Looking out onto the people,
I feel unsure and feeble,
Does anyone even understand
what goes on in my head?
When I walk away from you,
And from all of them too,
Do you know why I cry?
Do you know why I fight?
I lay awake late at night,
Reliving the pain in my sight.
You do not know me,
Therefore do not judge me,
I am only what you made,
Upon ashes of death I was laid.
Do not look upon me with scorn
Just because I was ever born,
Do not look at me with love,
Just because I rose above.
I can't be your hero anymore,
Only of that am I sure.
So as the night again becomes day,
On my bed here as I lay,
The knife to my throat,
A battle I just could not fight.
Losing is hard, submission easy,
I didn't know this is how it would be.
Goodbye cruel world who killed me,
You just never could really see,
You ate me away so all that remained,
Was passionless corpse filled with so much pain.
Goodbye, the knife cuts deep,
The scene is drawn I take my leap,
The blackness crawls into my vision,
Relieving slowly all the tension.
My eyelids droop with weight too great,
I fear for the world it may be too late,
So I give my life for the peace of my mind,
I'm finally leaving it all behind.
(the poem is mine but isn't meant they way you think so don't get the wrong idea...)
Chapter 1: Sorrow
Harry watched the slow ticking of the clock beside his bed, the sun had risen many hours before and he still lay motionless underneath the covers. He stared sightlessly at the hands moving, his body frozen. He could think of nothing, his mind empty to a point of pure insanity. His eyes stared at nothing, yet at everything at once. The knocking on the door never reached the boy's ears as he stared in his horrifying trance. The knife lay on his bedside table, the blood on it glistening. Tears ran down pale white cheeks, mixing with the blood to form crimson tears.
The door flung open, barely staying on its hinges as it hit the wall. A figure moved before Harry's blurred vision but he didn't comprehend it, he was too far gone. The figure gathered him close and began to rock him slowly back into reality. He blinked, focusing his eyes on the face above him. The face smiled sweetly down at him and if he wasn't so shocked he would've called out. he tried to speak and winced at the terrible pain. The figure's face completely softened and tenderly kissed the skin where it had been savagely cut.
"It's okay, your safe now Harry," the voice uttered softly against his skin, then he pulled back and placed Harry back onto the bed.
In the next moment Hermione and Ron rushed into the room and Harry instinctively and painfully turned his back to them. He didn't want them to see him like this, he just wanted to be left alone. Hermione's face was covered with the indication of earlier tears and Ron looked close to crying himself. The pain on their faces was evident as they walked slowly towards the bed.
"Harry..." Hermione's voice was low and raw, filled with unshed tears and pain.
"Mate..." Ron's voice was only slightly stronger than Hermione's but he couldn't continue, he swallowed as tears filled his eyes and spilled down his cheeks.
The figure continued to sit beside Harry on the bed, then suddenly a tender hand touched Harry's arm. He jumped, startled as Hermione drew her hand away. He began to shiver and he felt familiar arms wrap around him, holding him and rocking him. Hermione let a small sound of distress escape her mouth and the figure looked at her sadly.
"Draco..." Hermione said the name quietly, tears streaming down her face once more.
"His pride is forcing him to reserve the last shreds of his dignity, he doesn't want you to be ashamed of him," Draco explained calmly holding the shaking bundle in his arms tightly.
"We would never-" Ron almost exclaimed in a tearful, anguished voice.
"But he doesn't know or understand that yet, give him time," Draco soothed effectively, they both watched him in amazement as they felt some of the weight lift off of their shoulders. He smiled down at Harry as he slowly stopped shaking, tenderly brushing a few strands of hair from his face.
"We- we'll be going then," Ron spoke softly, tears still streaming down his pale face.
Hermione followed him to the door, turning once more to watch as Draco softly placed Harry back onto the bed and kissed him softly on the forehead. Her throat seemed to swell at the sight, even as her heart plummeted. Harry was lost to them now and the only one who had a chance of saving him was his mortal enemy, Draco Malfoy.
Draco sat looking into the face of his enemy, wondering silently how he ended up taking care of the boy lying so still before him. He had wandered for days after his mother had finally abandoned him, claiming herself with death. He had found Harry abandoned in an alley way, the knife on his bedside laying beside him in a pool of blood. His clothes had been ripped savagely from his body, blood seeping from open sores. Draco had felt strangely torn as he had looked down on the ravaged boy, he couldn't bring himself to leave him there. It was obvious what had happened, even to one as unaware as he was. Harry had been caught, raped, and left to die, Draco felt tears build up in his eyes at the memory of Harry laying before him in such a state. He pushed them back, looking at the boy now before him, bandaged for the most part, but still broken inside.
Draco rubbed the tension from his head as Harry slowly turned and looked up at him. Draco found his breath short and erratic as he looked into the boy's almost soulless gaze. He searched for some glimmer of hope or life and found none, he felt dispirited and powerless as he watched the other boy watch him.
"W-why?" Harry's voice was barely above a whisper, Draco's silver eyes widened.
"Why what Harry?" Draco leaned closer to him, shifting his weight slightly on the mattress.
"Why- did you s-save me?" the voice was raspy and raw, Draco almost winced at the vulnerable yet dead tenor held in the whispery voice.
"Because Harry, I found you like that and something- something inside me just wouldn't let me turn away and walk on as if nothing had happened. Perhaps it was just the primal instinct of preserving ones assets, if you died then who would I have to pick on. Or perhaps it was something completely different, something neither of us can explain," he whispered the words softly bending down so he was just inches from the other teen's ear, kissing him softly on the crown of his head before standing and turning towards the door.
Harry's eye lids began to droop as Draco took his first step forward. The other boy comforted him in a way that neither of his friend's could, and for that was grateful, but something else pulled at him. Something deeper and stronger than simple gratitude, something so strong it hurt to think of for too long.
"Please- please Draco, don't leave me," Harry whispered the words and half expected Draco to ignore them, he was surprised when Draco was at his bedside less than an instant later.
Draco smiled kindly, and Harry realized it was the first time he had seen such a smile grace the Slytherin's lips. The pain in his heart, mind, and body forgotten temporarily as Draco sat on the edge of his bed speaking to him in his soft voice that almost soothed him into a peaceful sleep. But he fought the darkness, yearning to hear more of its sweet melody that he was unable to hear in the boy's harsh tones throughout all those years. Finally sleep won its battle and Harry cascaded into his first moment of sleep not filled with raging nightmares, his first moment of peace in years.
Draco watched his eyelids finally flutter close, and he curled up beside of him, sleep capturing him after so many hours walking the streets, then a sleepless night as Harry had lain suffering. His arm wrapped instinctively around the dark haired boy's waist. Harry snuggled back into him, the only source of warmth in a very cold world. Draco slept beside of him during the remainder of the day and throughout the night. Many people came in and checked on Harry, eyes widening at the sight of the two worst enemies in all of Hogwarts- snuggling together like long lost lovers. Most smiled gently closing the door softly behind them.
Harry awakened first, startled by the warmth seeping into his back. He didn't feel threatened by the touch, or the arm encircling his waist. He felt a reassurance he had lacked for years and had searched long and hard for. He turned in the grip, coming to face a tousled blonde. Draco's candy pink lips were parted slightly, platinum blonde hair cascading across his face. He looked so at peace when sleeping that Harry was afraid to wake the sleeping angel. Inside the circle of his arms, the memories of the cold night spent in the alleyway was a distant memory. Only a dull throb compared to the excruciating pain of before. He knew eventually he would have to tell someone what happened, he figured they already had made a very correct educated guess on the subject. The pain of his wounds still hurt more than comfort would entitle, but he could live with that easily.
"I see your awake," Draco smiled up at him, he had awakened while Harry had been deep within his own musings.
Harry nodded slightly, staring into smoky silver eyes. Harry felt the tears falling down his cheeks before he could stop them. A gentle finger brushed them away, trying not to aggravate the damaged skin. Harry leaned into the touch, sobbing. The door opened and Lupin rushed in, wand ready. He glared long and hard at Malfoy, who had sat up and now had Harry's head resting in his lap. Harry turned his head and buried it into Draco's shirt, trying to muffle his anguished sobs. Draco ignored the angry wizard standing like an avenging angel inside the doorway and threaded his fingers through Harry's hair, soothing him softly. Draco looked at the Professor at last, tears pooling in his eyes. Lupin gasped slightly, a single tear running down from emotion filled silver eyes- to travel down pale cheeks and pool in the corner of his frowning mouth. Teeth nervously worried his lower lip as he held Harry to him, the rest of the world disappearing as he concentrated on the heartbroken boy. Lupin watched the scene, his heart felt like it was constricted. The combined sorrow of both boys' was almost a palpable force surging through anyone who entered the room.
Dumbledore joined him inside the doorway, his hand heavy on Lupin's shoulder. Dumbledore's cheery blue eyes no longer twinkled, the life seemed to be dulled within them as he stared at the tormented boys. He shook his head, a single tear cascading over his rough face. Lupin felt as if his heart would break, he turned to see Hermione and Ron standing with the same look upon their faces that he was sure was mirrored in his own. The feeling of hurt, the feeling of helplessness, the feeling you get when you see someone you love so much in such excruciating pain, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
"They've both been through so much, we will never understand... They need each other to survive, and together they will- I just know they will... they have to," Hermione's choked voice stumbled around the words as she forced them past her swollen throat, an uncharacteristic note of powerlessness and uncertainty tainting her voice.
"Let's leave them be, right now they need to be alone. There is no more we can do for them, its time for them to finally heal," Dumbledore turned and walked back out the door, passing the greiving teens.
Lupin pivoted slowly following Hermione as she slowly walked from the room, his face unreadable. He heard a choked sob from behind him and his heart felt as if someone were squeezing it in their hand. He swore on all the gods and deity
existing in the horrid world where a boy is hated for something he is not, for something he can not help... something he was born into- making his life hell and ruining any chances for a future worth living. Tears finally began to fall helplessly down his rough cheeks.