The death hit everyone hard. No one could believe such a travesty could take place, not to them…but it did…it did and they could still remember it, still see it every time they closed their eyes.

It haunted him, followed him where ever he went. All he could see was her face, cold and lifeless. It hurt, it hurt so much. The pain tore through his body, over and over again as he relived the scene in his mind, watching the events repeat through clouded eyes.

--

He stared silently at the crying form as it curled into the larger man. Oh, how he wished it could be him there to hold him, to comfort him, to dry those never-ending tears, but no…not anymore. His place in those arms wasn't one he deserved. He needed to make sure things went the way they were supposed to, the way that would make him happy.

Oh, he loved him, loved him more than anything in this world, but that was why he had to leave him, that was why he could leave. What he needed right now was support and stability and he couldn't offer that. So he'd let him go, let him be happy in time and try to do what he could to clean up this mess of a life.

--

"Don't – don't leave me!" The man sobbed. The pain was raw and fresh and tore at every pore of his being. "Never leave me, you can't leave me!" He was vaguely aware of his back being rubbed by something warm, his body being rocked, and a gentle touch brushing back his hair to whisper comfort to him. "Lie to me…" He demanded suddenly. His hold looked at him, mixed between panic and just plain shock. "Tell me it'll be alright, tell me things'll work out, tell me anything, just make it stop! Make it stop! Neechan!" The words ended in a strangled yell as he collapsed even more, breaking further. His chest constricted and his vision was foggy, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything, he just wanted her back, his sister, his support, the one who could see the real him, the one who'd look behind the mask.

"Shhh…" A deep voice slowly whispered in his ear, rubbing his back soothingly. He held the form close to him, curled and vulnerable, and gave in, telling hi what he wanted to hear. "It'll be alright, Syuusuke. You'll be alright. We're here for you…I'm here for you." The sobbing man clung closer, trying to bury himself in the heat he could feel emulating from the body around him. His hazy mind identified the need for comfort and brought himself close, never wanting to let go.

--

A man with green-ish black hair gazed up at the room. They were there, in the warmth, helping him recover. Good, that was all he needed. He bowed his head down and headed home, smiling in bitterness when the rain starts falling once more. It had always been like this for them. Cheap thrills, occasional excitement, and then they'd get carried away. Oh why, why would they always do it? They knew it would hurt them, but they continued it always. No, he had to stop it now, stop it while Syuu had a chance to recover. That was all he cared about. He could pick up the old tatters of his life after that; for now he needed Syuu's to be better…even if he couldn't do it. He could do it; oh, he'd better be able to, because as of now, everything lay on his shoulders. He had to pick Syuu up and make him see again, and he knew it would happen. Now, he had to leave, had to distance himself from this life that caused Syuu pain. He'd make it on his own after that…somehow…

--

Fuji Yumiko's death was a tragedy and deeply affected everyone close to the family. It had been four years already, and they still felt the affects. They moved on with their lives, but Yumiko's departure had changed certain people's life in a way that could never be fixed…especially in his life. Fuji Syuusuke had always been a formidable person, but his sister's death had changed him for the worst. It wasn't just the death, but the rest of it was known only to him, because that's the way it had to be.

Syuusuke looked through the old photo albums with a small smile on his face. Yumiko, Yuuta, and Syuusuke, they'd all been so close when they were young, but so many things had happened, so many…

Fuji turned another page and felt his heart flutter traitorously. It was his picture. The beautiful green hair hidden under a white hat, the smooth, pale skin was shown so defined in the picture. It was one he'd taken, he knew that right away. There was no one else Ryoma would ever give that small, genuine smile for. No one.

He traced the picture, wiping dust from the laminated hold and was surprised to see a small piece of paper hidden behind it. Curious, his hands fumbled over the picture before finally removing a small fold of paper. It was in terrible shape, he could see that just by looking, so weak and thin with water, probably tears. As soon as his shaking hands unfolded it, he remembered it instantly, every line like a shot through his heart.

Syuusuke,

I know when you read this I'll be gone, so I want to explain why without any excuses. We…our whole relationship was based off of thrills we felt from each other, right? But what if that was all it was – just a momentary escape from boredom? I don't know whether it is or not, but I know that either way, I believe that I love you.

Yumiko-san's death…I can't help you through that, I can't give you what you need to survive that. But he can do it, love, I know he can. Give him a chance to help you and he'll save you. I've never liked him, but then again, that's understandable. He was everything I dreamed of being for you, everything I can't be. But if he can help you, if he can make you see life with joy once more, I'll find a way to repay him. Having someone like you, that should be enough payment, but it's not payment – you were never mine to give. From the very beginning, you were his. I know you said you loved me, I believe you, but…it can't be, Syuu. You have your fiancé, and he's the one who can give you the love you deserve. I can't be there for you when you need someone. This is my proclamation, Syuusuke. I will show my love by leaving so that you can be happy.

I will love you forever, no matter what,

Ryoma

Tears began pooling in his eyes once more. "Baka," He whispered, "You stupid baka. Why did you have to leave? You stupid noble fool." He collapsed on the floor, tears racking through his body. "I never asked you to leave."

Everything following Yumiko's death had been so confusing. His sister was killed and he was left with his fiancé to comfort him and keep him together. That night, he was supposed to meet with his lover, Ryoma, but it'd understandably slipped his mind. He knew Ryoma wouldn't care when he found out about Yumiko, but he'd still felt bad. He'd fallen apart in his fiancé's arms and had spent the night with him. It wasn't until later that he'd remembered Ryoma and that their meeting place would've put him in full view as he clung to the wrong man…

Of course, according to the rest of the world, he was with the right man, but Ryoma, he wasn't with Ryoma and that wasn't right. But the next thing he knew, Ryoma was gone, he couldn't find him anywhere. After a while, he'd found the letter amongst the condolence letters people had sent him about Yumiko. It had hurt him so much and he'd wanted to tell Ryoma that he was wrong, but he'd been gone! He'd looked everywhere for him, but he was nowhere to be found.

…That stupid, damn fool…

--

He was back, back in the town that had haunted for four years. And here…maybe he'd catch a glimpse of the face that he saw every time he shut his eyes. He sighed slowly, walking down the old paths he knew so well. He eventually stopped in front of a small café. This shop, this was the last place they'd met, face to face and enjoying each other's company. He walked inside and sat at a table overlooking the lake and sighed, just enjoying the view.

"…Ryoma," A whispered voice said from behind him, causing him to spin around and stare.

"Syuusuke…" He took a moment to stare at the gorgeous man in front of him. Time had not diminished his looks at all. His slender body was clad in a black suit, the top few buttons opened to reveal a finely toned chest. His long brown hair that fell over his face was the same as it'd always been, but the eyes, the eyes that stared at him now…if he ever had any doubt that this wasn't Fuji Syuusuke, this would prove him wrong. Syuusuke had his intense, cerulean eyes open, staring directly into his. He felt a thrill shoot up his spin and scolded himself. Suddenly realizing he'd been staring, he adverted his gaze and sighed once more. "It's nice to see you again, Fuji-san."

Had Ryoma been watching, he would've seen a brief flash of pain pass over his face before it settled back into its smiling mask. "Ah, it has."

"How's…um…how's your…husband, now I believe he'd be?" Ryoma cursed himself as his voice shook noticeably.

"He's not." Syuusuke said softly, staring off over the water. Ryoma's head snapped to look at him in surprise. "I didn't marry Tezuka…I couldn't marry him."

"Why?" Ryoma bit out, not understanding why he suddenly felt the urge to cry. Echizen Ryoma does not cry.

"I think you know why, Ryoma." He murmured, turning to look at him again. His heart throbbed when he say the boy's shoulders tremble.

"Dammit." Ryoma whispered, "I ruined it for you after all. I'm sorry. I took away what was rightfully yours."

"Don't screw with me!" Syuusuke suddenly barked, banging his fists on the table. He growled out an apology to the employees whilst dragging a certain yellow-eyed prodigy out of the establishment. Syuusuke slammed Ryoma's back against a wall and stared him in the eye. "Why did you come back?" He hissed, clearly not in the mood for games.

Ryoma's breath hitched slightly. It'd been so long since he'd seen the forceful side of his lover. "I wanted to see you, Syuusuke." He whispered, just barely audible to his own ears. Syuusuke's keen ones seemed to have caught it, though, because he smashed their lips together in a hard kiss. The kiss wasn't gentle, or sweet, or any of those things you'd expect of an old lover, but demanding and harsh as each fought for dominance in a battle that never truly ended.

They panted roughly for a bit after pulling apart before either said anything. "You – you said you'd 'prove your love' in the letter, right?" Syuusuke bit back a groan as Ryoma forced their hips together.

"Ah."

"Ryoma no baka. Real love isn't the ability to break away. It's the determination to hold on, even if things are at their worst." He teased Ryoma's jaw with his tongue. "Are you still interested in proving your love?"

"Ah." Ryoma moaned as Syuusuke sucked on a pulse point.

"Then stay." He whispered against his lover's skin.

A true smile lit on Ryoma's face. "Ah." He said before pulling Syuusuke's head down for another deep kiss.

…Does this even make sense? I'm the one that wrote it and I don't even know. Well, if it did, I hope you enjoyed this angsty little muse with sharp teeth.