The human soul is fragile, easily fragmented and quite often bruised by our own doings.
Some nights start out all velvety, perfect yet they threaten to hurl their poison at you. But you don't know that. There are times you cantor don't want to see that something you do may mentally slaughter you.
Seventeen years is a long, long time but we were only kids then and I didn't know how to tell you how I felt. Now where pushing thirty, no longer kids, Never Land long gone. But two things remain the same.
The way I feel
and my silence about sharing it.
Telling you would be like unleashing Pandora's Box. But maybe you know. Have I shown it? Those nights where we sat next to each other, you placing your jacket around my shoulders so I wouldn't get cold, or the way you'd keep refilling my glass with bitter-sweet white wine the minute I had swallowed the last drop, those nights where you graced me with a look, a touch, a word those splinters of time I'd collect them and make them mine, and then I felt untouchable.
Your arms around me, the first time we kissed nearly eleven years ago, felt strong and soothing and for a few moments I was in Heaven. The next day I woke up giggling like a child, giddy over our innocent exchange.
Days came and went, time trickled into years and I found myself locked in your embrace once again. This time it wasn't as innocent, this time we were no longer kids, but still in an odd situation because of a ten-year friendship. Your lips were like an inferno and the fire burnt within. I knew I wanted you but I knew I had to send you away.
So far away…
Every time you walk into the room it seems to light up. Perhaps its a trick of the light; perhaps its just the way you move. You're pure magic.
And so I find myself, sixteen again when I move to sit near you, pleasantly content when you look at me, silent, then break out into playful chuckles and run your fingers over the length of my hair.
I sometimes just sit and stare at you when you talk with someone else or get up to dance. I wonder if anyone notices me, I pray no one can tell that your my secret obsession.
The hands of time kept ticking, bringing forth a new day, a new era. Now we've grown up, the shell of childhood left discarded. Now I find you, once again with me and I reside in your arms. While you kiss me the world around me seems to disappear and I'm oblivious to the fact that its not just you and I in the room.
The night beckons morning and the chill teases at your bones. Spring is in full bloom and the air smells of lilies and wine as I lead you to the room where we had our first kiss, where for the first and last time Ill have you deep inside me.
Your body wrapped around me, you're everywhere at once, in my body, in my mind, in the very marrow of my bone. While tears trickle down my face like rain you ask me, over and over again what the hell is wrong?
I tell you nothing and am convinced that you cannot read what lies behind my eyes, beneath my soul.
And for once, just once I wish I could cut open my heart place it in your hands, bleeding, beating and tell you that seventeen years is a long, long time.