Tomorrow
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Occurs during and after - Under Fire - 6x11
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The smoke comes in waves, a crushing fog that engulfs them every time another part of the building disintegrates and with it, another part of her dissolves as well. Her hand grips Jenny's tighter, the need to instill in her friend a strength she does not feel is more important than what she wants to do.
She wants to weep for the man- the men- inside that building, cry for the words that they have left unsaid, rage for a future that they will lose. It was a future that they were still trying to work out- she thought they would have time to work it out.
This situation is not them, they are not the couple that has to fight themselves out of life and death struggles, even after the scare last year with the doppelgangers, they were safe, were able to continue on as if nothing had happened. Now…
She can see Kate and Castle standing adrift outside the ambulance's double doors, turned toward each other, yet with a space between them that causes a flash of anger, and it slices through her soul. A soul that is already lying bare, exposed, cracked into pieces over where she currently finds herself, and as her hand is squeezed back she's reminded how much worse these circumstances could be. How hard this must be for Jenny.
Her head drops a notch as she focuses on Kate, how she turns from her partner, her future fiancé, and suddenly she realizes why, comprehends the distance as her friend shakes her head just slightly. They don't want to be the only ones finding solace in each other's arms as she sits here without Javier. As Jenny lies heartbroken without Kevin.
But don't they see, don't they know by now, that every second of hiding from those feelings is a second lost.
How many seconds has she lost?
His inaudible chuckle becomes a quiet sob, his teeth biting into his upper lip as his joke continues to have an effect on Ryan; his partner's laughter dying off slowly, and he can feel his eyelids closing, the overwhelming need for sleep tugging at his consciousness.
He stupidly wishes that he could return the favor, that he could be the one on the phone with Lanie, making her promise that she would honor his best friend. That there would be a beautiful little baby with the name Kevin and his lips give one last twitch upwards before there is no more energy.
He wishes he had the chance to say goodbye to her, that he could have heard her voice just one last time. There are so many things that he could have said, that he should have made right with her. What is the point of wading gradually toward something, if there is no guarantee that you will live long enough to get there.
As the fatigue rolls over him, a steady stream that leeches all of his abilities to move, to think, to dream, his last thought is that he should have been a bolder man, a braver man, told her of the insecurities that plague him. His worry that he would one day repeat the cycle, become his old man, leave her and any kids they may have had. That she deserves better than him. She deserves better than this.
Still… he… wishes…
His name rips itself from her lips as she propels herself forward, her arms winding around his neck as she holds on for dear life. He is back where he needs to be, alive and in her arms. She had come so close to losing this, losing him.
His fingers dig into the taut skin of her back as she continues to remain stretched over his body, unable and unwilling to let him go, and he clutches her more firmly, his mouth latching onto the side of her neck. Apparently she is not the only one that had felt time ticking by as all the possibilities and dreams for the future had come so close to being burned to ashes.
As he pulls away, tucks her gently under his arm so he can turn to watch Kevin's hand as he strokes his baby's head for the first time, she nestles closer, her eyes heavy with the emotions that are consuming her heart, yet they widen as she watches Kate, a smile finding its way onto her features.
They aren't the only ones holding each other as they stand before this sacred sight, the engaged couple finally seeking each other out and as she looks at them, the way they lose themselves in each other's eyes, the possibilities for their own future clear for everyone to see, she sighs happily. They have a future, all of them, something that for too many minutes she thought she wouldn't have, not with the man that is holding her upright, standing strong beside her.
Her man has been through one hell of an ordeal, Kevin too, yet they seem to be pushing all the exhaustion and pain that must be bleeding through their bodies to one side, so they can be here, be a part of their family.
A family that has grown by one more today.
He drifts a finger across the naked skin of her shoulder, traces a line down to her elbow and glides it back up, repeats the process over and over. The need to touch her, feel the ripple of her skin under his own had started from the second that she had lurched herself into his arms and he can't recall a moment since when she has been out of them.
He never wants her to leave, never wants to be separated from her again, yet as the night sky becomes scattered with the rays of early morning he can already feel the determination, the fear that had encased him, ebb away, evaporate until the old worries and uncertainties begin to crawl their way back in.
He doesn't want to lose that feeling, the brave desire to be open and honest with her, with what he wants for them, he just doesn't know how he can be what she needs, what she deserves.
Unexpectedly she rolls over, her back settling onto the mattress as wide-awake exquisite eyes lock themselves with his, and his heart thunders against the wall of his chest. The corner of her mouth inches higher as her gaze rakes across his features, and he wonders what she can see? Can she see all the fear that eats him from inside? Can she see that he wants her so desperately?
Bending forward he closes his mouth across hers, nibbles delicately at her lips as he kisses all the unspoken words into her heart, into her soul. Says everything that he still cannot say. Tomorrow, he will tell her tomorrow.
Thank you for reading xoxo
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And to Sandra for the coming to my rescue last night!
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Thoughts?