Light a candle
Roast a marshmallow
Temper a blade
Signal flare
Celebration
Warmth
Safety
Light
Home
Home
Riza's arms drape around his neck, over his shoulders, her hands resting over his heart. Roy tilts his head back so he can look at her. "Come to bed, Roy."
"In a minute."
She frowns, and untangles herself from him. "You hate paperwork," she points out, crossing her arms over her chest as she glares suspiciously at him.
He nods, distracted.
"Roy?"
"It's an experiment," he says quietly, still concentrating on the pen in his hand, on carefully forming words on paper. On reminding himself what he's capable of. Why he's capable of being… wanted. loved. Reminding himself that he isn't irrevocably damaged, despite all the damage he's caused.
"An experiment." Riza repeats.
"Yeah." Roy nods. Roy writes. Roy is afraid of fire, and he doesn't want to be. If he's afraid of fire, he's afraid of himself (Roy is afraid of himself, and he doesn't want to be).
"Like… an alchemy experiment?"
She doesn't see a circle, so it can't be that. He's not even wearing his gloves.
He shakes his head.
Riza stands there, watching him. Not pushing. But not leaving.
He glances up at her. Still holding the pen squeezed tightly between two fingers.
Cauterize a wound , he writes.
Undo a mistake.
Erase a threat.
He wasn't supposed to write anything that hurts, but he thinks this is okay because they still count as good and helpful things.
Riza told him to burn her and he almost didn't do it but he never could disobey her orders. And she was right . They had to make sure that nobody else could become the monster that he is.
But he hurt her.
And the guilt pushes in at the edges of his thoughts and he can feel the experiment failing and his chest squeezes tight and he's starting to lose control. And he can smell smoke. And burning flesh. And her crying. And her crying mixes with the screams of Ishvalan children and the pen falls to the floor and his fists are clenched and he can't breathe and he's kicking and lashing out against the world but mostly himself and then Riza catches his fist in her hand, wraps him up in a hug, and he is shaking and sweating but she doesn't let go even though he's still kicking her.
"Roy," she whispers soothingly. "Roy." She puts her hand over his heart. "Breathe, okay? Breathe out, slow. Listen. I'm going to count, okay? Don't stop breathing out 'til I get to five."
She counts him through it. Five out. Five in. Five out again. Until he can open his eyes, and he can still see the fire but it's flickering and dim. Like a campfire. Like the good kind of fire.
Friendship , he thinks, but he can't find the pen and he doesn't want to let go of Riza.
Romantic atmosphere
His breathing is still ragged, but steadier. He's still trembling, but only a little bit.
"Better?" Riza asks gently.
Roy nods. "Sorry…" his voice is still rough.
Riza shakes her head, puts her hand on his cheek, kisses him. Silences him. No matter how often she tells him he never has to be sorry, he says it every time. But her lips are sweet and warm and he melts into her and he moans against her and when she pulls away he almost panics again.
She knows it, of course. "Not going anywhere, Roy. Never going anywhere. Okay?"
"Okay," he whispers.
Love