Title: Green Monster
Author: The Emcee
Pairing: Khan/Kirk
Rating: T
Summary: Spock's dislike for Khan isn't just because of what the super human did to Starfleet Command. No, he dislikes Khan because, unfortunately, they are a lot alike in strength, knowledge, and in their mutual attraction to Jim.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, actors, or the fandom.
A/N: Here's part three of my odd, little Khan/Kirk series. I hope you all like it! R&R. Enjoy!
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Green Monster
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What frustrated Spock most about Khan was not his arrogance, although he was quite arrogant. How it had not led to his downfall already was a completely mystery to him, and that was saying something. Spock had come to understand through his research and understanding of the human psyche that arrogant leaders and politicians almost always fell out of power eventually. Khan's power, his arrogance, was unlimited and knew no boundaries.
Nor was it the fact that Khan had successfully waged a one man war against Starfleet and had almost killed, Jim, himself, and every single person serving on the USS Enterprise. Although, if he were being honest with himself, which he was because Vulcans do not lie, that was not a larger part of the reason why Spock disliked Khan so much. Of course, it was a very good reason to dislike the super human and one that most people could understand eagerly, but Khan had been caught and – Spock was very reluctant to admit it – his blood had saved Jim's life. One life, Spock knew and recognized very well, did not equal to the number of lives lost because of Khan, but because it was Jim it meant something much more to Spock, something he had been trying to bury while he had tried to foolishly deny by pursuing a relationship with Nyota.
What frustrated Spock the most about Khan, what made him dislike the super human so much, was how similar they were.
Anyone could see quite plainly the similarities between the two of them. They were both far stronger than humans and could hold their own in almost any kind of fight. Both were intellectuals who understood science and mechanics and a variety of other subjects that most humans only dabbled in. Spock and Khan were both fast on their feet, a skill that came in handy when in a fight. And they both would do whatever it took to keep the people they cared about most alive and safe. But the biggest similarity they had in common was one that was more obvious to the two of them than it was to anyone else. It was a bond, a strong bond that they both shared, only not with one another.
The thing they had most in common was Jim.
Jim was their Captain; he had been Spock's Captain from the moment he had forced the half Vulcan to reveal his emotionally compromised state in front of the crew. And he had been Khan's Captain since Starfleet Command declared him so during the verdict reading at his trial. But Jim was not just Spock's Captain; he was also his friend, one who had risked his own life to save his First Officer time and time again and who would continue to do so if need be. However, the feelings of friendship on Spock's part turned into something much more than that. Over time, before Khan even came into the picture, Spock had begun feeling a romantic and, dare he say, sexual attraction to his Captain as well.
At first, when he had realized what he was feeling, Spock tried to deny it and suppress it. Surely, how he felt was a mere human reaction in order to show how grateful he was to Jim for saving his life. That was why his relationship with Nyota had been taking a turn for the worse, even before Nibiru and Kronos and Khan. How could the two of them have a healthy relationship when Spock spent most of his time thinking of another, their Captain? It was not fair to him nor was it fair to Nyota. Therefore, following Khan being captured, detained, and put on trial, Nyota and Spock ended their relationship by mutual agreement, although Nyota warned Spock that it was possible that Jim's heart already belonged to another. At the time, Spock had not understood what he meant.
Now, he did.
It was quite obvious to everyone by now that Jim was in a relationship with Khan. What wasn't obvious was how long it had been going on; some speculated that it happened during the entire ordeal before Khan's trial while others believed it happened from the trial and beyond. Spock did not know nor did he care when it happened. Truthfully, all that he had cared about was the fact that it had happened in the first place. How and why Jim, of all people, would come to care about and possibly love Khan Noonien Singh was beyond Spock's capability to understand. He had originally thought it to be a joke as human humor still escaped him even now. But his hopes had been quickly shattered during a small conversation he had had with Jim one day.
"Jim," he had said during their nightly chess game, "might I ask a personal query?"
"Shoot, Spock. And by the way, you don't need to ask me if it's okay to ask me a question," Jim had told him. "We're friends. You can ask me anything at any time."
With that information cataloged, Spock had asked him, "Why do you feel such a strong connection to Khan? After all he has done, I find it hard to believe that you hold so much compassion for him."
Jim didn't answer him right away. Instead, he stared intently at the chess board with a thoughtful expression on his face. Spock remained quiet and gave him time to think, knowing it would probably take a little longer than necessary due to the question he had asked and because it was Jim's turn. Eventually, the Captain did speak up, and when he did, he looked into Spock's eyes. There had been confusion and fear in those blue eyes, but also acceptance and hope, hope that Jim was saying and doing the right thing.
"You're right, Spock. I shouldn't feel how I feel about Khan after he killed Pike and all of those people. I shouldn't like him or want him the way I do, especially considering that he had tried to kill my crew and had plans to kill anyone he deemed inferior to himself and his crew," Jim had said. "But then, I also can't help but think that he can't be all that bad."
"What precisely do you mean, Jim?" Spock had asked him. He had had a thought that he knew what Jim meant, but he would rather hear it from his Captain and know for sure than to merely speculate.
"I mean that anyone who would destroy a world and kill people to save those he loves the most can't be all that evil. If I put myself in his shoes, I'd probably do the same thing to save you and Bones and everyone else," Jim had explained to him. "If someone had taken you guys from me and threatened to kill you, I would retaliate in every way I knew how."
Spock had thought about Jim's words and had come to the conclusion that Jim would, perhaps, do what he had said he would do to save the people he saw as his family. By that point, he would not have expected any less from his Captain. However, he had believed and still did that Jim was very much different from Khan.
"Besides," Jim had added, "Khan technically saved my life twice. So, I kind of owe him some good faith." Spock had quirked an eye brow at that.
"Twice, Jim? If I recall, it was Khan's blood that had saved you, and only once," he had replied.
"No, twice. On Kronos and then with the blood thing," Jim had said confidently and more to himself than to Spock. He looked back up at Spock and had said, "Even if, in a way, he had caused the danger in both situations, he still saved my life and that's gotta count for something. We both know he could have just let me die."
That was when Spock had realized that no matter what he or Doctor McCoy or anyone else said, Jim would still choose to see some good in Khan instead of all of the ruthlessness and hatred that the super human was quite capable of. Although he did not like it, he would respect Jim and his desires to continue his relationship with Khan. However, he would also keep an eye out for any trouble that Khan might cause and he would ensure that no harm came to Jim, whether it was physical, emotional, or mental. Should Khan harm Jim in anyway, Spock would not hesitate to beat Khan into submission once again.
"Damn it, Jim. You got mustard on your shirt," Doctor McCoy's voice brought Spock out of his revere and back to the present. "We're supposed to go to a seminar after lunch and you're lookin' to wear your food instead of eating it like a normal person."
"Oh, come on, Bones. It's a small speck of mustard," Jim said with a nonchalant shrug. "Easy removable with a napkin." Spock watched as Jim reached for one. McCoy shook his head in disgust. Khan arched any eye brow at the two of them, but merely observed.
"If you're going to use a napkin, then dab it. Don't smear it," Doctor McCoy told Jim before the napkin even made it to the mustard speck. "You'll make it even more obvious that you're a slob."
"Well, if I smear it, I can add more and make it look like the Starfleet sigil," Jim retorted, smirking at the good doctor. Doctor McCoy's scowled deepened and he shook his head.
"For the love of Christ, Jim. You're worse than a two year old," he grumbled. "And that's disgusting, by the way. Makin' a mustard smear into the Starfleet insignia."
"I must disagree with you, Doctor," Khan said. "A two year old can easily be intimidated. Jim, however, has proven to be more stubborn than he's often worth."
"Aw, but you love me anyway, don'tcha?" Jim teased, grinning as he nudged Khan's arm with his elbow. Khan merely stared at him in amusement and Spock's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. Although it had been one year, three months, and eleven days since Khan's trial and probation sentencing, Spock still did not like the obvious intimacy between Jim and Khan or how sometimes Khan looked like he wanted to eat Jim alive, which was almost all of the time.
"I would welcome you warmly into my crew if I had my own ship and my family back," Khan admitted. From what Spock had observed from a number of other occasions, that was as close to a confession of love as Khan ever got to.
"I knew it," Jim grinned, his blue eyes lighting up even more so. "But you could just say "I love you", y'know. It's easier and it doesn't make it sound as though you're plotting or scheming. Besides, you're on probation for, like, ever and you're part of my crew. And your crew is alive and well in their cryo-tubes. No one is going to use them to force you to build war machines ever again."
Spock saw the spark of pain and sorrow that shone very briefly in Khan's eyes at the mention of his crew. Starfleet Command had them in their tubes stored away at some facility that Khan was only allowed to visit every two months for one hour, as per the conditions of his probation. Not even Jim, as Captain of the Enterprise, thereby Khan's Captain, was allowed to go with him. If he could, Jim would readily go with Khan to visit his people when he was allowed. From what Jim had told him and from what Spock had gathered from observation and listening, Khan spoke seldom of the members of his crew, but when he did, it was as though he were a completely different person from the dictator who had threatened the Earth. At least, that was what Jim had explained to him.
"Oh, but Captain, why should I make things easier for you?" Khan replied. "I thought you liked it rough."
"Okay, this conversation just took a turn for the weird and uncomfortable," Doctor McCoy said. "I think lunch is over."
"I would have to agree with you, Doctor," Spock said. "Besides, should we wait any longer, we will miss the seminar and as our presence is required, being on time would be most ideal and appreciated."
"Spock, how many times do I have to tell you that you agreeing with me makes me uncomfortable?" Doctor McCoy grumbled loudly.
"My probation hearing is after the seminar, is it not?" Khan asked. That was enough to stop Doctor McCoy's grumbles. Spock turned his brown eyes to the super human and watched him carefully.
"Yeah, it is," Jim answered him. "You'd think they'd get tired of hearing the same stuff every hearing. They ought to know by now that you're a solid performer." At those words, Khan smirked.
"Dear God, man! That's not what he meant," McCoy snapped, clearly irritated. Then again, he often was irritated, especially when he was around Jim, which was almost all of the time.
"Double meaning, Bones," Jim smirked at his best friend, who merely rolled his eyes and grumbled some more. "Anyway, you'd think they'd get tired of hearing the same thing all of the time."
"The probation hearings are mere a chance for Starfleet Command to observe Khan and ensure that he is meeting the requirements of his probation," Spock injected.
"Yes, thank you, Spock, I already know that," Jim said. Khan met Spock's eyes, a challenge in his bright, blue eyes.
"Without your insight, we would all be lost, Commander," Khan said.
"Oh, do not start fighting again," Doctor McCoy said loudly, glaring at both Spock and Khan.
"Remember the last time you two fought in public?" Jim snickered. Khan's gaze did not falter from Spock's.
"I do. And I also recall the fact that you couldn't walk straight or sit down comfortably for a few days," Khan said, a smirk slowly growing on his face. Spock felt a spark of irrational anger flare up inside of him before he forced himself to calm down. He had told himself that Khan was the one that Jim had chosen, but that did not mean that he had to tolerate Khan speaking about the Captain in such a manner.
As he opened his mouth to tell Khan as much, Jim cut him off with, "Okay, let's go before you two start ripping each others' heads off."
They all stood up and started making their way to the Starfleet seminar. Khan was on Jim's left while Bones took to his right. Spock followed them, walking at a calm, set pace, and thinking.
Perhaps, and he would never admit so out loud unless questioned, he was jealous of Khan. Perhaps most of his negative feelings towards the super human were due to the fact that they had too much in common for their own good. Then again, maybe it was because the one thing they had in common was the one thing they both craved and desired: Jim. Someday, perhaps, Spock would do his best to attempt to get along with Khan. That day, however, was not today.