"Tell me about Dr. Lindstrom," Michelle stated coldly, and Olivia was stunned. She knew the department had records of her visits, after all, they were all covered by insurance, but she didn't think they would use that against her. She got up from her seat opposite the younger woman, and walked over to the opposite wall, shaking her head. "You saw a shrink. I gotta ask," Michelle added, just as coldly, and Olivia wanted to snort.
She had been nearly assaulted once before during her undercover time with Fin in prison, and she managed to keep that incident, and the subsequent therapy sessions a secret. But that time, the entire department knew she was missing. Lewis was much worse than Harris, than any other perp she had ever encountered, and like she coached a million victims before; therapy was a crucial part of her recovery. She did it for herself, her daughter, her career…..and now they were using it to prove that, somehow, she was unfit to take care of Noah!
"I was kidnapped by a psychopath, I was held hostage, I was tortured," she listed. "And he threatened to do God knows what else," she added after a moment's pause.
"Everybody deals with trauma differently," Michelle interjected, not seeing how any of what Olivia was saying related to why she saw Lindstrom, and it was taking all of Olivia's will power not to lose it on the woman. How could she not understand that seeing Lindstrom was a good thing? That it spoke in her favor, rather than against her?
"Did you feel like Dr. Lindstrom helped you?" Michelle asked, and that was when Olivia decided to end it. "I'm here about a blue mark on my son's arm," she said calmly, touching her own arm where Noah's bruise was. And when Michelle tried to use their interrogation tactics on Olivia, she called her out on it, and asked her that she put all the cards on the table. And when she did, all the dams inside Olivia broke.
"What I realized, when I finally got to the other side, was that I wanted more! I wanted more than just the job, I wanted more for me and my daughter. I fought like hell for four days, I fought to stay alive, to survive…. just so that my daughter doesn't have to stand over a grave that has my dead body in it. I went to see Lindstrom because I didn't want what happened to me to define me, I didn't want it to affect my daughter, to destroy what she and I built. And I knew that I wanted more, more than just promotions, and a relationship. I wanted more for us…..I fought like hell for both of my kids and I only had one at the time." She choked out through her tears, before she grabbed her phone. "So, you wanna know what I'm guilty of? I'm guilty of being distracted, I was on the phone, and I took my eyes off my son for one second…. that's what I did wrong," she continued, her voice becoming more determined with each word. She was going to fight for her son, and she wasn't going to lose him no matter what!
"Liv, this might be out of line," Amanda said, as she followed Olivia. "Yeah, second apologizes usually are," Olivia threw over her shoulder as she entered her office, with Amanda hot on her heels. Amanda chose to ignore that comment, "Uh, you and Cassidy….." she started, and Olivia turned around to face her. "Yeah, what about him?" she asked. Amanda turned around to close the door before she could answer, then turned back towards her boss and friend. "I thought you guys ended pretty amicably," she said, slightly confused. "Yeah, still is. I mean ended," Olivia answered, clarifying her answer, but still not sure where Amanda was going with this. "But maybe not that amicably," Amanda suggested, and Olivia was confused. She broke eye contact for a second, frowning slightly, before she looked back at the blonde and asked, "Amanda, what are you talking…..". Amanda interjected, "Let me explain what the hell I'm talking about. The other night I was having drinks with Mike Lasky," she started, and Olivia nodded, recognizing the name. "From the 27," she stated. "Yes, except now he's an investigator at the DA's office," Amanda clarified. "And it turns out it's the same division that's investigating you," she added.
At that, Olivia thought that she understood what Amanda wanted, and jumped in. "Ok, if you wanna pull strings, I'm not interested, but thank you very much," she said appreciatively as she walked back to her desk. Amanda rolled her eyes at Olivia's impatience. "No, no. Mike's not like that, I asked," she said, approaching the desk. "Anyway, after his fourth Jamison he told me that there never would have been an investigation if it weren't for Brian Cassidy!" she finally deadpanned, and Olivia was shocked. She stared at her for a few agonizing seconds, her brain still trying to comprehend the words that just left the blonde's mouth. "What?" she breathed in disbelief, her brain still not entirely sure what to do with that info. Amanda shrugged in disbelief herself, "that's all he'd say!"
Olivia kept staring at her in disbelief, and Amanda looked back at her apologetically. Both women hadn't noticed that Savina was standing in the doorway, and overheard enough of the conversation. Amanda hadn't closed the door all the way, so when Savina came into the station and found the squad room empty and saw the two women in the office, she made a beeline for it. She did want to speak to her mother anyway, and she heard the last few bits of the conversation.
"That makes perfect sense actually," she piped up, and Amanda whipped around at the sound of her voice, while Olivia's head snapped up. Amanda chuckled at the murderous glare on Savina's face. "Yeah, Fin said you never liked him, even as a baby!" she quipped, and that drew a genuine smile on Olivia's mini-me.
"I thought you had classes all day today," Olivia stated, and Savina sighed, her anger from seconds ago returning. "I did, but that was before the DA's investigators decided they wanted to talk to me," she explained.
"Why didn't you tell me they called you in?" Olivia chastised gently, and Savina scoffed. "That's because they didn't call me. Cassidy came over to campus today and asked me to come with him. Said he already cleared it with the Dean!" she recounted, and Olivia's disbelief was growing by the second, and anger was also starting to rear its head.
"What did they want?" Amanda wondered, as Savina threw her bag onto the couch, and shrugged off her jacket. "Well, they think she's abusing Noah, so it makes sense that they talk to the 19-year-old! I mean, if they're gonna blame it on the stress of the job, then I should've had it worse. She was a detective when I was young, still needed to prove herself, crazier work hours, calls at all hours of the day, undercover operations that lasted weeks. So, if she was abusive, I would be the first to know!" Savina explained.
"Please don't tell me you were one of those kids who got sick a lot," Amanda almost begged. She knew how something like this would look for Olivia, and she wasn't around Savina growing up so she wouldn't know. Savina chuckled. "No, I wasn't. Aside from the appendicitis, nothing happened. That and my biological father kidnapping me, but that's more on him than anybody else," she started, and Amanda was about to sigh in relief, when she continued. "But that's not what they were interested in."
Olivia scoffed humorlessly. "Let me guess, they asked you about the beating I gave Lewis!" she said. "Well, that too, but that wasn't the main part." Savina stated.
"Then what was?" Amanda asked, a part of her knowing that she was not going to like the answer.
"The time you pointed a gun at me!" Savina said flatly, and Olivia shook her head, now in utter disbelief and hurt at the betrayal of trust. "Does Cassidy know about that?" she asked, but Olivia didn't answer.
"What did you say?" Amanda questioned, and Savina shrugged. "The truth. That I wasn't supposed to be home that day; it was during the Lewis trial, so you were on edge; you came home, heard noises from one of the rooms and drew your weapon; you didn't know it was me, and when I came out of the room, I found myself on the wrong end of the gun!" She answered calmly. "There's nothing to hide, or anything to be afraid of. But what I wanna know is; how does Cassidy know about it?" she asked.
"He came to the courthouse a couple of days later saying he was just checking up on me, but I was distracted and nearly attacked him. I apologized, he said it was okay, but I was still rattled by what happened with you, so it slipped out," she recalled, her face clenching once more as she remembered how she nearly shot her own child. Savina, knowing that this was one thing Olivia still felt guilty about, went around the desk, and hugged her from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder, and her head heavily against Olivia's. "Mom, you need to stop feeling bad about that day. It was a normal reaction, hell, I would've done the same thing. And they can't hold that against you," she soothed. But Olivia was beyond consoling now. She squeezed her daughter's forearms, and craned her neck to press a kiss against her head, before she leaned forward to get up, and Savina released her. "I'm gonna go talk to Cassidy!" She stated, her tone making it obvious that no arguments were allowed, so the other two wisely kept their mouths shut.