AN: Stop reading now, before you become FFVIITrash like me. Then your life will be filled with nothing but fanfiction, and all your notebooks will be filled with smut you'll never post because emotions SUCK.
This was revenge, he decided.
Zack Fair nodded enthusiastically, and after some thought it really wasn't hard to imagine what he did to deserve... This.
SOLDIER Second Class Fair, part of an elite military unit belonging to the corporate powerhouse that was Shinra and underling to one of the Elite Trio of first Class SOLDIERs was now reduced to nothing but a puppy.
Literally.
He'd probably whine somebody ears off later, but for now he wanted to preserve what little dignity he had left- not much, if you asked any one watching the nude child stomp his way past some baffled scientists with large dog ears flattened against his head, tiny hands balled into fist. Why couldn't it be Reno, he groaned. His fellow partner in crime was suspiciously absent, and nowhere to be found when Zack decided to tackle the infamous Shinra Science Department with the new prank kit he had gotten on his last mission.
In hindsight, he probably shouldn't have messed with that experimental materia anyway- but who left dangerous materials out in the open like that?
Once the scientists' had gotten over their initial shock, Zack was delivered to the head Professor himself. Hojo. Rightfully, Zack bit him, then bit him again while the professor clutched his bleeding hand in pain.
For good measure, there were decent scratches around the Professor's eyes when he collected himself and ordered someone to fetch the mutt he wasted valuable resources on.
Zack almost considered peeing on the Professor too, after that, but he wasn't about to stoop that low.
Well, Angeal always did say sometimes you had to sacrifice your honor for the greater good- and seeing the good Professor who had done this to him (inadvertently) reel in disgust would make everyone's day.
If you're really wondering though, he wasn't actually going to pee on the Professor's leg. He didn't deserve Zack's urine.
He glowered at any lab coat nerds who dared to even look at him holding a needle. They acquiesced when a SOLDIER walked in, dark blue eyes studying the room before they landed on him. Zack scowled, glaring back at the confused SOLDIER who he recognized. "What are you staring at?" He winced, wishing that hadn't came out as childish as it had.
"Zack?" Kunsel's jaw dropped. He snapped something at a trembling lab assistant who hastily explained that the SOLDIEr was injected with an experimental serum that transformed him, and he would be like this for some unforeseeable future. Kunsel took it like a man, only freaking out after he took Zack's hand and lead him back to their shared dorm. "Dude!" He squeaked. "You're a dog!"
"And five." Zack pouted, ears flopping back. "It's so uncool!"
"You're a dog." Kunsel said again, thoughtfully.
"And five."
"And a dog."
"Yeah."
"And naked."
"That too."
"Well," Kunsel clapped his hands together. "I don't think I'll ever be surprised by Shirna again."
There stared at each other for a while.
"What am I going to do?" Zack asked, deflated.
"Putting on some clothes would be a good start. It wasn't impressive then, and it's still not impressive now."
"You know you love my body!" Zack sang, ignoring Kunsel's obvious shudder.
"Normally, I'd joke and say I'm totally gay for you, but you're like... five... and a dog..."
"Good point." Thus, they decided Zack's top would be suitable for him to wear while they tried to convince the scientists, no, this was not a scientific discovery that should ever be pursued, and the best course of action was to find a way to reverse the process before someone heard the science department was actually trying to conduct unethical experiments on SOLDIERs.
"You should probably go talk to Hewley." Kunsel flinched when Zack shrieked.
"No! Nada, nein!" He protested. "He'll laugh at me! I'll be the butt of puppy jokes for the rest of my life!"
"Who will?" The two froze, facing the SOLDIER first who smirked down at Zack knowingly. "I came because someone called me about a puppy wreaking havoc in the labs, but I wasn't expecting my puppy to be the cause of all this panic. Looks like I really will have to house train you."
Kunsel decided the best course of action was to slowly back away from the two once the dog jokes started, and the expression on Zack's faced morphed into one akin to someone who had just lost their last shred of integrity. He nearly tripped when Zack sent him a rather terrifying smile and whispered; "You're going to suffer with me."
Hewley must have noticed him then, because immediately he asked; "Do you know where dogs go when they loose their tails, SOLDIER?"
Resigning himself to his fate, Kunsel sighed. "Retail, sir?"
"No, that's ridiculous. If their tails are falling off they need to go to vet. Does no one know the basics of pet-care?"