Title: Heal My Heart Once More
Rating: PG for now
Summary: [Rinoa/Squall/Quistis] Afraid of their growing relationship, Squall Leonhart tries to break off all ties to Rinoa Heartilly. But two years later, when fate brings them together once again, he realizes he never stopped caring for her. Thing is, *she has*.
Author's Note: Hello, out there! This is my first Final Fantasy VIII fic… well, the first I'm actually posting. ^_^; Is it just me, or is there something so WAFFy (Warm And Fuzzy Feeling) about Squall/Rinoa fics? I mean, they're all (well, mostly) so beautifully portrayed (i.e. Ashbear and Wayward Tempest). I'm such in a Squall/Rinoa mood right now because I just read a ton of them. But I really like Quistis/Squall fics too, for some odd reason (but not when there's Rinoa bashing in them). Maybe it's because I really dislike Seifer, and right now there's a huge load of Seifer/Quistis fics out (ew…), which I personally don't enjoy. Of course, that's just my preference.
So here's a Rinoa/Squall/Quistis fic. I have no idea where it's going or what's going to happen, but we'll see. I had written an earlier one that I was actually quite proud of, but I forgot to save it and then my dad shut off the computer… Wah… So I'm trying to rack my brain, trying to remember at least some of the good parts I had written in it. The final pairing does not depend on how many votes each couple receives, but if you want, you can vote. And please review. Flames are accepted, as long as they are tactful and helpful along the way. Thank you!
Prologue: "Hurtful Good-byes"
"Rinoa? Say something, please," Squall Leonhart pleaded as her stared at her intently.
Rinoa Heartilly stared back at him defiantly. "What do you want me to say?" Bitterness was clear in her voice. There was no way she could comprehend what he was telling her: that he never loved her in the first place; that he loved someone else; that all the time they had spent together was in vain. She couldn't believe it; how could she even have tried to reach him? It was impossible; that's what everyone said. But she was determined to get him to open up to her; Squall Leonhart was a mystery that she wanted to solve, yet she didn't even know why. His persona and character simply drew her to him; there was no logical explanation for it. And now he was pushing her away again…
Squall took a deep breath. He knew this would be hard for her, but he didn't know it would be hard for him as well. He tried to convince himself that what he was feeling was not love; it was just a figment of his imagination. He didn't deserve such a person as her. She was beautiful… perfect. There was no way she could've ever been drawn to him. The new feelings he was experiencing… he was so afraid. He could trust her physically, yes; but emotionally? Could someone ever love him? Surely a character such as Rinoa would want a more outgoing personality in him… but no. She liked him the way he was, and he knew it. He was just afraid… this was a whole new world for him.
Perhaps that is why the concept of pushing her away became so appealing to him; he wouldn't have to deal with these feelings that were emerging. And at least there was someone who was still waiting for him; someone that he knew he could always turn to: Quistis Trepe. Yes, he had felt like they were bound to be together from the beginning. It wasn't that he didn't like her; he just never took the time to get to know her. And he knew she still loved him… They were alike. They had things in common. But him and Rinoa?… Almost nothing. They were completely different.
Rinoa ventured again. "What do you want me to say, Squall? 'Oh, I understand?' 'I'm so happy for you and Quistis?' What is it, Squall? It's always about you, isn't it? That's how it's always been; that's how it always will be." She tried to hold the tears that were threatening to fall; she couldn't let him see her falter… she couldn't let him see her cry because of him.
She had thought she had reached him; and was somewhat proud of being the only one to do so. But now… He meant so much to her, yet she couldn't let him see that now. All the time they had spent together… laughing (even though most of the time she was the only one laughing) and just joking around with each other… She had thought it had meant at least a little to him.
Wanting to leave as soon as possible before she started to cry, Rinoa blurted, "I'm leaving. I'm going home tomorrow. I don't want to see or hear from you again; understand? If you even try, General Caraway will take care of you." She used a threat to make him see just how serious she was.
Despite the emotion he was feeling, Squall held back a laugh. "General Caraway? Rinoa, he can't do anything to me. I'm the Commander of Balamb Garden. I can do whatever I want; Caraway can't tell me what to do." His smug attitude was surprising and a little out of character.
Rinoa actually thought that he had sounded just like her at that moment; smug and boastful, always ready with a retort. She had taught him well. His ego was getting the best of him at that moment, and now small tears were running down her rosy cheeks. They had definitely spent much time together if she was beginning to rub off on him. But she didn't want any of it to end like he did.
"What about Cid? Anything he says, goes. You're like a little puppet, Squall. You do whatever he tells you to do, no matter how unreasonable… Why couldn't you do anything for me? Why can't you see that I don't want what you want?" She decided to be truthful with him; it was her last chance for reconciliation.
Squall couldn't bear it anymore. She was crying… because of him. He had never meant to hurt her intentionally, but he decided this was for the best. Rinoa needed someone else who could give her everything she wanted… love, care, attention… He wasn't fit to give her any of that; he didn't show emotion most of the time. And if she wanted a public relationship, he couldn't do it. He couldn't have their relationship publicly displayed before the world. He turned around, his back facing her. He couldn't say anything; he just wanted her to leave before he broke down altogether.
She sensed an uncomfortable silence, and decided to leave before things got out of hand. She was surprised she hadn't slapped him like she should have… no; she couldn't slap the face of the man she loved. Even though she hated him with everything in her being now, she knew that she cared deeply for him; perhaps past the point of even love, if there was such a point of feelings.
Turning on her heel, she said over her shoulder coldly, "Good-bye, Commander Leonhart. Have a nice life." She choked back the tears and strode out of the room, hoping her effect got across and that he'd call for her to come back.
But he didn't. And she was disappointed and angry as she left.
Squall hung his head in shame. He wanted her to come back, but convinced himself this was for the best. A minor bump in life. Everything should be rolling along fine now. He just needed to forget Rinoa and move on.
Forget Rinoa? He shook his head; that was nearly impossible. How could he forget the first woman he had ever fallen in love with? But he had to. They weren't right for each other… She needed someone like Seifer… Squall cringed at the thought. And did that mean he needed someone like Quistis? Someone who identified with him?
He shut his eyes tightly. What had he done? Had he just let go of someone that was so important to him? So important, in fact, that after he himself broke them apart, he still thought of her? She was still on his mind. And he knew that she would be; not only today, but for the rest of his life…
Knock, knock!
"Yo, Squall! You in there? The party's about to start, man." Zell Dincht's voice was muffled by the thick door. He pounded on it again. "Hey! At least give me some sign that you're alive!"
Squall sat on his bed. He had been, for the past half-hour. Thinking… like he did every night. Only, tonight was different; tonight was the annual SeeD inauguration ball. Last year, he had taken a sick leave, since he couldn't stand going to parties like those; with reporters, photographers, and all of Balamb Garden watching him every second? One could understand why he didn't like them. Cid had excused him the other year, fully aware of how much pain Squall would feel, going to the ball that he had met Rinoa in…
But this year, he convinced himself to go. Quistis was extremely happy when he told her that he was going; after all, she was a bit wary of last year. If he had gotten over Rinoa as he claimed, why would he not want to go?
Now Squall couldn't stop thinking about her. He stared at the floor blankly, closing his eyes briefly before standing up. He took one last glance in the mirror, making sure everything on his SeeD uniform was set in place. He noted the solemn look on his face as he strode to the door, opening it to see Zell and Irvine Kinneas.
"Took you long enough! I'm so hungry; let's go!" Zell's enthusiastic behavior made Squall reassure himself that it wouldn't be as bad as he thought it would.
Who am I kidding? Squall thought glumly. This is horrible; I should've never agreed to go. But the plans were already in place; he couldn't back out now.
As they made their way to the party, Squall only hoped that his lingering feelings for Rinoa would just go away for tonight. Because… if she was invited to the ball, Squall knew he would never be able to look back at his old life.
Author's Note: How is it? Okay? Read and review, please! And… yes, I'm in a very Squinoa-y mood, as you can tell. XD Maybe I'll just make it a Squall/Rinoa… I dunno. This is probably the typical length of each chapter, though. Comments and suggestions in your review, please… Maybe Quistis will have an actual role in the next chapter… I've got an itch to make this a Squall/Rinoa (not literally XD), but it could be in part because while I'm writing this, I'm listening to "Eyes On Me." Hehe… ^^;
Don't forget to read (well, you've obviously done the reading part) and review! (Now just push the "Go!" button in the bottom left corner… Teeheehee!)
P.S. Squall/Rinoa fics somehow magically have a greater impact on you if you listen to "Eyes On Me" (especially the piano solo version) while reading the fic. Try it; I have! It works like a charm! Makes you cry, too… XD