based on the song Stay by Rihanna
. . .
Raven was unable to sleep.
At first, she didn't get why. Only two hours ago had she, along with her friends, gone home from an exhaustive fight with Mad Mod, and she'd planned that instantly after rinsing, she would collapse on her bed, close her eyes, and surrender her tired mind and body to sleep. But she couldn't.
She'd shut her eyes for quite a while now, too, but her body felt too… alive to sleep. She didn't understand because, in all honesty, her mind was too tired to even think of deeper thoughts than not being able to sleep.
A groan bubbled up her throat as she shot up in bed and released the most exaggerated sigh she could muster.
As she stood steadily, Raven made sure to compose herself before she got out of the confines of her room. Even if it was late at night, she still would not like for the other Titans to see her slouching and grumpy because she couldn't get any sleep.
She managed to tread towards the Ops Room, the kitchen specifically, without other emotions barging into her own so far. She began to make tea when she settled in the barely-lit room of the Tower.
Suddenly, Raven felt something tugging at her chest—an almost-painful kind of tugging where each pull could bring her emotions down to a single point of coherency: heartbreak.
She instinctively closed her eyes, reaching with her powers for that one feeling. She easily managed to locate where, or who, the emotion came from. Outside the Tower, somewhere on the rocks, a friend of hers was suffering.
Raven grimaced as more waves of depressing aches crashed against the shores of her soul. It was a rather familiar sensation, something she knew she'd felt before, by herself and on others. It was getting painful now, the tugging at her heart. She didn't know if she could stop it.
But she tried anyway, rubbing at her chest and mumbling, "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."
She gripped her cup of tea with two shaking hands when the heartbreak lost its grip on her heart. Exhaustion shook her bones, begging her to just sit on her bed and rest for a long while.
Raven began the journey back to her room, sighing and unable to forget the pain she'd randomly felt from someone else.
. . .
She saw a familiar figure made out of paper and words. He had done terrible things to her and her friends, but still, his faux form was the most beautiful man she'd ever put her eyes on. Of course, she knew that the face he wore was not his real appearance at all, that he was nothing more than a dragon from an ancient epic no one but her cared about.
This was not the first time she'd seen him in a dream. She saw him whenever she had a bad day or when hurt decided to slip inside her resting brain and stay there until…until it felt like leaving.
The last time she'd seen him as she slept was the night she'd saved the world from her father. He'd spoken cruel words to her—told her how worthless and meaningless she was without him until he shredded into small, irrelevant pieces of paper in front of her.
Sometimes he came to her in his real dragon form, breathing fire into her home and burning everything in sight. She would watch as he tortured each of her friends, tearing their limbs apart with his sharp teeth.
Raven felt her dream-self quiver in anticipation as Malchior in his faux paper form approached her, his lips smelling of old parchment and ink while it hovered against hers.
A kiss ghosted her lips as he whispered a lie, "I love you."
Her eyes opened before she could respond. Her hand was clutching at her chest for no apparent reason. Her limbs ached and her powers were on the verge of burning out.
She had fallen asleep in her uniform, probably sometime before the moon had even reached its peak.
Her day had been spent like any other day with any other tiring villain. She suddenly thought of how refreshing life would be if there was no evil in the world. No rampaging demon as a father. No worrying about hurting others if she lost control. No glares from other people who thought she was unnatural.
Raven quickly flushed the thoughts away. If it weren't for the bad guys, she wouldn't have met her friends now. The good outweighed the bad.
A sharp pain in her chest almost took her breath away. She felt a tight grip on the whole of her heart and she realized that the reason why she'd been pushing at her chest was because of the heartbreak overtaking her senses again.
She concluded that this feeling was the reason why she'd been dreaming of Malchior as well.
Raven used her powers to sense her teammates' emotions, seeking the pulsing hurt from each of them.
Her empathic abilities found Starfire first, her contentedness stomping loudly through the air. She knew she'd prodded Robin when a slither of determination slid along her veins. Calmness washed over her soul when she'd found Cyborg resting in his bedroom.
Realization dawned on her when her powers reached down the Tower and into the rocky shores of their island.
In Beast Boy was the confusing sort of emotions: dissatisfaction, heartache, and…incompleteness?
Was he the one who felt this way every night?
Oftentimes, when she had enough power within her to block all the feelings out, Raven could only feel a pinch of everybody's emotions, but when her soul-self slept and she was exhausted beyond belief, every kind of emotion hit her with full force.
She was used to it, sometimes even embracing the positive emotions with reluctant arms. She, of course, turned away from the negative ones, aware that her demonic side would feed on them greedily.
Raven did not know if hurt was a positive or negative emotion. All she knew was that she wasn't fond of it. Because of Beast Boy's achy feelings, she could barely get any sleep and if she couldn't rest, her powers suffered. Beast Boy being all heartbroken and sulky affected her in all ways but positively.
Still, she didn't know if she should approach him. They were certainly friends living in close proximity, but were they close enough for her to ask him about his problems?
Raven recalled all the times they'd saved each other for potentially lethal attacks—all the times they'd fought and apologized and even the rare times he'd actually managed to make her smile—and decided that, yes, they were close enough and she should definitely talk to him about the issue.
She was far too tired to travel from her room down to the shores though, even if she rode the elevator.
She decided to talk to him tomorrow evening if she would still feel his sadness.
. . .
Raven stood still, watching the back of his green head.
He sat on the rock he'd always sat on whenever she would catch him there. He was also unmoving, hugging his knees as he watched over the sea as some sort of guardian.
She pushed away the waves of depression that threatened to drown her. Then, she saw him tense, his back stiffening as his ears searched for whatever sound she'd made.
He visibly sighed after a while, and before long he was greeting her, "Hey, Raven."
She noted that his voice masked his pain and then she wondered if he did this every day, if he hid his emotions from anyone when the sun was up, and if he only let his true feelings out when he was alone.
"Hey," she carefully replied, her own tone clipped and dry. She took three steps in order to stand directly to his right. "How are you?"
She wanted to cringe as soon as the words left her mouth. That was too straightforward, even for her. She wasn't sure if he would open up to her if she wasn't subtle.
But then, she heard him chuckle.
"I'm fine," he laughingly answered. "How 'bout you?"
"Just dandy."
Raven couldn't find it in herself to keep talking, so, as an alternative, she waited for him to start the conversation.
"Can't sleep, huh?" asked Beast Boy, glancing at her for a moment before looking back at the ocean.
It was then she realized she'd been staring at him all this time and quickly turned her glare to the gleaming moon, blaming it for something she didn't want to own up to.
She waited for three beats to pass before she sat down beside him and responded, "Yes."
Beast Boy sighed. "Me neither."
"I know."
"How?"
Raven hesitated, debating her options silently. Should she tell him the truth right at this moment or should she let the conversation flow into the truth? When she'd made her decision, Raven promised to take whatever it could cause her. "I just do."
She chanced a glance at him and saw that he was staring at her bewilderedly.
"Okay,"—was all he chose to say. Raven wondered why.
An awkward pause took over both of them before she broke through it with one more question, "Are you alright?"
What followed was almost like an automatic response, "Yeah. I'm good."
"Just really tired from all the butt-kicking we did today," he added, humor lacing his words. "And my mind's pretty blank, too, from staring at the moon for too long."
She didn't like the way he forced a chuckle on a few of his last words. Forced joy didn't seem to fit Beast Boy at all. Or maybe she'd heard him laugh genuinely too many times and now, she knew whenever he faked it.
"You sure you're okay?" persisted Raven.
"Yeah!" he exclaimed and the grin on his face that appeared right then looked so real that she almost believed him. Almost. He faked a yawn and stretched his arms, standing up to leave. "Well, I'm sure you've had enough chit-chat for tonight, Raven. Goodnight."
"Night."
. . .
She always dreamt of Malchior now.
Tonight, he'd showed up in his true form, cursing her and setting her body on fire. He'd told her how useless she was without him, how weak, and how powerless. Sometimes, during the worse kind of nights, she would wake up and still remember his statements word-for-word, and then she would believe everything he'd said to her. And then she would cry.
She knew the cause of these awful dreams: Beast Boy, specifically, his emotions at night.
He didn't go back to the rocks for a while after she'd approached him, choosing instead to stay in his room—the room right next to hers—which was immensely worse than whenever he would sit on the rocky shores. To say she was glad when he went back to sit on the uncomfortable rocks on the shore during a rainy night would be an understatement.
A few weeks went by and he still didn't get any better or even worse. He was just really, really sad, and his overwhelming emotions were slowly killing her.
So now, after gruelling hours of meditation, Raven stood in front of his door, a pale hand raised for knocking.
The door opened, revealing Beast Boy's tired-looking eyes. His expression turned into that of a shocked but happy one when he saw her. Fake joy, of course. She knew exactly what he was feeling.
"Raven!" he exclaimed, his eyebrows shooting up into the air.
"Can I come in?" she asked.
"Uh…" Beast Boy rubbed the back of his head, looking around his room. "Sure."
She waited for him to move out of the way before entering. Without moving her head, she glanced around his sickeningly green room. Why wasn't he sick of the color already?
"Welcome to my humble abode!" said Beast Boy, plopping himself into his bed with the biggest smile in the world.
"Nice place," she said, crossing her arms for the sole reason she didn't know what to do with them.
An ugly pause ensued.
Raven tear down the silence with three words, "Are you alright?"
He chuckled. "Yeah, Raven. You?"
She tightly gripped her upper arms, staring at her bare feet. "No."
Another grotesque pause. It was clear that they weren't good with conversation—at least not when each other were concerned.
This time, it was Beast Boy who broke it. "Oh…okay."
"I can't sleep," she told him. "Well, I can, but I suffer from nightmares because…because of you."
He shot up from his bed, a frown settling on his face. "Huh?"
"Your emotions," she softly began, "I can feel them. Every night, I know you're in pain, and that pain affects me, too."
He stared at her, unmoving at first before he threw his head back and let out an irritating guffaw. "That's really funny, Raven. I didn't know you can make me laugh this hard."
She clenched her jaw as her hands dropped into fists. It couldn't get more annoying than him, could it?
"I'm serious," she clarified through gritted teeth.
Beast Boy pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. "Dude, you're hilarious—"
"No, I'm not," she growled, effectively cutting off another one of his lies. "What I'm saying is not a joke, Beast Boy. I'm an empath, remember? You physically cannot hide your emotions from me."
"You sure your powers aren't broken, Raven? I'm pretty sure I'm happier than—"
"My powers can't be 'broken'," she interjected, "and being an empath—"
"Okay." Beast Boy shrugged. "So, I'm sad every night, what does that have to do with you?"
Raven heaved a sigh. "Aren't you listening to me? Your depressing emotions don't just affect you; they affect me as well. I've been having nightmares because you're sad every night."
"Why?"
"Because your emotions affect my mind," she repeated in a perfect monotone.
This was the third time silence draped over them like an unwelcome warm blanket. Curiosity made her peer into his emotions, and she saw guilt, confusion, and even more sadness. She was so sick of feeling sad.
Contrary to popular belief, Raven did not like depressing stuff. She wasn't some overly-emotional teenager who listened to sad rock songs with long titles. She was raised by the monks of Azarath. She was raised to feel glad and content, but not sad and/or depressed.
She thought that was why she enjoyed being around Starfire's presence so much. Sure, the alien girl could be irritating and loud, but her emotions were almost always positive and soothing. Starfire's emotions had helped Raven a lot during their years as Titans.
"So what should I do?" Beast Boy spoke up, his ears drooping.
She inhaled, approaching him. "Let me help you."
He let out another, sadder chuckle. "How can you help me?"
"I don't know," she admitted, choosing to sit beside him on the bed. "Tell me what you're feeling."
"You already know."
"Tell me anyway."
"I'm just honestly sad," said Beast Boy. "I don't think I'm clinically depressed or anything—just really sad. And it's not like I joke and laugh to hide my pain—whenever I look like I'm happy, I know I'm happy. It's just…when I go to my room every night and I'm alone and stuff, I can't help but think."
Raven pulled back the retort that sat on her tongue after his statement and continued to listen.
"Remember when I told you guys that I saw Terra a few weeks back?"
She opened her mouth to rebut, but he held up a hand to stop her.
"I know what you're thinking," he continued. "I know she's supposed to be a statue somewhere below Jump City, but I also know what I saw. She doesn't remember me—no, she doesn't want to remember me. And I can't…I don't understand why. Yeah, yeah, yeah, things change and all that yadda yadda, but I just can't—" Beast Boy cut himself off by exhaling a harsh breath, tugging at his hair frustratingly. "I just can't."
Why did everything go back to the first person who broke your heart? Terra. Malchior. Terra and Malchior. Malchior and Terra. Why did they have to break hearts? Why couldn't they both forget them?
"I understand," she told him, and she did. She understood his pain better than anyone else in the Tower.
He let out a bitter chuckle. "I'm afraid you don't."
"I understand," she repeated firmly. "I do. Trust me."
Beast Boy stared at her then, his gaze intense and deep. She wondered what he was thinking. She let some of his emotions in with her powers, and she felt confusion (once again), frustration, and some shallow feeling she couldn't yet identify.
"How 'bout you?" he decided to ask, looking back at his lap. "What are you feeling?"
"I'm…" For once, Raven was at a loss for words. Was she as heartbroken as he felt? Was she as hurt as what he perceived himself to be? Or was she just empathetic? Was she feeling her own heartbreak all this time and only realized it because of his emotions? She did not know, and she didn't know what to say, so her mouth made the decision for her. "I feel what you feel."
She winced when he laughed forcibly. "Yeah, we've established that."
She frowned and stiffened subconsciously. "I didn't come here to share my problems with you."
"Then why did you come here?"
Raven stared him directly in his blazing green eyes, unafraid. "You need to be better. I want to help make you feel better."
"You don't even know how to help me," he pointed out in a low mutter. She felt his emotions reddening and heating up. He was obviously getting mad.
"Well, I still want to try."
Beast Boy stood up, stomping his feet in an angry manner. "Maybe I don't even want help—maybe I don't need it. Have you ever thought of that, huh, Raven? Maybe the sad guy doesn't want to be happy at all. Maybe everything's just better without your meddling!"
Raven got up to her feet as well, calmly meeting his gaze. "I don't care."
"The Goth girl doesn't give a shit—what a surprise! If you really don't care, then why are you even here?"
"Stop," she whispered as he broke through his clothes in the closet.
"You may be able to stop the world from ending, but you sure can't tell me what to do, Raven!" His fingers grasped the lamp sitting on his nightstand and she barely contained a flinch when he aimed and threw it at her head, her powers taking a hold on the object and shattering it into a million pieces.
"I know you don't want to hurt me, Beast Boy," she calmly said, "so stop before you actually do."
He pulled at his green hair, his eyes welling up with tears and his mouth contorting into a snarl. "I hate you so much."
False, or at least Raven knew that wasn't true. In all these months she'd known him, she had never felt hatred coming from his psyche. In fact, she had rarely felt anything negative from him. He'd always seemed so happy and annoying to her and now that he wasn't, her own mind reacted.
She stepped closer to him, not feeling a bit of fear. She knew him; she knew that he could never hurt her. Not even during the times he wasn't himself and had little control.
She gripped his arms, forcing herself in between them even as he tried to get away from her.
But he did something unexpected. When she was forcing his head to settle on her shoulder, Beast Boy grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss.
She only stood there, eyes wide and heart quickly beating. What was…? Why was he…? How…?
Raven shut off all thoughts as she gave in to his lips, leaning forward and closing her eyes. He moved his lips against hers, nibbling and licking, licking and nibbling. And whatever he did to her mouth, Raven did to his better and harder.
She felt him relaxing in her hold as his kisses became needier. She felt almost no pain within him, only desire and it was confusing her.
They collapsed on their knees on the floor, but she couldn't feel the impact. She felt his tears though, hot and dripping. A hand of his slipped under her shirt, and his touch was warm and tempting and it made her feel all sorts of tickling sensations that she didn't quite understand.
He did not move his hand anywhere though. The warm touch remained on her hip, clutching at her bone like she came to save him. And maybe she did.
She let him pull away from her lips and bite on her throat, even as his sharp teeth punctured her skin and made her bleed. She was willing to give up her own comfort so he could feel better.
He let out an animalistic growl when his mouth found her clothed shoulder, and she encouraged him by tangling her fingers into his hair and letting out a loud moan that neither of them noticed.
Raven refused to wince when his unexpected strong hands tear at her shirt and her bra, even when she felt apprehension rolling up and down her soul.
She let him play roughly with her breasts, waves of pleasure crashing through her abdomen. She let his kisses trail down her stomach, let him push down her pyjamas and underwear, and let his tongue inside her most sinful place.
Lust was a deadly sin. Lust was a deadly sin. Lust was a deadly sin.
She felt as though she needed to back off these evil emotions, but she didn't. She felt like she shouldn't give in to Beast Boy's own desires, but she did. She shouldn't scream when his lips close in on her clit and his tongue lapped up the lips of her cunt, but she did. In fact, she screamed loudly.
Lust was a deadly sin, indeed, and it corrupted them both mercilessly.
She didn't know why, but she didn't even feel pain when he shoved his member through her maidenhood. All she felt was his primal desire and her own craving to be taken like this. She enjoyed the way his nails left scars on her hips, the way his mouth curved into a snarl every time she'd leave a mark of her own, the way he relentlessly continued his thrusting even as she came for what seemed to be the hundredth time that evening, and the way he buried himself so deep as he released all his frustrations inside her.
She felt so...carnal and demonic, but the high that came after the sex made her feel like she was in Paradise.
As she was too exhausted to keep a hold on her powers, Beast Boy's guilt and regret flew through the air almost obnoxiously. She was beginning to feel bad herself, but then she sensed a hint of contentment from him, and that was enough to take her back to Paradise.
He rolled off of her and they lay beside each other on the floor without noise.
"Fuck," he muttered after what seemed to be hours.
His colorful monosyllable snapped her out of the orgasmic high she'd been staying in, and she instantly shot up, searched for the remains of her clothes, and left the room without so much a goodbye.
. . .
Their second tryst happened after an emotional battle with Slade. By emotional, Raven meant negative emotions. It was everywhere in the Tower, and it was making her physically sick.
When she got situated in her own room, Raven used her powers to heal the bruises on her body. That soon proved to be a mistake, because as soon as she attempted to heal the nasty scar on her scalp, her powers gave out and she passed out.
She woke up with all wounds healed and a major headache. The cloud of negative emotions was still proceeding to pour down the Tower like a tragic hurricane, and it was beginning to flood in Raven's room.
Despair coming from Robin; she knew he was still probably looking up Slade's location. Flashes of distress appeared in Starfire's room; she was most likely got rejected by Robin once again. She searched for Cyborg with her empathic powers and ended up in the garage, nothing but waves of frustration in the air. The T-Car got wrecked again, and he had to build another one again. She found Beast Boy's pure rage on the shores, and it shocked her to the very core. She'd heard Slade taunt him about Terra earlier, and he clearly took it personally.
Negative emotions, especially the seven cardinal sins, were like her reverse Kryptonite. Emotions, in general, made her go crazy, but deadly emotions like wrath or envy could literally make her commit homicide. Negative emotions opened the gates to her more powerful and evil side. They made her lose control of her demonic self. She'd been taught to always venture away from all the evil emotions, and Raven had always tried.
But she couldn't very well stay away from her friends and her home now, could she? She was sure Robin would never permit her to go out alone. Well, maybe he would, actually, if she somehow managed to convince him that she'd be searching for Slade.
But then again, Raven wouldn't have the energy to fight off a criminal, whether it be Slade or some drug dealer with a pistol. She would have to suffer inside the Tower.
She did her best to keep all their emotions out, and she succeeded, only sensing bits and pieces of what they were currently feeling—with the exception of Beast Boy, of course; he was now in his room, building up more anger than before.
As her head pulsed with every wave he gave out, Raven found herself wishing that she could suck all his emotions away.
Ever since...what happened in his room, Raven had avoided him. She wasn't quite sure how to come to terms with Beast Boy taking her virginity. Not that her virginity had meant the world to her, but celibacy was something the monks of Azarath believed in. She felt as though she had betrayed them and their beliefs.
Beast Boy had strangely acted the same as before, sharing terrible jests with her and laughing his ass off every time he managed to come up with a smart response to her insulting remarks. She attempted to convince herself that it didn't bother her—that he didn't bother her—but, in all actuality, his nonchalance made her feel...insecure. And she had never felt more teenage girl than whenever she'd think of his opinions on her body and physical appearance. She hated it.
Another sizzling bucket of burning rage that came from Beast Boy made her clutch her head in attempts to ease away the pain. And before she knew it, she was walking in the direction of his room.
Raven didn't bother to knock this time, forcing the doors open with her powers. She felt shocked anger deep within him, where his beast resided, her own demon trying to claw its way out.
She paused, wondering why wrath fueled their monsters so much—why it sometimes felt good to let everything out.
She heard him growl, and the sound made her feel something strange. A tingling sensation almost but not quite—whatever it was, it made her abdomen burn.
"Beast Boy," she greeted, slightly nodding. She glanced around his room and saw that everything was thrashed. The walls had claw marks, and it seemed like he'd bitten into anything he could get his teeth into.
Raven shut the doors with her powers, exhaustion threatening to take over.
"What are you doing here?" he snarled. Oftentimes, she thought of him as the most humane of the Titans, clearly not.
"You're angry," she simply stated, suddenly feeling like a fool.
He let out another guttural, terrible growl. She was certain it would've scared her if she didn't know how to growl herself. Though she was not afraid, Raven felt her heartbeat quicken in an irregular, rapid pace.
"I hate him." His nostrils flared, his pupils contracted, and his fists clenched. "If it weren't for him, Terra would be—argh!"
Behind his flashy hate and obvious anger, Raven found pain. Hiding behind all the emotions he thought was safe to show was the river of hurt. Beast Boy was hurting.
Raven dipped her toes in his hurt and suddenly, everything was gray and depressing and gloomy. She forced his emotions out of her system, wiping at the tears that threatened to escape.
She held out a hand to grip his wrist, dampening his emotions with her powers, lightening his mood, and making him feel better in general. It was technically manipulation and not that far off from mind control, but she needed him to calm down.
He reacted violently, shoving his wrist out of her hold and hitting her face in the process. A sliver of irritation was enough for Rage to slip out, and for one little moment, Raven further destroyed the room, ripping anything Beast Boy hadn't yet broken into shreds.
"Stop!" His commanding tone made her halt, and she wasn't sure why, but Rage hesitated, staring at Beast Boy like she was a slave and he was some sort of master. That small bit of hesitation gave Raven enough time to regain her control.
Smaller flames of vexation continued to roll off of him, but her demons strangely kept quiet. Raven was curious, making a mental note to check out Nevermore later.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled when even after a while, his glare did not die down.
She watched as he shut his eyes with a deep sigh, fatigue obviously overtaking his senses as well. "Don't be. I'm sorry I hurt you."
Raven wanted to point out that he didn't even hurt her, but words couldn't escape her throat for some reason, so she settled for nodding.
"Why are you here again?" he inquired, her headache starting to wane as his anger faded.
"Your fury… It was...intense."
He chortled lowly and darkly. "I just really don't like him."
"I know." She nodded. "You've said that."
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.
Seven beats of silence before Beast Boy spoke up again, "Hope Rob finds him soon."
"It's Slade," she stated as if that explained everything. And maybe it had.
Silence came once again, and this time, Raven almost welcomed it in a frosty embrace. If it were any other time, she would have been delighted, but since she was with Beast Boy, the silence was unnatural, and it made her feel awkward.
She was thinking of how she could excuse herself and leave when a soft sniffing sound interrupted the quiet times. Her head snapped up to stare at him with widened purple eyes, she was sure.
Beast Boy was silently weeping. In her presence. Again.
"What…?" she began to ask, interjected by his sudden standing up and turning away from her.
"Can you go?" he requested, his voice almost vulnerable and soft, vastly different from when he practically screamed at her earlier.
"No." He had never left her alone during her most vulnerable moments, so why shouldn't she do the same for him?
"Please," he begged, his shoulders shaking as he rubbed his hands over his face in a frustrated manner.
"No." She walked towards him, but her footfalls felt nonexistent; it was as though she'd managed to make herself float without her volition. She glanced at her feet to make sure she was still walking on the ground, feeling silly as she did so.
Beast Boy turned back suddenly, his face directly in front of hers. That was strange; since when had he been the same height as her?
He had interesting eyes, she decided. Comparing them to emeralds would be a great insult. A lifeless, overpriced stone had nothing on the way his green eyes stared at her now. His pupils were the most passionate things she'd ever seen. The way he looked at her with a roll of sadness, a growing seed of indignation, and a gleaming cry for help made her understand him—made her feel his pain without actually feeling it with her powers. Tears began to wet his lashes, rolling down his cheeks, and she was ashamed to find the sight beautiful.
So when he pushed his lips into hers after that, she refused to stop him. She was willing to heal him. She was willing to help him. She couldn't walk away from him—not now, not ever—not when he somehow healed her own mental wounds too.
When he took her right against the doors after he ripped through their clothes, her nipples sensitive as they brush against the cold metal, Raven wondered why she felt...recharged.
She wondered why, even as his harsh thrusting bruised her and his tight grip made her feel breathless, she still felt safe in his arms. It was like he made a home inside her, and she never wanted him to leave.
His fingers found her clit, and she shattered completely. She felt broken yet whole at the same time—exhausted yet ready for more—and it was thoroughly confusing her.
"Mine," he growled in her ear as his seed pulsed inside of her, his rough voice as he claimed her making her cunt clench and gush in another life-changing orgasm. For the first time in her life, Raven allowed somebody to own her.
Beast Boy took her to bed after, but she didn't want to stay any longer. She waited for him to calm in a deep sleep before she gathered the remains of her clothing and ran off for her room.
Later, right before she was about to fall asleep, Raven wondered why she didn't feel guilty.
. . .
The third time had been fun. All five of them were in the Ops Room, watching a low-budget film Raven couldn't give two fucks about. It was a rainy night, lights out with the exception of the bright T.V. Starfire and Robin huddled into each other in the far end of the sofa, Cyborg feasted upon whatever unhealthy food they ordered, and Beast Boy sat next to her, seemingly about to doze off. Raven was also giving up to the strong will of sleep, not because she was sleepy but because she was completely and utterly bored.
She closed her eyes for a second, snapping them back open when she felt a warm hand on her thigh—judging by the apprehension rolling off of him, she knew it was Beast Boy's hand. That, and she knew that his touch was always warm—in contrast to her always deathly cold and pale skin, of course. One would think that a hell-borne girl was the hottest thing in the world, but the deepest pit of Inferno was frozen all-throughout.
After a few seconds of thinking, Raven shrugged inconspicuously and let the hand on her thigh be. That was a mistake, of course, because Beast Boy got smug and slid his hand closer to her quim.
She was now hyperaware of his hand on the inside of her thigh, and her heartbeat quickened at the thought of how...naughty they were being.
Nervousness with a hint of mischief conquered her whole body when his hand managed to finally cup her clothed cunt. She couldn't believe she was allowing him to do this—right beside their teammates! Raven felt evil.
Beast Boy slid the part of her leotard that covered her snatch to the side, his fingers now thrumming right atop her clit.
Raven bit back a moan when two of his fingers pinched her button and played with it as though it was some sort of controller for his stupid games. When had he learnt to do this? Where had he learnt to do this?
It did not matter now, though; he had slipped a finger inside her moistening heat and was thrusting it in and out of her carefully.
Raven looked to the other Titans, sweat dripping down her brow. Starfire and Robin were smiling at each other and discussing something in hushed tones. Cyborg held a large bowl of popcorn in his hands, chomping through the movie.
Her lips opened in a silent, shocked, and pleasured gasp when Beast Boy rubbed her clit ceaselessly, the thrusting of the finger that was inside her continuing without halt as well.
Lust was a deadly sin, she thought as she gave in to the tempting arms of the evil emotion. She shut her eyes when she felt herself approaching a dangerous, steep cliff. To be frank, she almost jumped in without caution—she almost let herself be drowned by the orgasmic waves.
Raven stood up suddenly, stiff and a bit dazed when her abdomen warmed up and she found herself nearing orgasm. She knew she wouldn't be able to take it without at least a moan.
Her sudden movement alerted her friends, and they all stared at her in confusion—Beast Boy attempting to hide his smirk.
"I'm going to bed," she blurted out, glancing at Beast Boy pointedly.
She received quiet 'goodnights' and understanding nods from her friends. Before she turned and walked away, Raven gave Beast Boy another hopefully meaningful look.
It seemed that he understood quite well. He caught up with her on the hallway to their rooms and took her right there, against the wall with her legs wrapped around his hips. Her orgasm came quick and tortorous. She was sure she screamed, but Beast Boy's hand muffled all sound she made with her mouth. He came inside of her with a low grunt.
He fixed her up before he left for his bedroom, wiping his dripping come from in between her legs and even petting her head strangely.
Raven slept that night with a pleasurable buzz running through her body.
. . .
The fourth time happened instantly after a battle with a villain. Beast Boy somehow managed to save her from danger, and she followed him to his room, thanking him by putting his cock in her mouth and sucking him until he came in her throat.
. . .
The fifth time, sixth time, and seventh time all happened in one night. Beast Boy had been crying about Terra again, and she comforted him with another blowjob. He returned the favor by falling to his knees and swiping his tongue across her cunt. Not long after she came, he pushed her into her stomach and pounded into her like some sort of animal.
After that, they couldn't get enough of each other. Every day and every night, they would find a way to touch each other and make each other come. It came to the point where Beast Boy was finally getting back to his old self and Raven was the one who needed him.
. . .
Raven forced her eyes open, glaring at the ceiling. She dreamt of Malchior again. She was so sick of him already! She was so sick of his words! She was so sick of his dragon self! Azar, she wanted him gone from her system! She hated him so much! Why couldn't he just disappear? Why couldn't she forget about him?
She slammed two open hands on her face and let out the most pathetic sob that had been sitting on her chest for quite a while now. Malchior's words continued to hit replay in her head, and she was starting to believe it.
"You're worthless," he hissed in her mind. "No one loves you. You cause nothing but destruction. You will never find someone else to love more than you love me."
Useless. Loveless. Monster. Those were the words to define her now. She was nothing, absolutely nothing without him. She'd brought about the end of the world. She'd introduced the world to the incarnation of evil. She'd done nothing but horrible things. She should be thankful to Malchior. He was the only one who actually showed her compassion, care, and—
A knock on her bedroom door scared all the scary thoughts away. She didn't know if she should be glad.
"Raven?" Beast Boy's voice made her quim shiver. They'd been together intimately a lot of times by now, every night. She'd long since memorized the planes of his body, and in return, he made sure to remember her curves. He now felt like home to her, but it seemed that his effect on her hadn't worn off yet.
She sniffled, and only then she realized that she'd been crying this whole time. She refused to call back to him, though. He would go away if she just ignored him.
Malchior had said that.
"Raven." The knocking became incessant. She'd forgotten that his hearing was impeccable, that his senses were far sharper than anyone normal.
"Go away." She hoped she was loud enough for him to hear because she wanted him to do just that—go away. Leave her alone. Go back to his own world.
But, of course, he wouldn't do what she wanted. He was Beast Boy; she believed that he lived to contradict her. He was the complete opposite of what she was. And she hated it.
She wasn't quite sure how he managed to open her bedroom door without her permission, but he did. The Titans had always been great at doing the impossible.
She felt pity and confusion swirling around him, intermingling with the pain he'd tried to bury.
"I told you to go away," she rasped, using her hands to wipe away all evidence of her turmoil.
"I know."
Raven heaved a sigh when he didn't say any more, voicing a question that formed in her mind, "Why did you come here?"
She sat up, catching him rub the back of his head in uncertainty before he responded, "I heard you scream."
She wasn't aware that she'd screamed earlier, so she denied it, "I never screamed."
He flinched visibly, and she wasn't sure why. "Trust me, you did."
Raven could tell that he was telling the truth. He'd never lied to her about his intentions, only about what he was feeling.
"That doesn't explain why you came barging into my room as you did," she monotoned, wishing for the love of Azar that she had her cloak around her shoulders.
"Actually, it does." He straightened his posture, which looked unusual; he had the tendency to hunch over like some sort of animal. "You may not be aware of it, but you scream every night in your sleep. At first, I ignored it because I know you, and I know you wouldn't talk to me about it, but now, it's me who can't get any sleep because of you. What's wrong?"
She stared at him in shock. How was she doing so much in her sleep that wasn't aware of? She considered herself a very conscious person. She thought she knew everything she did and the purpose of it. She was wrong, apparently.
"Tell me what's wrong," repeated Beast Boy.
"None of your business," she chose to say. She wasn't comfortable with sharing problems with other people. It was her own issues, and she should be the one who resolved them. She shouldn't burden other people with her own problem. Especially him, who had been depressed for a while now.
He chuckled darkly. "You know, you're the one who started this."
"What is this, actually?"Beast Boy shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't know, but I do know that you were the one who always visited me at night, asking me if I'm okay."
"That's different." Raven glanced away; she couldn't quite bear to look at him in the eye.
"How so?" he questioned.
"I can literally feel your emotions. You're just intruding."
He let out an amused snort. "Dude, I wanted to make sure my friend is alright since I've been hearing her scream in her sleep for the past few weeks. You wanted to make sure I was alright before because you've been feeling me depressing over some shit."
His choice to emphasize the word 'friend' made her feel uncomfortable.
"Difference between us is: you told me to come in first before I actually did," she pointlessly pointed out.
"What's the problem, Raven? What's your problem?"
She answered him truthfully for the sole reason that she knew he wasn't going away until she did. "Malchior appears in my dreams."
"Dreams or nightmares?"
"Nightmares," she mumbled, fidgeting with her hands.
"And what happens in your nightmares?"
"Malchior says some stuff to me, and I react."
"What stuff?" She almost smiled when she felt a sliver of irritation from him, but the situation was no laughing matter.
"Unimportant stuff," she helpfully elaborated.
"Liar."
Her eyebrows shot up to the air as his accusing tone pierced her soul. That came out of nowhere.
"Look, Beast Boy," she began, sighing, "I know you probably mean well, but I don't know how to express my—"
"Bullshit. Just tell me and get it over with." He rolled his eyes. "I wanna help you."
"You can't help me—"
"Then at least get it out of your chest, dude."
She realized that perhaps, he could actually help her. Beast Boy knew all about being betrayed by your first love. He could understand. He, himself, went through the same pain she was dealing with every night. And he was the reason why she was having nightmares in the first place.
And so, she told him everything—Malchior's bruising words, her terrible reaction to it, her insecurities because of him, Beast Boy's emotions' effect on her psyche, and so much more.
"I'm sorry," he said after their tolling but needed conversation. He sat on the foot of her bed now, looking at his lap shamefully. "This is all my fault."
She'd hate to agree with him even though he was right, so she settled for nodding quietly.
"I feel like an asshole," he confessed, his ears drooping. "I'm sorry."
"We don't get to choose what we feel, I think," she told him, hesitantly crawling over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder to attempt ridding him of the guilt and pain inside. "I know you don't want to feel like this."
"Trust me, if I could erase my memory and forget her, I would without hesitation."
"I know," she whispered. She felt as though she would do the same about Malchior.
They sat in silence together, and eventually, they both broke down and comforted each other in an embrace.
Whenever she closed her eyes for too long, Malchior's words flashed in her head, so she made sure to keep her eyes wide and open. She couldn't be useless. She couldn't be loveless. She couldn't be a monster. She was a good person. She was a hero. She was good. Her friends loved her. She was loved by the population of Jump City. She wasn't loveless.
When she put her lips on top of his, Raven realized that it was the first time she'd ever initiated a kiss. It was because, this time, it was her who needed him. She kissed him to make sure he was still there with her, to convince herself that she wasn't a monster.
One thing she'd always enjoy whenever they were together was Beast Boy's body temperature. He was so warm. She'd always gotten used to ice and the cold. She belonged in the deepest circle of Inferno, after all, where everything was frozen and useless and loveless and a monster.
Raven wanted to stay in his arms forever. Whenever his scent was around her, she hopelessly believed that he could make the coldness go away, that he could scare all her demons away.
Pulling away from his lips, Raven wept as she begged him to, "Save me."
Tonight, she felt as though she was finally breaking. She thought that she was finally succumbing to the darkness that her father created for her. She was beginning to believe Malchior and all of his foul lies. She was starting to become what he described her to be—a useless, loveless monster.
But in Beast Boy's arms, she felt anything but. The way he ran his tongue over her teeth let her know that she was worth something, that she was alive for a reason, even if that reason was to make him feel better. The way his hands stroked her back made her feel cared for, made her feel like she was not alone and that he'd always be there for her. The way his lips moved against hers was enough for her to realize that she was not a monster, that she was as human as he was.
What good did she ever do to deserve him?
When he slipped her out of her clothes, Raven felt his care for her. The way he reacted to her nude body made her feel human, made her feel like she was beautiful and not horrendous like the demonic beast she thought herself to be.
He made sure to put his lips everywhere on her body. He left a soft mark everywhere. He tasted every inch of her. That night, Raven knew that his lips were now a part of her as well.
He let out no growl, no animalistic urge tonight. He was her guardian angel of sorts tonight. He didn't touch her for the sole reason of pleasuring himself, but instead to savor her and her body.
He whispered so many hopeful things in her ear as he entered her slowly. He complimented her, comforted her, and made her feel safe. The length and girth of his cock made her feel complete.
As he thrust in and out of her patiently, Raven realized that she was made for him, and him for her. There was no other reason for why it felt like a homecoming every time he slipped inside of her or why she felt like she could conquer the world so long as it was him who was by her side or why she felt utterly whole whenever he would spill his seed inside her womb.
It was ludicrous, but they got to be soulmates. The demon and the beast. They both lived with monsters threatening to take over inside of them. They were both monsters that chose to be humans. They were supposed to be bad people that chose to do good. They were meant to be.
Later, after he came inside her while her cunt clenched around him, after he got off on top of her and put his uniform back on, and after he walked towards the door and looked back at her before he dared to leave, Raven whispered into the dark night, "Stay."
And he did.
