Author's Note: Hello! I'm pancake oof and this is a spontaneous idea I whipped up in my spare time. I'm a big fan of both RWBY and One Punch Man so I thought 'Why not put Saitama here and see what happens'. I've taken some contextual liberties as far as a few things go but kept what I've got so far relatively the same. You'll see what I mean if you (anyone) actually reads this. Lemme know what you think if you do, feedback is appreciated whether its undying rage or blissful adoration.

:)

If there was one thing that got Saitama riled up above all else, it was a sale. While discussing his finances had never been a particularly comfortable topic of conversation, he'd be remiss to pretend he was well off by any standard. Hell, the only reason he was even off in any way was that his apartment resided within one of the most desolate areas of Vale; District Z.

The plumbing was questionable and the power sometimes short-circuited, but it was cheap and it was home. After moderately passing high school he'd sought what his parents had cherished the idea of; a place in the corporate world. It was always on their mind, business this or profit maximization that, and yet...he'd never seen the point. Throughout his schooling, he'd always been fascinated by the strange, the abnormal, the wild nature of life's delicate balance of chaos.

An office cubicle in a stark white room seemed alien to everything his heart stood for.

Completely abandoning an orderly future, Saitama set off into an unknown reality. For a while he had the time of his life, never before had such freedom to pursue his interests been presented with no catch. No stern lecture about preparation and analysis. Just experience. Trying things for the sake of trying them and seeing if they work out.

But like all good things, there must come an end.

Inconvenient truths aside, today was shaping up to be a truly bountiful harvest. His local supermarket had begun a promotion celebrating their fifth anniversary, slashing prices on everything from jelly to carrots to seafood and beyond. The real kicker? They somehow landed a mutual deal with the largest manga distributor this side of the kingdom. Something about honouring the legacy of small businesses and all that.

Leaving our huntsman for fun with absolutely no choice, Saitama pooled all of his monetary resources (Post meticulous grocery shopping of course) into catching a ride to central Vale. Next stop...Schnee Comics Inc.

"Thank you, bus driver"

Hopping off a rickety set of wheels almost reminiscent of an Airbus, Saitama surveyed his surroundings. He was never good with navigation despite growing up in one of the busier areas of the city, mostly due to his curiosity leading him on a tail circuit beyond the realm of traceability.

No matter how extensive the exploration in his youth, the big city never failed to impress. Unlike District Z's plain footpaths and suspiciously common wooden structures, central Vale practically burst with character. Buildings centuries old interlocked with modern stores seamlessly, yet with a flair of distinction. People sporting all kinds of clothes and appendages roamed freely, conversing about the day to day with not a bother in sight. All congealing into one joyful and peaceable mass.

It reeked of the extraordinary become ordinary. An achievement many could be proud of. An achievement many should be proud of.

Sighing in wonderment, he set off in search of his treasure. The bustling sounds of traffic quickly becoming white noise with each sequential boot meeting stone.

'I haven't been able to buy in bulk since I first moved out on my own. If I'm quick I may be able to finish off Deadly Tigers in Space in store, then get started on Vipers Living Like Cowboys. It's apparently Duce Willis's best work to date'

Many are eager to fawn over any of the Willis's work. From films to novels to figurines and cereals, nothing marketable hadn't been touched by the family. While any Spruce Willis flick is a staple amongst moviegoers tastes, personally, Saitama gravitates more towards the written stuff. As cool as a real-time explosion battering a villains penthouse is, there's something about imagining the sheer scale of such an attack unleashing itself upon the Earth that can't be replicated. Like an infinitely expandable slinky with no stair, it cannot traverse. No, he had not pictured himself in such a position. Never. Not once.

Of course, he can't honestly claim he's a bookworm among bookworms. As much as the written word draws his attention pictures of some description in tandem help maintain his focus. Unlike live-action, a drawing is a unique perspective brought to life with much more limited tools. There's no army of experts preparing every aspect of a scene at the whim of a director. No tricks of the trade to rely on when you realize an actor looks particularly goofy in a shot. Just you, your pens and the confines of your mind.

The possibilities were nearly endless, a child-like grin spreading across Saitama's normally blank face as he all but marched with the determination of a thousand Atlas soldiers. If there was one thing to pierce the dull monotony that had become battling the forces of evil, it was a damn good story.

"True enlightenment, here I come!"

"I'm sorry sir, I'm afraid we don't have either of those in stock at this time. May I interest you in anything else?"

Defeat had never washed over a person as thoroughly as it did Saitama. He knew that stores completely sold out from time to time, but today? Of all days? The world was truly a cruel place.

'I wonder what the epic conclusion to Jerry vs Sigard will be...I scoured through every nook and cranny in my apartment to collect a decent amount of coins, even cleaning up for once. All for nothing! Damn it...'

Pouting as a man should never be capable of, Saitama trudged away from the counter. Consumerism had always been a sore spot for him, buying excessively beyond your needs the ultimate suicide tactic when every penny counted. Some may call him a cheap bastard - and some may be right - however, you can't just throw away what could save your bacon at a later point down the line. Literally and figuratively!

"You just can't win em all huh…"

"..."

"Nope!"

"Gah!"

Now let it be said that our bald hero in a lovingly crafted jumpsuit wasn't afraid of many things. Besides missing sales, his ability to react to negative stimuli was abysmal. Non-existent, even.

Surprise greetings apparently superseded any Grimm he'd encountered throughout his extensive bad guy fighting career.

Whirling around with complete shock etched across his features, he spouted only what his instincts screamed.

"When the hell did you get here?!"

"Uh...I've been here the whole time?"

"What's with the scythe?!"

"It's my purse in...disguise?"

'I knew this day was sounding too good to be true...'

"You're totally a real Huntsman!"

"Y-You really think so?"

"Of course! Anyone who slays monsters and wears an outfit that cool must be! Ahhh I can't wait to tell Yang, she's gonna be so jealous."

For twenty minutes and counting one Ruby Rose had been positively interrogating a certain someone. She had her suspicions when she saw him enter the store, but as she waited in line behind him and came face to face, if only briefly, with an expression only a seasoned veteran of the warrior's way of life could muster she knew...

He looked like he had just failed to save someone from the clutches of a terrible nevermore! Textbook hunter tell right there!

Bashfully scratching his cheek, Saitama had found himself spurred with a surprising change of heart. While he may not go home with the tomes of the gods tucked safely in his gloves, he at least got something money truly couldn't buy.

Admiration. Honest to goodness fondness for what he does. What he worked so hard to be.

'Maybe today's not a total bust after all'

"You've got incredible skin for a bald guy though, what's your secret old man?"

A visible tick mark proclaimed itself ticked upon the supremely pearlescent cranium in question.

'Cruelty strikes again! Damn brat!"

"What's wrong with being bald, huh?! You got a problem with that, baldy?!"

"No no! I didn't mean it in a bad way! You really pull off a look lacking hair, what with how much you must've trained in your lifetime of defeating evil."

"Stop mentioning it! I'm not even that old! I'm twenty-five for your information!"

"Woahhhh, twenty-five? I didn't even know people could lose it all that early! Amazing!"

"Please stop…"

Realizing her attempts to placate him really were just causing more and not less offense, Ruby blushed, grinning bashfully herself. Normally she'd be tripping over herself in apologies if she ever spoke to a bonafide professional in such a manner, but something about this guy reminded her of Uncle Qrow. She wasn't exactly sure why. The blank face? The badass garb? The way he carried himself? Either way, it brought out the Xiao Long genes in her with a bloody vengeance. Unrelenting determination in the face of any form of authority being the key idea there.

'Our meeting may not be off to a good start, but that can change! He hasn't told me to 'run along' home or come back when I'm 'mature enough not to laugh at dancing walrus'. He hasn't even said I'm a bit young to have a scythe! Well, he did point it out before...how'd he even know it was one anyway?'

Shaking her head and dispelling any lingering doubts, Ruby steeled herself for round two. No, social interaction isn't a gauntlet of death sequentially increasing in lethality as you climb the ranks. Yes, she prefers to think of it this way to justify her slight trepidation of the subject.

"Mr. Saitama, uh, sir...what would be your best advice for an up and coming Huntress like me?"

"..."

"Don't get robbed."

"Huh?"

Pointing his finger with the dramatic flair of a coffee table, Saitama announced his wisdom with utmost seriousness.

"Don't get robbed, like that guy over there"

'That guy over there? What does he-'

"Please don't hurt me! I-I'll do whatever you want, just don't hurt me!"

"I'm sorry sir, I'm afraid we don't have either of those in stock at this time. May I interest you in anything else?"

'The Clerk's being robbed! How could I have not noticed?!'

"What a pain…"

Roman Torchwick is a man of class and sophistication, a paragon of criminal flair. A virtue for those beneath him to aspire but never reach. Above all else, he was one thing; careful. You may not believe it with how often he chats up a storm mid-criminal act, but behind the arrogance, there's a calculation. A strategy.

"Evening my humble civil servant, it is I, villainous Roman Torchwick. Care for a chat?"

Taking the grunt's whimpering as an affirmation, henchman began securing the perimeter. Covering exits. Checking for potential witnesses. The whole shebang. The secret to surviving in the criminal underworld is simple, yet difficult to master. An idea dangerous to those who thrive on success.

"To make things nice and simple, we're going to enjoy each others company. You'll tell me about life at home, I'll earn myself some lien for my trouble. You'll tell me where you keep your secret stash of 'candy', I'll get my boys here to make sure you're not hiding anything but 'candy'. For the grand finale, you'll mention my incredible good looks and I won't stomp your skull into the ground. Sound good?"

Receiving nods severe enough to snap someone's neck, Roman sighed in contentment. Nothing felt better than coercing a civilian into making the job easier. As so long as you accomplish the menial stuff, you stay right in the clear. Of what you may ask? The Achilles heel. The linch factor.

Underestimating your enemy.

Growing up Roman had always been a step behind. Too short, too skinny, too poor, you name it. Guys above you like to throw their weight around, savour the exhilaration they feel when you cower under their brilliance. But that exhilaration is a trap. A ticking time bomb waiting to swallow you whole and plop you back to square one. The reason he could still afford ridiculously expensive cigars and wasn't rotting in jail was that life taught him this lesson bright and early.

You feel a lot safer atop a monstrous cliff when you aren't tripped by the rocks you buried beneath your shoe.

"Stop right there!"

'Oh? A do-gooder enters the fray?'

Spinning around to meet his would-be adversary, Roman was met with a sight he couldn't say he expected. Standing before him was a girl 'pint-sized' didn't do justice. Clad in red and black with a cape to boot, red riding hood would've been mesmerized with her wardrobe. Calling back to his men, Roman decided to probe his opponent.

"Hear that boys? We're in the presence of a lady. A young lady. Try to keep any conversation PG will you? No one needs to lose their innocence too soon."

Growling like a scorned pup, the girl gripped something tighter. A purse? No. She wouldn't feel self-righteous enough to confront the situation if it were. A weapon? Definitely possible. With the amount of huntsman breeding like rabbits to supplement the next generation, Roman imagined the city was crawling with them. Either way, she was a liability. As immature as she may appear Roman wasn't fond of complications. Especially from children giddy to play hero.

Reaching into his coat and pulling out the good stuff, Roman lit up the end of a cigar. Puffing smoothly while the crimson tip lit up like a traffic light.

"I'm a generous man, red. If you leave right now I won't tell your parents you've been out past bedtime. Bonus, you'll not get yourself sullied by second-hand smoke, an all-round fantastic deal huh?"

'This is your chance, Ruby. Your debut as a defender of the weak and champion of justice. Play it cool and play it firm, don't show any signs of intimidation. Just like the anti-bullying posters!'

"Firstly, no one truly generous feels the need to say so. Secondly, like me, my parents are super strong huntsman ready to kick criminal butt! And thirdly, I'm honestly not that close to your, er, smoke. So I'm fine where I am…?"

"..."

'What the hell was that Ruby?! Not that close? That's the best you could come up with?! I'm definitely not telling Yang about this part!'

'This kid...welp, they can't say I didn't try'

Taking a drag and flicking some ash onto the floor, Roman let off a disappointed huff.

"You heard our guest, get her!"

Pain. A concept that comes in many different shapes and sizes. You've got the basics: stubbing your toe, banging your knee on a piece of furniture, a sibling punching your arm after a subtle comment on their intelligence. Then there's the abstract kind: saying goodbye to a beloved pet, losing out on the lottery for the fifty-second time, a crush rejecting you in the face of your courage. The truly gut-wrenching stuff. You'd think physical pain would be the least difficult to understand, external threat meets section of the body then bam; nerves on fire. For Saitama, it was the opposite. As keenly as someone felt the edge of a blade he only lived in limbo. The explosion of a bat rippling through your muscles measured nill upon his skin. Nothing reached, yet sometimes, a shrill cry could pierce the existential weight of it all. Like a ship's horn inching closer and closer to the bay.

"What the hell is this guy made of?!"

"Is it his aura? There's no way he can't be hurt from how long we've been doing this!"

"I don't think I can feel my arms right now, how long has it been since we got here?"

"Days? Weeks? Years? Who knows? Just keep going god damn it!"

He swore he could hear it now.

"..."

'I'm hearing it now, aren't I?'

Focusing on the present, Saitama realized there were, in fact, shrill noises. Noises of exertion and frustration to be precise. Looking around, guys wearing matching outfits had surrounded him in one of the isles.

Blinking slightly, his mind went to work processing what was going on. He knew that the guy at the counter was in a bit of trouble, but he figured that Rosey Rubes girl would take care of it. The way she ran around earlier showed impressive speed and agility, clambering over and under anything in a flash. Another area of confidence was her weapon, a giant scythe gizmo thingy. Initially, it was hard to detect, folded up you could mistake it for a large vacuum. What gave it away was a memory. A feeling of nostalgia for his earlier days when he scoured the world in search of foes to test his strength. Yes, someone he faced had used something awfully similar...

Crack!

"What was that?"

"Did we finally break something?"

"Nah, it was just the idiot's groceries. False alarm."

'Groceries...broken?'

"I'm honestly considering giving up. Think the boss will mind?"

"If he saw what we're having to deal with, I think he'd understand. Mike got off work after that blonde bimbo ripped the club a new one."

Looking downwards, the scene of the tragedy became clear to Saitama. The two twelve egg capacity cartons he'd combined three coupons to purchase lay strewn across the floor. The remains leaving a yellow trail running in all directions as fresh fruit and vegetables rolled into the unknown. The nutritional value that could've been flashing before his eyes.

"You bastards…"

"Huh? You finally speak up man-child?"

"Have just sealed your graves"

Realization, like many things, often came at the worst of times. Ruby was familiar with the concept very well, the death of her mother a bombshell she still feels the tremors from to this day. She'd vowed to never give up in the face of darkness. To stand tall and smile when innocent lives were on the line.

Right now she was experiencing some slight complications.

"Get. Back. Here. You. Mascara. Wearing. Meanie!"

"Missing me already? I know I'm famous amongst the kids these days but I'm terribly sorry. Places to be and people to rob!"

Chuckling like he was having the time of his life, Roman swiftly parried and dodged any slice sent his way. He had to admit, red wasn't a complete amateur. He'd assumed she'd be a B-rate signal lackie, believing that because she was given some dummies to whack around a real fight would go down just as practiced. While her overall strategy was textbook, disarm and incapacitate, her attacks were nuanced and varied. Her speed blinding to an opponent not used to rapid onslaughts at any given moment. If he had to guess he'd say she's the daughter of someone notable. A prodigious offspring any academy would drool at the opportunity to scoop up. It's too bad, really.

He wasn't inclined to preserve any future but his own.

Driving Ruby back with a harsh slam of his cane, Roman aimed the end of Melodic Cudgel with maniacal glee. His favourite moment in any standoff was seeing the surprise on his opponent's face when a walking stick spat enough dust to light up a Christmas tree.

'Ugh, what's he doing? Why's he-'

"End of the line, little miss!"

'Uh oh…'

A very large Christmas tree.

Bang!

Careening with the urgency of a rocket, the projectile whined it's terror. Instincts kicking in, Ruby dove out of the way. Cement and glass kicking up behind her as the explosive met its demise. Exerting her aura as quickly as possible, Ruby grit her way through any debris. While her aura control was pretty good all things considered, it wasn't one of her strong points. Her style of combat inherently didn't demand as such, her semblance combined with requiring a high level of dexterity so her scythe didn't chop her head off left ruining the flow of combat a no go.

Regaining her composure, she leaped up with urgency. Besides a few small cuts, nothing major was sustained, making the list of excuses for losing this Roman character that much shorter. She had to hurry!

'If I were a criminal bent on saving my skin from a super brave Huntress, where would I go? What would I do?'

Looking around calmly and definitely not frantically, an orange blur caught her attention on one of the nearby rooftops. Squinting to make sure it wasn't some inflatable mascot - mistaking Dad for one that one time didn't occur whatsoever - she gasped. Right opposite Torchwick was none other than Saitama! And to top it all off, a blonde woman was there too! Was she one of his colleagues back in the good old days? A past romantic excursion long lost to the professional barrier between Huntsman and Huntress? There's no time to waste! She had to know.

"I'm not even that old! I'm twenty-five for your information!"

'Not that old, right! I'm sure he didn't hear that…'

Of all the things that Glynda Goodwitch had seen in her time as a Huntress, none of them came close to the sheer obscenity of what she was witnessing at this very moment. There were times of chaos, such as the various incursions she had to take during her time as a student. There were times of hilarity, friends teasing each other good-naturedly amidst rare periods of peace. There were times of horror, comrades encountering foes they were truly never prepared for and paying the ultimate price. If anything, essentially having to micromanage one of the most infuriatingly childish, yet wise, men to ever walk this Earth should bury the idea of ridiculous.

How wrong she was.

~ 10 Minutes Prior ~

The roar of a Bullhead was felt tearing through the sky, surging through the air like a hawk pursuing its manic prey. Adjusting her glasses, one Glynda Goodwitch focused on the report she was given moments before extraction from Beacon Academy. The robber extraordinaire himself, Roman Torchwick, had once again begun his daily ritual of terrorizing anything that possessed lien or dust. While unsurprising, his campaign had swelled to such success that the police had become slightly ineffectual within the public eye. To restore good faith with the ideals of justice and security, the council issued a directive encouraging any nearby Huntsman to step in and aid said struggling police force. Now, if you were to ask Glynda if she would rise to the occasion if a nearby establishment was being ransacked, she would respond "Absolutely". If you were to ask her if the caffeine-related whims of a man-child influenced her nightly activities in any shape or form, she would say "Sadly, all too often". The relevant relationship between the two? Well, that's simple.

Her fool of a boss had just so happened to run out of coffee beans and require an experienced Huntress to investigate a serious crime occurring in real time. No coincidences present whatsoever. Damn bastard…

Massaging her forehead with the weariness of a monk vowed to silence, Glynda returned her attention to the task at hand. As much as she would love to run Ozpin through the wringer for his completely insane fixation on coffee, even in cases of emergency, the situation demanded her complete focus. Bringing her personal quarrels to the fold would only complicate her judgment in the face of chatterbox McGee himself. Justice will prevail soon…

Landing on an empty rooftop, it appeared she arrived just in time. The pilot had confirmed a visual of her target outside a comic book store, a nearby Huntress already engaging the dastardly criminal with some success. Evidently not planning on dragging things out, Roman launched an immense offensive that momentarily disabled his opponent. Making his escape up a ladder that led into the presumed cradle of life. His ticket to freedom.

Too bad the jaws of a greater threat were grinning, waiting to swallow him whole and proper.

"Greetings Mr. Torchwick, mind enlightening me as to what you've been up to this evening?"

Drawing her riding crop with practiced ease, Glynda flicked her wrist experimentally. Her gaze defining the term 'piercing' with the pragmatism of a granite statue.

Piping up with flair oozing from his pores, Roman remained poised despite any earlier exertion. Cane in hand, he slowly began walking towards his new assailant.

"Why Good Evening to you too madam, it is such an honour to meet not one, but two extraordinary women in a single smash and grab. Who knew a guy like me could be so lucky?"

Shifting herself into a ready position, Glynda surveyed the area. The roof itself seemed to be relatively large, likely connected to an apartment complex given the metropolitan nature of downtown. She doubted Roman intended to leave here, much too many people to rouse and bring attention to the heist in progress. Though on the flip-side any formal resistance aiming to derail his plans would be limited in their firepower. Civilian related collateral damage never looks good for anyone trying to stop the people's safety experiencing violation. Dust-related attacks were off the table.

'If I can distract him until the authorities arrive, he'll have no choice but to surrender. As easily as I could contain him with my semblance, he likely has backup on the way too. No use wearing myself out only to be too weak to fight back when the underlings come to the rescue'

"Your reputation precedes you, Roman. Though I have to ask, why a comic book store? I know you're fond of money and dust, but reading? It almost makes me think you're civilized to some degree."

Guffawing and tutting like a parent about to chide their child, Roman spun his cane as he rubbed his temple. Grinning through the act with a sense of disbelief.

"Despite what the underground may formulate if they combined all three of their collective brain cells, I am a man of culture. Of sophistication! Civilization depends upon people like me to spice things up. To revolutionize the masses itty-bitty minds."

Sirens wailed throughout the city. The flashing lights zooming past the urban jungle without a moment's hesitation.

"Right now I think I think I'm doing a pretty good job."

"Impressi-"

"You sure talk a lot for a magician, bowler hat."

Confusion.

Puzzlement.

'What?'

'What?'

"Robbing people of their possessions and their disbelief isn't very honourable, though. Bad bowler hat."

Whack!

Glynda's jaw dropped.

Ruby's jaw dropped.

Roman's jaw did something.

The concrete had never felt the adoration of the civilized Torchwick playboy in its long-winded lifetime as it did now.

~ Present ~

The silence was terse. Glynda could not recall a time where such an infamous figure had been silenced so abruptly. There were swift defeats and untimely ends but this...this exhibited an entirely separate quality of overwhelming. The damage was clear, Roman was out cold. If anyone had known any better, they'd say he died. A mysterious piano sent from the heavens finally reaching inevitable karma. A historic landmark amongst many others real estate agents would brag about.

"Saitama...I should've known...you'd beat the baddie so easily! AMAZING!"

The biggest question on Glynda's mind being…

'When the hell did that guy get here?'

Bouncing around like nobody's business, what appeared to be the other 'extraordinary woman' marveled at the state of the battle. From poking Roman's cheek to waving her arms in various action poses, she did not let up on describing every detail. The less enthusiastic gentleman in question simply stared blankly into the distance. Not unlike a wave having settled along the shore after crashing into the sand. Upon further inspection, his appearance relayed the opposite of unassuming. Bright colours like red, white and yellow leaping into your eyes with fervent glee. If anything, it seemed like a strange mix-up no one could miss.

Yet she did. Everything happened so fast her senses were completely blindsided.

Leaping up and down, the girl's eyes darted between me and what appeared to be her new idol. Seemingly gathering up her courage, she asked something inane didn't reasonably describe given the literal Roman shaped dent in the roof of the building.

"Were you and Saitama lovers?"

'I'm really not paid enough for this…'

Slam!

"Eek!"

Meekly shifting in her seat, Ruby felt very much like a schoolgirl being chastised by a senior teacher for what she would prefer to coin as 'tomfoolery'. It began innocently enough, comic book shops weren't an uncommon haunt for her whenever Yang felt like ditching her like the traitor she is. If anything, she was only doing what's basically her job. Be totally grown up via reading and save the day when bad guys threaten tax paying citizens. Huntress 101 never seemed more accurate to say.

"Do you have any idea how easily you could've been seriously injured engaging such a dangerous combatant, Miss Rose? I realize you're a huntress in training but by all accounts, you should've made sure the victim was okay and not chased after someone very likely to be above your skill level. You're fortunate both you and the owner of the store came away relatively unscathed."

Shrinking in her seat, Ruby nodded. As much as she would like to say she knew what she was getting into, she really didn't. While the guys with red ties were a simple 'Wacha!' and 'Wapow!' away from going down, a national criminal with a ridiculous chunk of lien on his head for many successful armed robberies may be a slightly tougher opponent.

'It's not like at least some part of my brain didn't realize I was going overboard. I was probably just really excited about meeting a real hero...yeah! That's what it was!'

Speaking of which, she didn't know where Saitama was. She hoped he was okay. As easily as he karate chopped mascara meanie he seemed slightly off. Like a chip had fallen on his head, or shoulder, or leg, or however the saying went. He was bummed out earlier…

"-re you listening to me young lady? Incidents like this shall not happen again if you can help it. You will be more careful in the future, yes?"

Jolting from her thoughts, Ruby nodded vigorously.

"O-Of course Miss Goodwitch! I promise to be extra extra careful. Super precise and tactical Ruby is now the new trend no matter what!"

Nodding, Glynda stood and reached for the door behind her.

"Good, because there's someone who'd like to speak to you. Excuse me for a moment."

'I could really go for some cookies right now…'

For many people, it had been a long and rigorous day. Nine to five workers across town had likely fumbled home, reaching for the nearest frozen pizza as they kicked off their shoes and wondered just how their boss planned to increase their workload. While Saitama tried to lead a life of simplicity himself, he couldn't argue with the desire to indulge every once in a while. To escape whatever's nipping at your patience when you just can't be bothered. Right now was one of those times.

'I'll have to make do with what I've got at home since I lost my food earlier. There might be one or two leftover instant ramen cups laying around, let's hope I didn't finish them off in anticipation of the bargain weekend…'

Things truly couldn't be any worse than they are now. On top of losing the plunder of the century to a weird, doppelganger jazz band (Anyone that finely dressed with such vocal range really can't be anything else) he missed out on the finale to a series he had been following since he could remember...well...anything. How innocent those times were…

Click

Turning his attention to the source of the disturbance, a door difficult to see due to the precarious lighting of the room gently opened and closed. Steady taps emanating throughout Saitama's ears.

"Ah."

Taking the seat opposite him, a man he could only describe as aristocratic and hipsterish sat down. Prim and proper, his posture was a mixture of relaxed and poised. As if he was prepared to come to blows but perfectly content to wait until the other makes the first move. A confident calm enveloping his expression with impeccable form.

Reaching into his coat, he pulls out a folder. Opening it smoothly and thumbing the edge of the first page.

"Greetings Mr...Saitama, how are you this fine evening?"

His voice, reverberating throughout the room with ease despite its low volume, oozed intellect. However, beyond the intellect lied a sense of warmth. A sense of true care about just how well or poorly his evening did go. It was almost familiar…

"I imagine it was quite exciting, taking down such a renowned criminal is no small matter. Glynda tells me you did it in one strike, a truly remarkable feat if I do say so myself."

Seemingly conjuring a plate from under the table between them, he placed it on top gracefully. A pile of steaming cookies wafting invitingly through the air. Looking through his glasses with a polite expectancy, he spoke again.

"Cookie?"

'What is this feeling...? I swear I've come across his type before. The outfit, the mannerisms, the tone of voice...could it be?'

Frowning in concentration, Saitama searched his memory for anything resembling this situation. That time he went to the library? No. Too pragmatic. That time he spoke to an environmentalist on his way home from the supermarket? Nah, not enough rambling. That time he forgot his keys and called a locksmith? Nope. Definitely not enough glares. Pragmatic, careful with words and pleasantly neutral, where had he seen this before…

"Son, never trust medical professionals who are the picture of manners. One minute they're discussing the symptoms of a cold then the next you're on the operating table with your still beating heart sitting in a plastic tray. Never give an inch!"

'My god...he's a doctor!'

It all made sense in retrospect. The strange outfit only incredibly well off physicians would wear, the detailed folder with Saitama's personal information, the messy grey hair...it couldn't possibly be anything else. This man was after him, his finances and god knows what else. He had to make it out of here in one piece.

Sweating bullets and attempting to hide his nervousness, Saitama reached for a lone cookie at the edge of the plate. So long as he played it cool and didn't do anything rash, everything would be okay. Patient rights and all that.

"I-I'm doing great, thought I'd head into town for a midnight stroll and all that. Mmm, cookie. Ha ha."

Chewing with a slightly enunciated fervor, the psychopath in front of him inclined his head good-naturedly. Paging through the folder further, his eyes roamed the pages steadily. A mug of what smelled like coffee resting beside him.

"Born in central Vale, sporting a very affluent education with more than passable test records, briefly entertaining a desk job at a prestigious accounting firm and yet...here you are. Spandex and all. May I ask what drove you to take up the cape and hang up the tie? I'm awfully intrigued."

Swallowing the remnants of a few chocolate chips, Saitama shifted in his seat. A blank expression morphing his manic face moments ago.

"Well...ever since I was young I've always wanted to be a hero. A person who saves the day and keeps bad people from hurting others. Any other job never seemed to fit me no matter how hard I tried so I figured I'd give it a shot. Only one life and all that."

Picking up another cookie, he continued. Crumbs falling onto the table despite his best efforts to both consume the calming sweet and explain further.

"I tried applying for the academies but they ended being too expensive, so I opted for a self-taught regimen. I figured if our ancestors survived back in the early days of Grimm they must've only had limited options. Better to test the waters and fail than live with the regret of never trying for the rest of your life."

Wiping his mouth with the end of his glove, Saitama locked eyes with the foreboding individual. A sense of raw seriousness overtaking his wooden contemplation.

"If that'll be all, I'll make my way home now. No, I don't want to join any new health plans your offering. Good rest of your night to you, herbal man."

'...Herbal man?'

"Wait, Saitama, do you not know who I am?"

"I don't know who you are but I know what you're hiding deep down organ harvester. Absolutely no thank you."

Rubbing his eyes under his glasses, Ozpin let forth a sigh.

"Oh dear…"

Waiting. If there was one thing that Ruby hated the most, it was waiting. While she liked to think she wasn't nearly as impatient as her sister, the dread of anticipation always got to her. Her anxiety enjoyed playing up at the worst of times, a slew of socially awkward encounters being a testament to that. And here she was, sitting in a sparsely lit room awaiting the arrival of another adult who probably wanted to tell her off. Talk about unlucky.

Hearing approaching footsteps, she straightened herself in her chair. If she was going to be scolded once again she'd take it like a man! Or a huntress! Or whatever was the most appropriate wording! She really needed to up her game in the whole mental department.

Opening the door, the person she least expected to appear strode through. The familiar bald gleam making him instantly recognizable.

"Saitama! I'm so glad to see you! Are you okay? Well I mean of course you're okay, you totally wallopped Roman into next week, but you look a little red. Did something else happen?"

Shaking his head side to side, Saitama assured Ruby of his safety. His cheeks flushed from an agreement his status as a hero would die of shame from and a misunderstanding no one could have predicted. No one.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Nothing to see here. I'm not the one you need to talk to though, bobby pin's the one wanting your attention."

'Bobby pin? Who does he…?'

"Good evening, Miss Rose. A bit late for you to be tangling with the less than savoury side of Vale, hm?"

"Oh my god...can I have your autograph?!"

~ Many Cookies Later ~

"Told you she was excitable." Glynda chimed.

"And in possession of a bottomless pit for a stomach, apparently," Ozpin concluded.

"Is there any tea I can have? Your coffee's making me thirsty." Saitama further chimed.

"Glynda, do we-"

"No, we do not have any tea. We're lucky the VPD let us borrow their coffee grinder at this ungodly hour. Hurry it along, would you?"

"Right, my apologies Saitama."

"Aw man…"

Most definitely not embarrassed at stuffing her face in front of so many important people, Ruby quickly wiped her traitorous mouth clean of any evidence. Sometimes no matter what the situation if there were cookies to be eaten all proprietary went out the window. She's sure someone out there understood. Someone had to damn it.

Clasping his hands together, Ozpin directed all of his attention towards cookie devourer supreme herself. Securing her attention had been easy, but the more difficult part of the procedure would be convincing her and himself of his next proposal. Based on what Qrow had told him, she was eager to lead the charge against any who would do innocents harm. That was good. That was lacking more than one would expect during these times. However, he had to confirm her desire for himself. It's all well and good to trust the advice of others but ultimately, no one can trust anyone more than themselves. That he knew sorely…

"I'll be frank, Miss Rose. I've been meaning to speak with you for quite some time. You are aware of my position as Headmaster of Beacon Academy?"

Nodding in the affirmative, Ruby grinned with glee. No one aspiring to kick butt doesn't know of Headmaster Ozpin. Hearing he personally wanted to discuss something with her did not give her butterflies. She totally wasn't a super fan or anything.

"Of course! I know all about the headmasters of the four academies. Beacon especially, obviously. It's not like I'm a hometown traitor or anything, though I am technically from outside the city..."

Shaking her head and hoping her expression conveyed just how sorry she was for her awkwardness, Ruby internally sighed in relief when Ozpin smiled encouragingly. Thank goodness for small graces.

"Excellent, then you must realize what I am about to ask is something not to take lightly. Something that you must consider very carefully. Do you think you can handle it?"

Shifting her weight under the sharpened scrutiny, Ruby nodded slowly. Serious stuff had never been her strong suit, that had been more Yang's forte. But if it potentially concerned her future as a huntress she was prepared to give it her all. At least, that's where she thought this was going. She hoped this wasn't some elaborately worded prank, that was also among Yang's forte…

"If I were to allow you to enter Beacon Academy this year, as opposed to next year, would you accept?"

'Early...this year...Beacon Academy? Whaa…? Whaaaa?!'

"Well? Do you think you could handle it? I understand this is a lot to take in so I'll give you some time to consider your options. Thirty seconds should do it."

'Thirty seconds?! What kind of time to think is that?! Crap, crap, crap!'

"Twenty seconds remaining. Time really flies by when you're having fun, doesn't it?"

'Twenty?! I...I...I…'

"Five, four, three, two, one…"

"I'll do it!"

"Hm?"

Looking up from his watch, Ozpin noted two things. One, Ruby looked incredibly flustered. Two, Glynda was glaring daggers at him more intensely than normal. He decided to focus on the former.

"I'll do it...I'm ready to learn one year early."

"You are? Do explain, Miss Rose."

'Explain…'

Clearing her throat and swallowing her nervousness, Ruby locked eyes with Ozpin. She never thought she'd have the opportunity to talk to him in person like this, so she may end up throwing up; but by the gods, she was gonna try spill her guts verbally to the best of her ability. Stupid anxiety be damned.

"I know I'm not the best out there. I know I'm not as patient as I should be, I know I'm not as capable as I could be. But what I do know is that learning as fast as I can to be the best I can will only lead to being stronger when people need help most. I've never wanted anything more than making sure no one else has to go through what I had when I was younger. To feel the loss of someone you were too weak to save, to know if you had just tried a little harder at some other point in time, you could've prevented the worst. Would I resemble what I strive to achieve if I said no?"

Maintaining his gaze, Ruby trembled despite her best efforts. It's all well and good to tell yourself what you want to do with your life. It's all fine and dandy to tell your parents what you're planning with the future you hold, they're supposed to know that. Having to explain your ideas to one of the most influential figures in modern society? That was a little more intense.

"..."

'...Why's he not saying anything? Oh god, he hates it. He totally totally hates it. I probably sound like every well-wisher he's ever heard beg to get in. Nice going Ruby, you totally impressed an experienced and wisened teacher with the concept of helping others; equals good. Not helping, equals bad. Why am I like this…'

"Wonderful."

'Huh?'

"Absolutely wonderful."

Okay, now she was really confused.

Standing up from his chair, Ozpin emanated what could only be described as approval. Taking a sip from his ever-present coffee mug, he began walking across the room. A content smile spreading across his face.

"Despite what many may think, I don't get tired of hearing of people's desire to do good. To reach into the chaotic storm of battle and pull forth slivers of peace we can all rejoice in. What I do get tired of, however, is hearing of the ego often attached to it. A natural part of ourselves, of course. But a truly detrimental one if steered in dangerous directions."

Turning to face her proper, Ruby noticed he had aligned himself in between Glynda and Saitama. Placing his hands on both their respective shoulders, his glasses seemed to shine with an unknown strength. Like a star on a terror-filled night lighting the way to those truly in need.

"You did not mention such a thing once during your explanation. Indeed, you only spoke of your want, no, your need to see the safety of others secured from those who would harm it. Such resolve is a trait any Headmaster would be foolish to ignore. I cannot think of anyone more fitting to join Beacon's ranks."

'No way…'

"To ensure a smooth transition, I will personally see all accommodations are met and prepared accordingly. Allow me to be the first to welcome you to Beacon Academy."

Unable to stop herself from tearing up slightly, Ruby clutched her hand over her mouth. An ear-splitting smile making its way onto her awe-struck face.

"Thank you! Thank you so much! You won't regret it, Headmaster!"

Chuckling softly, Ozpin turned his attention to the least predictable variable in all of this. A gamble he had a gut feeling about that could go incredibly wrong or incredibly right. Glynda didn't know as much as she would like about the details, that being so little bare minimum seemed astronomical in comparison. However, it was a bet he was willing to take. As the man of the hour said…

"Better to test the waters and fail than live with the regret of never trying for the rest of your life"

"Oh, and one more thing. Our partner in crime, Saitama, or should I say, Professor Saitama, will be joining your arrival also. I hope you've bonded well with him, he'll be a common face this upcoming semester."

'Saitama...as one of my teachers? This is awesome!'

At Ozpin's announcement, Saitama gave a shaky thumbs up. A smile a sadistic dentist would be swooning over taking shape across his glistening mug.

'Forgive me, pops…'

"Glynda, you're pinching my ear awfully tightly. Have I offended you in any way?"

Stone cold didn't even begin to describe the expression of a certain disciplinarian.