So, you guys have been requesting a sequel for this story (Suicidal Love) and i actually started writing one but i lost the document so i kinda gave up on it but ill try rewriting it but witheven more angst than the sequel chapter i lost! Yay! :') (Btw, this sequel is going to alternate between magnus and alec's points of veiw, starting with magnus'.)
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Chapter 1: What Have I Done?
I leaned back in my seat on the subway, my head swarming with thoughts and my stomache aching with regret. I'd left Alec a note before I left, handing it to his nurse to give to him. I didnt even know how I fekt about this, so many emotions coursing through me that I was almost numb except for the constant, claustrophobic feeling that my whole world was crashing down around me. I couldnt breath,my chest heaving with each shallow breath.
I hunched forward, holding my head in my hands. I tried to calm down by remembering old, happy memories, but those were rare and the happy memories turned dark very quickly, until finally, the whole reason I'm like this came to the surface and I held my breath, tears running down my cheeks.
I was sitting in my room, reading the book my friend Ragnor had given me at school that day, when I heard my father scream in agony from the upstairs bathroom. Terrified, I slowly climbed up the stairs to see him crouched in the doorway of the bathroom. I walked up behind him and looked over his shoulder at the scene that awaited me. My mother, her hair cascading over her vioently pale face flawlessly, her left arm outstretched on the tile flooring next to her, an empty bottle of pills on its side in the palm of her opened hand, was just laying there... dead. Suddenly, before I even had time to process what I was seeing, my father whipped around and grabbed me in a chokehold, "THIS IS YOUR FAULT YOU FUCKING FAG!", he screamed, making me wince from the volume of his voice so close to my ears, " SHE WAS FINE BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO TELL US YOU WERE THE SCUMBAG YOU ARE, SHE WAS SO FUCKING ASHAMED THAT SHE BIRTHED A FAG THAT SHE KILLED HERSELF!!! YOU HAPPY NOW?! I BET THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, YOU WORTHLESS PEICE OF CRAP!!!". Tears were now falling down my ten year old cheeks, as I struggled to breathe, to just stay conscious as he strangled me. Bruises all over my neck, he grabbed my wrist that years later, would be littered with scars, and dragged me outside, into our backyard, that unfortunately, had a river marking the end of our property, and took me to that river, dunking my head underwater for so long that my lungs burned and I couldnt open my eyes, pressure building up in my head. Finally, I could feel my fathers grip loosening and ultimately, letting go of me untirely, as I fell into the river and began to sink, ready to breathe in my last breath, one of water and not air, the one that would be the end of me, when I felt strong hands tighten around my shoulders, pulling me up to the surface once again. I gasped in the fresh air, so violently that it hurt my lungs just to breathe, but I couldnt stop, I gulped in large quantities of air, chest rising and falling at an alarming pace, for who knows how long, before my heartbeat and breathing rate began to slow to their normal paces, and I could open my eyes, even though I had to blink a couple times to clear my vision. My father had been torn away from me, his hands now bound in cuffs, his eyes glaring at me from the back of a squad car. Seeing the pure hatred in his expression made my eyes prick with tears once again, and I felt a hand pat my shoulder gently. I looked up to see a man's face looking down at me, "It's over, you're going to be okay.", he said, eyes full of sympathy. Oh how incorrect that statement had been...A similar hand on my shoulder interrupted my thoughts and I blinked, returning back to reality. Thing is, the hand wasn't similar to the man's hand at all, this time, the hand was weak and frail, and when I turned the the face of the person comforting me, I saw an old woman, her face detailed with many wrinkles. A kind smile was like a ray of sunshine into my darkness, "Are you okay? I saw you crying and thought you could use someone to talk to.", the woman said in a pleasant tone of voice. I forced a small smile, "I'm okay, my eyes have just been watering a lot lately, but thanks.", I laughed half-heartedly. She looked at me skeptically but she didnt push me, instead she replied with acceptance that I didnt want to open up to her, "Well if there is anything troubling on your mind, I hope that all is well soon.". A sad smile replaced the kind one and she gave my shoulder a light pat before getting up and returning to her seat on the other side of the subway, just across from me and to my right a few seats. I bit my lip, maybe this was a sign, maybe people really did care... no. No, that's impossible. Only alec really cares and understands and he's not enough, he's not even my boyfriend any more.