Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
to tell you I'm sorry
for everything that I've done

Time lies always in the eye of the beholder. Everything is relative. Time can fly by, but time can also feel like an eternity. There are so many idioms about time. Some say "Time heals all wounds", the others say "Time is the best doctor" and nevertheless my wounds are still open.
After 2783 days, did not pass one moment by in which I did not think about him. At which I did not ask myself how it would be if Derek was still with us. If Ellis would have gotten to know him. If Bailey could remember him. If Zola would have someone who could safe her from all the mobbing because she is a black child in a white family. If my kids would still have their father and if I would still have my husband.
2783 days is a darn long time and still my love for Derek is as big as on the first day, although it was him who left us.

"Meredith, come!", someone suddenly called me while this person passed me. Absentmindedly I shook my head and then I saw that this person was Owen. He was heading to the pit. Without giving it another thought I immediately followed him. In that moment, my pager also started to beep. I arrived shortly after Owen in the pit. "Edwards what do we have?", I asked her when I saw her with one of the tablets. "Multiple collision on the highway!", she just told me. I did not ask her anything else. Instead I went to the door where I put on a pair of gloves and one of the yellow coats. Outside 3 ambulances just arrived. I went to the ambulance who opened the door first. I stopped dead in my track when I saw who came outside of that ambulance. It was Derek who jumped out and said without any other word: "44-year-old man with basal skull fracture. He did not have any pulse when we saved him. 'Seriously?', I thought. But I took a deep breath and looked after the patient who they still tried to reanimate.

I took over and said" Get him inside.". After that I turned to a nurse and said: "Make trauma room 3 ready and page Dr. Pierce or Dr. Riggs.". Together with Edwards we brought the patient inside and started to shock him. With Edwards help I could bring him back to life but shortly after that his heard started to flatter again.
Luckily Maggie arrived and overtook the reanimation. I was so relieved to see her. In the last few years we grew together. Only a few weeks ago, she moved out of my mother's house, where she was living with my kids and me, and together with DeLuca. Although it has only been I few weeks I missed her badly. But I was not the only one. My kids also missed her a lot, although she came around every third day at least.
But I was not only happy and relieved to see her because she was my sister. I also was relieved because she was the specialist. If someone could bring the heart of this man to beat again, it was her.

However, it came different than I thought, as Maggie had to stop the reanimation after around 4 minutes. "Time of death, 09:34 a.m.", she said with a glance to the clock. I knew it. We cannot safe every patient. For some it was just too lot. But that does not mean that I sometimes wish that death would recede into the distance. After we finished everything in here, I left the room and looked around me. I found Derek examining another patient. I took a sharp breath and went with resolute steps to him. "Dr. Shepherd, 1 minuet please!", I said with a smile to the patient. Derek placed his stethoscope on a nearby table and followed me. Meanwhile an intern started to measure the patient's vital parameters. I went into a calm corner. "Where have you been? Why did you never get in touch with any of us?", I shouted furiously at him and crossed my arms in front of my chest. "After our fight, I did not feel about coming back… I am sorry Meredith. I will make it up to you", he assured me. I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? How are you planning to do that? I had to raise the three kids…", I started to talk but stopped in the middle of the sentence because I almost started to talk about Derek. He looked at me with slightly narrowed eyes. "Three kids? Which third child?", he asked immediately.

"Nothing, forget it.", I said. Luckily, Dr. Edwards called to a patient at that moment. Otherwise, Derek would have asked me everything about Ellis and I was so not ready for that right now. Without another word, I went to Edwards.

Edwards now was an attending for a few years already. In the end, she decided to become a neurosurgeon. No one was very surprised about this decision, because during her residency she already spent a lot of time in neurology. When she told Amelia, Amelia was so happy about it. Over the years, Amelia took a shine to the confident, cheerful surgeon, which is the reason why my sister made it to her business to turn Stephanie into a bright and excellent neurosurgeon. This helped Amelia through a very hard time and of course, Edwards benefited a lot from that. When Stephanie told us that she wants to stay at the Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital, we all were very happy, because she is really an enrichment for the hospital and we all liked working with the passionate surgeon.

"How can I help?", I asked the young surgeon the minute I arrived.

The woman who was lying at the cot complained about pain in her abdomen. I started to palpate her. On a few place she screwed up her face, but I was worried the most about the part where the appendix was. "Could you get me an ultrasound scanner, please?", I asked a nearby nurse. She nodded and went away to get the scanner. "It could be that your appendix is why you are in such pain.", I explained to the woman.

After the ultrasound scanner arrived, I placed the cold gel all over her abdomen and then I started scanning her abdomen. I looked very thoroughly on the monitor. However, what I found was not what I thought I would find. A big tumour grew onto the woman's appendix, stomach and a part of her intestine.

"Okay, you need to stay for a few more tests, because this scan is not enough.", I explained to the woman and gave her something to wipe of the gel. Edwards meant that the woman needed a brain CT as the woman complained about unexplained pain in her occiput. I nodded. "Please also make a CT of the abdomen as well.", I told the intern who was responsible for bringing the woman to the CT rooms. "When the scans are ready, also take some blood and bring it to the lab. You can read in her chart for what she needs to be tested.". The intern nodded eagerly and brought the patient to the CT. I smiled at Edwards and then I started to look for Amelia. I needed to tell her about Derek.

Amelia just arrived with her only three months old son Christopher Magnus Hunt, when I met her. "Amelia. Wait!", I called after her. She has not seen me as she was walking very fast to the day care to leave her little boy there and start her working day. Right now, I was very happy that all my kids were old enough to go to school because I did not know how they would react when Derek would visit them at the day care. I did not know if he was even aware how old the tree – well for him only two – already were. He had missed so much. My kids spent at least half of their life without a father. It will be a big adjustment for them, to have one again. To suddenly half both of their parents, who take care of them, who want to spend time with them, who will tell they can and cannot do. This will be a big adjustment, but they will of course be happy. I mean, in the end he is and will always be their Dad.

"What's going on?", Amelia asked me with a big smile on her face. I still was gasping for air. "I need to tell you something… before you will see it yourself!", I answered. "Okay, but let us bring Chris into the day care first. I will tell you afterwards!", I added. So we continued walking. I took my nephew off Amelia's hand and greeted him. Five minutes later, he was in the day care and we were standing outside at the floor. I was already so nervous; I really needed to tell her. "Derek is back!", I just said shortly and crisply.

But when I call you never
seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
to tell you I'm sorry
for breaking your heart
But it don't matter,
it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore
_
Hello from Adele, co-written with Laboo1998 (from )