!" she replies excitedly.
My eyes widen as I look over at Angela. Holy shit, I could meet Edward? That's more than I've ever dreamed of.
About ten minutes later, Seth appears, a towel still around his neck. Sharpie in hand, he begins signing his name to whatever is thrust in front of his face. As he nears us, we pull out our Grad Night diplomas. "Hi," I breathe as he smiles at the two of us and signs his name.
Angela squeals as Seth moves away — he always was her favorite. He's just finishing up when Riley comes out, quickly followed by Jasper. I get both of their signatures, my heart starting to pound madly as I realize Edward could be next.
And he is. "Oh my God," I squeal, turning to Angela.
"You should try to get a picture with him," she suggests.
"Oh! Yeah, great idea." I pull my phone out of my pocket, my hand shaking as he gets closer and closer. "I think I might puke," I mutter under my breath.
"Hello, ladies," Edward greets us with his velvet voice. Oh. My. God. He's even better looking up close... his two-day scruff of beard is so sexy. And my God, he's tall.
I swallow thickly, unable to do anything but hold out my diploma. He signs his name for me and then moves to Angela.
"Wait!" I call as he starts to turn away. "C-can I have a photo?"
"Sure," he smiles. I hand Angela my phone and step closer to Edward. He puts his bare arm around my shoulders and it's all I can do to stay on my feet. His body feels so hard and so warm pressed up against mine. He smells like a combination of sweat and something masculine that I can't quite put my finger on — but it's a good smell, nothing like the guys at school by the end of gym class.
Angela snaps a photo, then looks down at the screen. "Let me take another one," she offers. I feel Edward's fingers squeeze my shoulder as I try to give her my best smile. "Ok," she nods, giving us the thumbs up.
Edward pulls his arm away and I feel the loss immediately. "Thank you," I manage to say, reluctantly stepping back toward Angela.
"My pleasure." He winks, moving on to the next group of girls. And I swoon.
After we've got Emmett's autograph, Angela and I move back to our bench and I get my first chance to look at the photos of Edward and me.
"The first one was fine... why did you need to take a second?" I ask as I flip through them.
"I just thought you might want more time with Edward's arm around you," she replies with a grin.
"Ang, you're a genius!" I stare at the second photo, at the twinkle in Edward's eye, and for just a moment, I allow myself to imagine that I'm the one who put it there.
"I can't believe we actually met them," she says dreamily.
"It's so surreal," I agree. "This is the best day of my life."
We decide to go on some of our favorite rides again, but Angela needs to stop by the bathroom first.
As I wait outside for her, leaning against the concrete wall, I close my eyes and let my mind go back over every moment of my interaction with Edward.
"Hi," a male voice says. I open my eyes, really glad for the wall behind me when I see Edward standing in front of me, still wearing his stage clothes.
"Hi," I manage to squeak out.
"You know, it's a little unfair that you know my name and I don't know yours." He raises an eyebrow, looking at me expectantly.
"Um, I'm Bella." God, Bella, could you sound any more stupid?
"A pretty name for a pretty girl," he says, reaching out and trailing one finger down my cheek. "So, do you know where all the cool rides are?"
"Um, what?" I'm still reeling from the fact that he touched me.
"I've never been here before, so I was hoping you'd come with me, show me where the best rides
are."
"Come with you?" I repeat dumbly. I mean, what?
"Yeah," he smiles, stepping closer to me. "Unless you don't want to?"
I stare up at Edward in shock. Of course I want to, but I'm afraid of making a fool of myself. I have no idea how to act with guys. I don't think I've been alone with a boy since like... sixth grade. I wasn't allowed to date until I turned 18, and even then, no one would ask me out. I hope they're just too afraid of my father coming after them with a shotgun and it's not me.
"Umm... my friend..." I hedge.
Just then, Angela steps out of the restroom, her eyes practically bugging out of her head when she
sees the two of us standing just a foot apart.
Edward glances over toward her, smiling. "I'm sure your friend could find someone else to hang out with for a few hours so you could hang with me?"
"Sure," Angela replies, nodding her head furiously. "I see Jessica, Mike and Eric over there by the games."
I bite my lip, looking up at Edward. "You heard her," he says with a wink.
I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Um, ok, I'd love to hang out with you," I answer him honestly. Even if I'm scared shitless.
"Have fun, Bella!" Angela scurries away before I can change my mind.
"Where to first?" Edward waggles his thick eyebrows and I timidly point toward Ring of Fire. He takes my hand, pulling me away from the wall. He's still holding my hand when we reach the back of the line. I look up at him and he smiles down at me.
"Why me?" I ask quietly.
"Why you, what?" he repeats, brow furrowed.
"Why did you ask me to go on the rides with you?"
"Why not you?" he shrugs. I want to say, because no one in my own school has ever looked twice at me, but I don't. Maybe I should stop questioning it and just enjoy myself.
After Ring of Fire, we move to Disk'O Flashback. "Are you from Seattle, Bella?" Edward asks out of the blue as we wait in the short line.
I hesitate for a moment, then shake my head. "I'm from Forks. It's a small town on the Olympic
Peninsula."
"And you're a senior?"
"Yeah, I graduate next weekend," I reply with a smile.
Making our way through the trees toward Timberhawk, we stop at a few different spinning rides. As we spin until we're dizzy, I find myself pressed tightly against Edward's body, breathing in his scent.
I'm quickly becoming addicted to both.
Timberhawk has a longer line than the other rides in the park. Edward pulls me to stand in front of him, then wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on top of my head. I stiffen at first, wondering what he's doing, then will myself to relax. I close my eyes, leaning my head back against his warm chest. I think I could die happy.
"Time to move," he whispers in my ear, and I feel myself breaking out in goosebumps.
When we reach the front of the line, he motions for me to go first, then climbs in beside me. The car pulls out of the station and he holds my hand as we go up the first hill.
"Are you scared?" he asks in a teasing voice.
"Nah, I rode it earlier," I tell him with a laugh. I still scream as we fall over the top of the hill though.
"Woo!" he yells as we climb out of our seats a couple of minutes later. "That was awesome!"
I laugh, smiling at how his face lights up. He looks like a carefree teenager instead of a rock star.
"This ride wasn't here the last time I visited the park," I explain. "I went on it for the first time earlier tonight."
"So that's why you screamed like a girl," he replies with a wink.
"I am a girl," I chuckle.
Edward leers, looking me up and down while he licks his lips. "Yes, you certainly are."
I shake my head, feeling myself blushing under his gaze and his flirty words. Don't let yourself get caught up, Bella.
We make our way back through Old West Territory hand in hand. "Is there a Ferris wheel?" Edward asks, squeezing my hand.
"Yeah, it's over in Kiddie Land, not far from where we started."
"Let's go," he smiles enthusiastically. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's actually a pretty small Ferris wheel.
"There," I point it out and he tugs my hand, pulling me over to the line.
Once we're settled inside the car, it moves just a little bit, before stopping so that more riders can get on and off. Edward scoots closer to me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I look up at him and he smiles, trailing one finger down my cheek.
"You're so different," he whispers.
"Different?"
He nods. "From most girls."
"Oh," I frown. "Is that a bad thing?"
Before he can answer, the car lurches as we move a little more, until we stop almost on top. "It's a very good thing," he whispers. He places two fingers on my chin, pulling me toward him as he leans in.
"What—"
I'm cut off by his lips touching mine. I'm so startled that I don't respond, but his lips are insistent. Slowly, I begin to move my mouth under his, but we break apart as the car starts moving again in earnest. As we make rotation after rotation, all I can think is... Edward Freakin' Masen just gave me my first kiss!
After we exit the ride, he puts his arm around me again, smiling down at me. We walk like that through Kiddie Land, until we reach Northwest Territory, at the far end of the park. After riding Klondike Gold Rusher, Edward talks me into Timber Axe, which I'd chickened out on earlier with Angela.
I'm nearly hoarse from screaming by the time the ride finally stops.
"How about that one next?" he suggests, pointing toward Lumberjack Falls.
"A water ride?" I wrinkle my nose. The temperature has dropped considerably since we first got to the park and I don't want to get all wet.
"Sure, it'll be fun," he insists. "You never really get all that wet on those things."
"I don't know, Edward..." Still, I let him take my hand and lead me to it. I'm still feeling some trepidation as we climb into the boat, but he looks so excited — how can I say no to him?
The boat ride starts out leisurely, then we go up a fairly steep hill. At the top, we go around a couple of turns, and maybe it's just me, but we seem to be a lot higher up than it had looked from the ground.
Edward wraps his arms around me from behind as we near the edge. "Oh shit!" I yell, holding tightly to the edges of the boat. We go speeding down the hill and as we reach the bottom, I start to sigh in relief that we hardly got splashed.
And then a secondary splash erupts, pretty much drenching us. After the shock has worn off, I sweep my wet hair out of my eyes, turning around to see that Edward is just as wet as I am.
"Uh... that wasn't supposed to happen," he shrugs, looking sheepish.
I climb out of the boat, staring down at my soaking wet jeans. Wet denim is just not comfortable. At least my jacket pretty much kept my top half dry.
Once I'm through appraising myself, my eyes widen as I take in the sight that is Edward Masen. His white t-shirt is now see-through, and I can see there's more ink on his chest.
"Fuck, you're gonna freeze to death," he says. "Come on."
We walk hurriedly back through Kiddie Land toward the Ferris wheel, then Edward turns right as we reach the end of The Wild Thing's track.
"Where are we going?" I ask, trying to keep up with his long strides.
"Our tour bus is parked right out here." We pass through a gate to a small parking area where I see a couple of large buses.
Edward pulls a key card out of his back pocket, opening the door to one of them and urging me up the steps.
When he darts off and leaves me standing there, I stare in awe at the stylish, black leather bench seats on either side of the bus and the flat screen TV on the wall. Removing my wet jacket, I spread it out on one of the seats to dry. When Edward comes back with two fluffy towels, I take one gratefully and dry my hair. He does the same, then pulls his soaked t-shirt over his head.
Oh. My. God. Edward shirtless is just... there are no words. He brushes the towel over his chest, then sets it next to my jacket as he toes his shoes off.
"What are you doing?" I squeak out when he begins undoing the fly of his jeans.
"My jeans are wet," he replies with a duh expression as he begins to peel them down his legs.
"Oh my God," I shriek, turning around. I squeeze my eyes closed to the sound of Edward's laughter.
"I'm wearing underwear."
I open my eyes, peeking over my shoulder. Sure enough, he's wearing dark-colored boxer briefs. I try not to stare at them as he dries his legs.
"Could you put some pants on?"
Rolling his eyes, he nods, turning to walk away. I stare unabashedly at the way his backside looks in his tight underwear. When he reappears 30 seconds later, he's wearing navy blue track pants, and holding another pair in his hands.
"These are for you to put on," he says, holding them out to me. "We have a small dryer on the bus, so I can dry your jeans."
I take the pants from him, hesitating. "Um..."
"There's a bathroom in there," he says, pointing behind him. Nodding, I walk toward the tiny bathroom and close the door. It's a struggle to remove my soaking wet skinny jeans, but I manage.
I run the towel over my legs, then slide the track pants on, having to roll down the waistband a couple of times so they don't fall down.
I step out of the bathroom, handing my jeans, socks and Chucks to Edward. His eyes seem to darken a little as he looks me up and down. Suddenly, he shakes his head, picking up his own wet clothes and heading toward the back of the bus. I hear the clothes dryer start, and then Edward comes back, still shirtless, and reaches into what looks like a mini fridge. He pulls out a bottle of beer and waves it toward me.
"Um... I'm not old enough to drink."
"Who am I going to tell?" he scoffs, twisting the top off. I reluctantly take the beer from his hand, then he pulls out another and closes the door.
He motions with a tilt of his head for me to follow him, and I do. I think I'd follow him anywhere.
"This is mine," he says, pointing to the upper bunk on one side of the bus. Two identical bunks are across the aisle.
"Aren't there five of you?"
He takes a long drink of his beer before answering. "Emmett's fiancée, Rose, comes with us a lot of the time, so they have the tiny bedroom in the very back of the bus."
Edward climbs up a small ladder then makes himself comfortable on the bed. There's barely enough room for him to sit up and not bump his head on the ceiling. I stand there awkwardly until he pats the spot on the mattress next to him.
Swallowing thickly, I climb the ladder and sit on the edge of the bed, my legs hanging off, then take another small sip of my beer. I've only had beer once or twice before, when I managed to sneak out to a couple of high school parties by telling my dad I was spending the night with Angela. I don't really like the taste.
Edward must be thirsty, as he downs his beer quickly before leaning over to toss his empty bottle onto the mattress below. He then scoots behind me and puts his large hands on my shoulders. "Relax," he says quietly as he begins kneading them.
After a couple of minutes, he moves all of my long hair forward over my left shoulder. He places a light kiss on the place where my neck meets my right shoulder and I nearly drop my beer. "Shhh..."
I feel the scratch of his beard as he trails soft kisses up the side of my neck, then sucks my earlobe into his mouth. Oh my God, I've never felt anything like this before. I have to grasp the sheets with my free hand to keep from grabbing Edward.
He gently takes the bottle from my hand, finishes what's left, then tosses it down below us. Placing one hand on the back of my neck, he pulls my lips to his. This time I eagerly return his soft kisses, though I'm startled when his tongue comes out to play, asking for entry. I open for him, shocked at the feeling of his tongue in my mouth. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but it's obvious that Edward has done this before and knows very well what he's doing.
Suddenly he breaks away, pulling on my hand as he lies back on the bed. I let myself follow him until I'm sprawled between his thighs, my arms bracing myself on either side of his torso. I look down at him and can hardly believe this is happening.
Edward Masen has got to be the most gorgeous boy who's ever lived. From his messy hair to his green, green eyes to his pouty red lips... then lower to his toned chest covered in swirls of ink. And is that... he has his nipple pierced?!
Good God!
"You can touch me," he says in a husky voice. I stare into his eyes and he nods encouragingly.
Tentatively I reach out, tracing what look like some kind of Asian characters running down his side.
"My name written in Chinese," he says before I can ask.
I touch the figure on his left bicep, raising an eyebrow when I realize it's Wonder Woman. "For my mom," he answers quietly. I duck my head for a moment, thinking of my own mother.
Forcing myself to stay in the moment, I trace the image on his right arm. This one I can't quite figure out. "What does it mean?"
"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," he replies with a playful grin.
I skim my fingers across his chest, hesitating when I reach the nipple ring. Will it hurt him if I touch it? I brush one finger lightly against the ring and he hisses. I pull my hand back immediately with a whispered, "Sorry."
"Do it again," he breathes, sounding like he's begging.
I flick it a little with one finger and the next thing I know, he's crashing his mouth to mine. We trade kisses, his hands brushing up and down my back, until I feel almost dizzy. I can't imagine that any other boy could be a better kisser than Edward.
I'm startled when his hands slide under the bottom of my shirt, now caressing my bare back. It feels so good when he touches me, like I'm going to combust. Edward breaks away from my swollen lips for a moment, staring at me like he's asking permission for something. I have no idea what he wants until I feel him pushing up the fabric of my shirt. I love the way he touches me, so I sit up a little and raise my arms so that he can pull my shirt over my head.
His hands immediately move to hold my breasts, over my plain white bra. "Come here," he orders and I bend forward again, letting him kiss me. He rolls me onto my back, still kissing me as he settles between my legs. His right hand brushes up and down my torso then slides underneath me.
"Edward—" I cry out when I realize he's unsnapped my bra.
"I promise you'll like this," he assures me, pulling the straps down my arms. I feel like I should stop him, but then his lips attach themselves to my left nipple, and oh God...
He really, really knows what he's doing. His licks and sucks and teases both nipples, and I feel this tingling, this want, between my legs.
One of his hands slides down over the track pants I'm wearing until he's cupping me. He smiles up at me, then begins sliding the borrowed pants down.
Danger! Danger!
"What are you doing?" I ask breathlessly.
"I just want to make you feel good," he promises. The rational part of my brain knows I should stop him, but I let him take them off anyway. It takes a moment for me to realize he's also grabbed my underwear along with the track pants. I'm breathing heavily — partly with fear — by the time I'm lying naked in front of him on the tiny bed.
Staring me in the eye, he strokes one finger along where I'm needy for him. It slides easily and I realize that I'm wet for him. I've read about it in books, but never...
"Open for me," he says quietly, trying to spread my legs. I'm beyond embarrassed, but I do it, because I really, really like the way his finger feels. I tense a little as he suddenly pushes it into me, then moves it in and out very slowly.
"Feel good?" he asks, coming back to circle my clit over and over. I nod and he smiles a beautiful smile.
Sliding his finger back inside, he bends forward, staring into my widened eyes as his tongue flicks out to touch me. "Oh God," I moan. He looks up and smiles, then does it again and again, while his finger never stops moving inside me.
Suddenly, he puts his mouth over me and sucks, and I shatter, crying out from the most intense pleasure I've ever felt. Edward pulls his mouth away, licking his lips as he beams.
"Told you," he says proudly.
And then he scrambles to sit up, grasping the edge of his pants and pushing them down. My eyes widen even further as his cock bounces up, hitting his stomach. Oh my God, it's huge... not that I have anything to compare it to.
He strokes himself a couple of times and the sight is so much hotter than I'd ever expected it to be.
Stretching out on top of me, his cock brushes between my legs and I jump a little.
"Touch me," he pleads, taking my right hand and bringing it down to wrap around his hard cock. I'm not sure what I'd expected it to feel like, but not that. I stroke up and down a few times, just like he was doing, emboldened by the look of pleasure on his face.
Me... I'm making him feel like that — the Bella who's usually invisible to the opposite sex.
Some part of me understands that Edward is just using me; he doesn't really care about me — he doesn't know me. But he chose me instead of one of the other dozens of girls waiting outside the theater for his autograph.
As he stretches out on top of me again and the head of his cock is pressed up against me, I know this doesn't mean anything to him besides sex. But to me, it's validation that someone does find me attractive. It's a chance to not be so inexperienced when I get to college and when I hopefully meet my soul mate one day.
It's a chance to lose my virginity to Edward Freakin' Masen.
He kisses me gently, first my lips, then across my jaw until he begins sucking on my neck as I feel his cock pushing inside me. I try not to wince audibly as it feels a little like I'm being torn in two. I bring my hands up, hugging him to me and digging my nails in, trying not to show how much this hurts.
"Fuck," he whispers in a strained voice.
And just when I feel like he can't possibly go in any further, he stops, sliding his lips back to my mouth. Just as slowly, he pulls back out and when he pushes in again, it doesn't hurt like it did the first time. Or maybe I've just gotten used to it.
As he pumps into me gently, his right hand squeezes my breast, then slides down to my hip. He lifts my left leg a little bit to wrap around him and oh God, I think he slides in even deeper.
"Feels so good, Bella," he whispers, dropping sweet kisses onto my lips. "Fuck, I just knew you'd feel like this."
Edward pulls back a little, taking my nipple into his mouth again. He's moving faster now and it's actually starting to feel pretty good. I can't help moaning when he hits some spot inside me.
He tugs my other leg around his waist, kissing my lips over and over again as he really starts moving, until he's panting so hard that he can't kiss me anymore.
"Fuck... shit... gonna come. You feel too fucking good," he groans.
And then he freezes, a look of extreme pleasure on his beautiful face. "Fuuuuuccckkk!"
Breathing heavily, he flops onto his back next to me, one hand reaching up to lazily scratch his stomach. I can still feel the heat from his body as I lie there almost in a daze... I just had sex. I just had sex with Edward Masen.
After a minute or two, the dryer buzzes, startling both of us. Edward sits up, brushes his sweaty hair back with one hand then hops down from the bed. My eyes are drawn to the V of his hip bones leading down to his cock, now soft but still pretty damn impressive as it hangs between his legs.
"I'll be right back." When he returns, he's holding our now-dry clothes. He sets them on the edge of the bed, then steps into his underwear.
My brow furrows when I notice the sun peeking through the windows of the bus. "Edward, what time is it?" I ask, panicked.
He steps back to the main gathering area of the bus to retrieve his phone. "It's 5:26," he announces.
"Why?"
Shit! "I have to meet our bus back at the main entrance by 5:45 or they'll leave without me!"
I sit up quickly, looking around for my panties until Edward hands them to me. I put my arms into my bra straps and Edward surprises me by hooking it behind my back for me. "Um, thanks," I tell him shyly, sliding my shirt over my head. I reach for my warm jeans as I jump down.
Once I've got my jacket and shoes on, I glance at Edward, who's now put his own jeans back on.
"Want me to walk you to the bus?" he asks.
"Uhhh... maybe you'd better not?" Shit, the last thing I need is for one of my classmates to tell one of their parents... who then tells Charlie.
"Okay," he shrugs.
I put my hand on the doorknob, then look back at Edward, wondering how to say goodbye. He stalks over to me, lifts my chin and places a sweet kiss on my lips. He trails one finger down my cheek
again, then smiles as he steps back. "Guess you'd better go."
"Yeah," I breathe. "Um, bye."
Climbing down the steps, I head back in the direction of the gate. Luckily, the same person who was there earlier is still there and lets me back in. I start walking as quickly as I can past The Wild Thing and then past the water park area of Wild Waves next to the lake.
When I see a restroom, I check the time on my phone; I still have six minutes. I dart inside to use the bathroom, where I notice a little bit of blood on my panties. Standing in front of the mirror, I brush my fingers through my hair until it's somewhat tamed. I need to look presentable enough so
that Angela doesn't suspect anything.
"There you are!" she yells when I come rushing through the main entrance. "I thought maybe Edward kidnapped you," she adds with a wink.
"Angela, shhh!"
"You'd better tell me everything."
"Not on the bus where the others could overhear," I protest. I'm not really sure right now if I even want to tell Angela everything. Would she even believe me?
After roll call, we get back onto the bus. Angela and I settle in to our seats and I exhale heavily. Now that I'm sitting down, I'm exhausted. And there's a strange ache between my legs that I've never felt before. Angela has the window seat this time, so I lean my head against the back of the seat and close my eyes.
.
It feels like just minutes later when we pull into the parking lot at Forks High. Stepping off the bus, I say goodbye to Angela then haul myself into my truck.
Dad isn't home when I arrive, but he's left me a note that says he'll be back by dinner. I climb the stairs, undress and crawl into bed, still exhausted. When I wake up, the clock says it's just after three. I feel kind of gross so I grab some fresh clothes and head for the bathroom. Looking at the dried mess on my panties, it suddenly hits me — Edward didn't use a condom!
I take a hot shower, scrubbing myself thoroughly. How long is too long for his... stuff... to be in me, for any sperm to have had a chance to do their thing?
No! I can't think like that. I can't. What are the chances that a girl can get pregnant from having unprotected sex once? They can't be high... right?
Once I'm dressed, I head back to my room, locking the door behind me. I boot up my laptop, Googling for the information I need. It takes a couple of websites to find my answer: 3-5% chance of getting pregnant from a single sexual encounter.
That's not too high, but it's not exactly no chance.
Feeling my heartbeat pick up, I Google for information on emergency contraception, which I remember hearing about in health class my sophomore year. The most effective pill seems to be something called ella, which will work for up to five days after having sex. But it needs a prescription, so that's out. I can't go to the doctor when I'm on my dad's insurance and not expect him to find out.
Plan B says it's 89% effective up to three days after unprotected sex and is sold over the counter.
That's what I need, but there's just no way I could buy it from the pharmacy in Forks. Forget patient confidentiality in a town where everyone knows everyone. It would take mere days before my father found out that his daughter bought emergency contraception.
I need to drive to Port Angeles.
I rush downstairs, shocked to find Dad already home and sitting on the couch watching a baseball game. "Hey, Bells," he calls. "You finally awake?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Have a good time last night?"
I feel my blush coming on as I nod, hoping he doesn't ask more questions.
"When the game's over, we can go get something to eat if you don't feel like cooking," he suggests, turning back to the television.
"Okay." I actually am starving now that he's mentioned it.
There's no way I'm going to be able to explain the two-hour round trip to Port Angeles right now, but I've still got until 5am on Tuesday if Plan B works for three days. I'm sure Dad will go fishing tomorrow morning with his best friend, Billy Black, like he always does on Sundays. I'll just go tomorrow. It'll be fine.
.
The next morning, I rush down the stairs after my morning shower, coming up short when I see my dad sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal.
"What are you doing here?"
"I live here," he replies, looking at me strangely.
"I-I know, but... don't you usually go fishing with Billy on Sundays?"
"Not today. Jacob's high school graduation is at one," he reminds me, sipping his coffee.
Shit, I'd totally forgotten that the school on the nearby La Push reservation has its graduation this weekend, instead of next, like mine.
"Remember you said you'd go with me? The whole rez is having a huge party and bonfire down at First Beach after the ceremony."
I sit heavily in a chair, feeling a bit like a deflated balloon. There's no way I'm making it to Port Angeles today.
I still have one more day though. I can't skip class tomorrow, because I have finals, so I'll just go right after school. I work part time at Newton's Sporting Goods after school most days, but I'll call in sick tomorrow. It'll be fine.
.
After eating lunch in the cafeteria — and avoiding all of Angela's questions about what happened with Edward — I make the excuse that I'm going to the library to study. Instead, I step outside and take out my phone to call work.
"Good afternoon, Newton's Sporting Goods," my boss answers the phone.
"Uh... hi, Mrs. Newton. It's Bella."
"Hi, Bella," I can hear the smile in her voice. "What can I do for you?"
"Um... I'm not feeling that well," I lie, "And I was hoping I could take the afternoon off?"
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you at home in bed?"
"No, um, I'm at school. Finals, you know..." I trail off.
"Well, then do you think there's any way you could make it to work? Mike has baseball practice after school on Mondays, as you know, and I have a doctor's appointment at four. I was counting on you being here. Otherwise, I'll have to close early."
I sigh, closing my eyes as I press the phone to my forehead.
"Bella?"
"Um, sure, I'll try to make it," I tell her, hanging up the phone.
It's only a 3-5% chance, I tell myself. The universe wouldn't do this to me, not when I'm so close to getting out of Forks and finally having a life. It'll be fine.
.
One month later
"Sorry, Bells," Jacob begins, stepping into the kitchen. "I don't know what's wrong with Big Red. She needs more help than I can give."
"Thanks, anyway," I sigh. It's been a week now that my truck won't start. Going to work on my old bicycle is like... totally embarrassing.
I finish up the potato salad I'm making, then carry it outside to where everyone has gathered in the backyard for my dad's annual Fourth of July barbecue.
"Bells," Dad yells from over by the grill. "I forgot to bring the cheese. Could you get it for me?"
"Sure," I nod, stepping back into the house. As I hand my dad the package of American cheese, the smell of the burgers cooking on the grill hits me.
"Ohhhh," I groan, my hand rushing to cover my mouth. I back away from the grill, but that feeling that I'm going to throw up doesn't go away. I run into the house, barely making it to the toilet in time.
"What the hell was that?" I mutter to myself as I brush my teeth afterward.
I walk slowly back down the stairs and out to the backyard. I still don't really feel well as I sit down in a lawn chair, sipping a bottle of water.
"Are you all right, Bells?" Dad asks, handing me a burger on a paper plate.
"Yeah," I assure him. "Something about the smell of the meat." I walk over to the table where the condiments and side dishes are set up, then go back to my chair with my full plate. I take a tentative bite of the macaroni salad someone brought and seem to be okay.
I'm fine until the following week, when I get sick three straight mornings as I make my breakfast.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I understand that my sickness could be a symptom of pregnancy, but then it goes away and I'm perfectly fine for almost two weeks. I convince myself that I just had a stomach bug or something.
But as July turns into August, I'm throwing up every morning and sometimes even through lunchtime.
With Dad leaving for work before I get up, he never notices. I don't even try to eat until dinnertime on the days we're both home, though. I'm also exhausted, crashing on my bed when I get home from work every day, and I can see my dad starting to look at me with concern.
I count back and realize that I haven't had a period since... before. My cycle has always been irregular, but never two months late.
At this point, getting a pregnancy test would probably just be a formality. I know I'm pregnant, deep in my heart. But again, there's no way that I can buy a test from the Forks pharmacy, and my truck is pretty much D.O.A. so I can't drive to Port Angeles.
I'm going to have to wait until I leave for Chicago to get the official word that life as I know it is over.
.
"I feel like I've hardly seen you this summer," Angela complains as we walk through downtown Forks eating our ice cream cones. "And now we'll be off to college soon."
"Yeah... I'm sorry. I've been working a lot of hours. My scholarship only covers tuition, not the ten thousand dollars for room and board for the next year." It's the truth, but not really why I've been avoiding her.
"But you still have the money from your mom, right?" she asks tentatively.
"I do, but... I feel bad using more of it than I have to." I shrug.
"Your dad put that money in an account for you to use, Bella," Angela says gently.
"I know," I sigh. I look at my friend and for a moment, I envy her so much. Angela still has her innocence. She's going to U-Dub to study to become a nurse, like she's always dreamed of doing.
She doesn't have only a week left to make the biggest decision of her life.
"An-Angela?" Suddenly I need to share my secret with my best friend.
"What is it?" she exclaims. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Can we talk somewhere... private?" I ask, biting my lip.
"Sure," she agrees readily. "My mom's home, but we can go back to your house?"
When we get there, I open the door and solemnly lead Angela up to my bedroom. After locking the door, I sit on my bed and grab one of the throw pillows, hugging it to my stomach. She sits on the chair at my desk, waiting patiently.
I never thought I'd need to say these words to someone else... at least not for another ten years or something. I don't even know how. Should I just rip off the Band-Aid?
"I'm pregnant," I blurt out.
Angela's eyes widen and she stares at me for at least a minute. "How is that possible?" she asks slowly. "You've never had a boyfriend."
"Edward..." I whisper.
"Holy shit!" she shrieks. "Are you saying you had sex with Edward on Grad Night? And you didn't tell me?"
I nod, hanging my head a little, ashamed of my actions that night for the first time.
"Are you sure you're pregnant? You've taken a test?"
"Um, no, I couldn't very well buy a pregnancy test in Forks, but... I've spent half the summer throwing up, and I haven't gotten my period since May. And... he didn't use a condom," I finish in a whisper.
"Why the hell didn't you make him use a condom?"
"I... I didn't even think about it until later. It all just sort of happened." I shrug helplessly.
"What exactly happened, Bella?"
I take a deep breath. "We went on Lumberjack Falls and got soaked, so Edward took me back to their tour bus to dry our clothes. He started kissing me, and undressing me, and touching me... I was pretty much dazed from the orgasm he gave me when he took off his own underwear."
"Okay, I know this is serious, but indulge me for a minute... How was it? How was he?" she asks excitedly.
I roll my eyes. "Well, it hurt at first 'cause he's like... huge. But then it started to feel good. He's definitely experienced."
"This is so romantic," she sighs dreamily.
"Ang! No, it's not. I mean, I knew even as it was happening that it didn't mean anything to him. He just wanted to get laid."
She purses her lips, staring at me for a moment. "Do you want me to take you to Port Angeles to buy a pregnancy test?"
"I... I don't think I really need one now. I've already looked into Planned Parenthood clinics in
Chicago, so I'm gonna go there next week."
"What happens then?" she asks softly.
"Having a baby is just so expensive," I sigh. "I'd pretty much use up my entire savings account on prenatal care and giving birth if I tried to pay for it myself. I'm still on Dad's health insurance, and I don't think there's any way that I could use that and keep it from him."
Angela grimaces. "Probably not."
"Can you imagine telling the Chief that I'm pregnant?" I ask rhetorically. "The same guy who wouldn't even let me date until I turned 18?"
"I don't think I'd even want to be in the same zip code if he finds out," she agrees.
"So say I spend every cent I have to have a baby without his knowledge — then what? I'd need to get a job because I'd be out of money for a place to live. But I'd never be able to afford daycare, too, not with the type of job I could get without my degree. And without daycare, I can't work or go to
school. I'd be screwed, Ang! Everything I've always dreamed of for my future would be gone," I sob, tossing the pillow aside. I wrap my arms around my bent legs as I bury my head.
Angela moves to the bed, sitting beside me and putting her arm around me as I break down, the full weight of my situation hitting me for the first time. "It would be tough to handle all by yourself," she agrees softly.
I raise my head, looking over at my friend. "And I would be, because my dad will never speak to me again if he finds out I got knocked up by a perfect stranger."
"So..."
"So I think I'm going to get an abortion." Angela remains silent. "I know you don't agree with that,"
I add quietly, trying to wipe away my tears. She doesn't share all of her father's religious beliefs, but that's one she does share.
"Well... it's nothing I'd ever do, but... I understand the position you're in."
"It's not something I ever thought I'd do either. I mean, I do want kids... just not for another ten years or so, until I'm married and established in my career."
"Did you think about telling Edward?" she asks suddenly.
"How?" I scoff. "Send him a message on Twitter?" I shake my head. "He probably doesn't even remember me anyway."
"I'm sure that's not true," she disagrees. "And maybe... maybe he'd help you."
"Ang, this isn't going to be like the plot of a Nicholas Sparks novel." Please, please don't put ideas like that in my head, Angela. Maybe Edward didn't give a shit about me, but I've been dreaming about him for the past year.
"Whatever you decide, we're still friends," she declares, hugging me tightly.
.
"Hi!" the petite, dark-haired girl shouts as I step inside my new dorm room in Chicago on a Wednesday afternoon in late August. "You must be Bella," she adds with a movie-star smile.
"Um, yeah. And you must be Alice."
"I am," she replies, grinning. "Oh, let me help." Alice takes one of my two suitcases — which is almost as big as she is — pulling it across the room toward the bed that doesn't have tons of crap on top of it. "Is this bed okay? I sort of took over the other one."
"It's fine," I shrug. "I don't care." I look around the room, noticing for the first time all of the tiny white Christmas lights that Alice has strung up everywhere.
"A bunch of us are going out after the Freshmen Dinner tonight. You're welcome to come with us," she says, bouncing on her feet.
"Um... I think I'll pass, sorry. It was a long flight and I'm pretty tired," I lie.
"Okay, well, if you change your mind..."
"Thanks, Alice."
I don't change my mind, and after orientation the next day, I take the El train to the Loop Health Center on Michigan Avenue, where I had pre-booked an appointment before my talk with Angela. I'm glad that part of our orientation included information on navigating around Chicago on the El. We certainly don't have anything similar in Forks.
"Ms. Swan?" the receptionist calls.
I follow a nurse back to an examining room, sitting nervously on the table.
"So, you think you're pregnant?" she asks.
"Yes, I'm pretty sure."
"Well, let's do a test to be certain, all right?" She hands me a cup, then shows me to a bathroom, explaining where to leave the cup when I'm finished.
I only have to wait a couple of minutes before the nurse comes back. "Well, Ms. Swan, you're definitely pregnant."
I bury my face in my hands, taking a deep breath. I knew it, but still, hearing those words is a blow.
"Do you know how far along you might be? We could do an ultrasound if you're not sure."
"Um, I know the date I conceived."
"Oh? When was that?" she asks.
"May 31." A night I'll never forget.
"Hmmm... that puts you at about 14 weeks since your last menstrual period," she says, flipping through a calendar. "Why did it take you so long to take a pregnancy test?"
"I... I've just moved to Chicago to start college. I was afraid that my dad would find out if I bought a pregnancy test back home. He's the Chief of Police, so everyone knows who his daughter is," I explain. "My truck broke down this summer, so I couldn't drive to another town to buy the test."
"You're afraid of your father?" she asks, raising one eyebrow.
"It's not what you're thinking," I reply quickly. "It's not like he'd hurt me or anything like that. He's just very overprotective. He wouldn't even let me date until I turned 18. If he finds out I'm pregnant, he'll disown me!"
"Well, you have a big decision to make—"
"I've already made it," I interrupt. "I want an abortion."
"If you're sure about that, then we can help you, but I don't want you to make a rash decision."
"It's not a rash decision; I've suspected for weeks. I'm just starting college next Monday... I'm not in a position to have a baby right now!"
"All right," the nurse nods sympathetically. "I can have one of our counselors speak with you if you
wish."
"That won't be necessary," I whisper. "How soon can you do it?"
"Well, we can't do it here. We only offer the abortion pill at this location, and that can only be used for pregnancies up to 10 weeks."
"So what can I do?" I ask, starting to panic.
"The Near North Health Center on LaSalle Street offers surgical abortions. Why don't you come with me and I'll look up the next available appointment there on the computer?"
"Okay," I agree, and we step back out to the reception area.
"Looks like the earliest would be 8:45am on Tuesday," she announces after a few moments.
"Um, I have class Tuesday morning."
"There are a couple of appointments available next Friday?"
"My classes end by two o'clock."
She nods. "I can schedule you for 2:30; that would be the latest, since you'd need to wait for an hour before leaving and they close at 4pm."
"Um, okay."
The nurse fills out an appointment card, handing it to me. "If you change your mind about the abortion, or about talking with a counselor, please give us a call."
"Thank you," I whisper, tucking the card into my purse.
I take care of payment with the receptionist, then take the El back to the dorms, feeling about 30 years older than I actually am as I trudge up the stairs to my room.
"Hey, Bella," Alice calls out as soon as I walk in the room. "Where did you disappear to after orientation?"
"Just... around," I lie. She seems like a sweet girl, but I doubt she wants to listen to the problems of a near stranger.
Her brow furrows as she stares at me. "Are you all right?"
I start to tell her that I'm fine, but I don't think I'll ever be fine again. "I..." I trail off, shaking my head. In a daze, I make my way to my bed, hot tears falling down my cheeks as soon as I sit down.
"Bella! What is it?" Alice asks, coming to sit beside me. I start crying harder, touched by her concern. "You're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong."
"I'm pregnant and I just scheduled an abortion for next Friday," I wail, throwing myself down on the bed. I feel Alice rubbing circles on my back, but she doesn't say anything for several minutes, just lets me cry it out.
"What does your boyfriend think?" she asks, breaking the silence.
"I don't have a boyfriend," I mumble into my pillow.
"Oh, then... were you... assaulted?" she asks hesitantly.
I sit up, wiping the tears from my face. "No, nothing like that. But it was a one-night stand."
"I see," Alice says. I can almost feel her judging me. "Do your parents know?"
"No," I scoff. "My dad is... sort of overprotective. He would totally freak if he even knew I've had sex. I can't let him find out about this."
"And your mom?" she asks gently. "Wouldn't she be able to calm him down? I mean, mistakes happen."
"My mom is dead," I whisper. "She died when I was eight."
"Oh, I'm so sorry..."
"If I tell my dad I'm pregnant, it'll break his heart. Everything he's done since my mom's death, starting with moving us to a small town, has been to keep me safe and protected. I wasn't even allowed to date until I was 18 — not that I ever did."
Alice bites her lip for a moment. "I'm sure that was rough, but it means your dad loves you, Bella.
Maybe he'll react better than you think."
"No, he won't," I sigh. "See... when we lived in Seattle, Mom worked in a bank. One day there was a robbery and... she was shot and killed."
"Oh my God!" she gasps.
"Dad was on the police force there, and I know he's always blamed himself for not being able to somehow prevent her death. And now all of his overprotectiveness couldn't stop his teenage daughter from becoming another statistic."
Alice looks at me sympathetically. "Okay, Bella, I'm not going to judge you. You do what you have to do."
"Thanks," I whisper gratefully.
.
As I head back to my dorm after class on Tuesday afternoon, I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Three more days until my appointment. Three more days until I — no, I can't even think about it without choking up. I have to push it to the back of my mind to even be able to function.
I can't deny that some part of me doesn't want to go through with this. Some part of me wishes for a miracle, for some sort of sign that there's another way out.
Opening the door to my dorm room, I find Alice in front of her mirror, applying lipstick. She's dressed in tiny shorts and a trendy, low-cut top.
"Isn't it a little early to be going out?" I ask.
"Oh my God," Alice squeals, "Someone in my last class heard that The New Moons are recording a music video at Navy Pier this afternoon!"
My eyes widen in disbelief. I mean, I knew the band was from Chicago, but they're on tour until sometime in October. I didn't expect them to be in town. Is this... is this the sign I was looking for?
"I'm gonna go down there and try to meet Jasper," she continues. "He's just soooo hot!"
When I don't reply, she stops what she's doing, staring over at me. "Are you familiar with the band?"
I snort a little, nodding. Walking over to my bookshelf, I pull out my scrapbook, flipping to the page where I've put my Grad Night diploma.
"Oh my God," she yells when I show it to her, "You got the guys' autographs?"
"Yep," I nod.
"You have to come with me," she states, grabbing both of my wrists in her hands. "Maybe Jasper will recognize you. You could be my in with him!"
I stare at her for a moment before shaking my head. "I can't, Alice." But oh God, the same part of me that would've followed Edward to the ends of the Earth three months ago wants to go find him now.
"Why not?! Come on, Bella, please. Please do this for me!"
I sit down on my bed, taking a deep breath. "Can you keep a secret?"
"Of course," she nods frantically.
"I mean it, Alice — you can't tell anyone."
"Cross my heart," she swears, sitting down on her own bed facing me.
I pull out my phone, flipping back to one of the photos that Angela took of Edward and me, before showing it to Alice. "Edward is my baby's father."
"Get out!" she squeals, nearly shattering my eardrums.
"It's true. He asked me to show him around the park after their concert, and... well, you know."
"Holy shit! Bella, you have to come with me. You have to tell Edward that you're pregnant."
I'm already shaking my head before she finishes the sentence. "I can't, Alice..."
"Yes, you can! He deserves to know."
I squeeze my eyes closed. I know she's right, but what if this ends... badly?
"I can see you're scared," she says softly. "But what's the worst that could happen?"
"He has me arrested for stalking him?"
"Ha. Ha. No, seriously, Bella. I mean, yeah I guess he could reject you and deny that it's his baby, but... so what? If he does, then you'll still be in the same position you were before."
I look at Alice, opening and closing my mouth a few times. "So you don't care that I could be humiliated."
"That's just temporary," she dismisses with a wave of her hand. "But what you're planning to do is permanent. Now that you have a way to get in touch with him, Edward deserves to have at least some say in it. Maybe he'll declare his undying love for you and ask you to marry him," she giggles.
"Yeah, I don't think so."
"Look, Bella," she begins, sitting beside me and taking my hand, "Nothing that could happen will leave you any worse off than you are right now. But it could end up so much better.
"And I know self-defense, so if he treats you badly, I'll knee him in the balls for you, okay?"
I know Alice is trying to make me laugh, but all I can manage is a small smile. Could I face Edward again? Could I tell him about... about the baby? Is there a chance that he'll want this? Maybe everything's going to be okay.
Stupid, stupid, Bella... don't get your hopes up.
"All right," I tell her, standing up to hunt through the drawer with my clothes. I'm starting to gain weight around my middle and can't button my skinny jeans anymore, but I do put on my nicest pants — instead of my current sweatpants — and try to fix my hair a little.
Just before we leave, I tear a piece of paper out of my notebook and write my name and cell number on it, just in case I don't actually get to talk to Edward directly.
"Here goes nothin'," I mutter to myself as I close the door behind me.
.
Alice and I take the El train to the Grand station — the closest stop to Navy Pier — then take a trolley the rest of the way. There's definitely something going on here, as evidenced by the cops swarming around — not to mention dozens of young women. We step as close as we can to a barrier wall that's been set up, but all we can see are guys setting up a drum kit and other instruments in front of the Ferris wheel.
I look up at the Ferris wheel fondly — though it's much larger than the one at Wild Waves — remembering how Edward gave me my first kiss. Alice was right: he does deserve to know about the baby.
Suddenly there are screams coming from my left. I crane my neck to look, and there is the band, not
50 feet from me. Alice pulls at my arm, jumping up and down.
"There they are!" she yells.
"I see them," I reply with a small smile. My heart starts beating faster, equal parts excited at seeing Edward again and terrified of his reaction — if I get a chance to talk with him. What if he really doesn't remember me? What if he thinks I'm lying? Or... what if this really is a Nicholas Sparks novel?
The guys walk up to their instruments then pretend to play as a song from their latest album plays in the background over and over again. Cameras shoot the action from all angles. Finally the director tells everyone to take a break and the guys scatter.
"Let's check over there," Alice says, and we follow along the barricade until we see Jasper and Emmett standing together drinking bottles of water under the shade of an umbrella. I don't see Edward anywhere.
"Should I yell at him?" Alice asks with a twinkle in her eye.
"No!" I hush her.
We continue to watch them until Emmett walks into one of the buildings, leaving Jasper alone. He runs his hand through his hair and when he looks in our direction, I take the chance and wave to him.
The motion of his hand stops for a moment, then he begins walking toward us.
"Oh my God," Alice squeals.
"Shut up!" I warn her. "They're just guys, not gods." I know that now.
"Hey," Jasper nods when he reaches the barrier. "Have we met?" he asks, looking at me curiously.
"Um, yeah. At Grad Night out in Washington. I-I got your autograph after the concert."
"Ah, yeah, that was a great show."
"Um, this is my roommate, Alice," I introduce her before she kills me.
"Pleasure to meet you," he says with a smile.
I swallow thickly, summoning up every ounce of courage I have. "Um, J-Jasper? I really need to talk to Edward. Is he around?"
Jasper blows out a breath, then shrugs. "I haven't seen him in about 20 minutes."
"It's really important," I beg.
He looks at me strangely for a moment, then grasps my arm, helping me over the barricade. "Let's
go find him."
We walk past the Ferris wheel toward a few small shops, and I easily spot Edward's tall figure and signature hair over by a sign for a Fudge Shop. As we get closer, I see that there's a woman under each of his arms.
"Edward," Jasper calls. I see him lean down to give one of the women a kiss, then he turns toward his bandmate. My morning sickness ended over a week ago, but I think I'm going to be sick.
"What do you want?" he asks.
"Someone needs to talk to you," Jasper replies, motioning toward where I'm trying to hide behind him.
Edward says something to the two girls, who giggle like a couple of hyenas as he walks away from them. I can see his expression change to confusion when he spots me next to Jasper. Well, I guess that answers the question of whether or not he'd remember me.
"Bella," he says when he reaches us. Underneath the shock, his voice almost sounds... tender? Or maybe that's just what I want to hear. "What are you doing here?"
"I, um, go to college in Chicago, at UIC."
"Well," Jasper begins, patting me on the shoulder, "I've done my duty. I think we start shooting again in about 10 minutes, Ed."
"Yeah, okay," he dismisses him with a wave of his hand.
I watch as Jasper walks out of hearing range before speaking. "I, um..." I stare down at my feet, the urge to run away never as strong as it is right at this moment. "I... I can't do this..."
I turn, ready to get the hell out of there, but Edward reaches out and grabs my wrist.
"You tracked me down, might as well spit it out," he says. Am I imagining a touch of anger in his voice?
"I'm pregnant," I blurt out before I can stop myself again.
He freezes. "What the hell did you say?"
"I said I'm pregnant," I repeat meekly. "With your baby."
"Get the fuck out of here!"
"It-it's true." Tears start to roll down my face as I sense this isn't going to go well.
Edward stares at me for a moment before running his hand through his hair roughly. "Look, I don't know if you're really pregnant or not, but I know it's not my kid. You're not getting a dime from me," he says angrily.
"I didn't tell you in order to get any money!" I whisper-yell back. "I just... I just thought you should know. I've already scheduled an abortion for Friday afternoon. I'm going through with it, unless... unless..." I shake my head. There is no "unless" — Edward clearly doesn't want anything to do with
the baby.
"Do whatever the fuck you want with it. It's not mine."
"It is yours, Edward. Don't you remember having sex with me without a condom?" I plead.
When he just stares at me, I shake my head. I'm not going to take this any longer. I start to turn away, but then remember the paper I brought with me. I pull it out of my pocket, stuffing it into his hand. "So you know where to find me if — if you want to talk," I tell him softly.
I turn and run back the way I came, finding Alice standing at the barrier where I'd left her. She takes one look at me and her face falls. With her help, I step back over and she hugs me tightly. "I guess I don't have to ask how it went."
.
After my last class on Friday, Alice and I set out on the El train to the Near North Health Center. I tried promising her I'd take a cab back afterward, but she still insisted on coming with me. She can be a bit much sometimes, but she does seem to be a good friend. It's not really in the roommates' handbook to have to take the girl you met a week ago to get an abortion.
As I sit and wait for my name to be called, I clutch my phone tightly in my hand, staring at it as I try to will Edward to call me.
"Ms. Swan?" Swallowing thickly, I slide my phone back into the side of my purse and leave it with Alice, following the receptionist back to an examining room.
"A nurse will be with you shortly," she says, closing the door as she leaves. As I wait for what feels like an eternity — but is probably less than five minutes — I bounce my knee nervously. I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do, but it's not like I feel good about it. It's not like my heart isn't being torn in two right now.
When the nurse arrives, we spend several minutes discussing my medical history before I sign a bunch of papers. The nurse does a quick exam, taking my temperature, pulse and blood pressure.
"We're going to do a procedure called a vacuum aspiration," the nurse explains. "We can do it under a local anesthetic where you're awake during the procedure, or sedation where you're more deeply relaxed. There is an additional charge for sedation, but it's up to you."
"Um... I had to go to the nurse's office when I passed out doing blood typing in Biology. I think I want
the sedation."
"All right," she replies with a sad smile. "I'm sorry about this, but we're going to need to do an ultrasound. By your calculations, you're only one week from the maximum gestation period for a vacuum aspiration, so we need to double check."
I change into a hospital style gown, then lie back on the table while the nurse applies some sort of gel to my abdomen. After she touches a wand to my skin, I force myself not to look at the screen when I see an image beginning to flicker. There is a rapid thumping noise, but the nurse quickly turns a dial
and it disappears.
"What was that noise?" I ask.
"That was the fetus's heartbeat," the nurse answers gently. "Sorry."
"Oh." A tear comes to my eye. This is a living thing that'll just be... gone in a few minutes. But I know I can't have this baby by myself... not if I want to give it any sort of a life.
"You're right at about 15 weeks according to the measurements, so we're good to go." She turns off the screen, cleans the gel from my stomach, then helps me sit up.
"Are you sure about this, Isabella? You can change your mind at any time."
I hesitate for just a moment, my eyes filling with tears. If only Edward turned out to be the man I'd thought he was...
"I'm sure," I whisper.
She nods. "Let me go make sure the doctor is ready for us. The sedative will be administered via IV, so I'll start that when I come back and then you'll be moved to the Operating Room, okay?"
As soon as she steps out of the room, I try to take deep breaths to calm myself. I don't like the entire idea of having surgery, but I know it's the only way since I waited so long.
I can't deny that some part of me hoped that Edward would get back in touch with me before today, but I didn't really expect him to. He made his feelings very clear. I brush away the tears rolling down my cheeks — tears for myself and for my baby.
When the nurse comes back, she has me lie down while she starts prepping my arm for the IV.
Before she can put the needle in, we hear some sort of commotion in the building, with loud voices.
"Sir," I hear a muffled voice say. "You can't go back there, sir."
The door to my room bursts open and I sit up, crossing my arms in front of myself. And then I stare at the crazed-looking Edward in the doorway. I'm not sure he's shaved — or slept — since I last saw him.
A security guard rushes into the room, grabbing him by the arms as Edward tries to fight him off.
"I just need to talk to her," he growls.
"Do you know this man?" the guard asks. I nod slowly, still in shock.
"Ms. Swan," the nurse begins, "Do you want to talk to him? Or I can have security throw him out.
It's up to you."
I stare into her kind eyes, my own filling with fresh tears. "I have to know what he wants," I whisper to her. The look she gives me in return tells me that she understands exactly who this is.
"Let him go," the nurse directs. "We'll wait right outside," she assures me. "Call if you need us."
As soon as the door closes behind them, Edward begins pacing across the room, tearing at his hair. Finally he stops in front of me, grasping the hair on the back of his head with two hands and squeezing his eyes shut.
"Swear it's mine."
I stare at him in shock for a moment before whispering, "I swear."
"I mean it. Swear on your life."
"I swear to you, Edward," I plead. "It can't be anyone else's. I've never been with anyone else. You know that's true... you know I was a virgin."
His tormented green eyes finally open as he stares down at me, breathing heavily. "Am I too late?" he asks quietly.
"No... the nurse was just about to start..."
"Don't do it. Please, Bella," he begs desperately. "Don't go through with it."
"Edward—"
He tears at his hair again, then stares at me with a determined look. "When my mom got pregnant with me, my dad was already married — to someone else. He rejected her and told her to get an abortion. But she refused. She had me by herself, and it was hard, we didn't have a lot of money when I was growing up, but she did it. If my mom had listened to that man, if she'd taken the easy way out, I wouldn't be here."
I shake my head, tears beginning to fall. "I just started college this week, Edward. I'm here on a scholarship. The only health insurance I have is my dad's and he will freak out if I use that and he finds out I'm pregnant. I can't pay for this pregnancy on my own," I sob. "I don't want to have to drop out of school. I—"
"Do you think I'm asking you to have the baby by yourself?" he asks incredulously.
"But Tuesday you said—"
"I know what I said," he growls, tearing at his hair again. "I've never met my own father, Bella. I don't even know what he looks like, since my mom burned any photos she had of him. The thought of my child being out there somewhere in the world not knowing me..." He shakes his head. "I could never do that."
"So you'd help me?" I ask quietly, a flicker of hope beginning to bloom.
"I'm not rich by any means, but I have enough money to take care of you."
"But I'm only a college freshman," I cry. "I want to stay in school, but I'd need daycare, and, and..."
"We don't have to figure everything out right this minute, Bella!" he yells. He tears at his hair yet again, then steps closer to where I'm sitting, taking hold of my hands. "I don't know what I'm doing any more than you do, okay? But we have time to figure it out. Pregnancies take nine months, right?"
"There's only six months left," I whisper.
"Plenty of time," he shrugs with a half-hearted wink. "If things were different... would you want the baby?"
"If I were out of school and established in my career... yeah," I admit. "I mean, I've always wanted kids... one day. It's just not the best timing."
"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "For how I reacted last time. And for... getting you pregnant," he mumbles, staring down at his feet. "I always use a condom, but from the beginning, you seemed so different from the girls who usually throw themselves at me. And then I pretty much deduced that you were a virgin."
"I also was a virgin who wasn't on the pill."
"Why didn't you stop me then?" he asks curiously.
"I guess... I just got carried away. It didn't even occur to me until after I got home. Stupid, I know."
He gives me a small smile. "I got carried away, too. Believe it or not, I didn't bring you back to our bus to have sex."
I look up at him skeptically and he chuckles. "Really, I didn't." He sighs loudly. "It took two of us to get into this mess, and it'll be the two of us from here on out, okay? You don't have to do this alone."
"P-promise?" I ask, my bottom lip trembling.
"I promise," he vows, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tightly. I didn't realize how much I'd missed feeling his arms around me. He kisses my cheek as he pulls back. "So we're gonna have a baby?"
"We're gonna have a baby."