This story is written with permission as a parody of the Ingenious 'Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary' by TheMuseumofJeanette! She is a genius and wrote the funniest Bleach parody we have ever read. PROPS TO YOU MADAME!
FOR XERO TnE(hehe) PYRO! Happy (WAY waaaaaaaaaay BELATED) birthday dude!
PS: ALL STORIES AND AUTHORS IN HERE ARE COMPLETELY MADE UP! NONE ARE REAL!
X-X-X-X-X-X
Sakura could feel her eye was twitching.
Sasuke was feeling the urge to throw something at the stupid, grinning face in front of him.
And Naruto was…well, he was grinning stupidly.
So all things considered it was a pretty much normal morning in Konoha. Except, today was the first of Team Seven's three days off, and Naruto had made the 'mistake' of waking them up way too early, when they had both been intending to sleep in till noon at least…or maybe even till an hour before they were supposed to report to Tsunade for their next mission, being the punctuality nuts they were.
They were that tired.
"So, let me get this straight," Sakura started slowly, "you woke me up this early to… show me a piece of junk?"
"Hey! It was a gift from Ero-Sennin!" Naruto objected.
"Which is why I'm convinced that it's JUNK!" Sakura shot back.
"It's not junk!"
"IT'S JUNK!"
Sasuke sighed in annoyance, partially glad they were keeping him out of their stupid argument.
"TELL HER SASUKE!"
"TELL HIM SASUKE!"
Or not.
Sasuke turned to look at the device in question with zero interest. "It's junk."
"HA!"
"Bastard," Naruto hissed.
"Naruto, look at it," Sakura snapped. "It's falling apart. It's junk."
"No its-"
*boing*
One of the keys on the keyboard popped off, the spring protruding ominously.
"Whatever!" Naruto snapped hurriedly. "I'm the only one that didn't have a computer like everyone else! You two will NOT ruin this for me!"
"Idiot," Sasuke muttered. "I'm leaving." He announced as he turned around and headed for the door.
"If you really want to live to the day you make Hokage," Sakura warned as she followed Sasuke, "you will not wake me up for something so stupid this early again."
X-x-X-x-X
Naruto probably treasured his life, as he didn't disturb his teammates for the rest of the weekend. When Monday finally came around, Sakura and Sasuke found themselves in Tsunade's office with no blonde in sight. Sighing in exasperation, Sakura shuffled forward and picked up the file with their next mission's particulars.
"We'll just go drag him out of bed, shishou," she said as she fell back in line with Sasuke. "The idiot probably got too comfy over the weekend and 'forgot' to set his alarm."
"Probably," Tsunade snorted. "Well, I hope you all rested enough, because you will need it for that mission."
Sasuke remained silent.
Tsunade held up a finger when the two Shinobi made to leave. "That mission isn't just for your team alone." The two teens turned back to face her in silent question. "There is a list of Shinobi in there that I handpicked myself. Find them and leave as soon as possible." She finished in dismissal.
Her eyes were back on the desk in front of her before they'd even responded and left the office.
X-x-X-x-X-x-X
Sai
Hyuuga Neji
Uzumaki Naruto
Haruno Sakura
Hyuuga Hinata
Inuzuka Kiba
Aburame Shino
Uchiha Sasuke
Sakura read the names aloud as she and Sasuke made their way to Naruto's.
"Hmmm, mostly sensory ninja," she mused, "I'm guessing I'm playing the medic role, er, no offense to them, but why are Naruto and Sai on the list? This is obviously a recon mission."
She scanned the next page, and sure enough, 'Reconnaissance Mission' stared up at her in bold lettering.
"What are we gathering Intel about?" Sasuke asked, although he already had an idea.
Sakura flipped another page, scanning it. "Akatsuki."
Sasuke stiffened for a few seconds, but brusquely resumed walking. "That explains why those two idiots are on the list then."
X-x-X-x-X-x-X
When Sakura and Sasuke entered Naruto's apartment, they'd been expecting to find the blonde sprawled out in bed, drool on the pillows and his ridiculous nightcap miraculously still in place. But other than the clone currently snoring away on the couch, the only other odd thing was that the blonde looked like he hadn't moved from his spot in front of the computer screen, since they'd left him there three days prior. His frazzled and dirty state supported that notion. But then…
"Oh, hey guys, didn't hear you come in," Naruto mumbled absently, not looking away from the screen. "What's going on?"
"Uh…Naruto…why is there a clone of you sleeping on the couch?" Sakura asked.
"Because I can't sleep myself, he's doing it for me," the blonde responded, shrugging like that should have been obvious.
"Huh?" Sakura raised a confused eyebrow as she stared at the sleeping clone.
"What died in here?" Sasuke asked, his nose wrinkling slightly.
Naruto paused his furious typing to spare them both a withering glance. "I've been busy lately, so I make clones to do everything else."
"Of course, everything… except shower and brush your teeth, right?" Sakura snarked. She glared when Naruto just waved a hand in her general direction.
"Wait," Sasuke placed a hand on Sakura's shoulder to stop her from most likely maiming Naruto in some way. "Did he just say his clone is sleeping for him?" he asked, frowning as said clone let out a particularly loud snore.
"What?" Naruto asked, turning halfway from the screen to notice them staring at his clone. "Oh yeah, when I dispel the clone, all that rest it accumulated comes back to me and I don't feel tired anymore. It's like when I use clones to collect Sage Chakra." Naruto grinned when they continued to silently stare at the sleeping clone. "You guys don't do that?"
Sasuke and Sakura shared a look, and Naruto knew they'd never thought of it before. It was that kind of look that everyone got whenever someone points out the obvious. The 'well, duh' and 'oh shit, you're right' mixed with 'why didn't I think of that?'
"Are you kidding me?" Sakura threw her hands up in the universal sign of defeat. "Who knows how much I could have read and learnt if I'd known that during my training?"
Sasuke chose not to verbalize his own inner rage while Naruto looked like he was about to start rubbing it in their faces. But before he could, he suddenly remembered something very important.
"Oh I just remembered! You guys gotta check this out!" he waved them over as he quickly re-opened a tab on the computer.
"Forget it!" Sakura snapped, still pissed about the clone situation. "We don't have time for this, we have a new mission."
"It can wait," Naruto insisted impatiently, "you have to see this, Sakura. It is HILARIOUS!"
Sakura would have probably been berating him for exaggerating, but she was too stunned. Naruto…blowing off a mission?
"But it's a big one," she insisted, "S-rank."
"I'm not stupid, Sakura." Naruto shot back, not looking away from the screen. "I won't fall for that a second time."
"I'm not joking. We really do have an S-Rank mission!" She insisted, and then scowled when the blonde didn't respond, too busy scrolling. "Sasuke, do something!" she hissed.
Too relieved by the distraction, Sasuke didn't respond. He didn't need an annoying, taunting Naruto this early in the morning. He should have however, expected the universe to contradict him…as usual.
"Here, read this," Naruto said, voice excited as he jumped up and pushed Sakura into his seat. "Read it!"
"Ew, at least brush your teeth!" Sakura gagged. "An' tanke a shawa!" she added, her voice distorted due to how hard she'd pinched her nose.
"Oh c'mon!" he frowned. "Hey temeh, it's not that bad right?" he asked, opening his armpit in Sasuke's direction.
Sasuke cringed and pinched his nose when a green cloud poofed out of Naruto's armpit. His eyes watered and the hair at the back of his head that normally defied gravity went flat.
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Okay fine, give me a minute, but don't start reading without me!" he shouted as he ran for the bathroom, clothes flying off.
Exactly one minute later a clean Naruto with soggy hair emerged. "Okay, you can start."
Sakura rolled her eyes, not surprised since one-minute showers were a Naruto specialty. She turned back to the computer. "You still haven't brushed your teeth." she pointed out.
"Oh come on!"
Naruto the Awesome and Sasuke the Loser by NAruSaku4Eva
"What the.." Sakura frowned, and then scrolled up. "…wait a minute, this is the Fanfiction site." she rounded on Naruto. "How did you get on Fanfiction?"
"More importantly, why are we wasting time on it?" Sasuke interjected. "Mission. We have a mission."
"Well, I was on Google, right?" Naruto started, ignoring Sasuke, "and then I wondered what would happen if I searched my name, and all this stuff popped up, pictures and videos…actually it was kinda creepy. I mean, when did they take them all? I was a baby in some-"
"Get to the point, Idiot."
Naruto scowled. "So anyway, I was scrolling through it all, and I found this link that said 'Naruto Archive', browse hundreds of Naruto stories... and a bunch of other words I don't remember. So I clicked on it cause I was curious."
"Why is there a section on you on Fanfiction?" Sakura asked.
"Not just me. All of us," Naruto clarified. "There's stories about me, you, him, the other rookie 9 and Kakashi-sensei, and Gai-sensei, and the Sandaime and Tsunade-baa-chan-"
"Why do you know what it is, Sakura?" Sasuke cut in, getting annoyed.
"Well, I used to visit that site a lot back when Ino and I were obsessed with Manga. It's basically a site where fans write their own versions of their favorite shows or books or comics and stuff like that, basically changing the original plotlines to suit their own fancy."
"Then why is there a section on the Dobe and us?" Sasuke asked suspiciously.
"That's what I want to know."
"Just read the story already!" Naruto snapped.
"Wouldn't it be more important to find out why there's a section on us on Fanfiction?" Sakura asked. She was met with blank stares. "Okay fine, I'll read the story and then we're leaving for the mission, got it?"
"Got it." Naruto beamed.
"Just hurry up." Sasuke added.
Sakura's eyes narrowed at the rudeness but she turned back to the screen, muttering under her breath about being the only rational person around.
Naruto the Awesome and Sasuke the Loser by NaRuSaKu4EvA
Summary: Basically, Naruto is awesome in this story and Sasuke is a loser. There is no ninja stuff.
"What?" Sasuke asked blandly.
"What's 'ninja stuff' supposed to mean?" Sakura asked.
"Keep reading!" Naruto hissed.
A/N: Sup peeps, so like I wrote another NaruSaku fic and I hope yous likes it! Flamerz suck as much as Sasuke the loser. Here we go!
Once upon a time, Naruto was awesome
"This is stupid." Sasuke interrupted, and then scowled when Naruto shushed him.
and Sasuke was a loser nerd-geek with stupid, geeky-nerd glasses and zits everywhere and a big nose like a nerd.
Sakura paused to snicker along with Naruto. Sasuke's eye twitched.
One day, Sasuke the loser was walking down the street, grinning idiotically. "Gosh jolly, its great to be alive!
"What?" Sasuke interrupted.
"Someone's chipper." Sakura snorted.
even when you're a loser like me! But the sun is shining and the birds are singing!"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"What?" Sasuke repeated, absently elbowing a laughing Naruto to shut him up..
And then….
"Ooooh, suspense." Sakura muttered sarcastically.
he saw something.
"Well that's specific. What did he see? The street? A tree?" Sakura asked. "Great detailing."
He squealed like a little loser girl-
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA," Naruto laughed, pointing at the screen, "that's my favorite part,dahahahahaha!"
"Why is the little girl a loser?" Sakura asked.
Sasuke's eyebrow twitched again.
"OMFG its tomatoes in a line of tomatoes on the ground leading to an ominous shadow shaped like Itachi!" he squealed. "That's not suspicious at all!"
Sakura stopped reading to snort. "Sasuke said OMFG."
"Why did I say tomatoes twice?"
"Right. Because that's what's strange about the sentence," Sakura snarked.
"Keep reading it gets better," Naruto urged.
So Sasuke started skipping like a sissy girl as he picked the tomatoes and put them in a basket.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Sasuke glared at his cackling teammates. "You two do know that I still have my Sharingan, right?"
That shut them up.
"Back to the story," Sakura announced.
"What the hell! You ARE Itachi! I knew it!" Sasuke shouted nerdily when he found Itachi at the end of the line.
"When did you figure that out? Before you fell for the lame trap or was it the Itachi-shaped shadow hint? And nerdily is not a word."
Sasuke tried to run away but he tripped on his shoelaces (Itachi had tied them together cos he's super cool like dat XD) It was too late. He knew too much.
"What exactly is it that's 'too much'?" Sakura asked.
"This is stupid." Sasuke repeated.
"Oh noes!" he screamed. "I'm such a loser! Why can't I be super cool like Naruto the Awesome! Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto collapsed to the floor, clutching his sides.
"Okay. This is retarded." Sakura grumbled, not amused anymore.
"Someone put me out of my misery!" Sasuke wailed as his diaper filled up.
"Ugh. Ew. Someone put me out of my misery," Sakura muttered.
"Dahahaha –diaper- hahahaha"
Sasuke had long since lost interest in the story and was poking at his deflated hair in frustration as he tried to figure out how to get it to stick back up. "You know, neither of you have appeared in this 'story' yet."
"I kind of don't wanna." Sakura replied. If Sasuke was a pathetic weakling in a diaper, Heaven only knew what she'd be portrayed as.
"Okay, whatever dude," Itachi shrugged, "I'll just send u to an alternate dimension wit ma super cool mageno shargun."
Sakura blinked a few times and then re-read the sentence. "That's... disturbing." She commented.
"And completely unbelievable." Sasuke added. 'Itachi would never say something so retarded."
"But it is HILARIOUS." Naruto snorted, still laughing on the floor.
"Wait!" the loser screamed
"Sasuke sure screams a lot in this story," Sakura commented.
"what dimension are you sending me to?"
Itachi grinned like Sai.
"That is all kinds of wrong." Sakura shuddered.
"I'm sending you to the darkest, most colorless, magicless, lameness-filled land in the whole world."
"NOOO! NOT NEW JERSEY!" Sasuke cried, snot running down into his mouth.
"EW." Sakura mumbled.
"Oh yes! New Jersey!" Itachi giggled evilly.
"And it gets even more disturbing." Sakura commented.
"Giggled...evilly?" Sasuke repeated.
"NO! I'll never get decent Chinese food again ever! YOU MONSTER!"
"And I'm officially confused." Sakura announced.
"I think the 'author' meant Chinese food in New Jersey or wherever sucks," Naruto suggested.
"Still!"
Itachi shrugged evilly. "Whatevs! Peace out, sucka!" Itachi shouted
Sakura stopped reading to laugh. "Ahaha, I'm sorry Sasuke but -snort- just imagine Itachi saying something like that."
-and then he sucked Sasuke into an alternate dimension New Jersey with his super cool mageno shargun. (Cos he's super cool like dat XD)
"We get it, Itachi is cool." Sakura snapped.
"Is that supposed to be Mangekyou Sharingan?" Sasuke asked, squinting at the bright screen.
"What a retard." Sakura shook her head. "Didn't she say no 'ninja stuff'?"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Naruto, it really isn't that funny." Sakura admonished, unsuccessfully trying to muffle her snickers for Sasuke's sake.
Meanwhile, Naruto the Awesome was awesomely getting married to Sakura
"WHAT?"
-now that she was much prettier than she was when she was an ugly genin-
"Excuuuuse me?" Sakura snarled, her knuckles popping subconsciously.
"Okay, now it's funny." Sasuke commented. "Wait, how were you an ugly genin if there is no 'ninja stuff' in this story?"
-and no one ever mentioned Sasuke the loser again and they all lived happily and awesomely ever after!
"And it's retarded again." Sasuke deadpanned.
A/N: OMFG Naruto is so hot! He should so marry Sakura now that she's hotter in shipudden. Anyway, reviews are sooooo sooooo welcome. As for flames, I have an incinerator! Losers!
Sasuke: Well…that was a waste of time.
Naruto: "No it was hilarious," said as he wiped some tears from the corner of his eye.
Me: Yes. IKR LOL. Yes it was. REVIewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
"Huh, that's the only time Sasuke was in character," Sakura observed. "And I see why you said OMFG earlier too, but what the hell is a shippuden? And what's with that 'wiped some tears from the corner of his eye'? Where else would he wipe them?"
"And incinerators cannot get rid of flames but as I said it's a stupid story." Sasuke reminded. "She didn't even get my personality right."
"You have a personality?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke growled.
"Geez, relax," Naruto backed away. "I actually found this other story where you were in character."
"NO." Sakura snapped. "Mission. NOW."
"But I have it bookmarked," Naruto insisted. "And it's also very short! C'mooooooooooo-"
"You could just tell the others to meet us here," Sasuke suggested. "He can read that stupid story while we wait. I don't want him whining about it during the mission."
"Fine." Sakura conceded begrudgingly, still peeved about the story's ending.
"Yes! Here let me open it." Naruto quickly closed the tab and opened a new one, and after scrolling through his bookmarks clicked on the right one.
"You sure have a lot of bookmarks for someone who's only been on the internet for three days." Sakura commented as the page loaded.
Naruto shrugged. "Those clones can really open up a schedule."
Sakura rolled her eyes and then focused on the screen again.
The License by I-Heart-Naruto
"Okay. That's an okay title I guess." She commented.
"Stupid username though." Sasuke pointed out.
Summary: Naruto gets his permit and Sasuke is jealous…life changes for everyone! R&R! My first dabble at a drabble.
"Ugh." Sakura rolled her eyes. "Well...that isn't vague at all."
"I thought you said they'd get my character right." Sasuke snapped.
"They will!" Naruto insisted.
"When am I ever jealous of you?"
"When I have something you don't?"
"Girls, girls, trying to read over here." Sakura snapped irritably.
Naruto grinnedm looking as cool as ice.
"Well…that's not a promising start." Sakura muttered.
"So what you think, dawg?" he asked. "Aint she a beaut?"
"Dawg?" Sasuke repeated.
"Since when are you Texan?" Sakura asked. "And what's a beaut? What's with these people and ambiguity, damn it!"
He grinned and stroked his new, shiny, black, cool, ebony, dark, awesome, motorcycle.
"Ohhh. The motorcycle's a beaut." Sakura shook her head. "Okay, first, black, dark and ebony mean the same thing, and two, that's way too many commas and why is there a comma between awesome and motorcycle?"
"Just keep reading Grammar Nazi." Naruto snapped, only to grin sheepishly when Sakura scowled at him.
"Now that I gats ma license, I'ma be totally badass! Awwww yeah, the ladies gon be all over me like sand."
"Okay, now you're a gangsta." Sakura observed, still unimpressed.
"And where am I in this exactly?" Sasuke asked.
"Wait, what does 'all over me like sand' imply?" Sakura asked.
"Just keep reading." Naruto snapped impatiently.
Sasuke looked at Naruto all bored-like
Sakura rolled her eyes. "I'm not even going to say it."
and then he just rolled his eyes and left
"Hey that IS kind of in character, right Sasuke?" Sakura asked.
"More or less, I suppose," the Uchiha conceded absently.
to go stalk Hinata because he was obsessed with her boobs.
That got Sasuke's attention. "WHAT?!"
"Er…oh well." Sakura sighed, noting that Naruto was cackling again.
"What's his problem?" Naruto asked.
"Who cares?" Sakura answered flirtily
"Okay. A, why am I suddenly there? B, flirtily is not a word and C, why am I flirting with Naruto?"
-as she drooled over how hot and smokin' Naruto looked on the badass bike.
"Ohhhh. I'm pretty sure I lost some brain cells just now." Sakura muttered.
"Take me on a ride, your smexiness," she begged with shining eyes.
Sakura gagged.
"Sure thing babe, Hop on."
"Wait…why stop there?
"Pleaaaaaaaaase stop there." Sakura whined.
let's get married," she whimpered.
"Oh for fuck's sake!" Sakura exploded. "Why would I just suddenly want to marry him because of a stupid bike?! And why the hell am I whimpering?!"
"Because I am awesome?" Naruto grinned, and then cowered back when Sakura growled at him.
"Kay. Let's do it." Naruto shrugged.
THE END! XD Reviews are like warm milk after a swim, sooooo review, my pretties!
"OH COME ON! That did NOT even make SENSE!" Sakura raged. "And HOW exactly did THAT change EVERYONE's life? THERE WAS ONLY THE THREE OF US IN THE WHOLE DAMN STORY!"
"It doesn't matter." Sasuke cut in. "We have a mission to leave for? S-Rank? Does this sound familiar?"
"NO!" Sakura raged. "We are NOT leaving until I find a story that butchers Naruto like we've just been."
Sasuke blinked once. "No."
Sakura didn't get to answer because Team 8, or more specifically Kiba came barging in, while Hinata and Shino calmly followed in behind him. They were shortly followed by Neji and Tenten.
"We got your message, Haruno." Neji started. "We should leave as soon as Sai gets here."
"FIRST... I have to do something," Sakura interrupted, scrolling furiously.
"Hey, don't break my mouse, Sakura-chan." Naruto warned, eyeing the abused device with concern.
"Why are you here?" Sasuke eyed Tenten.
"Nice to see you too, Uchiha." She snarked. "Obviously, I'm going on the mission with you guys. Gai-sensei ran off somewhere with Lee and I'm not staying in the village alone."
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "It's a recon mission. You're a weapons specialist, ergo useless for this mission."
"Don't test me boy," Tenten warned.
"Yo dude!" Kiba hollered, not looking up from his phone, "that story you shared on Facebook was un-fucking-believable!"
"What is he talking about?" Sasuke asked dangerously, attention snagged.
"I may have shared that story we read first on Facebook." Naruto answered absently.
"Any idea what's going on?" Tenten whispered to Hinata, as they watched Sasuke trap Naruto in a particularly nasty genjustu.
"Not really," Hinata whispered back, cringing when Naruto screamed. "You think Sakura-chan is alright, though?"
"AHA! This is PERFECT!" Sakura cackled. "You're so getting roasted, Uzumaki!"
"I don't think she's okay." Tenten concluded, sweatdropping.
X-x-X-x-X-x-X
Okay. That's it for chap 1. Kinda random, yeah? Like it? Hate it? Let us know. If you found it boring, try chapter 2...guaranteed to be funnier!
Because this story is dedicated to him, this chapter had some of what Xero likes and hates about Fanfiction. Exaggerated OOCness with nothing to back it up. (Makes sense now, right dude? Hmmm, we wonder if this is too silly to be a dedikay fic though. Also notice anything familiar? lol)
We have some ideas planned but we are open to requests for the next chapters. characters, fic ideas, pairings e.t.c