It wasn't too terribly often that Mark Watney wished that he was back on Mars.
But this road trip was definitely having its moments.
He and his wife had thought it sounded like such a great idea to show their young son some of the sights, by car. The little guy was eight now, and he'd grown up on an island smaller than Manhattan; Mark felt bad about that, a little bit, but on the other hand, life as an ex-pat suited him very well. He wasn't sure that he could ever see himself living in the U.S. again, as much as he loved it here; Roadtown was his home now.
Sophia's parents lived in Morgantown, and like Mark and Sophia, they had to be cautious about security. Mark didn't really envy them their family compound, with its high walls and armed agents, when he weighed it against the total freedom that they enjoyed at home. Even if it meant that his son's world had a few more limitations than his had, at the same age.
They tried to compensate for it, when they got the chance.
Like with this little road trip.
His first fatal error, he supposed, was telling his friend and Ares III crewmate, Chris Beck about their planned vacation.
Why, Chris and Beth hadn't been to the States in over a year! And little Val and Ana would love to spend some time with their Uncle Mark! Chris wanted to visit his sister, in New London and they'd all like to visit with the Lewises at the christening. "You guys should come along!" he'd impulsively invited them, very certain that they would refuse.
Nope. They'd packed up and joined them in Miami. Chris, Beth, and their two daughters. Plus Mark, Sophia, and their son. Mark had had to rent a bigger vehicle, to accommodate all of them. A huge, rover-sized affair that felt like it had a very comparable top speed, and would comfortably seat nine.
They were actually still within easy view of Miami-Dade when Chris and Beth's younger daughter whined, for the first time, but certainly not the last, "Are we there yet?"
They'd tried to work in a good mix of destinations that the kids would find interesting, without boring the adults to tears. They stayed the first night on Anastasia Island, and then drove down to Kennedy Space Center the next morning so that the adults could see their old stomping grounds.
These days, he and Chris worked for NASA only in administrative roles; it had been quite a long career, really. Nearly twenty years since he'd joined NASA, and over twelve years now since the Ares III crew had launched aboard the Orion, from the nearby launch complex at Cape Canaveral, up to rendezvous with the now-retired Hermes. It was a different world that they lived in, now.
"Remember Missed Orbit Training?" Chris asked him, gesturing to the building where that exceptionally not-fun event had taken place.
"I'd rather not, if it's all the same to you," Mark smirked.
"I wonder what they use that facility for, now?" Beth asked, rhetorically. Mark, as they all knew, was now an occasional guest lecturer for off-world mission training, usually in that very same building.
"Missed Orbit Training?" asked Val. "What was that?"
Three former astronauts groaned, in unison.
"Nothing fun, kid," Mark chuckled. "Like a road trip, except the driver never stops, there's no bathrooms, no windows, no rest breaks, nothing to do, and you're not actually going anywhere."
Mark glanced in the rear-view, to be greeted by three blank stares.
"For three days straight." He grinned at the shocked look on their faces.
"No way!" chirped little Mark. "What did you do when you had to go to the potty?"
"We had to use a bag when we needed to take a sh-" He flinched as Sophia elbowed him. "Ow! When we needed to um, go."
"Gross!" Anya giggled, wrinkling her nose.
"Mom! Is that for real?" laughed Val. "Tell me!" she demanded.
Beth rolled her eyes. "Yep. Not a good weekend. I wanted to kill Daddy and Uncle Mark by the second day."
"Oh! You do not even need to be talking, babe." Chris laughed. "You were the worst offender in the umm… smell department."
Mark nodded emphatically, as the kids burst into laughter. "Oh, you don't know the half of it," he started, as Beth glared.
"Don't you dare," Beth stared daggers at him. "If I hear that story one more time, so help me…"
"What? You'll fart on us?" Mark teased, as the kids howled with laughter. "It's a scary prospect, I admit, but-"
Beth rolled her eyes, making the 'shush' motion with her hand.
"Well, you talked so much in those three days," she replied, Chris chuckling and nodding emphatically at her, "that all of us wanted to kill you, full stop. All those corny jokes, oh dear god!"
"Oh! Really!" Mark laughed, "I was just trying to lighten the mood. You know that's why the selection committee picked me. Comic relief." He smirked at them.
"Let's just say that it was a good thing that we didn't have any duct tape in the mock-up of the MAV, and leave it at that." quipped Chris.
Disney was their next stop, but about halfway through the first day of the three they had planned, Mark was recognized. They'd had to leave early.
Not wanting to spoil the trip for the kids, he'd obligingly hung back on the second day, and stayed at the hotel. Sophia, Chris, and Beth had taken the three kids on their own to a different Disney park, EPCOT this time.
This time, Chris and Beth were recognized. They'd all returned to the hotel by lunchtime. Extra security was summoned, but the hotel was soon swarming with reporters and photographers.
Sophia gamely decided to take the three children to Animal Kingdom on her own, on day three. She was the least recognizable of the group, and had spent the least amount of time in the public eye since her marriage.
Sure, it had taken a disguise and some creative hotel exit techniques, but she'd pulled it off. After a full day of chasing after three children on her own, though, in the humid Florida sunshine, she'd been left in such a frazzled and exhausted and annoyed state, that she'd barely spoken to anyone for the next couple of days, choosing instead to do most of her communication via side-eye until the memory, and the sunburn, had had a chance to fade a little bit.