Neal Gets Drunk

Maybe chapter 1, maybe a single story deal...

I got this idea from an English assignment we had to do a while ago, for Valentine's Day. I hated it then, but I love it now! Thank you, Wobbler! I did an attempt to be funny, you'd think I'd be better at it after reading all that Gordon Korman. I hope someone out there likes it.

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It was one of those court parties, where people dressed up in their finest and drank fancy wine. There were some musicians, the dullest around, of course. Keladry of Mindelan sat at her table, hoping this infinite torture would end. Just when she thought things were at their dullest...

"Ladiesh and gentlemen," Neal announced. "I now hash a speshial presentation for yoush.."

Kel noticed that Neal was extremely drunk, swaying from side to side while he clutched a half-empty mug of ale in one hand. Uh oh...

"I would like to sish a song to thish one and onlish, Lashy Squire." Despite being plastered, Neal's lyrics were clear and resonant, everyone could understand them perfectly.

"Oh..... roses are red, violets are blue, everyone thinks you're hot, and Cleon times two..."

Cleon blushed beet-red and pulled his hat down as far as it would go.

"I reach forward, for two objects, large in size, what I get is two fists, and you black both my eyes..."

He continued. "You may say, that this song is corny, but just thinkin' 'bout you, makes me feel horny..."

Kel's face was now almost entirely red. "They say Daine is sexy, with her silky brown hair, but everyone knows she's got the hots for Numair..."

Now it was Daine's turn to blush. "Cleon'd say, Oh now my dove! And we'd fight a duel, over your riding glove..."

"Roses are red, apples are green, I like your legs, and what's in betwee-" Neal was cut off by a rough jerk from Kel, who pulled him bodily off the table he was standing on by his arm.

"Show's over pal," she said, blushing furiously. Everyone was laughing. King Jonathan wiped tears of mirth from his face, the Knight Commander of the King's Own laughed so hard he fell off his chair, and even the Lord Wyldon struggled to keep his composure. Her friends were all pounding the floor in hilarity, even Cleon, and she shot them a bruising look.

"I hope you get the worst hangover you ever had," she muttered to the befuddled Neal.

"Seeya, folksh!" he said as he was pushed out the door by Keladry.

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If that was even vaguely funny I will jump for joy and race around the room three times before sitting down to write a sequel which will probably be half as funny if I'm lucky. So....R/R! Credits: the line "Roses are red, apples are green, I like your legs, and what's in between" was written by Orpheo (or-FAY-oh) in my class as the first part of his love poem. I'm not that sick. I know that was short, I try (and fail) to make stuff longer. PS, the duel over the riding glove was fought between Gary and Raoul, and it was Delia of Eldorne's glove. Sir Gareth the Elder sent them on border patrols to cool off.