Bechloe Week Day Five - Road Trip.

Um, sorry? But hold out to the end; I promise it'll be okay.

Chloe's throat burns, her eyes swollen, puffy, and gritty. Her head pounds and her chest aches from the force of her sobbing. Her stomach still churns from the last time she'd thrown up, even though it had already been emptied the first time. She's utterly exhausted, barely having slept for the last four days.

None of that compares, though, to the excruciating black hole where her heart should be. It hurts to move, so she hasn't in several hours, except to lean over the toilet. It hurts to smile, so she hasn't in days. It hurts to speak, so she hasn't except to yell at the others to leave her alone. It hurts to breathe, and at her darkest moment, she wishes she didn't have to do that anymore, either. She's completely empty.

She lies alone on the bathroom floor in the Bella house, isolating herself from the others, unable to bear seeing their faces and searching automatically for the one that's missing. They tried to talk to her, tried to get her to open the door, but she'd screamed at them to go away until they finally had.

She feels terrible about it, especially since they'll all be moving out soon. The Worlds competition had been five days ago, and their lease on the Bella house is nearly up. She knows she's being selfish, knows she's going to regret not spending time with them before they all go their separate ways, but she still can't find the strength to pick herself up from the floor. Five more minutes, she keeps telling herself. Just five more. Then five more. She needs more time to recover. Then she'll see them. In five more minutes.

But she just can't stop crying.

Beca had left first, which had sort of surprised her, even though it really shouldn't have. Beca had always wanted to go to LA. Hadn't she been saying that from day one? So why should Chloe have been so caught off guard when basically the instant they'd come back from Worlds, Beca had left? Chloe knew she was an idiot for thinking that anything about Beca's LA plan had changed.

Well. One thing had. She'd gone with Jesse.

They'd left the previous day to begin a road trip that would take them across the country over the course of two weeks, bringing them to their eventual, permanent destination in LA. They have an apartment together there, all signed under Jesse's name and ready to move in to. Beca's things had been shipped over, so she and Jesse don't have to worry about that on their road trip. All they have to worry about is enjoying their time together.

Chloe's stomach rolls yet again at the thought. Beca and Jesse were probably stopping at every single cutesy tourist place along the way, taking photos of each other and laughing their heads off. Jesse would probably hold Beca's hand as they walk down Bourbon Street in New Orleans. He'd probably let her drive through Texas, knowing how she loves to drive fast with the music blaring. He'd probably stand behind her, hugging her securely as she looks over the Grand Canyon. He was going to find the best hotels for them along the way and would probably make love to her every night.

It would be their first adventure in their new life together.

The pain in Chloe's chest somehow doubles, becoming unbearable and making her curl even more tightly into the fetal position. She wonders in which city he'll ask her to marry him. Or maybe he'll wait to propose until they're in LA. She can easily picture it; he'll carry her into their new apartment like they're already on their honeymoon and she'll laugh at him and how goofy he is, but she'll fall even more in love with him for it.

Those should be Chloe's pictures. Chloe's hand entwined with Beca's. Chloe's arms encircling her. Chloe spending every night with her. Chloe carrying her. Chloe proposing.

But it never will be. She'd waited too long.

Her hazy mind flashes back to the hours following the Worlds competition. They'd won and the Bellas had been saved. In that moment, Chloe had felt happier than she had all year. All of their hard work had paid off, she was graduating, and she and Beca were on excellent terms once again, their relationship having been repaired at the retreat. For a brief instant, Chloe had felt invincible.

It had all changed when she'd stepped away from the stage and from the Bellas to check her phone, wanting privacy. She'd made her way to a side area of the performance field to lean against a tree, hidden from view. It was there that she'd overheard Jesse talking to Benji. They had been standing a little farther from the crowd, largely concealed by their own tree. She hadn't seen them, but she had most definitely heard them.

She hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but Jesse had said Beca's name and her attention had snapped to his words. She heard Jesse tell Benji about the road trip he and Beca were going to be taking only days after returning to the States. Chloe's blood had run cold; Beca hadn't told her about any road trip. Panic had flooded her veins at how little time she had left with Beca. Then, nothing mattered anymore when Jesse said the words that wrenched her soul from her body.

"I'm going to ask her to marry me."

Those eight words had turned her knees to jelly and had shot numbness through her body. She barely remembered the rest of the evening, had no idea how she'd survived to return to the Bellas, had only vague recollections of their faces swimming before her eyes, full of concern until they were all so drunk that it didn't matter anymore.

She had hardly been able to look at Beca following Worlds, her chest throbbing when Beca finally did tell her about the road trip – waiting until the day before she left to do so. Chloe doesn't think she'd done a good job of acting surprised, because Beca had looked disappointed when all she'd said was, "Okay."

She'd tried so, so hard to tell Beca how she felt. That she loved her. That she wanted Beca to stay with her instead. She had come so close but hadn't been able to do it when it mattered most. She almost did it when Beca left. They'd hugged, Chloe clinging to Beca as if her life depended on it. Because it did. Beca was her everything. There had been a moment, a single fleeting second, where Beca had hesitated. Chloe had seen it in her eyes. She'd almost told Beca then.

But she hadn't.

And so Beca had climbed into Jesse's car and they had driven away, dragging Chloe's heart over the asphalt behind them.

That had been yesterday morning. Chloe had been lying in the bathroom since then. She knows the other Bellas know why – they aren't stupid – but she can't bring herself to care. She doesn't have her phone with her, doesn't want to see Beca's social media posts about their trip and Jesse's proposal.

Chloe wonders if the ring is as beautiful as its soon-to-be-owner is.

Because Beca will say yes. Chloe knows it.

Her stomach lurches and she lunges for the toilet again, retching violently. Tears stream down her face at the force of her heaves, and by the time her body relaxes, she's even more exhausted. She wonders dimly if this is what dying feels like.

A sudden burst of noise from downstairs breaks through her haze. A flurry of voices, all blending together, reaches her, but she can't figure out what's happening. She doesn't really care.

The noises get louder, their source presumably drawing nearer, maybe even climbing the stairs to the second-floor landing. Then, the noises abruptly cut off, as if someone had put ear muffs over Chloe's ears. She finds she doesn't really care about that, either.

The distinct sound of footsteps on carpet appears. Whoever it is shuffles past the bathroom and down the hall. She thinks they even go into her bedroom. She still doesn't care.

A new pain appears in her lower back, apparently strained from lying on a tiled floor for the last 30 hours. It's a change from the aching emptiness within her chest, so she welcomes it. She crawls away from the toilet to end up on her side again, curled into herself. She closes her eyes. Five more minutes.

A sharp knock on the door startles her, her body jerking and her eyes opening.

"Chloe? Let me in, please."

No. It's not possible. She's hallucinating. There's no way in hell.

She stares at the door, still firmly closed.

"Chloe, I swear to God, I will break down this door."

Chloe shoots up from the floor, her legs nearly giving out at the sudden movement. She catches herself on the sink and peers into the mirror with a cringe at her reflection. Desperately, she reaches for toilet paper to wipe her eyes and blow her nose.

The first thud against the door startles her again, making her drop the tissue. Jesus. She turns in time to see the second impact make the door shudder, its hinges straining.

For the first time in days, Chloe feels something other than misery: irritation. For God's sake. They'll still have to pay for a broken door with their security deposit.

She flies to the door, unlocks it, and throws it open.

Beca's standing there, one leg pulled up and clearly ready to kick into the door for a third time. However, the instant their eyes meet, Beca rushes to her and pulls her into the tightest hug Chloe can remember ever receiving.

For a moment, Chloe forgets everything and winds her body around Beca just as tightly. Her home is in Beca's arms. She inhales Beca's scent, her chest relaxing, as she feels the warm, reassuring presence of Beca against her. The jagged, bleeding hole in her chest immediately scabs over, starting to heal, as if Beca's arms are pulling her back together already.

But she doesn't understand.

"Bec – what – you can't be here," she rasps into Beca's shoulder, her throat still scratchy.

"Do you want me to leave? Because that's not happening," Beca's voice is choked as well, dripping with some emotion Chloe can't identify yet. Anger? Disappointment?

All she knows is that the idea of Beca leaving again sends agony ripping through her. "No," she gasps. "I don't want you to leave – but – why –"

Beca pulls away, ending their embrace much too soon. Chloe takes a further step back, wanting to spare Beca the up-close details of her appearance. She's vividly aware that she hasn't groomed in any way since Beca had left the morning before. But Beca doesn't seem to care as she gazes at Chloe, her expression so intense that Chloe's tempted to look away.

"I can't go with him," Beca says firmly. "I just can't."

"What do you mean?" Chloe asks slowly, feeling her body reluctantly start to put itself back together as a deadly hope soars through her.

Beca stares at her as if willing her to understand. "It was a mistake," she says. "I knew it before we even made it out of the state. All I could think about was you. From the second we pulled away, it was like… it felt like there was a sort of hole in my chest."

Chloe nods, understanding all too well.

Beca continues, "And then Amy called me and… I knew I had to come back. I'm staying. With you."

All the pain in Chloe's body evaporates instantly, like she'd never been hurt. She wants to cheer, she wants to throw her arms around Beca and kiss her senseless. She wants to start planning their life together.

Then she remembers the ring and her heart, newly restored to her chest, stops beating. Her eyes slide closed in defeat. Jesse must not have proposed yet, that's all. That's why Beca's here, because she doesn't know. Chloe struggles for a moment, desperately wanting to be selfish, but knowing the guilt will eat away at her if she isn't honest.

It takes everything she has to say, "No. No, Beca. You have to go back." The shock and hurt in Beca's eyes almost kills her, but she powers on. "Jesse was going to – listen, it's important, you have to go back to him. Don't end what you have with him on a rash decision."

For the first time, Beca looks angry with her. "It's not a 'rash decision,' Chloe," Beca spits. "Don't you understand? I don't want to be with him. I'm not in love with him and I don't think I ever was. I don't see a future with him. I've been feeling this for months, since even before the retreat."

Chloe bites her lip, hesitating. She's completely thrown by Beca's admission and isn't entirely convinced that Beca won't regret coming back to her. "Beca…" she trails off.

"Look, I don't know what you want me to say. I've spent months thinking about this. I didn't sleep last night, thinking about this. I think… well, I think Jesse was going to propose."

Chloe's eyes snap to Beca as she continues, "I saw the box while we were packing. And I realized that I don't feel that way about him. I never will. I want to be here, with you." Beca takes a deep breath, and looking into Chloe's eyes, insists, "It's you. It's always been you. I realized yesterday, as we drove away, everything that I should feel for Jesse… well, I feel for you instead."

"So…" Chloe says slowly, her heart beating again and soaring with joy. She finally allows herself to believe Beca. To believe in what this means for them.

"So," replies Beca, "I'm staying, Chlo. I don't know what this is between us, and we have a lot to talk about, but I'm choosing you. If you'll have me," she adds, looking nervous for the first time.

A smile spreads over Chloe's face, the muscles in her cheeks sore from disuse. "Like you have to ask," she says, almost laughing.

Relief washes over Beca's face and she moves toward Chloe, reaching for her face. Chloe wants more than anything to lean in and kiss her back, but then she remembers that she's been violently ill several times and hasn't brushed her teeth in two days, and she doesn't want their first kiss to happen like this.

"Wait," she says, holding up a hand to stop Beca. "I'm so sorry, it's just, I've… been sick."

She sees the guilt and regret cross Beca's face and hurries to amend it. "It's okay, it's over. Let me just freshen up and we'll talk?"

"Okay," replies Beca, looking relieved. "We do have a lot to talk about. Like, where we're going to live, for starters."

"Oh," says Chloe, waving a hand. "That's easy. Come to New York with Amy and me."

Beca raises her eyebrows. "Didn't you guys get a studio with two beds?"

Chloe nods hesitantly, wondering if that's going to be a problem.

"I think we can make that work," Beca grins, making Chloe's stomach flutter with happiness, her previous pain long forgotten. "And I bet I can transfer from the LA branch of BFD to their one in New York."

Chloe beams at her. "It's like it was meant to be," she says.

Beca nods, her expression becoming more serious. "We do need to talk, though. And I know there are a few Bellas downstairs wanting to hear all about this."

Chloe winces; she really needs to apologize to everyone. "We have a lot to do after I get cleaned up."

"We do," Beca agrees. "So hurry?"

Chloe smiles. (She can't seem to stop smiling now.) "It'll take five minutes, I promise."