Hello fellow Gail/Holly lovers :)
I'm new to this side of the FanFiction world, I've spent all my writing time in the Skins universe. But I absolutely love the Gail/Holly pairing, I'm a long time Rookie Blue fan (being filmed in my city does boost my love a little bit) and an even bigger Gail fan. So I decided to take a stab at writing these two, I hope I don't do too bad a job!
Thanks in advance for reading.
She still startles you.
To this day, there isn't a moment in time that is expected; there isn't a second in which you aren't completely and utterly in ruin. She came into your life with the subtlety of a freight train, and you know if you take one breath on this earth without her; that your heart will cease to beat. She has become your soul, your will - your everything. Above all things, she is yours; much to your advantage.
The thing about Gail Peck is that she is perfection. Raw, honest, true and divine. One of those creatures that you watch in awe from behind a thick layer of glass you paid far too much money to stand behind, or in silence projected in highest quality on your television screen. Nothing prepared you for her entrance into your life, there was no possible way you were ready to have her invade your mind, and her dive into your heart was so intense; it almost drove you to madness. And you know there are many things in life that you can explain, and many things that you can understand. But she is neither explainable nor understood, and it makes you sad - sad because you wish you could shout from every rooftop just how special this woman is - sad because no one else seems to register her angelic existence quite like you do. And it's in moments like these, where the words you so desperately wish to form; seem completely unattainable.
"Holly? What's wrong?"
You've startled her this time. Startled her with your unannounced entrance into her prescient doors, and you feel like apologizing profusely. Because you seem to do this quite often, barging into her world without word or warning, and it feels a little invasive to be doing this; invasive like someone rummaging through your purse without permission - someone entering your lab uninvited. But instead of apologising, you decide to take a deep breath; and open your mouth. Bad idea.
"I uhm... well I uh... you see..."
She smiles at you - as in really smiles - as she takes your hand in hers, ever so gently.
"Holly, breath sunshine. That's it."
Normally - and you know this from the way she handles her perpetrators, from the way she talks to her friends and colleagues - her tone would be that of a condescending menace, but not now. Never now, never towards you.
"I'm sorry I just..."
She cuts your sentence off - unaware as she is - when she starts to trace gentle circles atop your knuckles. You can't focus, not when her soft hands are soothing you like this. It doesn't seem to matter where exactly she touches you; just the fact that she touches you anywhere is enough to send your mind plummeting over the edge of oblivion. Not only is your mind absent, but she does even worse things to your words. They become jumbled and undecipherable, clumped up and messy. Not to mention your body. And it isn't in the way your knees tremble, and it most certainly isn't in the way your hands shake and sweat underneath her warm touch. No, it's in the way her eyes sparkle as they dance with your own; it's always just in the way she looks at you.
"Hi."
It's all you manage to croak out, and even you are shocked at the clarity in which you've come to greet the woman standing in front of you; the girl of your dreams.
"Hey."
"Listen I... well I've... come to the realization that you're kind of..."
It's a jumbled mess. She knows it, you know it. The balding man behind the desk knows it, but for some reason; no one comes to your rescue. You are resentful.
"...what I'm trying to say Gail, is that I get it."
She breaks eye contact with you then, and looks down at your entwined fingers.
"I know why you rejected it, why you rejected me and I... just want you to know that it's okay. Really."
You see her mouth start to open, a tell tale sign that she is about to protest; so you decide to stop her in your own, specific 'Holly Stewart' way. You take over the silence with your annoying babble.
"I don't doubt your love for me. How could I? I guess I just had this idea of the perfect path for us in my head that I just... forgot to ask you about it. About what you wanted. So... for that, I apologize."
It's a lame attempt at exhibition - you both know it - but she takes it anyway; relaxing a little as she exhales slowly.
"Holly. I didn't say no because I don't love you. It's just not something I want out of life. It never has been, marriage seems to have lost its luster over the years, lost its true value."
You squeak out a small 'I know' before you hear her radio start to crackle, something inaudible only she can hear as she tilts her head just a little in its direction. And then, it's all over. In the blink of an eye, this conversation you've been too scared to have, the one that's been making your head throb all morning in the small confines of your quiet lab is over as quickly as it started.
4 hours prior...
In this moment, you are taking her in. The sun is rising, casting an eerie pink glow into your bedroom; cascading light over Gail's sleeping form. And her beauty still shocks you to this day - albeit a bit unfair you think, that she looks stunning in every situation - but you know that this is your favorite version of her. Steady breaths, silky skin; and her trademark frown is all but disappeared from her beautiful face. And it's these moments you really look at her, you really see her. The quiet slumber of a woman you adore with all your soul, at rest and peaceful in the warm embrace of your comfy bed. Because you've always imagined her to be somewhat of an angry sleeper - fists and jaw clenched, ready to spit venom and throw punches at any moment - because god knows you've heard the comments from her co-workers and exes enough times on your surprise visits to her place of work. But with you, and it seems only with you, does she look this gentle; this peaceful and at ease. And for that, you always wonder how you got so lucky. How it seems like the universe pointed at you one day and decided you needed a gift. A gift of a woman too beautiful for this world, inside and out. You're tracing the muscles in her back lightly, delineating each freckle on her torso like a map of the gods. A few short seconds later she starts to stir, causing you to cease your movements temporarily on her back as you lean in and kiss her shoulder. She takes a deep breath - as she does every time she wakes - and you run a finger lightly up and down the length of her spine.
"Good morning, Officer."
Another kiss planted on her shoulder causes a quick shiver from Gail, one of your favorite things.
"Gaaah. What time is it?" she mutters, smiling as she takes your hand in hers and kisses it.
"A little past six. Are you hungry?"
She smiles at you and buries her face in the pillow, an action you find absolutely adorable. Popping her head up again, she reveals a cheeky grin on her face. Most likely a response to your offer of making her breakfast.
"I've been told that when a woman shows her 'domestic side', it means she is completely and utterly in love with you."
And you are, completely and utterly, so you reply simply:
"Yes."
She quirks an eyebrow up at you - yet another habit you find absolutely adorable - and you smile in return. A genuine smile you imagine, because she's never been one for words. She seems to like watching you, reading you. Because she can read you, like a book. Which is why you're startled when this perfect moment is ruined with four simple words.
"Will you marry me?"
Before you can even blink, she's bolted upright on the bed, hand clasped onto the blanket held around her naked torso. And you reckon it's all over, just by the look on her face.
"Holly... no. what are you- look. Marriage is a joke, okay? It doesn't mean anything anymore. To anyone."
Her words aren't meant to be harsh, in fact, her tone is quite loving. But nothing can ease the pain inside your heart, the one that comes from that horrendous two-letter answer; 'No'. It's the worst form of rejection you can think of feeling, and it tears you apart inside. So you sit upright to mirror her position, unable to make eye contact with her. You bite your bottom lip furiously, because you want to stop the tears from falling. Because you always want to protect Gail, especially from your own feelings. You've always felt too much.
"I need to shower."
You jump off the bed as fast as you can, leaving a trail of bedding in your wake. It's obvious you can't stay there anymore - with her - because you're afraid you'll say something regretful. Running the tap as hot as it can go, you slip out of your clothes and pull the curtain back. Hoping the heat of the water will wash away all feelings of hurt in your body, you scrub as hard as you can. trying to erase the black marks on your skin, the marks of sadness. Because the big picture always was the fact that she is yours, or at least that's what you imagined. But you know that this simple question and answer duo is something of a solidifying action. Because Gail has never been one that you can read easily, that tells you her feelings easily; one that makes everything absolutely clear to you. And that resolve only lasts a few minutes, as you curse yourself for being quick in the shower.
"You're mad."
It's not a question as much as it is a statement, as you pad around the kitchen taking out a mug from the cupboard.
"Drop it, Gail."
You hope that your strained tone is enough to make her back off, but you've never had much luck getting what you hope for.
"Hol..."
She's fully dressed, looking ravishing as usual in her heavy uniform. Black shirt hugging her toned frame, honorable patches donned on each shoulder. Vest protecting her precious torso strapped and ready, utility belt slung loosely over her perfect hips. And the sight of her standing before you - intimidating queen of strength in that uniform, gentle and kind girlfriend holding a mug of coffee, and looking at you so intensely - you almost forget your frustration. Almost.
"Gail, I mean it."
"Why are you mad?"
"I'm not. Leave it alone-"
"It doesn't take a nerd to see you're upset with me. What have I done?"
You've had enough, the artery in your heart seems to burst upon hearing her ask you that irritatingly simple question - and it's something you know you'll soon regret doing; snapping like this.
"You seriously don't know what's wrong with me? I meant it, Gail. I asked you to marry me and you said no! How can I not be mad? You've rejected me in the biggest possible way, and I'm really hurt."
She steps back from you, and places her mug on the counter. Taking a deep breath, she sits down on the bar stool next to you, eyes fixed out the giant window leading to your balcony.
"Holly, I don't... know how to explain this. it's not you, it's the whole 'marriage' thing. A stupid, expensive wedding, gold rings, city hall, human rights... it's turned into this big thing with people being told who they can and can't marry; just another way of controlling things from people who have no business controlling anything."
You know how much Gail hates feeling controlled. How she hates being told what she can and can not do.
"And then you've got joint bank accounts, money problems, conflicting schedules, conflicting parenting, fighting, drinking... divorce-"
"Stop."
You've had enough, her negativity on a subject far too sensitive for you is causing a massive migraine in your head. You want to tell her how wrong she is, that marriage is beautiful if it's with the right person - and you strongly believe the two of you are that person - and that she shouldn't think that way about marriage. Because in your own little way, you associate love with marriage; and think of it as the end to a chapter. The end of searching for 'the one', and a way of solidifying your love for each other. The ring thing isn't that bad either, you quite like the fact you get to wear a piece of jewelry that lets the world know you are happily off the market, something that shows equal merit to the people you don't see with Gail. Call it old-fashioned, because you like idea of belonging to her, of her belonging to you. But you don't say any of that, because you're not brave enough, you're not strong enough. So instead, you opt out; and walk off in the direction of your bedroom with an icy response.
"Have a good day at work."
You can hear the clock ticking behind your eyes, as it's hands slowly move in time with the beat of your aching heart. They always said love was supposed to feel like this, an intense pain; but you never thought they would be right. You never thought you would want it like that - love. But it's here, burrowed inside your heart as it thumps away in your chest; and you think for just a minute what it would feel like to rip that feeling out. How empty your heart would feel without the gentle confines of love, how empty you would be without Gail.
"Hey."
There's a gentle tap on the wall behind you, and again - she's startled you.
"Hey." you smile back, that smile you can't help but burst into upon sight of her; the one that almost hurts.
"I know we had a few things to say before... but couldn't because of... you know." she shrugs, trying to exhibit frustration with her radio; but the sight just makes your smile wider.
"We're good Gail, I promise. I understand, and I think I actually agree."
She nods then, but drops her gaze from you as she studies the small tiles on the floor of your lab. As she mumbles something inaudible, you close the gap between she and you; hands reaching for her stiff uniform vest. Taking the lapels in each hand, she finally raises her eyes to meet your own. The intensity of those eyes... you're startled again.
"I can't give you a ring. But what about a key?"
She pulls out a folded piece of paper from her pocket, and starts to unfold it between the two of you. When she finally manages to fully open it, you realize it is the Properties section of the newspaper.
"I'm tired of living with smelly men and well... your condo is on the ground floor. I don't like that."
She looks up at you again, and runs her fingers along the soft edges of the inked piece of paper.
"You're asking me to move in."
It's more of a statement than a question - this time on your end - and when she gently places her soft lips upon your own, you know in that instance that your life is about to change. Change for the better, because Gail is trying. She's been trying with you since the very beginning, you know that. And you're touched, that she tries. Because you know it's never been easy for her, to really make it work with someone. To allow herself to get lost with you, lost in the daydreams of what might be; the uncertain and utterly terrifying future. But with Gail by your side, the future doesn't seem so terrifying anymore. Nothing really does.
"Yup."
And there it is again, you're startled once more.
Sooo... what'd ya think? Should I continue? I have a few more chapters in the works, both of on-screen and off-screen scenes. So if you have any specific scenes from their time on-screen that you want me to take a stab at writing, feel free to suggest away!
Oh, and if you could please review? I love feedback almost as much as I love sarcastic and feisty girls. Almost ;)
xoVioletW